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Crypt Jokes

Three vampires are sleeping in a crypt.

One of them wakes up and flies away.

When he comes back, blood is dripping from his teeth.

"Guys, see that house? I sucked out the people who lived there!"



After a while, the second vampire leaves the crypt.

When he comes back, his entire head is covered in blood....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superman is taking an evening stroll past the church when the Minister runs down the steps calling for his help.

"Superman, we need your help, a wall has collapsed in the basement, some workmen are trapped!" says the Minister.

"No way" said Superman "I'm not going near the crypt tonight".

Today I learned that the folds in the iris of your eyes are called crypts

No wonder I find them so cryptivating

What do you call an Irish zombie that makes poor financial decisions?

Crypt O’Currency

Indiana Jones: "I present the Ark of the Covenant, sacred crypt of the Ten Commandments."

Rick from Pawn Stars: "Best I can do is 25 bucks."

why can't Superman beat Dracula?

Because he's in the crypt tonight.

Shout out to the undertaker who buried my mum in the wrong crypt, you'd better watch your back!

You made a grave error

Two teenagers snuck into a crypt at night. One tripped over a small bone and the other unashamedly laughed.

Can't blame him though, it was a little humerus.

Why couldn't Superman stop the necromancer?

His powers were too weak near the crypt tonight.

If Bitcoin eventually goes under…

Will it go to the Crypt O’ Currency?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young monk joins a monastery

He enters the building and is greeted with a sight of many hardworking monks rigorously copying from seemingly new manuscripts onto paper. He makes his way through the busy scene and heads to the head monk's quarters.

The head monk greets the new monk warmly and shows him to his writing stat...

What do skeletons invest in?

Crypt-ocurrency

It's not graverobbing! It's a system of mining grave yards to determine the validity of transactions.

It's a new way of thinking of money! I call it crypt-o-currency.

How do you pay a necromancer for their services?

Crypt-o-currency

Superman may have died 50 years ago.

But they found his crypt-tonight.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you pay an undead prostitute?

With CryptHo Currency.

Where will they bury Superman?

Crypt O' night

I'm working on a book about vampire gangs.

I'm titling it the Bloods and the Crypts.

How do vampires pay for things?

Crypt-currency.

I invited Superman to a funeral this evening...

But he said he was feeling weak so he didn't want to go to the crypt tonight.

I am buying my coffin from a company located in Ireland.

I wonder if they accept crypt o'currency?

What do you say about a man who spent all his savings excavating a tomb full of fake money?

He invested in the wrong crypt o' currency.

What do you call a tomb full of money?

A crypt o' currency.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest was assigned to a new church

He was really stressed out during his first mass; he could barely speak to the people. Before his second mass, he visited his superior and asked him how to suppress his nervousness. His superior told him to add some vodka into his water and after a few sips, he'd immediatly feel more relaxed.
...

Standing in a graveyard, Lex Luthor and his subordinate are planning Superman's demise

Lex: This is the night I bury Superman!

Henchman: You've finally figured out his weakness?

Lex: Yes, this evening, I'll lure him into this tomb and he'll be incapacitated!

Henchman: How does that work?

Lex: It's his crypt-tonight.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to his barber to get a haircut.

As the barber is cutting his hair they start to chat a bit.

The man says “It’s me and my wives anniversary soon. We’re planning a trip to Rome as we've always wanted to go to Italy and really experience some authentic Italian food!”

“Ahh, don’t bother” says the barber. “The whole city ...

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