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Hun Jokes

What do Winnie the Pooh, Atilla the Hun, and Smokey the Bear have in common?

The same middle name.

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Cyclops: Hun, how do you spell Hawaii?

Wife: (biting lip).. I think you need 2 'i's.

Cyclops: (puts pen down)...You think my life is just a joke to you?

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How do you piss off a Hun?

You can't; they're nomads.

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Wife said, you know Hun a picture is worth a thousand words, I said.

Well go to art school and :

A man goes into a restaurant with his pet snake.

He seats himself at a table, and his snake slithers up onto the seat next to him. Soon, a waitress comes to take his order.

The man declares, "I want 25 hamburgers- two for me and 23 for my pet snake here."

The waitress leaves, and 20 minutes later returns with two plates. On the man's...

Who was first in Transylvania?

Thousands of years ago, the ancestor of the Hungarians Attila the Hun came to Transylvania.

He saw a beautiful lake, left his gilded armor, his Damascus sword and his white stallion on the shore and went for a swim.

When he got out of the lake - armor was gone, sword was gone and the ...

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There's a little-known legend about Attila the Hun...

The story goes that Attila used to collect exotic animals that he found during his conquests. He particularly liked dangerous or fearsome animals, and his favourite was a giant snake. He was so fond of it, it was said that he brought it with him on every campaign.


But his snake lost its a...

Dad, I lost my key

Daisy called her dad, "Dad, I lost my key of the front door, I'm in front of the house and cannot enter it, can you help?"

Dad, "OK, did you call your hubby?"

Daisy, "I didn't, but he texted me back said he's in a meeting and cannot come back in a few hours."

Dad, "So, do ...

Jealous wife and the Food processor

A jealous wife, while on a road trip with her friends, would call her husband everyday to check on him.

Her: Where are you?

Him: At home hun.

Her: Don't trust you. Can you run the food processor for me so I know you are home?

Him: Sure Hun .

Whirrrrrrrrrr

Hi...

Exasperated, she asked her spouse "Please stop peeing in the shower, it's gross."

He frowned, retorting defensively "Oh come on, hun! It's not that big a deal. A bunch of people pee in the shower. It just washes down the drain..."

She sighed before offering a compromise. "Fine, but can you at least not do it while I'm the one taking a shower?"

My wife and I were talking about obscure animals.

She said, "I want to get a manatee."


"That's very generous," I replied, "no cream, no sugar please hun!"

"Hey, can I try feeding your snake?"

"Sure. His bread is in the pantry."

"Your snake eats... Bread?"

"My anaconda don't want none, unless you got buns, hun."

Why do anacondas like hamburgers?

Cause it got buns, hun

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Two guys sit down on a train...

Two men sit down on a train, in the same cabin, and begin reading the newspaper.

When they look up, they make eye contact, and both realize, they each had a black eye.

Both men start to chuckle, and decided to exchange stories

Guy1: "...Yeah, I really got it."

Guy2: "Me ...

What does Shan-Yu from Mulan call his wife?

Hun.

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A commander was fighting a barbarian horde

He created a trap of flammable liquid, which set fire to the enemy cavalry, which promptly retreated towards their fort.

The commander promptly went after them with his own elite cavalry, armour shining in the evening sun.

As the burning horsemen stormed in through the gate, the guards...

My favorite genie joke.

An Irish farmer was tending to his land when he discovered a magic lamp. He rubbed the lamp and a genie appeared.
"For releasing me from my prison, I shall grant you any three wishes," he says. "Now, what is your first wish?"
The farmer says, "I want the Huns to attack Ireland!"
The genie q...

My wife can't figure out why my pet anaconda won't eat Bratwurst a la cart

I told her that my anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun.

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A young man is showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.

She is absolutely thrilled at the speed.

Never a man to turn down a good opportunity, the young man asks “If I go 120 mph, will you take off your clothes?”

“Sure!” says his adventurous girlfriend. So off they go.

As he gets up to 120 mph, she starts peeling off her clothes. Th...

The Mongolians are afraid that the Queen will still be alive on the 21st April 2026.

Because then she'll be a Hun dread.

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I was on this plane once...

Captain sets for take off and we are 35000 feet in the air, the captain then sets his mic down but forgets to turn it off.

The captain turns to the co-pilot and says "all I could use right now is a and a cup of coffee".

The stewardess starts running from the back of the plane...

A newly wed couple...

Husband: Hun, I have a huge problem.

Wife: Stop saying it’s yours, we are married it’s OUR problem now.

Husband: I got your best friend pregnant, we are the parents!

What did the diner waitress say to Attila?

"More coffee, Hun?"

Attila's wife enters their tent

"im home hun"

My son just told me what he thought LGBT stood for

L - Let’s
G - Get down to
B - Buisness
T - To defeat the huns

So I went to the library...

I had to go to the library to book a private study room. Once there, I asked the lady if there is one that is available.

Imagine my disappointment when she said, sorry hun, we are fully BOOKED.

snake joke

A guy wearing a snake walks up to a hot dog stand and asks for a hot dog for his snake.The woman running the stand says they don't have any buns so it just would be the meat.He says that sorry My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun.

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An old one from good will hunting. (Slightly )

I love this movie. If you haven’t seen it, go watch it on Netflix.

