How easy is it to get reddit karma?

It's a piece of cake.

From my 5 year old last night. I thought it was funny....but i'm easy. Why didn't the Teddybear finish his dinner?

Because he was stuffed!

Do you ever wonder if your house is haunted? Follow this easy step by step process to find out for sure!

Step 1: it isn’t.

Why is Apollo’s sister so easy to find?

Because she’s Hard-temis.

Russian Roulette must be very easy.

I have never heard of anyone who has lost the game more than once

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Being asexual is probably really easy

You can't fuck anything up

It's easy to convince ladies not to eat tide pods.

But it's harder to deter gents.

I'll let myself out.

Making jokes about Git is not easy

You have to really commit and push.

There's an easy trick you can use to calculate your IQ

It's 150 minus the number of rolls of toilet paper you have at home.

It's not easy being a farmer

You have to be outstanding in your field

A man goes on an overnight business trip, and hires a babysitter to watch his two kids. It's an easy job with good pay, but she's creeped out by the life-sized clown statue he has in his den.

That night, the man calls to see how things are going.

The babysitter says: "Everything's great, the kids have been wonderful. But I had to throw my coat over that clown statue in your den. No offense but it's really creepy."

Horrified, the man replies: "*What?! I don't have a den! Gra...

It was very easy to escape from prison.

The WiFi was so bad that there were zero bars on my cell.

A quick and easy way to make money is to sell photographs of salmon dressed up in tuxedoes.

It’s like shooting fish in apparel.

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This quarantine hasnt been easy on my sex life.

I keep confusing the lube with the alcohol.

Getting over my ex was easy

I even reversed back over her for good measure

It's easy to hide a function if it has no Z's

you can hide it in plane sight.

I'll take an easy HR job anyday

Manager says to the HR person: "what are you doing?"

HR person replies: "reading through lies."

Manager responds: "well hurry up, I ain't paying you for nothing."

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It’s not easy to get a used tampon

You’d have to pull a few strings.

It's not easy being a dyslexic devil worshiper

If you're not careful, you could end up selling your soul to Santa

Two men are walking their dogs (a doberman and a chihuahua) when they see a restaurant.

They're pretty hungry, do they decide to head in for a bite to eat. Unfortunately, they see a sign out front that says "NO DOGS ALLOWED".

The man with the doberman says "I know what to do, just follow my lead." He throws on a pair of sunglasses and walks in.

The waiter tells him "I'm s...

I stay up late all the time, and it's getting really easy

I could do it in my sleep

I’ve found an easy way to lose three hundred pounds quickly!

Well... that’s the last time I bet large sums at the casino.

How can you tell good cops from bad cops?

Easy. Good cops carry a Goodge.

What is an easy way to tell that you have a high sperm count?

She has to chew before she swallows.

It's easy to quit smoking:

I already did it three times!

Why did Romans think that Algebra was so easy?

Because they knew X is always equal to 10.

Why is it so easy to make fun of fat people?

They're such huge targets.

Being a vegetarian is easy, I eat oatmeal for breakfast

and the rest of the day I survive off my feelings of superiority

Why is it so easy to ridicule disabled people?

They can't stand up for themselves.

People who wonder how big any man you meet is, there is one easy way to find out without seeing them naked, and you may not have been aware of it. It WILL work 100% of time.

Just ask your mom.

I’ve always been told the word icy is easy to spell.

After spelling it myself, now I see why.

Why does Batman only wear dark colors? Easy. Batman doesn't want to get shot. Why does Robin only wear bright colors?

Easy.


Batman doesn't want to get shot.

MEN - if you are having trouble getting someone pregnant, getting your sperm count tested is quick and easy.

But it’ll cost a load.

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Gay guys with huge Dicks are too easy to make jokes about.

Come on guys, talk about your low hanging fruit.

It is easy to joke about the Coronavirus

Everyone gets it

Its pretty easy to tell who my dad's favorite child is.

Mostly because I'm an only child.

For those unaware, Big Ben is undergoing renovations in London; it's no easy task

They're having to work around the clock to make it happen.

Here’s a really easy way to figure out if you’re taking too many meds:

You refer to your medication as ‘meds’

Capitalists have it easy.

