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Bangkok Jokes

Girls in Bangkok are like a box of chocolates.

You never know which one has nuts.

"It's a boy", David shouted, "It's a BOY!" With tears rolling down his eyes, David came running out of the room.

And never visited Bangkok again.

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I met a girl in Bangkok

I was at that bar in Bangkok and saw this beautiful girl. She looked at me with that amazing smile and all I could think of was "don't get a boner, don't get a boner" - but she still got one :(

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A man takes a vacation in Bangkok

While he is there, he is approached by a"bar girl". She is beautiful and the price is too low to turn down, so the man agrees to the "$2 special"
Back home in America a couple weeks later, the man is peeing and to his horror, he sees his penis has turned green! He immediately schedules an appoint...

Don’t ever drive your car through Bangkok

You might blow a tranny

This one’s true. A work colleague of mine told me she went to Bangkok on her honeymoon. I replied,

I know you did, but where did you go?

I was on vacation in Bangkok

I was on vacation in Bangkok and had lunch at a restaurant called "Thai Tanic".
The restaurant's slogan was: "Food that goes down easy."

My girlfriend broke up with me because I kept referencing the song One Night in Bangkok for reasons why I didn't want to take a vacation there.

It's just me now and my Thai trope act without Annette.

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I applied to manage the US Naval sperm bank in Bangkok. The interviewer said they couldn’t hire me, because I was a domestic civilian.

He said only an overseas seaman oversees overseas seamen semen overseas.

In America, men bang women.

In Thailand, women Bangkok.

Why did the couple get married in Bangkok?

Because they wanted to Thai the knot.

What do you call an impatient man from Bangkok who moved to the capital city of the Republic of China for a writing job, got kidnapped, covered in multicolored paint and restrained with rope?

A tied-up, tye-dyed, Type-A, Taipei-Thai typist.

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Don’t get a boner

I remember I got on a bus in Bangkok and this beautiful woman got on and sat down across from me. I kept thinking “don’t get a boner. Don’t get a boner”. Sure enough, she did.

Why is it a bad idea for Bangkok to hold the Olympics?

Because all of the events will end with Thais.

I slept with a woman in Bangkok, Thailand. But I didn't discover what she was until we finished...

Turns out, she was Canadian.

On the train in Bangkok....

...a young, long-haired, busty Thai sat down directly opposite me & started putting on lipstick.

I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection."

But he did.

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What do you call porn in Bangkok?

Hen-Thai

Two kids from bangkok have a race, who wins?

Its a thai.

I bought a shabby little place in Bangkok above a nice restaurant.

It was a bad Thai pad, but good pad Thai

The Thai rescue divers were given tight trunks to wear as they maneuvered through the narrow caves

So they wouldn’t Bangkok.

Arranging a business trip.

"Hello I need to book a business trip to Thailand."

"Are you going to Bangkok?"

"No, I'm just going to Phuket."

I was gonna take a trip to Bangkok...

But then I thought Phuket

A friend went for Thai massage in Bangkok recently.

A friend went for Thai massage in Bangkok recently. He requested for two masseurs, one for him and another for his wife.

After massaging the man for a long time, the Thai massuer said, "Massage pinis". He kept ghastly quiet pretending not to have heard it.

Again, the massuer repeated h...

I was at a barber shop in Bangkok and I asked to get my hair dyed, and for the barber to surprise me. I noticed that it was taking a bit longer than hair dyeing normally would, and when I looked at the finished job in the mirror, I noticed that they were in rainbow swirls.

When I asked the barber, "What is this?" he told me,"Well, it's a Thai dye."

Confucius say…..

Man who go through airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok

What do men in Thailand say when they can’t get girls?

“Phuket! I’m just going to Bangkok instead!”

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Free sex tonight

At a travel agency in Bangkok, I asked the Thai girl behind the counter if she could escort me on a city tour and asked her for her mobile number so I could call her to make arrangements.

She gave me a big smile, nodded her head and said,

"Sex sex sex, wan free sex for tonight".
...

