UPJOKE
millionbillionairefortunehavewealthy personrich personmultimillionairemogulmagnatebusinessmanentrepreneurfinancierphilanthropistindustrialistbusinesswoman

Millionaire Jokes

I want to be a millionaire just like my dad!!

“Wow, your dad’s a millionaire?”
“No, but he always wanted to be.”

A 60 year millionaires is getting married. His friends are jealous and one of them ask how he landed such a hot 23 year old blonde beauty...

"Simple", grins the millionaire.

" I faked my age".

His friends are really amazed and ask him what age he told her...

he replies: " I said i was 87"

Millionaire Blondy

A blonde woman walks into a bank in New York City before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan.

The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?"

The woman says, "Yes, of course. I'll use my Rolls Royce."

The banker, stunned, asks, "A $...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Irish Millionaire

Mick, from Dublin , appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 euros.

"You've done very well so far," said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, "but for a million euros you've only got one life-line left, phone a friend. Everything i...

Can a woman make her husband a millionaire?

Of course, if he’s a billionaire.

Bill Gates walks into a bar and everyone inside becomes a millionaire

...on average.

An old millionaire is asked how he gained his wealth...

He says: "When I was a young man in the middle of the Great Depression, all I had was five cents. With that five cents, I bought an apple, shined and scrubbed it all day, and at the end of the day, I sold it for ten cents. With the ten cents, I bought two apples, scrubbed and shined them all day, an...

Who wants to be a millionaire

Did you hear about the Scottish guy who got to the final question on Who Wants to be a Millionaire, in America. The million dollar question was “Where is Santa Fe”? He answered the North Pole!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his 60th birthday.

During this party he grabs the microphone and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two crocodiles in it.

“I will give anything they desire of mine, to the man who swims across that pool.”

The guests shakes their heads in disbelie...

A multi-millionaire was riding in his SUV when he saw a lady eating grass

A millionaire was riding in his SUV when he saw a lady eating grass in a pasture near the road. Perturbed, he stopped his car and got out to check on her. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked her.

“I am very poor and do not have any money, so I have to eat grass“ the lady replied.

"...

Mark says to John: "Can you believe that an Arab millionaire saw my wife and told me that he would pay her weight in gold?"

John: "I can't believe it, and what did you say?"
Mark: "I asked him if he could wait a month."
John: "So you can think about it?"
Mark: "No, to make her fat."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Crocodile.

A multi-millionaire, living in Australia, decided to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors... He also invited Brian, the only native Australian in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool, in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time, drinking, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was well on my way to becoming a millionaire

I had a sex toy business that specialized in gold plated butt plugs. One day I got a cease and desist letter from Apple. Apparently they hold the patent on overpriced shit for assholes.

Two easy steps to become a millionaire

1: Be a billionaire

2: Set up businesses in Russia

How to become a millionaire:

Step One: Be a billionaire

Step Two: Short sell $GME

Can a woman make a man a millionaire?

Only if he's a billionaire.

Credits to Kevin Hart

With the help of my wife I am officially a millionaire.

Before I met her I was a billionaire.

Do you want to know how to become a millionaire?

Invest $1 billion and follow the advice of wallstreetbets

I used to be a millionaire

But i learned money laundering isn't putting all your money in the laundry machine.

On the Bulgarian edition of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire...

The new contestant sits on the chair. He just grunts at the host's introduction questions, so they get straight to the game.

First question - Which city is the capital of Bulgaria:

* A. Sofia
* B. Moscow
* C. London
* D. Paris

Respondent: "I'd like to ask the audience."...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A multi-millionaire is dozing in the back of his limo....

Suddenly, the car swerves off the road, bumps across a couple of rocks, works its way across a muddy field, crashes through a barn and runs over a couple of traffic signs at a crossing before ending up back on the road. "What the hell was that about?!" the millionaire shouts at his driver.

"...

How to become a millionaire

1. Inherit billions
2. Get married and/or have kids.

Let me tell you how I became a millionaire:

First, I bought one apple for a dollar with my savings.

