What type of tea is the only type Brits don’t enjoy?

Penaltea.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In my thesis, I was gonna prove that Brits often pronounce "th-" sounds as "f"

Turns out it was a shitty idea.

A Dutch joke about the Brits and their love for queues, don’t know if it translates well

A Brit walks down the street and sees two queues. He gets behind one of them, and asks the woman in front of him:

“What is this queue for?”

“Just for fun” says the women.

“But what if I don’t want to stand in the queue?” The Brit asks.

To which the woman replies “that’s w...

Why do Brits pronounce British as Bri'ish?

They drank the t

Attention America! We Brits have your president! If you do not send us £50M by Sunday morning....

We’ll return him back to you.

Why do brits stir coffee clockwise and italians do it anticlockwise?

To dissolve the sugar

Do you guys know how Brits say "Bend over"?

Bottoms up.

What do the Brits call Mormons?

knock knock blokes.

Why are Brits good at chess?

Because the queen never dies

I don’t see why Brits don’t celebrate the 4th of July.

Surely 240 years of being officially separate from America is something to be happy about.

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Why do Brits love anal sex so much?

They've always been into colonialism.

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70% of Brits would rather eat a nice meal in a restaurant than have sex.

That's because they worry it might disturb the people at the next table.

What do Brits wear?

Tea-shirts

Why are rich brits so fat?

Because they measure their wealth in pounds

how many Brits does it take to change a lightbulb?

none, they'll keep saying that they will, but they wont

I remember doing security at the Brits a few years back when it all kicked off between Steps and Jamiroquai

I was the only thing between H and JK

In the 90s, most Europeans were tall, slender, relatively in shape. However, Brits were out of shape, their bodies blowing up, like a balloon. Scientists have now identified the reason behind this phenomena:

The Irish Republican Army

You Brits can make fun of me, but I think it's funny.

What did the Brit say when he paid 2,000 pounds for his fridge?

"Goodness gracious, that costs a ton!"

Made by me:)

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Some topical jokes for the Brits:

Government cuts bite deep as former prime ministers slashed by 25%.

What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Jimmy Savile? Nothing: they're both dead and fucked miners.

Margaret Thatcher has died peacefully following a stroke at the age of 87. I for one am truly devastated a...

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The Japanese invented a thief catching robot.

After running successful lab trials they decided to test it. After deploying in Tokyo the robot caught 35 thieves in 24 hours.

The news Broke out.

Much Impressed, the Brits ordered the robot for themselves. After deploying in London the robot busted 65 thieves under 8 hours.

The...

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Brits

They drive a German Cars.

They go to Irish Pubs.

To drink Belgium beer.

They get a Chinese Takeaway on the way back.

They sit on Swedish furniture.

To watch American films.

On a Japanese TV.


Most of all though they are suspicious of all thi...

you really have to admire brits who voted to leave

They were so worried about immigrants ruining their economy than they preempted it by doing it themselves.

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A German, Japanese and Italian soldier are captured by the British during WW2 and are detained in a POW camp

First they interrogate the German. He gave up the information they needed somewhat easily, just after a few minutes of torture. He returned to the other prisoners feeling ashamed and disheartened.

Next was the Japanese soldier. He was more resilient than the German, it took the Brits several ...

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A Brit walks into a bar in Mississippi.

The bartender, taking note of the man's rather non-local appearance, shook his head and handed the man a beer - he didn't want to be at the butt-end of some lame joke.

The other bargoers, however, didn't seem to have the same inclination, and so began pestering the Brit.

"Well lookie h...

I now understand why the Brits have leftenants instead of lieutenants

Otherwise they'd be renting bathrooms during combat.

Brits, Aussies, and Kiwis will most likely only get this:

Remember Bill and Ben, The Flowerpot Men?

One day, Bill says to Ben, "Flobadobglibglobbloobleglob!"

And Ben say, "If you loved me, you'd swallow that....."

Since yesterday, more than 2 million Brits have called for a new EU referendum...

That's what you get when Donald Trump says you made the right choice.

How many brits are needed to change a light bulb

None they just terminate their apartment contract.

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Did you know that the condom was invented by the Turks?

They used the intestines of sheep around their penis when having sex.

And did you know that years later, the Brits were the ones who improved the condom by removing the sheep?

What's the difference between Americans and Brits?

Brits think 200 miles is a long distance,

Americans think 200 years is a long time.

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats

and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome"...

Everyone gets what they want out of brexit

The Brits get their blue passports and the average iq of the European Union goes up by 10 points.

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