They never have to spell bourgeoisie.

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A young teenage girl was making a living as a prostitute

and for obvious reasons she kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but littl...

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Donald Trump met with the Queen of England, and politely asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

Donald Trump met with the Queen of England, and politely asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well," replied the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Trump frowned, and...

My first attempt at writing a joke, please take it easy on me.

A man walks into a candy shop, as he is perusing around the shop he notices the shopkeep waving him over to the counter. Not sure what he is really looking for he makes his way over to the counter to see if the shopkeep can be of any assistance.

Man: I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for, n...

Sleeping is so easy

I can do it with my eyes closed.

Why did Egyptian royalty have an easy time getting married?

They had great Pharaoh-mones

Dating a blind woman is easy,

You know they won't be seeing anyone else.

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A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my...

Three guys are walking their dogs and they see a bar

"I could really go for a drink," says the first guy. The two other guys agree, but as they get closer to the bar they see that there are no dogs allowed inside.

"I guess we can't go in, as there is nowhere to tie up our dogs," the second guy says.

"That's where you're wrong," the first...

Quitting heroin is easy.

I've already done it 10 times.

A good joke is easy to understand

So I keep my life simple.

It's not going to be easy for Joe Biden to earn the votes of Bernie's supporters.

Not even Bernie himself could do it.

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One time I dated a girl that had a twin but it was always super easy to tell them apart.

One painted her nails red and the other had a cock

One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.

On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:


"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"

The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I coul...

It would be so easy to rob a deaf person.

Just break all of their fingers and they can’t tell anyone

It's easy to tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile.

A crocodile will see you in a while, an alligator will see you later.

It's easy to explain why so many national governments are in shambles today. Empires used to be run by emperors. Kingdoms were run by kings.

And now we have countries...

ADD...

It's as easy, as 1... 2... C...

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A woman in a grocery store happens upon a grandfather and his poorly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that the grandfather has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle, etc.

Meanwhile, Gramps is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, Albert, we won't be long - easy, boy." Another outburst and she hears Gramps calmly say, "Its okay, Albert, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there boy."

At the checkout, the little te...

Finnish jokes poking fun at Sweden, translated to English (not 100% greatest translation)

-Swedish is an easy language to learn. For example, sit horse is sit ruuna (sitruuna = lemon)

-how do you recognize a Swede?

He pushes a pull door

-What is the difference between a chicken and a Swede?

-Chicken only lays eggs/fails (same word in Finnish) once a day
...

Dope, or no dope, Lance Armstrong was still a great athlete.

Winning the tour is no easy feat. Even with the drugs, he worked his ball off to go to where he is today!

I lost 15 pounds

But in my defense, babies are easy to misplace.

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It must be easy to make it as a male pornstar

It seems like every single one of them is up and coming.

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!"

Her friend asked, "What's the capital of France?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so easy! F."

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Penis jokes are like penises

Easy to come up with, but harder to find someone that wants it

Parenting is easy, I swear

Whenever I say a bad word, I have to put a dollar in the swear jar, and at the end of every month, I take all that money and buy myself a nice steak for being such a cool dad

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I used to bang set of twins when I was in college

People always ask me how do you tell them apart,, oh it's easy I say "The elder one has a little mouse tattoo on her wrist while the younger one has a big dick"

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I want to try translating a Polish joke and see if it works. A few friends are drinking vodka in the kitchen...

And there are disgusting flies all over the room. They can hardly sip their drinks without these wretched flies getting in their cups, or worse, their mouths.

One man tells his friends he has an idea to get the flies to stop bothering them, but they need to avert their eyes.

A few minu...

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A guy gets a job working in a pickle factory.

A guy gets a job working in a pickle factory as a pickle packer and he excitedly goes home to tell his wife the good news.

"Try not to get fired, we really need this job" she tells him.

The first day on the job he comes home and she asks, "How was work today?"

He replies "I lo...

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So a man goes to the doctor for wetting his bed

As he enters the doctor's office he sits down and explains his situation;

"It always happens during the same dream. I sit on a chair in a dimly lit room for what seems like hours. After a while, the door slowly opens and a silhouette of a somewhat large woman can be seen. Once she steps close...

