UPJOKE
comfortablesoftsimpleeasilyeasygoingeffortlesscolloquialismlightgentlecushylooseunhurriedslowlycasualsmooth

Easy Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Easy way to search your wife.

A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said,
"I've lost my wife here in the supermarket."
"Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

The woman looked puzzled.
"Why talk to me?" she asked.

"Because every time I talk to a woman with t...

It's easy to convince ladies not to eat tide pods.

But it's harder to deter gents.

I'll let myself out.

Scaring men is easy

I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's going to be easy for Trump to build that wall...

... everyone's shitting bricks everywhere

My first attempt at writing a joke, please take it easy on me.

A man walks into a candy shop, as he is perusing around the shop he notices the shopkeep waving him over to the counter. Not sure what he is really looking for he makes his way over to the counter to see if the shopkeep can be of any assistance.

Man: I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for, n...

A man went skydiving for the first time. "It's easy," said the instructor.

"Just count to five and pull on the main chute," the instructor continued. "If that doesn't open, count to ten and pull on the reserve chute."

"Super easy," he concluded. "Then you'll float slowly to the ground, and our bus will be there to drive you back to the airport."

The man j...

Why does Batman only wear dark colors? Easy. Batman doesn't want to get shot. Why does Robin only wear bright colors?

Easy.


Batman doesn't want to get shot.

It wasn’t easy for the guy who invented the microphone in the beginning.

He got some really bad feedback.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit blitzed, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape...

First day as a vampire hunter: Wow this is easy

First night as a vampire hunter: Oh no

How easy is it to get reddit karma?

It's a piece of cake.

An easy question to Albert Einstein!

One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.
On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:


"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"


The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended ...

I used to rip off famous comedians' jokes to post on Reddit for easy karma.

I still do, but I used to, too.

Lol plague inc easy mode is so unrealistic

Like who wouldn’t wash their hands and wear a mask during a global pandemic.

Dadding is not easy

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their child looks strange so she decides to do a DNA test.

She finds out that the child is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you

Husband: What’s up?

Wife: According to DN...

It wasn't easy, but me and my wife decided we do not want children

We will be telling them tomorrow.

Edit: They didn't take it that well, they just kept crying when we left them at gas station.

Edit 2: Oh, it's all fine, a group of old men comforted them and brought them to their van for sweets, we left in good faith.

Sleeping is so easy

I can do it with my eyes closed.

There's an easy trick you can use to calculate your IQ

It's 150 minus the number of rolls of toilet paper you have at home.

Why is it so easy to track Santa on Christmas Eve?

Because he always accepts cookies.

It's really easy to do a flamingo impression

I can do it standing on 1 leg

My friend is making a lot of easy money by selling pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.

It’s like shooting fish in apparel.

Algebra was easy for the Romans.

X was always 10.

English is so easy to learn...

You just need to remember that read and lead rhyme and read and lead rhyme, but read and lead don’t rhyme and neither do read and lead.

Ending childhood obesity is as easy as

taking candy away from a baby.

An Engineer Decides He Wants To Make Some Easy Money.

He thinks to himself, and he decides he's going to set up a medical center in an abandoned corner store. After all, he's an intelligent man, how hard could it be? He puts a large sign on the front, promising to cure any illness for a five hundred dollars, and if he can't, the patient gets 1000 dolla...

Why is the Magnet Business so inviting and easy to start up?

There is no Monopoly.

What's easy on the eyes?

Dim light

What do you call something that’s easy to get into, but hard to get out of?

Trouble.

Why is joking about old mens nuts so easy?

It's low hanging fruit

One boy tell the other: "There is an easy way to get what you want"

The other boy said, "How?"

"Tell people you know their secret"

The boy jumps up and runs to his dad, "I know your secret!"

The dad replies, "Please don't tell your mom heres $10"

The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!"

The mom said, "Please don't ...

getting karma on Christmas Eve is easy

You could say it's a piece of cake...

Quitting drugs for good is easy

I do it all the time!

From my 5 year old last night. I thought it was funny....but i'm easy. Why didn't the Teddybear finish his dinner?

Because he was stuffed!

The internet should take it easy on Maegan Hall

She’s been roasted enough

If professionals make difficult tasks look easy, what do you call someone who makes easy tasks look difficult?

A coworker

Wrecking a car is so easy. How easy you may ask?

I can do it with my eyes closed.

I’ve decided to make it easy on Santa this year.

Only thing I’m asking for is one of the women on his naughty list.

How easy is it to tell a joke 1 year after joining Reddit?

A piece of cake.

Using Homeopathy is really easy

There's literally nothing to it.

Take it easy

A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed with a lady dwarf. Upset and furious over his actions, the woman screams, "You promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on me again!"

Trying his best to calm her down, the husband turns to his wife and says, "Take...

It's easy to tell if someone is an organ donor.

In fact, its a dead giveaway.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

German language is easy.

The German language is relatively easy. Those who can speak Latin and are used to declinations, normally learn it very rapidly. At least that is what German teachers say in their first class. They start learning: der, die, das, des, dem, den and the rest just comes naturally. It's amazingly easy! If...

Making jokes wearing a bee costume isn't always easy

But they don't understand that sometimes you have to risk it for the bee skit.

I thought breaking glass would be easy.

Turns out, it's a real pane.

It ain’t always easy having erectile dysfunction

but it sure as hell ain’t hard

What's an easy way to tell if you have a blown head gasket?

Just look for lipstick marks on your crank shaft.

Two easy steps to become a millionaire

1: Be a billionaire

2: Set up businesses in Russia

Why is it easy to come up with nicknames for a tree?

