Heard about Cuban Santa?

He's makin' a list... chicken and rice...

One Cuban woman complains to another:

He was such a liar! He said he was a waiter at a resort...turns out he’s nothing more than a neurosurgeon.

A man wants to enter a club he’s visiting in cuba, but there's a tough looking bouncer that won’t let anyone in.

A cuban man with a large beard walks up to the bouncer, strokes his beard and says...

"I'm with the police." The bouncer lets him in.

Less than a minute later, another cuban man with a large beard walks up to the bouncer, strokes his beard and says,

"I'm with the police."
...

Two native Cubans are going for a stroll through the forest.

The first guy mentions that he didn’t finish his hunting quota in time for supper, and explains that if he doesn’t find something suitable soon, his wife is going to be very cross with him.

The second guy, recognizing his friend’s plight, offers to assist the first in his hunt but asks a favo...

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An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian.....

.... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camer...

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My ancestry DNA test shows 10% African, 20% Mexican, 40% Cuban, 5% Chinese...

Mom, what this even mean?

-Mom "a fucking great party"

I married a cuban girl

Shes my guantanamo bae

What do you get when an attractive American woman walks into a room full of Cubans?

A Cuban Missile Crisis

The detective picks up a scent of Cuban tobacco on the victim’s body.

From this, he deduces that the killer was a smoker. He also discovers a crumpled up sheet of paper that has an address scribbled out on it. This leads him to the doorsteps of an old apartment. The detective readies his gun and barges in, eager to find a clue that ties the house to the suspect. But o...

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A guy walks into a urologist’s office:

- Doc, I’ve been a faithful husband for 30 years. I love my wife, but the spark is gone and I haven’t even been able to get it up for a year now. Obviously, the missus is very upset about this. Please help.

- You amaze me! Have you ever heard of Viagra? Here, take some of these to try and co...

If a Cuban man marries a woman from Iceland and have children,

can the children be considered ice cubes?

Castro joke I got from Cuban family members

Fidel Castro dies and because he thinks he is so great he goes to heaven. Once past the gates though, Saint Peter stops him and throws him out being the the watchful eye he is. In hell, the devil meets castro and gives him a warm welcome and tells his demons to get Castro's bags and bring them to hi...

An English man, a French man, a Cuban Man and an Indian man are in a train carriage.

The French man takes out a bottle of very expensive wine, has one sip, and throws it out the window.

The English man says "why did you do that? " and the French man replies, "we have so many of these in my country they are practically worthless.

A few minutes later the Cuban man takes ...

What do Cuban Koala bears eat?

Yucalyptus

What do you call a Cuban gastrologist?

Fidel Gastro

A Cuban man, a Mexican man, and an American man are all in a plane.

The pilot comes to the back and says "the plane is going down, we need to lose as much weight as possible."

The Cuban man throws a crate of cigars off the plane and says "we have plenty of those in Cuba, I won't miss them."

The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explain...

What’s the Cuban national anthem?

Row...row...row your boat...

A Cuban man dies and goes to Hell

There, the devil informs him that every country has its own hell. However, as he had dual citizenship, he could choose which Hell he wanted to be sent: American Hell or Cuban Hell.

He visits the American Hell first. At the door, he finds George Bush Senior.

“Excuse me, mr president, ...

A Cuban, a Canadian, and a white supremacist walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Ah, Senator Cruz, what are you having?"

I had a Cuban sandwich for lunch today

Just tasted like pork

What do you call a Cuban man who doesn’t believe in religion?

Infidel Castro

What does a Cuban do when he gets a flat tire?

Drowns.

I asked my parents for something Cuban. They got me a Che Guevara t-shirt.

Clothes, but no cigar

While watching Olympic kayaking, I was surprised at how bad the Cuban team was at paddling. Then I realized,

That's probably why they're still in Cuba.

How do you fit 20 Cubans in a shoebox?

How do you fit 20 Cubans in a shoebox?

Tell them it floats!

Showing Off

An American, a Cuban, a Scotsman and a lawyer, were on a cruise ship. As they were standing on the deck, watching the waves and chatting, each one started showing off.
The Cuban took out a nice Cohiba cigar, lit it, took just one puff and tossed it into the sea. The other guys were flabbergasted....

A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a lawyer are riding together on a train.

The Russian takes a bottle of the best vodka out of his pack, pours some into a glass, drinks it, and says: "In Russia, we have the best vodka in the world \- nowhere in the world, you can find Vodka as good as the one we produce in Ukraine. And we have so much of it, that we can just throw it away....

