British People Jokes

because they measure their wealth in pounds

Edit: Remember this is just a joke, don't be too offended.

Cause they just lost the queen.

Because they drank all the T.

(Told to me by my 11yo)

They shouldn’t talk about their country like that.

Because the Americans threw it in the ocean.

ALTERNATE PUNCHLINE: Because they drank it all.

They are used to Casual Teas

We dont and i will be first in line to tell you that

Because the light at the end of the tunnel is France!


(Also works with New York - New Jersey)

Because if they had a holiday each time they invaded another country, killed the locals and exploited the people, they’d never have to go to work again.

Nobody at the ticket counter knows what "north career" means

Summit

Hard on the outside, but sweet once you crack us.

Also often found full of alcohol and holding an umbrella.

they want to take a propaganda

but they don't drive on the right side either

They drank the T

Coz no-one can kill their Queen.

Because every time they buy something, they lose some pounds!

But I’ve never heard of a single British person walking into a pub and ordering a half liter…

They form a Q.

You ask them how much money something is and they will only say how much it weighs! Also, why is everything so heavy there?

It's like regular Christmas dinner but without the brussels.

British people say that we as Americans go overboard with the 4th of July.

When really the only thing that went overboard was their tea

A man and his wife were on their honeymoon and about to do the deed. The wife stops the husband unexpectedly.

"Darling," she says. "I am afraid I have a dark secret to tell you, and I haven't been entirely honest with you."

"Sweetheart, no matter what you have done in the past I will f... read more

Because the sun never sets.

because the camera adds ten pounds.

Watts are a unit of electrical energy. Ohms are where British people live.

Patient: Doctor, last night, I made Freudian slip. I was sitting at the dinner table next to my mother-in-law. I turned to her and I meant to say,"Please pass the salt", but instead I said "You fat cow, you've ruined my life".

they were too heavy for british people to steal and put in british museums

Summer

What does a scientist call it when they're A/B testing and they find a third variable?
An emergent C

What element do British people like early in the morning?
Strong-tea-um

Or as the British people now call him, 10,000 pounds.

Brit: no U.

After WW2 in 1945 the leaders of the Big Three(USA, UK and the Soviet Union) respectively Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin met in Yalta for a conference to decide the fate of the world.

After the conference they wanted to have some fun. They decided to try and make the Persian cat in the resid... read more

Donald Trump, Theresa May, and Angela Merkel are walking outside after a particularly stressful diplomatic meeting.

As they walk in silence, one of them stumbles on a small rock - but when they investigate, they find it is not a rock at all, but an antique oil lamp.

“Maybe there's a ge... read more

God says "I'll answer one question from each of you."

Reagan asks "How long will it be before the American people are happy, healthy, and living in prosperity?"

God replies "50 years."

Reagan starts to weep, and says "I won't live long enough to see it!"

Thatcher says "Wh... read more