UPJOKE
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The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse:

You cannot post "Thou shalt not steal," "Thou shalt not commit adultery," and "Thou shalt not lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

A minister loses his wallet

He asks a friend where to look for the thief. The friend says “Why don’t you go through the 10 commandments in church on Sunday and see who looks guilty when you say ‘Do not steal’?”

The minister thinks this is a great idea. On the Monday after, he sees his friend who asks him “Did you try wh...

Someone told my that I break the Ten Commandments every single day. I proved them wrong!

You can only break the 4th Commandment once a week.

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It's 1956 and iconic film director Cecil B. DeMille isgetting ready to shoot the most expensive scene ever filmed: the parting of the Red Sea in his movie "The Ten Commandments."

The scene required 2200 extras and 800 animals and could be shot only once. So DeMille arranged for one not, not two, not even three cameras but four camera/cameraman set-ups surrounding the scene.

Everything's in place. DeMille shouts, "Cameras! Action!" and the scene unfolds. The moment it...

Farmer lost his hat

A farmer wakes up Sunday morning and can't find his hat. It had been brutally hot lately, so he knew he couldn't work his fields without one. It was also a holiday weekend, so the hat shop in town wouldn't open until Tuesday morning.

Not wanting to lose those days of work, the farmer decided ...

Did you hear that there's now an 11th commandment?

Thou shall not COVID thy neighbor's wife.

I lost my favorite hat and I decided to go to church to snag my buddy’s who has the exact same one

I figured he’d never suspect me…

The priest came over after the service and asked how I liked his sermon..

I said I have to be honest…

I just came today specifically to take my buddy’s hat…

So the priest said, you must have heard me talk about the Ten Commandments, espec...

A small village's pastor's bicycle was stolen

And he was discussing what to do with the choir master.

"I know, I'll do a sermon on the ten commandments, and when I get to 'thou shalt not steal', I'll pause and look everybody in the eye to see who looks guilty".

After church, the choir master asked the vicar if he'd worked out who ...

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Why Moses was the one who received the Ten Commandments

God went to the Arabs and said,
'I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.'

The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments?'

And the Lord said, 'They are rules for living.'

'Can you give us an example?'

'Thou shall not kill.'

'Not kill?  We're not i...

Important Lesson

A Sunday School teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to "honor thy Father and thy Mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat, one lit...

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The 10 Commandments

So an Archangel comes from heaven to give humanity these nifty new commandments from God.

First he goes to the French and says:

"I have new Commandments from God, would you like to hear them?"

"Ah, oui? What do zey say?"

"For example: Thou shalt not commit adultery"
...

Words from the mathematician's Bible

And the Lord spoke to the animals, and he said "Go forth and multiply!"

The snakes came up to him and said "Oh Lord, forgive us, but we cannot fulfill your commandment, we cannot multiply, for we are adders".

"Go and cut down the trees and build furniture out of them", said the Lord, "...

There was a man lost his favorite hat.

There was a man lost his favorite hat. Instead of buying a new one, he decided he would go to church and swipe one out of the vestibule.

When he got there, an usher saw him walk in, and escorted him directly to a pew. The man was too embarrassed to get up right away, so he sat and listened ...

Indiana Jones: "I present the Ark of the Covenant, sacred crypt of the Ten Commandments."

Rick from Pawn Stars: "Best I can do is 25 bucks."

If you hear a supernatural voice in your head telling you to destroy statues of the Ten Commandments, you might be mentally ill.

But if the voice tells you to create them instead, you might be Moses.

Moses is walking down the mountain with the ten commandments...

... as he looks over them he thinks this is just too much to ask a society to do all at once. He has a plan! Just go around the world and give out one commandment at a time.

So he travels to France. "Hello people of France, I want to give you a commandment from God." The French say "Okay we'r...

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