Chewing Gum Jokes - 34 Hilarious Chewing Gum Jokes

A man is sitting on the train, chewing gum in silence.

After a while, an elderly lady leans forward from opposite and says: "Sir, it's very kind of you to tell me so much, but unfortunately I'm deaf!"

I'm trying to start up my own business, recycling discarded chewing gum.

But I'm struggling to get it off the ground.

What's the most popular chewing gum flavor in Belarus?

Pepperminsk

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Canadian was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.

The Canadian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation.

The American snapped his gum and said, "You Canadian folk eat the whole bread?"

The Canadian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course".

The American...

What’s the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?

Cancer

What is a penguins favorite chewing gum?

Ice breakers, Hi my name (insert your name here)

A Teacher wants to do a little Quiz with her Students.

Teacher:"Guess what this is, which animal has a Beak and Feathers?"

Random Student:"A Duck!"

Teacher:"Thats right, but it could also be a Goose.
Next question, which animal has Claws and Fur?"

Random Student:"A Dog!"

Teacher:"Thats right, but it could also be a Cat."...

Why did the chewing gum cross the road?

'Cause I stepped on it.

What's the similarity between a pack of chewing gum and a gun?

When you pull it out in class, everyone wants to be friends

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't have sex with my co-workers at the chewing gum factory

cause that would be a sticky business

What goes in hard and dry, then comes out wet and soft?

Chewing gum.

What is the prefered chewing gum of communists?

Ho Chi MINT

Three snails were drinking at a bar. One of the snails got up to buy chewing gum at the store. He asked his snail friends if they wanted some gum too. They said yes.

3 years passed. One of the snail friends said ”he still hasn’t returned, we might as well drink his beer”. Suddenly a voice from the door yelled, ”if you touch my beer, I won’t be buying you guys any chewing gum!”.

n Indian is calmly having breakfast... An Indian is calmly having his breakfast when an American, who is chewing gum, sits down beside him.

The Indian ignores the American who begins to chat :

The American asks :'Do you eat the bread entirely?'

The Indian answers,'Of course!'

American : 'We do not .We only eat the inner part. The crust is put in a container and processed and transformed into flour and sold to Indian...

While visiting the old folks home, little Charlie asks his grandmother, "Grandma, what is 'dark humor'?"

His grandma replies, "Watch, I'll show you." She points at a man in a wheelchair, and says, "See that man over there? Go and ask him to stand up."

Charlie gasps. "But grandma...!"

His grandma then points at a man with no arms. "And see him? Tell him to clap his hands! Hah!"

Char...

The teacher tells little Jack, "I'm going to describe an animal and you have to guess what it is."

"It lives on a farm and gives milk"
"A cow?"
"That's correct too, but I meant a goat. What lives on a farm, has feathers and lays eggs?"
"A chicken"
"That's correct too but I meant a duck."
Little Jack, getting annoyed, asks the teacher: "What goes into your mouth hard, and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My son got sent home from school today for chewing gum in class.

I had to phone the teacher and explain to her that he's only trying to give up smoking.

Soviet financial inspector visits a synagogue

Soviet financial inspector visits synagogue with a mission to prove that local Jewish community hides some profits from tax authorities.

As he looks through the books and find nothing suspicious - an idea comes to his mind.

He asks rabbi:

\- Rabbi, soviet authorities sent you 10...

Teacher in class asks riddles. She asks little Johnny:

"It's a small animal with 4 legs. What is it?"

Little Johnny says: "Dog."

Teacher replies: "But could be a cat too. Alright, another one. It's a long, thin animal with no legs."

Little Johnny: "A snake."

Teacher: "Could be. But could also be an eel."

Little Johnny:...

A young bloke working in the mines...

A young bloke working in the mines in the Pilbara goes to see the onsite doctor with a little problem.

The doctor asks, "What's the trouble, son?"

The young bloke says, "Doc, I've got this weird lump under my foreskin."

"Right," says the doctor, "whip it out and let's have a loo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher in 1st grade at school is angry with a student that always swears and pays no attention to the lesson

"what's your problem?" Teacher asks

"Miss, I think I shouldn't be in the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm far smarter than her. I should be at least in the 3rd grade" he replies.

She goes with him to the principal, with whom agree to do some knowledge tests.

-wha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man boards on a plane....

Man boards a plane. Sees a woman at the front of the plane breast-feeding her child.

He goes back to his seat for the duration of the flight.

After they land everyone's getting off the plane and he passes the same lady, once again breast-feeding.

He stops to...

Three men were waiting outside the labor ward...

A nurse came out to tell the first man: "Congratulations. You are the father of twins." "Twins!"he exclaimed "How about that? I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Co!"

Five minutes later, a nurse came out to tell the second man: "Congratulations. You are the father of triplets." "Triplets!" ...

During a commercial airline flight an Air Force Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms.

When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible.

The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon disembarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related items.
When the young mother expres...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his wife doing 69 and when they finish up he realises he still has to go to the dentist.

He then dashes to the bathroom to go and brush his teeth, constantly smelling his breath to make sure his breath doesn’t smell like his wife’s pussy. He eats some chewing gum and even takes mints with him. He arrives at the dentist and eats some more mints just to make sure.

He’s finally call...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bula Joke.

One day, the teacher asks Bula "What is soft, pink and gives you pleasure?"

Bula answers confidently "Pussy!" and gets slapped out of his chair.

"Watch your language! I was talking about cotton candy."

Bula, angry, asks the teacher.

"How about this. What is long and hard...

At the Glasgow Sheriff's Court, the Sheriff is becoming annoyed at the conduct of a scruffy youth in the spectators' gallery

who is leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets and noisily chewing gum with his mouth half open. Eventually the Sheriff can bear it no more and signals for the bailiff, and says to him "Would ye tell yon young man to stop masticatin' in ma coort?". Whereupon the bailiff trots up to th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Test For a Dirty Mind

**Q1:** What's 6 inches long, has 2 nuts and makes girls fat?
> **A1:** [ Almond Joy ](#s)

**Q2:** What sticks out of a man's pajamas that you can hang a hat on?
> **A2:** [ His head ](#s)

**Q3:** What does a dog do on three legs, a man do on two legs and a woman do sittin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Australian sitting in a cafe, drinking coffee, eating bun with jam

American comes to cafe,sits down to the Australian and while chewing his gum asks:

"Do you, the Australians, eat all the slice of bread?"

"Of course", Australian response.

Smiling American blows gum bubble and says:

"We do not. In America, we eat only a soft portion of th...

A mother is breastfeeding her baby on a plane

The captain comes on and says "we're ready for takeoff." The mother wraps her child and herself up. The plane takes off and the mother opens up and begins to breastfeed her child again. Her seatmate turns to her and says "You must have a hungry child." The mother answers "No, I just feed him to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

French Bubble Gum !

An American guy is sitting at a diner minding his own business eating breakfast.

A French guy chewing gum sits down next to him & says "What are you eating there? American bread? In France we eat only the soft centers out of our fresh bread & send the crusts to America."

The ...

a french girl married a texas guy..

After a while together, she is complaining:
- listen, John, when you kiss me with a chewing gum in your mouth, I can live with that, when you make love to me with your boots and hat on - i can bear with it, but please take your cigar out when we do 69!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A brash American tourist got seated next to a Chinese man in a plane.

Mid flight, the Chinese man ordered for a marmalade sandwich. The American could not contain his curiosity so he struck up a conversation with his seatmate.

"You enjoyin' that sandwich, pal?" he asked

"Yes" politely answered the Chinese man after he took a bite and made a few chews....

the puppy test

Before you get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.

Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.

1. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
2. Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wee...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.