A shout out to the guy who played the triangle with our band for the last few years...

... thanks for every ting.

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Shout out to old people

otherwise they can't hear shit

Shout out to my wife for explaining the word "many" to me

It means a lot

Big shout out to my legs,

For always standing up for me.

Shout out to Taco Bell hot sauce packets

For teaching me how to flirt!

Whenever I get very angry or if I hurt my self, I shout out the sounds of migratory birds...

...which usually leaves me apologizing to someone for using fowl language.

Shout out to those who don’t know the opposite of in.

They need the help.

Shout out to America!

There's been no school shootings this year!

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I always shout out “God!” When I orgasm

For blessed is he who cums in the name of the lord

Shout out to my arms for always being by my side...

& my legs for being there every step of the way

can we give a shout out to sidewalks?

Cuz' they really helped to keep me off the streets

I'D LIKE TO GIVE A BIG SHOUT OUT TO LIBRARIANS!

oh... sorry...

Shout out to my student loan for getting me through college.

I don't know how I'll ever be able to repay you.

Shout out to all my friends having an identity crisis

, You know who you are, I think?

Shout out to the guy who told me the meaning of Plethora

Thank you. It really means a lot

Shout out to my student loans

for being the only one from college keeping in touch

Shout out to the undertaker who buried my mum in the wrong crypt, you'd better watch your back!

You made a grave error

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Shout out to my butthole...

for dealing with my shit everyday.

Shout out to all the Dads on Father's Day!

Because if you're black, they're really far away!

Shout out to my spinal cord

For always having my back

Shout out to my grandparents!

Not because they both helped out with something, but because they have a hearing disability.

Alright, before I start my speech I’d like to give a quick shout out to my grandpa!

Cause that’s the only way he can hear

Shout out to the Kardashians,

Who are undoubtedly having a tough time deciding what to get their father for Mother's Day.

How do you get a sweet, little old lady to shout out an F-bomb?

You get another sweet, little old lady to yell out "Bingo!"

Huge shout out to the woman that message me first...

Love you, Mum!

I just wanna give a shout out to the ancients, for inventing the calendar.

It has made my day

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Shout out to my loving wife, who has made me everything I am today...

Fucking miserable

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A woman gets off a roller coaster at an amusement park. Feeling dizzy from the ride, she immediately falls to the ground, unconscious.

She wakes up to find a man rubbing her breasts. "What are you doing?" she asks.

"I was just reviving you," replies the man. "When I saw you unconscious on the ground, I lightly slapped you, but nothing happened. I rubbed your wrists, but nothing happened. I even gave you mouth to mouth, but s...

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Three rats are at a bar telling stories on how tough they are....

The first rat takes a shot and says, "Whenever I find rat poison, I like to crush it up and do lines just to get a good buzz for the day."
The second rat takes a shot and says, "That's nothing! Whenever I find cheese on a mousetrap, I purposely trip the spring & right before I get crushed I ...

2 Mexican gang members...

Carlos and Pepe; are lost in the desert after a drug deal gone wrong...

After days wandering aimlessly, Pepe finds a tree covered in pork. Bacon of all kinds and thicknesses, gammon, sausages and pulled pork hanging in place of leaves.

Not wanting to waste energy on what could potentia...

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A rich man and a poor man have the same wedding anniversary

so they decide to go shopping at Madison avenue for their wives.

So the poor man asks the rich man "what did you get your wife this year?"

Rich man says " I got her a Huge diamond ring and a brand new Mercedes".

So the poor man asks the rich man "why did you get her both for?"...

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3 boys met a genie on a cliff

The genie promise them each a wish.

They are to shout out their wish while they jump down the cliff. The further they can jump, the more they will get from their wish.

The first boy ran and jumped while shouting "Money!!"
As he landed on the ground, a load of money fell from the sk...

A group of old friends met at a resort for their annual vacation.

