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Businessmen Jokes

Two businessmen meet up and start discussing their assistants.

Two businessmen meet up and start discussing their assistants.

Businessman 1: You know, my assistant is an idiot.

Businessman 2: Oh, you think that's bad? My assistant is the worst! I haven't seen anyone more stupid than him.

Businessman 1: Let's bet on it. Bring your assistant ...

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A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Bulgarian businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating…

She says, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?"

One of the Bulgarian men says, "Can't you see? Ve arrrre all verrry, verrry hoongry."

The waitress makes a stroking motion and says, "So how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation??"
<...

Who do businessmen pray to?

The Prophet Margin

Did you know that 80% of Korean businessmen have caddaracts?

The other 20% drive Mercedes

A group of Arab businessmen were gathering for a meeting ...

As they all filed in to take their seats, there was a round of semi-formal greetings exchanged, with many courteously bowed heads.

One attendee rushed in slightly late and sat down, and, unsure of what had already happened, leaned over and whispered to his neighbor, "Has the meeting started y...

Why do vampires make terrible businessmen?

>!They can't deal with stakeholders!<

Did you hear about the cannibal who used a group of businessmen to make a batch of chili?

I guess he wanted seasoned professionals.

"The Four Businessmen"

Four businessmen walk onto a train: one from China, one from France, one from Mexico, and one from the United States.
They all sit together in a room with an open window and begin unpacking their lunches.
The Frenchman eats half of his croissant and tosses the remainder of it out the window....

Three married businessmen meet for their annual camping trip.

As they see each other only this time of the year, they have a lot to talk about. On their last day in the woods, the men decide to go for a little walk. Suddenly, they hear someone whimper. They follow the noise to a well and with combined efforts, they rescue a little fairy from its ground.
...

What do successful businessmen and aids patients have in common

They both take risks and get positive results

Two businessmen meet up. One says to the other, "So sorry to hear about the warehouse fire."

He replies, "Shush! That's tomorrow."

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International Businessmen

A Catholic, a Protestant, a Muslim and a Jew were discussing business during a dinner.

Catholic: "I have a large fortune... I am going to buy CITIBANK!"
Protestant: "I am very wealthy and will buy GENERAL MOTORS!"
Muslim: "I am a fabulously rich prince... I intend to purchase SABIC*!"...

How many businessmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to find a contractor. Another within the contracted business to buy electrical accident insurance. Another to manage the stock price. Another to organize supply chains of bulbs. Another to deal with inspectors. Another to deal with human resources. Another to schedule jobs. If you're lucky, your b...

Why are so many businessmen fat?

Must be all the inflation.

Two businessmen are at a bar

One asks the other: "What would you do with a loan of a million dollars?"

The other replies: "Not become Trump."

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Three very successful businessmen were sitting in a restaurant and discussed about their sons

First businessman goes to say "my son finished Oxford University, now he has his own company, he's rich and for his best friend's birthday he got him a brand new Lamborghini"


"Wow that's very impressive" they all agree


Second one says "my son, my pride and joy, he opened his ow...

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Two Japanese businessmen walk into an American bar...

Two weeks later, they own it.

Two older businessmen bump into each other in Florida

Two older businessmen bump into each other in florida. "Marvin what are you doing here? I thought you were running that clothing store in queens." One says to the other. "Well, I did have that store for almost 25 years, but then one day a fire burnt the store completely. I thought to myself: do I re...

Two businessmen are drinking at a bar.

Two businessmen are drinking at a bar. One of them had had a rough break up and the other is trying to cheer him up.
- "Come on dude, she's 19, you're 46. Why would you date someone that young anyway?"
- "Well, because I can afford it."

Why Businessmen earn more than engineers !

Our mechanic's professor's reasoning of

"Why businessmen earn more than engineers ! "

If we equate the two variables namely into the two field's general statements,

- Time is money
- Knowledge is power

We know,

- Power = Work / Time

Substitute the variab...

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Two businessmen are on a plane with their wives

One businessman says to the other, “You should take your wife into the bathroom and have sex with her.”

The other man replies, “Right now? On an airplane? It’s been a long time since we’ve done that.”

“C’mon, do it!” The first man says.

“Alright, but how am supposed to do that? ...

Three businessmen were having dinner at a club...

When it came time to pay the check, each grabbed for it.
"It's a business expense," said one.
"I'll pay," said the second. "I'm on cost plus."
"Let me have it," argued the third. "I'm filing for bankruptcy next week."

