UPJOKE
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Have you heard about the activist group that fights for ceramic containers in fast food restaurants?

They call themselves the "Bowl movement".

A celebrity, assassin, and activist walk into a bar.

They stand beside each other and have a friendly conversation.

Suddenly, the assassin takes the knife out and flat out murders the celebrity. He then dumps her in a nearby trash can.

The activist turns red and screamed, “You bloody monster! You didn’t put her in the plastic section!”

What’s a climate activist’s favourite movie?

Mad at gas car

I am an animal lover and activist.

I actively put animals on my plate and I love to eat them.

Did you hear about the activist who fought against gravity?

They started an uprising.

Trying to impress this cute animal rights activist girl I just met, so I told her I work with animals

I'm a butcher.

A memer, an antivegan activist, a teenager, a GTA Online player, a LoL player, an anti-China activist, and a Redditor walk into a bar.

The bartender says upon their entry, “Happy Cake Day, Elson!”

A vegan activist walks into a bar.

I only knew he was a vegan activist because he told everyone within two minutes.

An activist ask about my opinion on immigration reform

Apparently 'Im on the fence about it' is the wrong answer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An anti fur activist got into an elevator and there was a woman wearing a mink coat.

The woman says "Do you know how many animals died for you to get that coat?" The other woman says "Do yo know how many animals I fucked to get this coat?"

What do you get when a climate change activist creates computer code?

An Al Gore Rythym

A prisoner in North Korea goes to the prison library to borrow a book of an author activist

The librarian says, "We don't have his book, but we have him."

My activist friend was extremely sad after the recent news that recycling rates were at an all time low

Until I showed her r/jokes

A pirate walks into a bar and sees a civil rights activist, a communist, and a dog sitting around a table.

The pirate says, “It’s my lucky day. X. Marx. The Spot.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Activist: Hello, we are collecting money for rescued farm animals, would you like to donate?

Human: How dare you asking help for animals when children in Syria are dying of hunger?

Activist: Hello, we are collecting money for children in Syria, would you like to donate?

Human: How dare you asking help for children in Syria, when children in our country are dying of hunger?
...

What did the dyslexic astrophysicist say to the civil rights activist?

Black Matter Lives

Russian activist heavily beaten by Putin's militia

He was refusing to drink his tea

Credit - Spinoza tweet

I got fired from my job as an animal rights activist

All I said was that sometimes it feels like you’re beating a dead horse when you try to get people to donate

A group of vegan activists told me that people who sell meat are gross

I told them people who sell fruit & veg are grocer

A British tabloid receives an order for a smear article about an activist...

After two weeks of digging, the assigned reporters go to the editor and shake their heads.


"It's impossible, boss," they say. "There's nothing about the bloke, not even gossip. He doesn't even have a parking ticket. In fact, he's pretty much a saint: the only time his name appears in poli...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I‘m not an animal rights activist or something...

But i think it‘s kinda fucked up that they make sweaters out of turtles necks.

How many fat activists does it take to change a lightbulb?

The lightbulb is beautiful the way it is. Society needs to change and learn to accept and stop shaming lightbulbs that don’t conform to its standards.

“My dads a women’s rights activist.”

“Your dad? Not your mum?”

“No, dad wouldn't allow that.”

*Courtesy of u/hihellow*

She was a Corbynite Labour activist, and he was a tenth-generation Tory

But in spite of their political differences, they found each other irresistible, and after a whirlwind romance, they arranged the wedding for a romantic day in the run-up to Christmas.

As it turned out, there was a surprise call for a General Election and their mid-week wedding day coincided ...

Did you hear about the insomniac social justice activist?

He was woke af

A thug walks into a bar.

He sees a lone man sitting in front of his beer, crying.
He walks up to him, pushes him off the chair, slaps him left and right in the face and drinks his beer.

The man then started crying even louder and sobbing in absolute desperation.
The thug, annoyed, yelled: Why are you crying lik...

I had no complaints....

I had no complaints when i became interested in Buddhism and became a Budist

a few more when i became invested in affirmative action and became an activist

but as soon as i got into fashion....

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A PETA activist visits a small ranch in Montana

After meeting the farmhands and inspecting the facilities, the activist asks the rancher:

“So, what do you give to the pigs to eat?”