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How Bangkok became the capital of Thailand

Long ago there was a king of Thailand, and he unfortunately passed away due to old age. However the people of Thailand saw this as an opportunity to grow and create a capital and have a new young robust leader.

The people decided to go to the surrounding tribes and select a few fit young men ...

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Two young Mormon missionaries are spreading the good word around South-East Asia when they accidentally walk in to a brothel

This becomes increasingly clearer to the two young men as the attractive, scantily clad women begin to make poorly veiled sexual entreaties in broken English. The two have practically no knowledge of, or experience with, women, and begin sweating profusely when the truth dawns. The first missionary ...

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An oldie, but a........ Well, at least it's old

An American soldier on leave in Bangkok has spent all of his time frequenting the local brothels and enjoying many of their girls. After a couple of days he notices a rash beginning to form on his penis. In another day or so, his member is inflamed, swollen and red. Soon it's burning horribly and dr...

"Trick or Treat" refers to Halloween...

...but it also describes potential outcomes of taking an attractive Bangkok waitress back to your hotel room.

If people in Bangkok had a favorite NFL team, what team would they root for?

The Thai-tans

My blond friend once used “GokuBatmanHulkPikachuBakugouLucinaMulanAangBangkok” as his e-mail password.

He said that his password needed 8 Characters with 1 Capital.

Made in Thailand

Have you heard of the mountain climber from Bangkok?

He became famous as the Thai of the Eiger.

~

Who won the election for mayor of Bangkok?

It was a Thai.

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Confucius did NOT say

>Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient.

>Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

>Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

>Woman who dance wearing jock strap, have make believe ballroom

>Squirrel who runs up woman’s' ...

What's the worst word to get in charades?

Bangkok

Competitions.

How did the Bread contest end? Stalemate.

What about the weed smoking contest? There were *joint* winners!

What about the competition to see who could locate Bangkok the quickest on a map? Was a Thai.

And that sketching contest? A draw.

German Gameshow

edit: Helps to read this poem out loud :D

There was a popular German gameshow where contestants would take part in various activities for a grand prize of 1 million euro.


After a very successful run it was time for the final episode and there were only two contestants left: an old...

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The pickup line of Cecil the cavalier

Cecil is a young British aristocrat who loves horse-riding but is terribly shy.

On his daily trot around Hyde Park, he frequently sees a beautiful girl riding a jet-black Morgan horse but can’t pluck up the courage to approach her.

One evening he’s having a beer with his friend Charles...

It's a Boy! James shouted, It's a Boy!!! i still can't believe it! ..with tears rolling down ,James came running out

.....swearing never ever to come back to Bangkok again! xD

Map jokes

How do you get around in Italy? You Rome.
Why does everyone love Thailand? They Bangkok.
I Congo to Africa, Kenya?
Why do the French take there time? They hate to Russia
What's the unhappiest state? Misery
Who are the unhappiest Europeans? The Hungary ones.
Why are the so many Subw...

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[NSFW][LONG]It gets lonely out at sea

A sailor has been out at sea for 6 months and when his boat finally arrived in Bangkok he decided to seek some companionship. The problem was that he hadn't gotten paid yet and all he had was 75 cents and the bus costs 25 cents each way but he was determined so he hopped on the bus to the red light ...

Silly superstition

A reporter was on a business trip in Bangkok, when he struck up a conversation with a young lady in a bar.

After a half dozen drinks, he suggested they get their own bottle and retire to his motel room, and she readily agreed.

"Say, how old are you anyway," the man asked, as the obvi...

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The Story of Suzy Sandpaper (Long)

A young Marine was deployed on a Navy ship. It put into port in Bangkok for a weekend, but he was told he had security duty, and couldn't go into town with his fellow Marines. All weekend he stood sentry at the ship, hearing from his comrades about the gorgeous girls working the local brothels, an...

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A Rare Dish

This is a long one.

An English cook is trying to build up his skills as a chef. He's been working for years learning all sorts of rare and unique dishes to serve at his mentor's restaurant.

One day a wealthy guest at the restaurant asks to meet the cook and says "While I enjoyed the me...

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