Cooking is easy

But it's not easier than not cooking

I love making self-deprecating jokes because they're so easy to make

The only thing easier is me

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My girlfriend said that a little dick shouldn't be an issue

Easy for her to say, I'm the one getting pegged

My father said to me, 'Son, don't take the easy way out.'

In hindsight, I think he wanted me to die in that house fire.

Why do zombies have no interest in solving easy puzzles?

Because they are no-brainers.

Wait until you hear about this guy who fell for clickbait





I mean... that was a little too easy.

Really frustrating when autocorrect comes up with a *completely* different word just because you typed one letter wrong.

Someone told me there’s an easy fix,
I just hope they’re Rihanna.

You know what's easy to make? Shoe jokes.

Too bad they have no sole. They just seem to cobbled together. I'd like to boot anyone making shoe jokes from my life.


I assume you guys didn't get a kick out of that string of jokes, so I'll just sneak away.

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My buddy questioned, "How do you get so many girls into bed with you?" I laughed, "Easy, I just do what Arnold Schwarzenegger does." Puzzled, he asked, "What, work out all day and look like a Greek God?"

"No, I pull out a shotgun and say, 'Come with me if you want to live'."

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A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.

The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you do...

Jimmy Carr: “There’s a really easy way to tell if your house is haunted or not.”

It’s not.

How to get ripped in 4 easy steps:

1. Stand on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.
2. Hold a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold this po...

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A man with a 25 inch penis...

Was having a hard time getting laid so he goes to the doctor. The doctor said “No, I’m sorry but you will have to go to a surgeon”. The man goes to the surgeon and the surgeon said “ Sorry there’s nothing I can do but you can try a witch doctor”. So the man thought at this point he might as well giv...

People always say cancer is hard to beat

It’s pretty easy actually, I’m already on stage 4

Why aren’t school shooting jokes funny?

They’re too easy a target, and aimed at a very young audience..

Installing mufflers isn’t an easy job.

It’s exhausting.

My doctor diagnosed me with cancer and Alzheimer's.

It was a lot to process and the road ahead won't be easy,

but hey! At least I don't have cancer!!

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Two guys are sitting at a bar.

The older guy says to the younger guy, I was talking with my wife earlier and I can’t remember if she told me that she has Alzheimer’s or AIDs and I don’t know what to do.

The younger guy says, it’s easy, all you have to do is drive your wife somewhere and drop her off. If she finds her way h...

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CUCUMBER, gherkin, and cock

A CUCUMBER, gherkin, and cock are sitting around discussing how fucked their lives are.

“My life sucks,” said the cucumber. “When I get big and fat they cut me to pieces and chuck me in a salad.”

“That’s nothing,” said the gherkin. “When I get big and fat they squash me in a jar with t...

Husband and wife are having marriage trouble. Husband is often unfaithful. One day the wife died an early death and arrives at Heavens Gate met by a past loved one.

It was her grandmother.

Wife: grandmother what must I do to get through Heavens gate?

Grandmother: it's easy honey, all you have to do is spell one word.

Wife: what is it?

Grandmother: Love

After many years and multiple wives later the husband dies and arrives at ...

To kill a french vampire you need to drive a baguette through its heart.

Sounds easy but the process is painstaking.

My girlfriend is just like a microwave

She's easy to turn on, gets hot real quick, and if you put a baby in her she'll kill it.

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The Excuse

This past fall semester, at Duke University, there were two sophomores who were taking Organic Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes, midterms, labs, etc. Going into the final exam, they had solid "A's."

These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weeke...

One boy tell the other: "There is an easy way to get what you want"

The other boy said, "How?"

"Tell people you know their secret"

The boy jumps up and runs to his dad, "I know your secret!"

The dad replies, "Please don't tell your mom heres $10"

The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!"

The mom said, "Please don't ...

There's an easy way to distinguish different clans of Scotsmen just by lifting their kilts...

...if they're packing a quarter pounder under there, they're a McDonald.