Then I went out on the street and sold it there for two dollars.

With the two dollars I bought two apples for 1$ each and again sold them for 2
dollars each.

Now I had 4 dollars and was able to buy 4 apples, which, you m...

I just found out I'm a millionaire!

I converted my paycheck to rubles.

What's the fastest way to become a Millionaire?

Be a Billionaire and invade Ukraine.



>NK Lukoil PAO
>
>6.96 USD
>
>\-84.96 (-92.43%)past month

What is the fastest way to become a millionaire?

Step 1: become a billionaire.

Step 2: buy an EA game.

What's the quickest way to become a millionaire in the stock market?

Invest a billion dollars.

I married a chinese millionaire

Ka Ching

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A millionaire wants to marry a virgin.

He wants to marry a virgin and starts looking. He meets a beautiful woman, takes her on a date and at the end of it whips out his penis and asks "Ever seen one of these before?" She's shocked and says "No, never!" He is over the moon and immediately asks her to marry him. She agrees. 3 months later ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Millionaire marriage proposal

A bachelor Chinese millionaire is on a business trip in Los Angeles. He has had very bad luck finding the perfect bride in China and had given up hope of getting married. During his business presentation, he sees the perfect bride for him -- she is an intelligent, tall, slender single brunette wit...

Why can’t you compare millionaires Tim Cook and donald trump?

Apples and oranges.

Interviewer to Millionaire: "To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire to?" Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"

Millionaire: "A Billionaire!"

What’s the easiest way to become a cryptocurrency millionaire?

>!Start as a cryptocurrency billionaire and hodl. !<

I've just become a millionaire today!

This is my first day living in Russia.

Most billionaires are really just rounded up millionaires.

The haves and the have yachts.

A woman was telling her friend, "It was I who made my husband a millionaire."

"And what was he before he met you?", the friend asks.

The woman replied, "A multi - millionaire."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Millionaire

The teacher stood in front of the class. "Take a pencil and paper," she said, "and write an essay with the title 'If I Were a Millionaire.'"

Every student in the class began to write furiously. Everyone but Philip, who leaned back in his seat with his arms folded.

"What's the matter," ...

I figured it how to become a millionaire by taking stock advice from Reddit!

The catch is that you have to start investing when you're a billionaire...

it has always been my dream to be a multi millionaire like my father...

...my father has been dreaming of becoming a multi millionaire too.

I'm almost a millionaire!

I have all the zeros, just looking for the one.

I invested my dad's money in stocks and made him a millionaire.

He used to be a billionaire.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife and I were watching

Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phon...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A millionaire makes friend with a hitman

They get alone pretty well so the hitman offers the millionaire his sniper rifle to mess around. The rich guy looks out through the scope and finds out that his wife is fucking another man in his house 2 miles away.
The millionaire gets pretty mad and asks the hitman to shoot them. The hitman sa...

A blonde and a millionaire are on a plane

The millionaire is a very smart guy. He sees the blonde & decides to play a game with her for a quick laugh. He goes up to her, and says:

"Hey let's play a game. I'll ask you a question. If you can't guess it, you give me $5. Then you ask me one, if I can't guess it, I'll give you $10,00...

A charity was trying to convince the towns only millionaire in town to donate to them.

So they sent a worker to his mansion to try to convince him. When he asked the millionaire to donate, the millionaire became angry. "First," he said,"are you aware that my brother, a blind veteran who has four kids and a wife with terminal illness is being evicted in three days?" A little embarrass...

A millionaire was asked in an interview the secret behind his success

He replied, "Well you see the first million is always the hardest to make, so I started from second"

Who wants to be a Millionaire?

A lady is on "Who wants to be a Millionaire" and she has already won $500,000. She is on her last question with only the phone a friend left.

Chris Harrison: You can leave now with $500,000 dollars, or you can try for the million. If you fail to answer this last question you lose all your mon...

