An Irish dad calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.”

“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”

The son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “...

My boss calls me "The computer"

Not because of my calculation skills but because I go to sleep when left unattended for 15 minutes.

I asked the hotel receptionist for a wake-up call

She said, "your best years are slipping away from you!

You drink too much.

What are you *doing* with your life...?!?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife calls me a sex machine.

I mean her actual words are fucking tool but I know what shes trying to say.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lady finally found her soulmate and calls her dad to tell him about it

(Translated from romanian, hopefully you will get it lol)

The dad is smiling and eager to find out more about this man he asks even more questions about her new lover.

She tells him that he is smart, beautiful, finished his studies at a highly prestigious university and now he is worki...

An unknown number calls a man at work.

He immediately hangs up without saying anything.



His boss watches him do this and asks, "Why did you hang up?"



The man answers, "I didn't know the number".



His boss, seething with rage, shouts "CALL THEM BACK RIGHT NOW".



The man complie...

My wife calls me 'the drill'

Turns out I'm just boring.

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