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Gotcha!

Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $100 bet on the side. "But," said the duffer, "since you're obviously much better then I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two 'gotchas.'"

The golf pro didn't know what a 'gotcha' was, but he went along with it.
...

A headline from the Dallas Morning News

Dallas Morning News - A 15 year old boy was at the center of a Dallas County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with chil...

I’ve been challenged to make a play on words with the word for a whole bunch of peaches in a basket.

Try as I might though, I just can’t punnet.

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A regular at a popular bar got into a friendly bet with the bartender.

He challenged the bartender to a tasting contest.


He claimed that he could name any drink that the bartender could whip up. If he could name every one of them right, all his drinks would be on the house. If he lost, he had to pay for all his drinks, and an additional £50.


Amus...

A man is on vacation in Spain.

He stops at a local inn to stay and is having a drink down in the bar.

Once there he was challenged by the bartender to win a free meal and a drink. He needs only score higher on a trivia quiz against a very smart chicken.

Amused and figuring he couldn’t lose to a bird he accepts. Th...

A dog walked into a bar and asked for a beer.

One of the other bar patrons, a cowboy with a six-shooter, scoffed.

“I don’t want to drink at the same bar as a dog.”

The dog, offended, challenged the man to a fight. The man looked him up and down then dismissed the pup with a wave of his hand.

"I'm not killing a dog."

...

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A clean joke

A soap factory had a problem. They sometimes shipped empty boxes without the bar inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the buyers and distributors. Understanding how important these relationships were, the CEO of the company assembled his top people. Six months and $8 million later, t...

A man once challenged everyone that he can answer all questions with just two sentences.

The man claimed that all questions can be answered by either "None of your business" or "None of my business".

Then a wise man came to him, and asked, "Don't you think answering questions like that make people unhappy?"

The man replied with "None of my business."

The wise man th...

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The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his Deckhand and sent an agent to investigate him.

IRS AUDITOR: “I Need A List Of Your Employees And How Much You Pay Them".


Boat Owner: “Well, There's Clarence, My Deckhand, He's Been With Me For 3 Years. I Pay Him $1,000 A Week Plus Free Room And Board. Then There's The Mentally Challenged Guy. He Works About 18 Hours Every Day And Does...

An Native American chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant

The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated that he built her a teepee made of deer hide.

A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide.

The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief ...

Youth Slang

Kids are always coming up with the strangest slang. Remember "on fleek" or when "dank" stopped meaning dingy?

I was working as a counselor at a summer camp one year. The kids came up with a new one and proceeded to absolutely run it into the ground. One day in the cafeteria, one of the ner...

“I love my job!” exclaimed the farmer. “All you do is boss me around all day!” complained one of his sheep. “What did you say?” challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled...

“You herd me.”

Impeccable

A woodpecker from the United States and a Canadian woodpecker were in Canada arguing about which country had the toughest trees. The Canadian woodpecker claimed Canada had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The U.S. woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no ...

I'm not fat!

I'm just height-challenged.

Was walking down the street and heard this beautiful music coming from up on a hill.

So I went up there and found out it was a place for the mentally challenged. The music was the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard. So I looked in a window and saw all the patients holding pencils and tapping them on apples. I couldn’t believe the music was coming from them. How could they do it? S...

My wife challenged me to a game of strip poker, but then I realized she just wanted to do laundry.

So I folded.

A friend challenged me to get more karma

I replied *"piece of cake"*

Albert Einstein challenged Mr. Bean

Einstein said to Mr. Bean: "I'll ask you a question.​If you can't answer correctly, you'll give me one dollar. Then you ask me a question. If I can't answer correctly, I'll give you 1000 dollars.

Einstein: asks a question.

Mr. Bean after a little while: gives Einstein one dollar.
...

A sous chef hung some chops of meat on the ceiling, and challenged me saying he'd pay me 20$ if I could jump and bring them down, while I had to pay him 20$ if I couldn't.

I didn't accept, the steaks were too high

Don't call them "fat"

They are "horizontally challenged"

Aerobatic piloting

A man goes on a flight with an aerobatic pilot. To warm it up a bit he does a very tight curve. Through the radio the pilot hears the man saying "Well, well, just as expected!". The pilot, feeling a bit challenged flies a screw in the other direction as tight as he can. Again he hears the man saying...

I challenged the number 1 to a fight. When 1 showed up, he brought 3, 5, 7 and 9.

The odds were against me.

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I was challenged to my first fight the other day. I picked out an outfit, showed up and got my ass kicked.

It turned out not to be my strong suit.

An Englishman named "One-two-three" and a Frenchman named "Un-deux-trios" challenged each other to see whose cat could swim across the Channel first...

After a grueling competition, One-two-three won after Un-deux-trois quatre cinq.

The kid next door challenged me to a water fight

Thought I’d post it here while the water boils.

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