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An American, Japanese and Irish businessmen are having a business lunch....

While chatting, the ego of the American and Japanese men start to get the better of them and spend most of their time boasting, much to the discomfort of the Irish man.

Suddenly a phone rings, it's the American and he takes the call by putting his watch up to his face. When he's done, he prou...

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A man goes on a business trip to Japan

In Japan, he picks up a hooker and they go all night long. The entire time they were making love she was excitedly shouting:
##Hasimota! Hasimota!
Since the man obviously didn't know a word of Japanese, he concluded it was some sort of an excitement noise. The next morning he meets with a few...

Did you know that 50% of asian businessmen have cataracts?

The other half have BMW's.

Why were Mary and Joseph considered such good businessmen?

Because they produced such a great prophet.

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The new store...

Two Australian businessmen in Brisbane were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be opened new store.

As yet, the store wasn't ready, with no stock and only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his face to...

A rich society hostess gives a dinner for a number of businessmen.

Unfortunately she suffers from flatulence. The first time she 'toots' one of the gentlemen gets up and says pardon me ma'am and leaves the room. The next time she 'toots' another gentleman does the same. An American turns to his British colleague and says 'What gives - she keeps farting and guys lea...

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An American businessman goes to Japan for the meeting of his career.

He arrives a day early to prepare for the meeting, he tries some sushi and sake at a local restaurant. Feeling tempted to try more "local cuisine" he hires an escort for the evening. Night falls and he takes his escort up to his hotel room for some fun, he gives her all he's got and he knows she's l...

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A Jew joke for Jews

I put this as a reply in a thread but I feel like it deserves more exposure. It's my favorite Jew joke because only Jews will find it funny.

Two gentile businessmen meet on the street. One asks, "How's business?” The other replies, "Great!”

Ancient Egyptians who worked to preserve the Pharaoh for the afterlife are known for having being very good businessmen. In fact, they even invented what we know today as the "return policy."

It was know back then as the "mummy back guarantee..."

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A man goes on a business trip to Japan. The night before his big meeting, he hires a prostitute.

He really seems to be having a good time, because as they do their thing, she keeps enthusiastically saying things in Japanese over and over again.

The next day, he invites the Japanese businessmen out for a game of golf after their meeting. After a nice hole-in-one, he decides to try out a ...

Cheating at poker

A group of businessmen sat down for a game of poker after work. There was quite a lot of money involved, so everyone was a bit on edge. As the cards were dealt, everyone was looking thoroughly at each other. One of the businessmen called the hand and put his cards on the table. The dealer of the gro...

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A rich Texan is visiting Japan....

A rich Texan businessman is visiting Japan, so he decides to hire a Japanese hooker. That night, as they're reaching the climax of the night's activities, she begins yelling, "Nagasai! Nagasai!" He obviously doesn't speak the language, so he guesses she was yelling "Yes! Yes!".

The next day, ...

What's white and falls from the sky?

Depressed Businessmen

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The farmer and the ringmaster

Once upon a time, in a rural area, there was a poor, uneducated farmer.

One time, a circus came to the town. The farmer decided to visit it. After all, having spent all his life in his hometown, he had never seen such a thing. He was so excited and impressed.

During the ope...

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Two Jews have done well in business.

They decide to celebrate and advertise their success they should get matching black suits. They go to the tailor, Pincus, and tell him they want two black suits. They make it clear they want a true deep black, not blue black, grey black, or brown black but a black black. A real black, "The kind n...

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The Hamster and the Frog

A shabby-looking man walks into an upscale bar full of businessmen and orders a Scotch. The bartender looks him over and says, "Sir, I don't believe you can afford the drinks at this establishment. May I ask that you go somewhere else?"
The man shrugs his shoulders and says, "You're right. I do...

Repainting the White House

There was an open call for repainting the White House and 3 businessmen applied. One was from China, one was from Germany and one was from Albania. The Chinese asked 3 million dollars to do the job, the German asked 7 million and the Albanian asked 9 million. During the selection phase they asked th...

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A sales man once went to Japan for business

A sales man once wemt to japan for business. He decided to visit a bordello because he got word of the japanese special capabilities in the love making area. So he went into a room with a lady and they got into the stuff, and in the heat of the moment the lady kept shouting
Machigatta ana,
M...

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Back in the day, Chicago was run by the Irish mob

Now, before the Italian mob took over- I'm sure you all know Al Capone, Frank Nitti, Lucky Luciano, and the like- Prohibition era Chicago was run by the Irish mob.