So Will tells this joke during therapy:

A pilot is flying a commercial Airline plane. He says his whole “we’ll be cruising at 30K feet” thing, but when he finishes, he forgets to turn the mic off.
He turns to the co...

On a whim, I bought a snake yesterday at the local pet store...

Last night, I attempted to feed it a freshly grilled hamburger.
Just the patty, no bread.
The thing is, he wouldn't eat it.
As it turns out,
my anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns, Hun.

Me and my husband Atilla got into an argument

I told him "hun, let's not fight".

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Cheating on husband

A lady cheats on her husband , her husband always comes late and drunk , so she was having fun with the man in the bed , but this time her husband comes back a little bit early .

So she tell the man “ go stand between those two statues , he won’t notice he is drunk so don’t worry “

S...

Which world leader would you suspect of stealing all that Nutella?

My best guess is Nutella the Hun

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A guy walks into a doctors office with a 5 iron wrapped around his neck and two black eyes.

“What happened to you?” asked the doctor

“Well it all started when my wife and I were golfing and by accident she hit the ball into a cow field. When she went to investigate, I saw the ball in the cow’s . I went and lifted the tail of the cow and that’s when I made my mistake.”

“And...

A woman with terminal sickness calls for her husband for a final talk.

"Hebert" *cough* "Everything is settled for my final departure, I just have one final thing to ask of you" *cough* "Should you ever find a new woman in your life please do not let her wear my clothes..."

Herbert: "Okay hun, I promise... she's not your size anyway..."

An elderly couple. A long one but good

An elderly couple is worried that they are starting to fprget simple things, so they go to a doctor for a check up.

The doctor looks them over top to bottom but doesn't find anything.
"It seems you two are perfectly fine so all that I can suggest is anytime you want to remember somethin...

A newly wed couple have be living together for a few months.

Every morning the guy wakes up and lets out a long loud fart.

The wife says, “one morning when you wake up you are going to blow out your insides.”

A few months later it’s thanksgiving and the wife is prepping the turkey. With a smirk on her face she takes the turkey guts and goes to...

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Not my job award goes to...

So a woman walks into a room and flips the switch only to find that the light bulb is out. She goes to her husband and says "Hun, the light bulb is out. Can you fix it?" The husband responds with "Humph, I'm not an electrician!" Later the wife goes to the store and her tire pops. She then calls her ...

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Little Johnny had a foul mouth

His mother was at the end of her wit. Not knowing what to do, she went to the local Church to counsel with the Priest.

"Father, my little boy is a darling but he has a wicked habit of saying nasty words. I don't know where he learnt them but he says things that would make a sailor blush! What...

Fancy

I found my self at a one evening. Apparently it was a nice one because when I pulled out a dollar bill to tip one of the dancers she promptly told me "sorry darling but we only take big bills here." without missing a beat I said "no problem hun, all I have are big bills." i winked at her,...

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A guy walks into a bar...

There's a sign there that reads:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Grilled Cheese - $2

- $10

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He asks the petite bartender "Are you the little lady that gives the handjobs?"

Bartneder says "Why yes I am hun."

Guy says "well, wash those ' hands...

3 men go for an interview

3 men go to an interview for a sales job and the boss calls them all in and says “Whoever goes out and sells the most dictionaries can have the job”.


So the first guy goes out, sells a few dictionaries and comes back.


“How many did you manage to sell?”


With an upbea...

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Guy meets a girl in a bar...

He asks the girl, "Can I smell your ?"
The girl, dumbfounded, exclaims, "What did you say to me?!"
So he asks again, "Can I smell your ?"
Grossly offended, the girl yells at him, "No you can't smell my , you pervert!"
Then the guy says, "Then you need to brush your teeth, ...

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A man and his husband...

Were talking one evening over dinner when the more effeminate one expressed he was feeling a bit down in the dumps. The husband enquired as to what was happening...

: “Well, I’m not feeling very ‘manly’ lately”.

Bear: “Oh hun, you are you and I love you, but why?”

: si...

A Husband's Generosity

A group of men is at the gym club when a cellphone rings. One of the men answers:

"Yes?" he answers

"Hun, is that you? I can hardly hear you."

"Hello!"

"Are you at the gym?"

"Yes!"

"I'm in front of the fur shop and they have this beautiful mink coat. Can I ...

It's 1917 and at this point, the Great War could go either way...

British generals were growing concerned when one day a bright chap came up with an idea.

"What's a common German name?" said Pvt Smith.

One of his mates pipes up, "Schultz is fairly common."

So the two soldiers crept to the edge of their trench and called over the top, "HEY SCHU...

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A woman is putting clean laundry away...

She starts putting away her husband's clothes. Her husband's wardrobe has four drawers, the top one being his personal drawer. She was told to keep away from it by her husband. Curious, she opens it, and finds three golf balls, and dozens of stacks of banded bills.

Her husband arrives home a...

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[OC, long] There's a new MLM scheme going around getting housewives to bake cookies, cake, and bread.

"Independent Businesses Owners" buy frozen pastries and mixes from the company, bake them in a timeshare commercial kitchen space, and try to sell them at their office, church, kids' activities, public events, and through social media. The typical.

One of my coworkers, Amanda, recently invite...
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