During a flight in a private jat, three millionaires are talking: an American, an Arab Sheik and a Brazilian.

At a certain
point in the travel, they wanted to know
where in the world they are. But the
American has an idea and says:
"I think we are in New York. Let me confirm"
So he opens his window (believe me, it was
a very modern airplane) and put his arm
out. "I was right. Just touch...

A teacher said to her class, "Suppose you were all millionaires, write what you would do"...

Everyone immediately began to write furiously, except little Johnny, who kicked back and put his feet on the table. The teacher walked over to him. "Why aren't you writing Johnny?" she asked. Johnny looked up. "I'm waiting for my secretary."

As a hardworking American I'm proud to finally say I'm a millionaire

Unfortunately, nobody in the states is accepting payment with Zimbabwean dollars.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Final question on who wants to be a millionaire.

Host: When your wife goes to sleep, what does she wear?

1. Under garments.
2. Pyjama suit.
3. She sleeps naked.
4. Something sexy.

Contestant: I would like to phone a friend.

What do you call an Irish millionaire?

A ginger bread man.

Did you hear about the obese millionaire?

He has a four chin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A millionaire and his wife

A millionaire and his wife lead a lavish lifestyle, until one day the guy lost everything in a shady investment. That night he went home and explained their diminished financial status to his wife.

"Since we need to start saving, you should learn to cook so we can let go of our personal chef...

Why are millionaires sticky?

Because they're rolling in dough.

A millionaire widow wants to remarry

So she goes to the local newspaper to place an ad (old I know). The ad reads: “Millionaire Widow looking for a husband, only 3 requirements:
To never hit me, to never leave me and to be well endowed.”
She goes home and early the next day she hears the door bell, goes to her master bedroom wind...

"Who Wants to be a Millionaire" is a silly name for a show; everyone wants to be a millionaire. The only people who don't want to be millionaires...

are billionaires.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paddy is on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire "

and he is doing rather well. He is at the final question for a million pounds with Chris Tarrant (The UK host), he has only one life line left....phone a friend.

The question comes: "Which bird does not make a nest?,:

A) a Sparrow, B) a Swallow, C) a Blackbird or D) a Cuckoo

Pad...

An interviewer goes to the house of a millionaire..

Interviewer:- Who made you into a millionaire?
Millionaire:- My wife..
Interviewer:- Nice. What were you before being a millionaire?
Millionaire:- A Billionaire....

What Do you call 20 Millionaires watching the Superbowl?

The Dallas Cowboys

I am one step closer to becoming a millionaire

All I need is a million dollars

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old joke I heard from a friend of mine..

Once there was a millionaire who had a collection of live alligators. He kept them in a pool at the back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single.

One day, he decides to throw a huge party. During the party he announces, "My dear guests, I have a proposit...

A man walks up to a millionaire fisherman

Man: “Wow you must make a lot of money off fishing.”
Fisherman: “Aye I do, last season I raked in over $500,000.”
Man: “If you don’t mind me asking how much is your Networth?”
Fisher: “This old net is worth around $200.”

A millionaire....

A Millionaire is on holiday in a poor country. Each day he's sitting on a beach he sees a fisherman go out on his boat for an hour and catch a few fish. After a few days he approaches him and says 'Excluse me, but I couldn't help noticing you each day. Have you ever thought about fishing for longer ...

A millionaire wanted to eat something exotic

He rembered fried bugs being served at the last party he was on. He had taken a liking in them so he ordered his cook to prepare some worms for dinner.

That evening the millionaire was getting ready for his meal. His cook brought him a plate full of white maggots, althought something didn't s...

Thanks to my wife I’m now a millionaire

Also, I lost my place on the forbes billionaire list.

I’ve become a millionaire shortly after marriage!

I used to be a billionaire before getting married.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An electrician comes home to his wife after working a job at a millionaires house...

He says to his wife “honey you will not believe this, the house I worked at today had a golden toilet.”

She says “Really? I need to see this.”

They take a ride across the neighborhood and pull up in front of a huge house.

