Activist Jokes

They started an uprising.

Mad at gas car

I actively put animals on my plate and I love to eat them.

They stand beside each other and have a friendly conversation.

Suddenly, the assassin takes the knife out and flat out murders the celebrity. He then dumps her in a nearby trash can.

The activist turns red and screamed, “You bloody monster! You didn’t put her in the plastic section!”

I Just drive everywhere instead

The bartender says upon their entry, “Happy Cake Day, Elson!”

A spokesman for the group said, 'We will not rest until all 19th century painters switch to acrylics or watercolours.'

Doesn’t matter, they can’t change anything

No-one noticed.

I only knew he was a vegan activist because he told everyone within two minutes.

Apparently 'Im on the fence about it' is the wrong answer

Black Matter Lives

The lightbulb is beautiful the way it is. Society needs to change and learn to accept and stop shaming lightbulbs that don’t conform to its standards.

They call themselves the "Bowl movement".

Dad: you can't do both.

All I said was that sometimes it feels like you’re beating a dead horse when you try to get people to donate

An Al Gore Rythym

White whine.

I'm a butcher.

He was refusing to drink his tea

Credit - Spinoza tweet

He was woke af

I told them people who sell fruit & veg are grocer

After two weeks of digging, the assigned reporters go to the editor and shake their heads.


"It's impossible, boss," they say. "There's nothing about the bloke, not even gossip. He doesn't even have a parking ticket. In fact, he's pretty much a saint: the only time his name appears in poli... read more

Not a single day goes by without them asking for change!

Because they don't have a high enough intelligence to be Social Justice Mages.

They're all dead, but at least they don't have autism!

But in spite of their political differences, they found each other irresistible, and after a whirlwind romance, they arranged the wedding for a romantic day in the run-up to Christmas.

As it turned out, there was a surprise call for a General Election and their mid-week wedding day coincided ... read more

Because they're mostly mad scientists.

The librarian says, "We don't have his book, but we have him."

He was rather affectionate at the end of his text messages.

PETA Pan

and they're really just grasping at straws.

They say they are going to release thousands of turkeys into the wild...

as soon as they’ve defrosted

Martian Luther King jr.

The pirate says, “It’s my lucky day. X. Marx. The Spot.”

When is society going to come to terms with the fact that these anti-FIFA activists are bad for civil society?

I had no complaints when i became interested in Buddhism and became a Budist

a few more when i became invested in affirmative action and became an activist

but as soon as i got into fashion....

However, the poison didn't work. Should have tested it on animals.

Judge says Pantomime to Tyrancy was Tantamount to Piracy.

Martin Loofah King

It's impudent and just wrong. One is an angry, attention-seeking child that yells at foreign leaders on international conferences and never does anything that actually helps.

The other one is a Swedish climate activist.

It's called Anonymous Anonymous.

NO-HAM CHOMPSKY

A grass roots activist

Writer, blogger, and activist.

He sees a lone man sitting in front of his beer, crying.
He walks up to him, pushes him off the chair, slaps him left and right in the face and drinks his beer.

The man then started crying even louder and sobbing in absolute desperation.
The thug, annoyed, yelled: Why are you crying lik... read more

He also had a brother, the revolutionary vegan activist, Brocco Lee

Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates, Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg, Warren Buffet, Richard Branson, Michael Bloomberg, Steve Ballmer, Charles Koch, and Jim Walton went on a luxurious yacht to cruise around the globe. Each of them brought an endangered animal to cook and eat as a delicacy during the trip.
Little... read more

There once was a man named Juan. Juan worked super hard for his family of four including his oldest daughter Navi. One year on Christmas Eve, Juan is illegally detained. Navi, being his activist daughter immediately rallied her friends. They met in front of the jail on Christmas Day and they all cha... read more

I thought not. It's not a story the British would tell you.

It's a Hindi legend. Gandhi was an Indian activist, so powerful and wise he could walk miles and miles without shoes, developing blisters on his feet. He had such a knowledge of resilience, he could even live through hunger strikes w... read more

The Pope went on vacation to visit Alaska. He was cruising in the Pope-Mobile when he heard a frantic commotion. He found a helpless Democrat wearing shorts, sandals, a 'Vote for Bernie' hat and a 'Save the Trees' shirt. The man was screaming and struggling frantically, trying to free himself from t... read more

She was very excited about her interview but wanted to make sure that this business was progressive when it came to women in the workplace. It seemed like every company she interviewed at were run by horrible misogynists. When it came to the part of the interview when he asked her if she had any que... read more

It's a bit of an oldie, and I think the last time I heard it, it came off as pretty racist. But I think the current political climate allows me to rehash it better.

Enrique Peña Nieto, who is the Mexican President, is walking along the beach one day with the US President, Donald Trump, and p... read more