Did you know toothpaste was invented in the southern states?

otherwise it’d be called teethpaste.

On the front of the toothpaste packaging it said: "For Amazingly Sparkling Teeth!"

"I better not buy it, then," I thought, "because mine are rancid."

Everyone knows part of the way toothpaste works is by equalizing the acidic substances in your mouth.

I mean, it’s basic science.

What type of toothpaste do they use in male prisons?

Cavity protection

The dentist asked me if I had sensitive toothpaste at home.

I told her toothpaste and I don't talk about our feelings.





(PS: This was the actual conversation I had with my dentist just last night!)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A tube of toothpaste is a real asshole design.

You can get the stuff out, but you can't get it back in.

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners

The lady says, "Come Again!"


The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

Bought some extra sensitive toothpaste the other day...

It got really jealous when I used a different toothpaste this morning

What kind of a toothpaste does Trump use?

Confidental

A woman walks into a grocery store

She grabs milk, a banana, toothpaste and a bottle of wine. When she goes to checkout, the cashier asks “Are you single?”

“Why yes, I am, how did you know that?” She exclaims

Cashier: “Because you’re ugly”

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A toothpaste factory had a problem.

They sometimes shipped empty boxes
without the tube inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the
buyers and distributors. Understanding how important the relationship with
them was, the CEO of the company assembled his top people. They decided to
hire an external engineering ...

Why do only 9/10 dentists recommend Crest toothpaste?

The last dentist is busy killing a lion

Did you hear about the big toothpaste scandal?

The media are calling it Colgate...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

4 years ago today, I shared the worst joke I ever created. Here it is again for those that missed it.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I switched to sensitive toothpaste, but I don't think it's working.

I'm still an asshole.

A kid asks his dad how much toothpaste is in a tube. He says "i don't know..."

Kid: "it's almost from the bathroom to the kitchen!"

I call my toothpaste "Death"....

....then I tell women, "I had a brush with Death this morning."

I am like Colgate toothpaste when I dance

Noticeably White

My 6 year old Niece told me this: What do you call a tooth that has been mashed?

Toothpaste

I am never recommending anyone Colgate Whitening toothpaste ever again...

I have been using it for two weeks and I’m still Indian.

What kind of toothpaste do priests recommend?

Oral-B

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What toothpaste do ants use?

MicroScope

What do toothpaste and Winged Hussars have in common?

They both fight against tartars.

Which female rapper is the spokesperson for Colgate toothpaste?

Clean Ma-teefa

My toothpaste says it guarantees whiteness within two weeks..

Yet after two weeks I'm still asian

I dropped my toothpaste!

...Tom exclaimed, crestfallen.

LPT: Take the time to find a toothpaste you like

Otherwise it will leave a bad taste in your mouth.

I had one of those horrible moments this morning when I confused my wife's hair removal cream with the toothpaste.

Mind you, my legs have never smelt so minty!

TIL that with every breath I take, about 4 people on this planet die.

I wonder if I should try a different toothpaste.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the blonde start rubbing toothpaste on her vagina?

She heard it helps reduce cavities.

Slipped on a tube of toothpaste this morning.

I was crestfallen.

A blonde walks into a dry cleaners

and tells the woman at the counter, "I need to have an outfit washed."

The clerk was busy and slightly distracted, so she looked up from her work and said, "Come again?"

The blonde said, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My son came racing up to me. He said, "Dad! I've got a spot on my face and my date will be here in a few hours!"

I told him to use toothpaste.

He said, "Will that get rid of it?"

"I don't know," I said. "But your breath fucking stinks."

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Mahatma Gandhi The Wise?

I thought not. It's not a story the British would tell you.

It's a Hindi legend. Gandhi was an Indian activist, so powerful and wise he could walk miles and miles without shoes, developing blisters on his feet. He had such a knowledge of resilience, he could even live through hunger strikes w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young woman goes to the supermarket, picks all her groceries, [offensive to some]

goes to the register and gives all her wares to the guy in the counter who scans it all. It’s one bread, one toothbrush, one toothpaste, one pack of salami, one apple, one banana, one bottle of milk and one small cheese. The guy behind the counter goes: «Let me guess: You’re single?» The woman sarca...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If dentists only make money off of us if we have bad teeth

The why the fuck am I using a toothpaste 4 out of 5 of them are recommending!

Liquor before beer and you’re clear but

Toothpaste before orange juice and you’re dead

A blonde walk into the dry clean

She put her dress on the counter and asked for it to be cleaned. The guy behind the counter said as she was leaving "come again" she turned around and replied "no, it's toothpaste this time"

You must be single.

A young woman was shopping at her local supermarket. She puts her items on the conveyer: A toothbrush, toothpaste, a half-gallon of 2% milk and a frozen pizza. The cashier calmly states, "You must be single." The woman looks at her items and back to the cashier, "Wow! How did you know that?" The cas...

Three young friends,

seeking a fortune, adventure together to Egypt where a new pyramid has been discovered.


Upon arriving at the pyramid, they are immediately told to leave as the site has already been excavated. The friends, not willing to concede, look for a different way in and find an entrance never bef...

What does the Night's King brush his teeth with?

Wightening toothpaste.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An attractive blonde is dropping her dress off to be cleaned.

She hands the dress to the clerk who says thank you.

As the blonde walks out the clerk says "come again!"

The blonde turns and says "it's toothpaste this time you bitch!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a convenience store...

he grabs a single-serving meal, a single-serving drink, a single-serving toothpaste, a single-serving dessert, single-serving everything, and he goes up to the counter with it and the woman at the counter says, "Let me guess, you're single?" And he says, "Yeah, how could you tell?" And she says, "Be...

I went to the doctor for a rash...

Doctor: What toiletries are you using?

Me: Steven’s soap, Steven’s shampoo, Steven’s toothpaste and Steven’s toothbrush.

Doctor: Huh, so is Steven’s a foreign brand?

Me: No, Steven is my roommate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have what it takes to become a Monk?

Thomas decieded to live his life in service to the Lord. So he went to the nearby monastery to join the Benedictine order of monks there. Thomas was welcomed by Brother John, who gave him a tour of the monastic life. Thomas was excited and eager to join.

Brother John laid out the conditions o...

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A Jews mother dies...

And he decides to send her back to Israel, per her will, to be buried. So he sends the coffin back with a letter atop the casket. His brother opens it and it reads:

Dear brother,

Ima died and wants to be laid to rest here. Please follow her request and bury her here. Also, I have sen...

The Cheerio Joke

Oh boy do I have a joke for you...
Its called the cheerio joke.

\-------------------------------------

So there is this land called cheerio land and in cheerio land there are 7 classes of cheerio, 0-5 and the frosted cheerios. Now there is this level 0 cheerio. Hes hom...

Someone broke into my house last night...

They took all my soap, shampoo, deodorant and toothpaste. They made a clean getaway.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was walking home from a bar

A man was walking home from a bar after he’d had a few pints when suddenly he starts hearing a banging noise behind him. Glancing back he imagines that he can see something in the distance but thinks nothing of it and continues on his way home.

Walking round the bend of the street to his hous...

A woman went to the dry-cleaners...

...to pick up a dress she'd had laundered.

The man behind the counter hands over her garment and just as she's about to leave he says "come again".

With that the woman turns round and says "no, it was just toothpaste this time".

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