So, I had a commanding officer from Australia

Of course I used this fact to make stereotypical jokes and stuff.
He seemed rather calm towards it.
But two weeks later I realised I'm only one who was transfered between different squads.
And they were:
Charlie;
Uniform;
November;
Tango.

A private asks his commanding officer for a few days leave.

The private explains that his wife is going to have a baby. The commanding officer is very supportive, and approves the request.

The next week when the private returns the commanding officer asks, "So private, was it a boy or a girl."

"Don't be silly, sir," says the private. "It takes ...

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The US Military had too many commanding officers so it offered a significant lump sum to those who retired...

They would measure whoever retired from one point on their body to another and pay $5,000 per inch. The first general asked to be measured from the top of his head to his tip toes and was paid $360,000. The second general was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched...

A soldier looks at the sky and suddenly yells: "we gotta act fast, it's about to neutralize our base!". His commanding officer says: "What the hell are you talking about, we ain't even at war!?"

The soldier replies: "Acid rain".

What is a yellow dot commanding soldiers?

A cornonel

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An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3 day pass.

The CO says, "Are you crazy? You just joined the Israeli army, and you already
want a 3 day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!"

So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank!

The CO was so impressed, he asked, "How did you do it?"

"Well, I j...

Pablo Escobar gets his comeuppance

Back when Pablo Escobar was still a small time crook, he was known for peddling his product in the shady street corners of his home town.

One day during said nefarious activities, a bunch of local children rode by on their bikes and recognized his face. They promptly reported the heinous crim...

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Three Commanding Officers are sitting in the Officer's Quarters aboard an Aircraft Carrier.

A Marine Colonel, A Navy Lieutenant Commander overseeing the SEAL aboard the ship, and an Army Major overseeing the Rangers aboard. The Colonel turns to the other officers and says, "My men are braver than your men." The other two turn to him and say "Yeah, well prove it."

The Colonel calls i...

A soldier walks into his commanding officers tent

A soldier walks into his commanding officers tent and asks “Sir, I’ve lost my rifle, What do I have to do to get another” The Commanding officer says “Well if that’s the case we will take the 700 pounds out of your pay check to purchase a new one” the officer turns around to fill out the paper work ...

An Army commanding officer is talking to one of his troops.

"Why exactly did you send the Grenadine people explosives instead of the medical supplies we promised?"

"You said to send Gren aid."

There was a water shortage in town and and an order came down from the commanding general,

“No liberty until the water situation improves.” All of the units on the base complied except a small contingent of navy Seabees led by a crusty old warrant officer. Come Friday night all of the troops on base were confined to base except the Seabees. They were turned loose in the town and proceede...

Did you hear about the soldier who threw up on his commanding officer?

It was a dishonorable discharge.

When I was in the army our commanding officer always made decisions based on the way our whole unit felt.

I kind of miss him. Good ol' General Consensus.

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A military ship pulls into a foreign port for shore leave

Before they all depart, the commanding officer makes an address to the crew:

"In this city, half of the women have AIDS and half the women have COVID. Given the knowledge of these facts, what will your course of action be here?"

"I'll just fuck the ones who cough, sir"

The squirrels of Buckingham Palace. (The elusive thing known as a new joke)

A solider was standing guard at Buckingham Palace when his commanding officer came storming over.

‘JONES! Did I see you flinch?’

‘Yes Sir!’

‘Why did you flinch Jones?’

‘Well you see Sir, a squirrel come running out of tha’ tree over there, ran across the field, ran up m...

Two soldiers were at their post

When their commanding officer came over and said
" Alright boys there is a curfew tonight, anyone seen out past 10pm must be shot on site." The soldiers shook their head and obliged.
It hit 9:45pm and the commanding officer heard gunshot fire and came running to the soldiers to discover a man...

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Morning Briefing

The commanding officer of a regiment in the Army was about to start the morning briefing to his staff, battalion and company commanders. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled. 

He explained that his wife had been...

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During World War 2, three generals were arguing over who had the best soldiers.

The British general called one of his men over.


“Private! See that nazi tank in the minefield there? Go destroy it.”


“Yes, Sir!” The soldier replied and started running.


He ran across the unmarked minefield until within range of the tank with his anti-tank weapon, to...

A man joined the Navy and was stationed on a sub

A man went to the Navy and was stationed on a sub.

This submarine had a system in which service members were stationed at a certain place.

On the third day of his career, he was moved to a different station for work.

On the fourth day, it happened again.

On the fifth day,...

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