The Irish gangs owned Chicago outright for a solid 18 months after Prohibition went into effect, before police raids, pressure fr...

Hunting in the African Safari

This joke was passed down to me by my Austrian grandfather through my mother. This is dark humor.

(Mom): "Did I ever tell you about your Grandfather's hunting trips?"

(Me): "No, where'd he go?"

(Mom): "For work, he'd travel to Africa a lot, and would occasionally meet with other...

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John goes on a business trip to Japan

On the first night upon arrival, he found a brothel and spent the night fucking a prostitute who kept yelling "Machigatta ana! Machigatta ana!" during sex. Since he didn't understand a word of Japanese, John assumed it meant approval and kept going.

The next day he played golf with several J...

Three engineers and three executives are on a train going to a convention.

The business men each buy three tickets and the engineers buy a single ticket.

The executives start snickering, "how are the three of you going to stay on the train with just one ticket?"

"Watch", says one of the engineers, and the three of them pile into one of the bathrooms.

...

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Discount Air Rides

Delta Airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips. Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed t...

Did this ever happen to you?

A plane was flying over the Pacific Ocean, filled with businessmen. Suddenly, one of the engines gave out, and the plane began to lose altitude. The flight attendant told the passengers to stay calm, it would not be a crash landing, but they would be lost in the ocean, and may never be found.
...

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The derailed train

One day a group of businessmen were traveling to a meeting by train. The trip was going as usual, the passengers conversed and the meals were delivered. When the train entered an open area, it started rapidly slowing down causing everyone in it come flying across their seats. The train however didn'...

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Freudian Slip

Two businessmen are talking at a bar. One says to the other, "Oh boy did i screw up at the airport yesterday. The girl behind the counter had a huge rack and instead of asking for two tickets to Pittsburgh, I asked for two pickets to Titsburgh!" The friend says, "Oh yeah that happened when i was hav...

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A UK businessman returns from Japan...

after spending a few weeks out there trying to gain some new clients and drum up new business.

During his trip he had some serious down time and got busy with a few of the local girls. One in particular seemed extremely satisfied during their encounter. She didn't speak a word of English but ...

Two rich men and a terrorist are on top of a building...

...and the two rich men decide that they will each throw a coin off the top of the building, and see who collects it at the bottom. The first man throws a silver coin, but it does not go very far. The second man goes, "Hah! I bet I can throw farther than you!" and throws another silver coin, a bit f...

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Lost in translation

Two businessmen travel to Japan for a meeting with some japanese partners. They arrive a few days earlier to adjust to jet lag and all. They spend the day touristing, they go to some good restaurant in the evening and they decide to visit a japanese brothel. So they enjoy themselves watching some po...

A Bengali man had just moved to Germany and was looking to start his own business...

He didn't know what to name it, so he walked around on a street in their business district to get ideas.

The first shop was selling car-parts, it was named "Das Auto."
"Interesting," the Bengali thought, and moved on.

The second shop next to it was selling newspapers: "Das Volk."...

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So, a man goes on a business trip..

To Japan, he gets there during the night and is pretty nervous about the business meeting so he decides to order up a prostitute, a fine lady walks into his room and they make love for hours, the entire time she is going wild, taking it from behind and screaming "Machigatta ana" after he finishes he...

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A man went to Japan on business

A man went to Japan on business, and while there, decided to check out the Japanese prostitutes he'd heard so much about.

He goes to a brothel a friend had told him about and selects a girl of his liking. She takes him to a room and right before he's about to make love to this striking beaut...

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[NSFW] [Long] Two men go camping..

Two businessmen, Jim and Frank, decide to go camping for their vacation one, rough it out like their fathers used to do. They're a few days in to their vacation and they're about fed up with one another's company. So they decide the best course of action is they'll take the remaining days, head out ...

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Jeffrey vs. Clown (long)

Jeffrey is a young man growing up in a small, mid-century town. He's a sensitive, bookish type, but overall Jeffrey is a nice guy with a good heart. One day, the circus comes to town. Having nothing else to do (as there was no internet or video games in that time), Jeffrey decides to buy a ticket....

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The Wasp who Won America's Heart (shaggy dog)

Deep in the wasp swamps of the wasp Florida keys, there lived a young wasp. Just as a proper wasp does, this wasp worked day and night for the hive. He worked and slaved and gave his all - but this wasp was no regular wasp, for within him was the ambition and the wisdom of a great, great wasp. So, w...

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