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Colombian Jokes

What do you call a Colombian author prepping for doomsday?

One hundred years of solid food.

Scooby Doo villain apprehended in Colombian Capital

Says, “He would’ve gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for those Medellín kids.”

Being Colombian is hard.

If I got a 1$ Every time someone thought I was selling drugs, I’d be so rich, I wouldn’t have to sell drugs.

What do they call a talkative Colombian?

Hablo Escobar

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian.....

.... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camer...

Did y'all here about the Colombian Hank Hill?

He sells cocaine and cocaine accessories.

An American, a Frenchman, and a Colombian are all on a plane

The American sticks his hand out of the window and says,
“Look! We’re in my country.”
“How can you tell?” Says the Frenchman
“I can touch the Statue of Liberty.”
Sometime passes, The Frenchman then sticks his hand out of the window and says,
“Oh, we’re in my country now.”
“How can...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde goes to the doctor and says "I keep finding these Colombian postage stamps in my vagina"

The doctor takes a look and says "Ma'am, those aren't postage stamps, those are stickers from bannanas"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Brazilian, an Argentine and a Colombian gets stranded on an deserted island

They find a lamp and one of them rubs it.
A genie appear ad says:
Look, I have been stuck here for a long time, and I am tired, so I will only give one to each one of you.
C: Colombian; B: Brazilian; A: Argentine; G: genie;

C:I wish to go home.

*He got teleported back to his h...

I once knew a Colombian conductor.

He was arrested for the murder of a passenger and in his confession he said he did it because the passenger was wearing pink shoes. I never would have thought that he was capable of something like this, but I must admit he had a locomotive.

As Colombian authorities chased down drug kingpin Pablo Escobar, his last words before they shot him were:

"I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you Medellín kids"

“I lost 5 pounds.” “That’s good for your health!”

The colombians disagree.

- Mom, I've lost 2 kilograms and now I'm so worried that I cannot even sleep…

\- Mom, I've lost 2 kilograms and now I'm so worried that I cannot even sleep…

\- Son, don't panic, it's only 2 kilograms, no big deal.

\- Well, there are some Colombians who'd disagree with you mom…

So Donald Trump was talking to one of his aides, and off on one of his usual rants

“We need less immigrants! Less Mexicans! Less Colombians! Less Guatemalans! Less Puerto Ricans!”

Finally the aide couldn’t take it anymore, leaned in and said quietly: “fewer.”

“I told you not to call me that yet!!”

Dad, I lost five kilos...

That's great news, son.

Not according to my Colombian friends.

A kindergarten teacher tells her students that sharing is caring.

A kindergarten teacher tells her students that sharing is caring. She says she wants them all to show that they care by sharing something.

The Russian kid gives everyone a shot of vodka.

The Colombian kid hands out cocaine.

The American kid runs towards the window and attempts...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a football match between Colombia and Jamaica in 1967

It didn't go well, the Colombians sniffed all the white lines and Jamaicans smoked all the grass.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was the mailman's last day on the job...

After 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a b...

"Oh man, Juan Valdez died this morning."

Ok, so it's not a 'joke' joke, but that's what you say. Maybe at work, at the bar with friends. Say it in a lull in the conversation. If you're really good, say it while scanning the paper or a news site.


Some people go, "oh!" And some people say, "wait, the Colombian coffee merchant?" an...

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