Praise the lord

A Christian guy named Bill saw an ad online for a Christian horse, so he went to check it out. The horse’s owner said, “It’s easy to ride him. Just say ‘Praise the Lord!’ to make him go and ‘Amen!’ to make him stop.” Bill got on the horse and said, “Praise the Lord!” Sure enough, the horse started t...

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I heard this joke in Portuguese. It's a bit long, but i hope it translates well.

An American, an Australian and a British found themselves at a remote island after an accident of which they were the only survivors. After roaming the islands for a few hours, they are captured by a local cannibal tribe. The leader of the tribe, then said:

— There's only one way you can...

Bubba Joe is a down to earth farm boy from East Texas and falls in love with a girl

After some time, they decide to get married, but before that can happen his fiance tells him that he must become christian. Now Bubba Joe was never really religious but he really loves this girl and heads off to the local catholic church and asks the priest if he can become a parishioner. The priest...

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A lemon, a potato and a pea had a tough week at the grocery store...

...so they decided to let off some steam with a bar crawl at the weekend.

They had a great time, hitting bar after bar, knocking back drinks, but being so genetically different, the alcohol affected them each in different ways: the lemon got very acidic and refluxy; the potato, being a big st...

Doors are really easy to understand

You always get a handle on them

Why is reading research on electromagnetic radiation so easy?

Because it’s a pretty light subject.

Did anyone else's parents teach them to swim by throwing them in the lake? I think the swimming was the easy part.

Getting out of that burlap sack was tricky, though.

If science were easy...

They would call it your mom.

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If y = f(x) means y is a function of x

Then;

being a lying ass hoe = f(my(x))

should be an easy equation to understand

You are what you eat!

This explains why I’m fast, cheap, and easy!

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Three couples are trying to get married at a church.

There is a young couple, a middle-aged couple, and an elderly couple. The three couples meet with the priest and discuss when they can get married.
 
"If you wish to get married in my church, you must all go one month without having sex," says the priest.
 
One month later the three coup...

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Three old men are sitting around in a convalescent home,

And the first man pipes up:

“I wish I could have just one good easy piss. I’ve had enough with this dribbling, and trying to get it out, always waiting and waiting and waiting.”

The second man chimes in:

“I wish I could have one just one easy poop. It either comes out runny and ...

James is walking on a downtown street one day, and he happens to see his old high school friend, Harry, a little ways up ahead.

"Harry, Harry, how are you?" he greets his old buddy after getting his attention.

"Not so good," says Harry.

"Why, what happened?" James queries.

"Well," Harry says, "I just went bankrupt and I've still got to feed my family. I don't know what I'm going to do."

"Could hav...

Classical music jokes are easy to come up with

I could write you a long Liszt

Sleeping is so easy

My grandma has been doing it for 20 years!

Making holy water is easy.

Just boil the hell out of it.

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It's not easy being a pill tester at the Viagra production facility...

The workers are always hard at work.

Why is it so easy to track Santa on Christmas Eve?

Because he always accepts cookies.

So a doctor starts up a practice and decides to challenge himself, so he puts out a sign: "I'll cure any sickness for only $100. If I can't, I'll pay you $500!"

A lawyer sees the sign out front and decides this would be some easy fast cash so he goes in to see the doctor.

"Doctor I cant taste anything!"

Doctor says "nurse go grab vial 43!", she brings it and he puts two drops on the lawyer's tongue.

The lawyer quickly spits it out and s...

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No Nut November is gonna be super easy

I never eat nuts.

Eating nuts just cuts into masturbation time.

I bought my girlfriend a book called 'Cheap and Easy Vegan Cooking'.

It's ideal for her because not only is she vegan...

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The man who loved tractors

There once was a man who loved tractors, I mean he absolutely LOVED them. He had tractor models, tractor wallpaper, remote control miniature tractors, tractor board games, even some tractor porn(which is not easy to find mind you). The only thing that even came close to his love for tractors, was th...

A man in Shanghai named Sam wakes up one morning to find...

A man in Shanghai named Sam wakes up one morning to find that his car, a Mustang, has had all the internal components removed, leaving only a hollow, useless shell. He calls the police and soon an investigative team arrives.


The lead investigator approaches the victim and says "It appear...

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