UPJOKE
crispyfrostynippychipcoldpotato chipsnappysharpcrinkletoastlaconictersecreasecurtnipping

My rubbish dog joke.

A dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat. He says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please'.
The barman says, 'Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!'
The dog replies, 'Why? Do they need electricians?'

Cheaper Pub in the World

Guy walks into a pub and asks the bar man for a pint;

"That will be $0.05 please sir".

"Wow, in that case I will have a shot of whisky too"

"Certainly, that will be $0.03 sir".

"Damnnn, OK and a packet of crisps".

"0.01 please sir, $0.08 all together".

...

What is a ducks favourite dip for crisps?

Quacemole

A sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a pint and a packet of crisps.

The bar tended turns around and says “sorry we don’t serve food here”.

A man walks into a bar and asks the barman if he had any helicopter flavoured crisps...

A man walks into a bar and asks the barman if he had any helicopter flavoured crisps

The barman quizzically shakes his head and replies ‘’ WE ONLY HAVE PLAIN"...

made a Hawaiian pizza for dinner and burnt it to a crisp

Should have cooked it aloha temperature..

What is Rick Grimes' favourite type of crisps?

Walkers

Two packets of crisps are strolling down the street when a car pulls alongside them...

The driver asks if they would like a lift.

The crisps say, "No thanks, we're Walkers."

What do you call it when you hit an Irishman over the head with a packet of crisps?

A Knick Knack Paddy Whack

Back in the days, I'd only take just $1 with me to the supermarket and came back with 3 bottles of soda and 2 bags of crisps

But these days, there are surveillance cameras everywhere

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mate tried some Walkers mystery flavour crisps last night and swore they tasted like his wife's pussy,

He thought it was his imagination but everyone in the pub said he was right!

A famous pub in Dublin...

There's a famous pub in Dublin, at the top of Camden Street, called the Bleeding Horse. One day, a Clydesdale horse trotted in and ordered a pint of Guinness and a packet of cheese and onion crisps. The barman was a little taken aback, but Dublin barmen are nothing if not professional, so he served ...

A bear walks onto a bar and orders a round of drinks.

I'd like 2 pints of Carlsberg, 2 pints of Stella and a packet of . . . . . . . . . . . . . Cheese and onion crisps.
The barman asks, "Why the big pause?"
The bear replies, "so I can rip apart seals"

An American is lecturing a British person,

saying things like “it’s an elevator not a lift” and “it’s chips not crisps” etc. After a while of this the British person calmly retorted “they’re schools, not shooting ranges”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Vampire walks into a bar and asks for a...

...a pint of blood and some crisps.

Barmaid replies sorry we dont do blood here, only crisps.
"Ah thats ok I'll have the crisps" replies the Vampire - he pays for them and sits down.

A second Vampire walks in and asks for the pint of blood and some peanuts. Again the barmaid tells...

Supermarket joke; I think.

I went to the checkout at tescos after getting a sandwich and crisps. They young girl asked me if I wanted to go for drink! I was shocked and said:”young lady I am old enough to be your granddad”. She look at me and said:”the drink is part of the meal deal”. I had never been so embarrassed.

A man was driving along the motorway

When all of a sudden, he sees two crisps (potato chips) walking along the side of the road.
Perplexed by this and concerned for their safety he leans out and shouts "Hey! You two want a lift anywhere?", to which the crisps stopped and replied "No thanks mate, we're Walkers".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Father and son from Utah, both avid fishermen, finally decide to visit the British Isles

So they have a beer in London, bag of crisps in Birmingham, they enjoy a slice of the famous Chevington cheese in Newcastle, and as they slowly traveled Northward, they both get the urge to go fishing in the famous Scottish Lochs.

And so it came to pass, that in Glasgow, they bought a o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I said to my wife, "I saw a woman with her tits out on the bus feeding her son."



She said, "It's natural."



"Natural?" I replied, "She was giving him crisps."

All my life, I thought air was free...

... until I bought a bag of crisps!

Britons vs. Americans

Americans:
It's Mom not Mum
It's Chips not Crisps
It's Fries not Chips
It's Color not Colour
It's Soccer not Football
It's Football not Rugby

Britons:
It's School not Shooting Range.

A man walks into a bar and asks for a pint and a Pork pie.

The barman gives him his pint, and a nice fresh pork pie. He drinks his pint, picks up his pork pie, puts it on the top of his head and walks out, carefully balancing it on his noggin.

About 10 minutes later, he returns and goes to the bar. Again, the man asks for a pint and a pork pie.
<...

A very drunk man walks into a bar

He yells:

two large beers and a packet of crisps please!

Lady: sir, this is a library.

Man, whispering: two large beers and a packet of crisps please!

I clearly remember the last words of my Indian grandfather.

"You must bring change in your country".

I never felt the meaning of them so profoundly than when I wanted a bag of crisps with a 1000 rupee bill.

Threw a party with my friend!

It was amazing!

First, we had to get some cool costumes, and I must say, as far as service goes, it was amazing! We left the place as quickly as we came in, each with a really cool costume- no waiting at all.

Secondly, we went out to get some snacks for the party, just your usual stuff...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A redditor is fitting his new kitchen and he stops for lunch.

His wife makes him a sandwich, and hands him some crisps and chocolate to eat, and a banana." he finishes his lunch and gets back to work.

A few hours later and he's finished. The wife walks in and checks out their new kitchen.

"OH MY GOD!" she shouts, as she opens the door, "What the ...

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