“Well, pigs don’t need much to live. I give them scraps and food from the fridge that is almost spoilt, that sort of thing.”

“That’s a grave viola...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Goddamn I hate arguing with dogs’ rights activists

They’re all such bitches

How many social justice activists does it take to change a light bulb?

Don't be silly. Social justice activists can't change anything.

Homeless people are the most persistent activists in society.

Not a single day goes by without them asking for change!

What do you call an animal rights' activist that never grows old?

PETA Pan

Historians have discovered that human rights activist Malcolm X was actually just called Malcolm

He was rather affectionate at the end of his text messages.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do pro-life activists call a chronic masturbator?

Jack-off the Ripper.

I'm an anti vaccine activist, and didn't vaccinate my children.

They're all dead, but at least they don't have autism!

Why did the global warming activist compliment the earth?

Cause it looked hotter than usual! (I'll see myself out)

I've heard all the environmental activists' arguments for banning plastic products...

and they're really just grasping at straws.

Why are Social Justice Activists always warriors?

Because they don't have a high enough intelligence to be Social Justice Mages.

Activists Sued for Copyright Violation after portraying Trump as Jafar in Aladdin Stage Show.

Judge says Pantomime to Tyrancy was Tantamount to Piracy.

Irish animal rights activists have broken into a turkey farm.

They say they are going to release thousands of turkeys into the wild...

as soon as they’ve defrosted

A group of animal rights activists attempted to poison a barbecue

However, the poison didn't work. Should have tested it on animals.

What do you call a civil rights activists who's also a shower sponge?

Martin Loofah King

What do you call an American linguist, philosopher, cognitive scientist, logician, political commentator, social justice activist, and anarcho-syndicalist advocate who doesn't eat ham?

NO-HAM CHOMPSKY

What do you call an alien civil rights activist?

Martian Luther King jr.

There's a support group for burned-out hacker/activists who want to give up the habit.

It's called Anonymous Anonymous.

Could someone please tell me why people are comparing Greta Thunberg with the US president?

It's impudent and just wrong. One is an angry, attention-seeking child that yells at foreign leaders on international conferences and never does anything that actually helps.

The other one is a Swedish climate activist.

The male owner of a business is interviewing a young woman just about to graduate from an all-women’s college.

She was very excited about her interview but wanted to make sure that this business was progressive when it came to women in the workplace. It seemed like every company she interviewed at were run by horrible misogynists. When it came to the part of the interview when he asked her if she had any que...

Common synonyms of unemployed.

Writer, blogger, and activist.

Everyone knows of famous martial artist, Bruce Lee

He also had a brother, the revolutionary vegan activist, Brocco Lee

What do you call a protestor whose ancestors grew weed?

A grass roots activist

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A butler comes up to his lord reading a book to tell him something urgent.

"Milord?" says the butler.

"Yes, Alfred? What do you need?" answers his lord.

"I am sorry for this interuption but I've found some monkey that is up on one of the palm trees we have planted in our garden recently, milord." explained himself Alfred.

Lord sighs, closes his book an...

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Mahatma Gandhi The Wise?

I thought not. It's not a story the British would tell you.

It's a Hindi legend. Gandhi was an Indian activist, so powerful and wise he could walk miles and miles without shoes, developing blisters on his feet. He had such a knowledge of resilience, he could even live through hunger strikes w...

Let him Go!

There once was a man named Juan. Juan worked super hard for his family of four including his oldest daughter Navi. One year on Christmas Eve, Juan is illegally detained. Navi, being his activist daughter immediately rallied her friends. They met in front of the jail on Christmas Day and they all cha...

The Pope's Alaska Visit

The Pope went on vacation to visit Alaska. He was cruising in the Pope-Mobile when he heard a frantic commotion. He found a helpless Democrat wearing shorts, sandals, a 'Vote for Bernie' hat and a 'Save the Trees' shirt. The man was screaming and struggling frantically, trying to free himself from t...

Enrique Peña Nieto, Malala Yousafzai, and Donald Trump are walking along a beach

It's a bit of an oldie, and I think the last time I heard it, it came off as pretty racist. But I think the current political climate allows me to rehash it better.

Enrique Peña Nieto, who is the Mexican President, is walking along the beach one day with the US President, Donald Trump, and p...

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