They had a long-standing tradition of sharing jokes with each other. They’d been doing this so long that they just assigned numbers to the jokes to make it easier to tell them.

Someone would shout out “24” or “13” and everyone would laugh.

This went on for a long and then one person y...

The Helicopter Ride

Walter took his wife Ethel to the state fair every year, and every time he would say to her, “Ethel, you know that I’d love to go for a ride in that helicopter.” But Ethel would always reply, “I know that Walter, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars.”

Finally, t...

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A Blond Biking sees another Blond Paddling her canoe

They stop abruptly in confusion, watching this Blond paddling a canoe in the middle of a field of grass.

Quickly the confusion turns to anger as they continue to watch this Blond getting nowhere but continuing to paddle

They shout out loud to the other Blond "Hey! You know it's blonds...

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This Sunday is Father's Day

I just want to give a shout out to all you motherfuckers out there.

2020 was rough...

But a special shout out to dogs who had to experience it seven times.

Local Egyptian joke that I hope will translate well enough here (Long)

A police office at the station is taking the statements of two people involved in a car accident. He asks the driver first to relay what happened. The driver angrily says “I was driving along down this narrow one-way street when this guy suddenly appears in front of me. I turn on the high beams to w...

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My girlfriend always takes long baths after we finish watching a Ryan gosling movie

I don't know what she's doing in there, but it gives me lots of time to jerk off to Ryan Gosling

When I heard that Kevin Hart was injured in a car accident, I was really worried for my kids.

They use the same brand of booster seat!

Too soon?

EDIT - thank you mysterious benefactor for my first gold!

EDIT 2 - Shout out to u/LethKith who wants me and my whole family to die in a fiery car crash. I hope you have a good day buddy. Try to relax and enjoy the joke for what ...

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Everyone on Cell Block "D" burst into raucous laughter when one of the inmates shouted, "Joke 872!"

Then, another inmate shouted, "Joke 74!" and everyone laughed heartily.

A new inmate turned to his cellmate and asked, "What's that all about?"

"Oh," said the cellmate, "those are references to our master joke book. Instead of telling the whole joke, you just shout out the joke's numb...

Wholesome Prison joke from my uncle’s dad

So there are a group of men serving simultaneous life sentences in prison. They’ve served 20 years together already and over all those years to fill the time they told each other jokes. These jokes they’ve loved so much and were told so many times; that they have been able to tell them by numbers al...

A young woman was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback soon came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the
horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would shout out a wild "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a-" so loud that it echoed off the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local servic...

A new bus driver starts his first day of work...

A new bus driver starts his first day of work...

......he kisses his wife goodbye. He’s nervous about the new job and not sure if it’s for him.

He’s assigned his bus, and as he walks up to it, he notices that it has a big promotional for Sesame Street on the side. “Great,” he thinks, ...

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As you grow up, your top proud moment in life is when you can ride your bike without holding onto any handlebars. Your next proudest moment is when...

you can stick your dick in without using any hands. It gets second place because you can't shout out, "Look ma, no hands!"

Three man sentenced to death

Three man, one French, one Spaniard and one German were sentenced to death by guillotine. The executioner called the first one, the French, and asks him what's was his lest wish before death, he shout out "nothing, I surrender". The executioner drops the blade, but it gets stucked, the executioners ...

A teacher asks her students to answer some quick math questions.

Teacher: Alright class, I want you to shout out the answers to me as soon as you know it, ready? What's 5x2?

Mohamed: 10!

Teacher: Very good Mohamed! That was very quick! Now who can tell me what's 5+4?

Mohamed: 9!

Teacher: Excellent! Mohamed is on a roll here class! See ...

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Guy gets sent to prison for white-collar crime...

Guy gets sent to prison for white collar crime. It's his first sentence, so he decides to play it low key. His cellmate helpfully suggests if he has any questions he can just ask.

A month later, he says, "You know, I think I have the basic feel for the place, people to avoid, the guards...

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