Because they stick.

I came up with this one, I hope it's good cause it's my only achievement in life.

This cancer game is easy

i'm already on stage 4

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

life of a dick aint easy.

I got a head I can't think with.
An eye I can't see out of.
My best friends a pussy.
My closest neighbors an asshole
And everytime I get excited I throw up.

Quitting nicotine is easy.

I've quit 5 times already.

Any good mechanic will tell you that it's very easy to blow a seal...

However, most zoologists disagree ;)

Russian Roulette is pretty easy

Just ask anyone who’s played, they all say they won

Turns out geometry is actually easy...

This is shaping up to be a better school year than I thought it would be

It is not easy to come up with jokes about undelivered letters.

People just don’t get them.

How do you identify a female? Easy. They're the only ones that hurt you.

Male mosquitoes on the other hand are basically harmless

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you get to own a company worth a Billion? It's actually quite easy. Just...

...spend 44 Billions to buy one, and then piss off your customers and fire half the staff. That should do it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is it so easy to stay thin in Japan?

easy, last time there was a fat man in Japan a whole city disappeared

Quitting smoking is easy

I’ve done it over 15 times

Making a deep dish pizza is surprisingly super easy!

It's a pizza cake!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is impossible to stick in nearly half the time but too damn easy to pull out?

Those damn USB keys.

Math is easy!

If there is one thing I learned in High school it’s that, relationships are like algebra, you look at your X and wonder Y.

A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and ...

Why are Chinese noodles so easy to love?

Because they are 'Lo Mein-tenance'!

You should go easy on Cuomo

He had his hands full

Why is NNN so easy for us?

We're here on Reddit...we're not getting any action anyway.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy finally gets a date with an easy blonde...

To prepare for the date he sunbathes in the nude on his roof,
falls asleep and burns his manhood. He doesn't want to cancel
so he slathers it with lotion and wraps it in gauze.
The blonde shows up at his house and he treats her to
a home-cooked dinner. Afterwards they go to the living ...

Why is weighing snakes so easy?

Because they come with their own scales.

Easy weight loss technique:

Step 1: Initiate Brexit.

Step 2: Lose 440 million pounds a week.

Making holy water from regular water is easy.

Just boil the hell out of it.

Why is it easy to tell jokes in a prison?

You have a captive audience.

Guys, golf is literally so easy....

I’ve played one hole and I’ve got 47 points

It was easy for me to learn braille

Once I got a feel for it.

I don’t know why so many people complain about quitting smoking. It’s super easy to do.

I’ve done it 11 times.

It's easy to explain why so many national governments are in shambles today. Empires used to be run by emperors. Kingdoms were run by kings.

And now we have countries...

Government made easy......

Licensing: When the government takes away your right to do something and then sells it back to you.

It's not easy being a farmer

You have to be outstanding in your field

My friend told me that on average, it is very easy to find a friend like me.

I told him he's being mean.

Scouts are an easy-going bunch.

But they can be in tents

How to get ripped in 4 easy steps:

1. Stand on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.
2. Hold a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold this po...

I feel like some celebrities are missing out on easy opportunities.

I mean, why has Elon Musk not come out with a fragrance?

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.”

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.”
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I kn...

I've always found spelling bees easy

B E E S. Simple.

The advantages of easy origami

- are two-fold

I don't know why most people think a dogs life is so easy.

Everytime I come home from work I ask my dog how his day went and he always says rough.

Did anyone else's parents teach them to swim by throwing them in the lake? I think the swimming was the easy part.

Getting out of that burlap sack was tricky, though.

Cooking is easy

But it's not easier than not cooking

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving when the kid he hired to mow his lawn, a local kid named Bubba, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is.

"Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times.
It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"
The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night.
So before climbing into bed with his wife, he...

How to get laid in five easy steps!

1 - Denial

Capitalists have it easy.

They never have to spell bourgeoisie.

Why is Cheetara such an easy lay?

Because ThunderCats are loose.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Had sex with twins last night, my friend asked how i could tell them apart, "easy" i said..

.."the brother had a moustache"

What's a quick and easy way to turn a sofa into a bed?

Forget your other halfs birthday

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gays have it so easy today...

Twenty years ago it was a pain in the ass

Binary is as easy as

00110001 00100000 00110010 00100000 00110011

Why is Apollo’s sister so easy to find?

Because she’s Hard-temis.

Plum trees are so easy to take care of.

I don't do anything and once a year it prunes itself.

Sleeping is so easy

My grandma has been doing it for 20 years!

Getting over my ex was easy

I even reversed back over her for good measure

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How easy is it to join the piss kink club?

Just show up and urine

A new and easy test for COVID-19

Take a glass and pour your favourite spirit, then see if you can smell it.
If you can then you are halfway there.

Then drink it and if you can taste it then it is reasonable to assume you are currently free of the virus.

I tested myself nine times last night and was virus free eve...

I always find the plots of Stephen King novels easy to follow.

There’s always a Maine character.

It is easy to joke about the Coronavirus

Everyone gets it

Nowadays kids have it so easy. When I was their age, I had nothing but $3 in my pocket. So, what did I do?

I bought a house, started a family, and put the remaining 75 cents into a savings account for emergencies.

Cutting down a tree with a block of cheese is easy.

You just gotta make sure it's extra sharp.

A lumberjack once told me he’s cut down 27,572 trees.

“How do ya know exactly how many?” I inquired.

“Easy. I keep a log.”

Making jokes about Git is not easy

You have to really commit and push.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For extra cash consider robbing sex offenders.

Their address is easy to find, and they can't own guns.

Only downside is politicians usually have good security.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.