British Empire Jokes - 12 Hilarious British Empire Jokes

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In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.

Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.

“Father, where is the United States,” Hans asked.

His father pointed at a map towards North America.

“Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be,” he questioned his fath...

Why does the sun never set on the British empire?

Because God can't trust the British in the dark.

Today in the UK we celebrate the 4th of July.

The day the average IQ of the British Empire jumped 100 points with a single signature.

The Falkland Islands are the male nipples of the British Empire

Not necessary- but will protect

If the British empire spoke queens English does that mean..

The Americans spoke rebels tongues.

New dog

My friend told me he had a new dog so I went to see him. When I entered his house the dog greeted me in a friendly manner, wagging its tail, then it suddenly said: "The British Empire!".

I was taken aback and thought I must be hearing things, when the dog spoke again: "The Thistle! The Garte...

President Obama and the Queen are proceeding towards Buckingham Palace in the Queen's carriage, waving to thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well.

Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire. The smell is atrocious and both passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs to cover their noses.

The Queen turns to her guest, Mr President, please accept my regrets...

One morning the Viceroy of India went to visit his old army pal Major Barrington, who owned an orchard.

Walking through the orchard, the Viceroy marveled at all the different varieties of fruit: oranges, apples, bananas, pineapples, mangoes, guavas. "Why, you must have twenty different types of apples I've never heard of!" he remarked.

"Oh, that's nothing," replied the Major. "I'll bet you ther...

A Candid Evaluation of the British Navy

Once upon a time, in the 1800s, a bureaucrat of the British Empire was assigned the task of interviewing sailors to get a candid evaluation of the level of contentedness of sailors with their captain. As he was opening his folder, he asked the first sailor that he was interviewing, "Where are you fr...

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A Russian Soyuz rocket carrying 3 cosmonauts (Russian, American and British) reaches orbit.

Upon arrival at the International Space Station, they are given the surprise of a lifetime - the station has been completely taken over by aliens. These highly intelligent beings, able to appear like humans when needed, have been using the station to monitor activities on Earth.

As the cosmon...

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Smithers' Story

In the greatest days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.

After welcoming his replacement and showing the courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said,

"You mu...

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The Telling Tale of Oliver Tin

When he was young, Oliver Tin knew nothing about what he wanted to do, except that he wanted to do everything.

At the age of 5, he had already mastered reading, and had grown bored of all the literature he could find, fiction or not. Oliver Tin took this boredom as an obligation to produce wo...

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