The electrician knocks on the door, a woman answers and ...

Just applied to go on that show 'The secret millionaire'

The secret is I'm not a millionaire but shhhh

I wanted to impress my crush, so i told her about my millionaire dad

now she is my mom

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

'Who wants to be a millionaire' in real life

A husband and wife are getting ready to go to bed after watching "Who Wants to be a Millionaire".

The husband says, "Can we have sex tonight?"

The wife replies, "No, I'm too tired tonight."

The husband says, "Is that your final answer?"

The wife says, "Yes, it is, tha...

A man sees a millionaire he recognizes on the street.

The man goes up to the millionaire and says, "Sir, I have been working hard for so long and I still don't have much money, will you please tell me your secret to becoming a millionaire?"

The millionaire pauses for a moment and responds, "my wife."

The man was taken aback. "What were yo...

A millionaire is on his deathbed...

A millionaire is on his deathbed, about to lose his battle with cancer. In his final moments, he asks that his Priest, his doctor, and his lawyer come to see him. The three enter his room and walk up to his bed.

The dying man looks at the three and says "I have brought you all here for one ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A millionaire wants his daughter to marry...

So he decideds to host a competition for a small town nearby.
"To any man who can swim across this Piranha infested pool of water unharmed, may have my daughter's hand in marriage."
20 men line up next to the pool and stand there to scared to move. Suddenly a man jumps into the water and is sw...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A millionaire and a guide were out hunting ducks with a dog.

The dog runs into a thicket and back out and barks once. The owner said good there's one duck in there. They go in and sure enough one duck. They get the duck and head to the next thicket.

The dog runs in and back out. This time he barks three times. Good there's three ducks. They go in and b...

A man walks in to a bar

And sees an ugly old humpback of a guy, who is constantly surrounded by women.

“How to spot a millionaire, am I right? ” he winks and smiles at the bartender

“No, Larry is a plumber, not a millionaire”

“Okay - so he must be extremely charming?”

“Larry is actually a ma...

A man is a millionaire from buying metal rods and reselling them

His friend asks "how do you buy them for so cheap allowing you to make 7 figure salary?"

The man replies "I'm just good at bar gaining"

How do you get out of a casino as a millionaire?

You go in as a billionaire.

So a guy walks into a bank in Manhattan and asks for the loan officer

The loan officer comes over immediately.

“How can I help you, sir?” he asks.

“I’m going out of town on business for two weeks and need to borrow $5,000,” the man answers.

The loan officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan.

So, the man ho...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wrote this in r/videos. It made me laugh. Who Want To Be A Millionaire America version.

WWTBAM person: "Oh, you won a million dollars? Let me just get that for you."

Winner: "Thanks."

WWTBAM person: "Ok. First we take a tax cut of 25%."

Winner: "Wait, what?"

WWTBAM person: "Next we're going to seperate it into 20."

Winner: "Hold on a second, what are ...

Alan Walker was already a millionaire when he was 19

Where are you now

A man having a chat with a barman says 'My wife made me a millionaire'. The barman replies 'Oh wow, what were you before that?'

'A multimillionaire' replies the man

If you invested early into Tesla stocks, you would be a millionaire. If you invested early into Apple, you would be a billionaire. If you invested £10 in 1890,

You would be dead.

How do you become a millionaire overnight?

Start off a billionaire then make a bunch of bad investments.

A rich businessman is dying and his friend comes for a last visit.

"Fred...", whispers the businessman, "I have to tell you something..."

"What is it, John? You can tell me everything.", says Fred.

"You know, that trade we were making with the Italians, the package we were delivering; Fred, I didn't deliver it, I kept it for myself... I kept 500 dolla...

What's the first thing you know?

Old Jed's a millionaire.

"I would love to be a millionaire one day," said my son.

So I asked him: "Why not longer?"

It’s a slow night at the bar, when in walks narcissist, a millionaire, and a corrupt politician.

The bartender says “good evening Mr. President”.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.