UPJOKE
southeastnorthwestnorthwestdirectionsouthwestnortheasteasternnorthwesternsouthernnortheasternwesternnortherncompass

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A woman meets a panda at a bar and they go back to her place..

They end up in the bedroom and one thing leads to another.

The panda goes down on her while jerking himself off but after only a minute he stands up, ejaculates all over her, then turns around and heads for the door.

"What the *hell*? ..where are you going?" the woman asks.

"You...

Two men entered heaven…

and Saint Peter said to the first, “Please tell me your name, your occupation, and where you lived during most of your mortal life”

the first man replied, saying, “Harry Jones, Taxi Driver, Southeast London.”

Saint Peter said, “Ah yes, now take your silk robe and golden staff and enter...

2 Cosplayers and 2 Tanners check in at a Resort...

The first tanner walks up to the reception and says,

“I would like a room in the Northeast wing.”

The receptionist acknowledges then gave him the keys.

Then, the first cosplayer walks up to the reception and says,

“I would like a room in the Southeast wing.”

The re...

Over a thousand years ago, there was a culture in Southeast Asia that worshipped parrots.

They were pollytheistic.

Most people associate Frankie Valli with the Four Seasons, but how many of you are familiar with the song he wrote about the native corn of the Southeast United States?

It was called "Maize of Georgia," and it's a hit.

Someone colored all over the southeast part of my world map

That was just downright rude!

I found out my date likes to dissect people from Southeast Asia.

I've since decided to cut Thais with her.

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I'm a farmer. I work in southeast Michigan.

While hauling around a bag of manure to fertilize my crops, a cop came up to me.

He asked, "What's that?"

I reply, "Manure."

"Why are you carrying manure?"

"I'm using it to fertilize my crops."

"Do you have a license for that manure?"

"Why would I need ...

I asked a Southeast-Asian-looking elderly gentleman if he was from Thailand.

He said, "Yeah, Siam."

It was early December, and a cartographer was looking at a map of Costa Rica.

The cartographer noted that the northern part of the country, along the Nicaraguan border, was fairly wide, but the country's width diminished as it trended southeast. At the border with Panama, it was much narrower.

"Hmm," mused the cartographer. "It's beginning to look a lot like Isthmus."

The National poetry contest

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a Duke University Law School graduate from an upper crust family; well-bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a red-neck from Southeast Tennessee A & M. The rules of the conte...

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Once there was a boy in Alabama who loved trains.

It was his life, he’d get his dad to take him to train shows, play with them at home, read books about them in elementary school, the works. In high school he studied and kept his GPA high so he’d be able to go for his dreams: to be a train conductor. Upon graduating high school he got accepted int...

Contender for the worst pun ever (OC)

Meet Desmond. Desmond and his Father are pretty normal people, but they both have Podophobia, the irrational fear of feet.

One day, they both travel to do a tour of Southeast Asia and visit a family friend. As they’re walking about a city, Desmond see‘s a homeless person begging in shabby cl...

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A man walks into a Cabelas...

He walks up to the counter and asks the teller "Where do you keep your compass'?" The teller says, "They're over on the southeast wall." in which the man replies, "Fuck you, Guy"

Difference between Ravens and Crows

I work in a gift-shop up in southeast Alaska. Our store is right under a tree that houses a family of angry crows. Tourists often ask me how I can tell the difference between ravens and crows. I tell them this:

"All birds have specialized tail feathers that help with flight in Alaska's thin, ...

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