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An Englishman, an Irishman,...

a Scotsman,a welshman, a Frenchman, a German, an Italian, a Swede, two Finns, a Norwegian, a Dane, a Greenlander, an Austrian, a Hungarian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Latvian, an Estonian, a Russian, a Turk, an Egyptian, a Palestinian, an Israeli, a Greek, a Macedonian, a Chinese guy, a Japanese guy,a ...

Why don't the Cubans have Olympic swimmers?

Because they make it here.

A Chinese, Mexican and a Cuban are in a truck

Who's driving? An immigration officer.

Fidel Castro just died, Cubans can be finally happy that their country will be ruled by the young generation led by a much younger leader.

His 85 year old brother!

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising home along a country road

one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it , but couldn't. The aged cow was struck and killed. Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened and pay them for the cow. She stayed in the car making phone call...

What's the difference between a Dominican and a Cuban?

Dominicans are close, but no cigar

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So there is a a Russian, American, Cuban and a Mexican in a boat.

They are all hanging out relaxing, when suddenly the Cuban takes out a cuban cigar. He takes 2 puffs of it and throws it overboard.

"What are you doing? thats a really nice cuban cigar!" he was asked.
"Oh its no big deal, where I'm from they are a dime a dozen."
Thats pretty bad ass eve...

A Frenchman, a Cuban, and a Texan are seated together on a plane...

The pilot announces an engine failure in their small commuter craft. Shortly after, the second engine fails. The pilot, in an attempt to drop dead weight instructs all luggage and passenger items to be thrown overboard.


It isn't enough, they're not gonna be able to glide to safety. Th...

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A man dies and goes to Hell.

Satan greets him.

Hey. How's it going?

Not good. I just found out I'm in hell.

I know we have a bad reputation but it's not that bad. It's actually quite fun down here. Did you ever drink when you were alive?

Of course.

Well, Mondays, you can drink as much as you ...

A wealthy dude walks into a pet store for people with fat wallets.

He explains that he's looking for a birthday present to his friend. And his friend happen to like birds, so he needs a parrot, a talented one of course.



Store owner says that he's got just a thing and takes him over to a huge stand with three exotic parrots.



"These bird...

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An American doctor and a Cuban doctor are having drinks...

.. and bragging about how good they are in their fields.

The American doctor says "I can do a kidney transplant in 4 hours."

Cuban doctor says "I got you beat. I can do it in 3."

The American doctor says "I can do open heart surgery in less than 3 hours!"

Cuban doctor say...

A Russian, a Cuban, an American , and a lawyer share a room on a train...

As they're exchanging stories about their journey across the world, the Russian took out a bottle of fine Russian vodka, pours everyone a cup, then proceed to throw the rest out the window.

The rest of them are very confused and ask why he would throw away such fine vodka.

The Russi...

A Plane Full of Americans, French and Cubans Crashes on an Island Full of Cannibals (Cuban Joke)

The cannibals quickly round everyone up and separate them by nationality.

First, they call forward the French. One of the Frenchmen tries to convince the cannibals that instead of cooking them they should try some delicious French cuisine instead. The cannibals let the French prepare a feast ...

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A Man, A Woman, A Hobby!

A man has been alone on a deserted island for ten years. One day a beautiful woman in SCUBA gear swims up on shore.

"Oh, thank God! I've been alone here for so long!"

She unzips the side of her wet suit, revealing a shapely arm, and says, "Then, you've probably not had one of these ....

A salesman rings the doorbell.

An eight year old boy answers the door. He is naked, except for his father's hat, his mother's panties, and a cape. He has a martini glass in one hand and a fat, Cuban cigar in the other.

"A-a-are your parents home?", the man stutters.

"What the Hell do you think?"

What do you call a stomach ache you get from eating a Cuban sandwich?

Castro-intestinal distress.

A wealthy man met a beggar on the street.

The beggar pleaded to the wealthy man to give him a dollar to buy something to eat.

"You poor fellow," said the wealthy man. "Come with me and I'll buy you a drink."

"Actually, I don't drink. But I would like something to eat."

"Here, my friend. Take one of my Cuban cigars," the...

A Brazilian friend told me this joke yesterday

The United Nations decided to conduct a world-wide survey. So they sent a letter to the representatives of each country with the following question: "Please, with all honesty, give your opinion on the scarcity of food in the rest of the world".


The survey was a huge failure. Why? None of ...

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An old Cuban immigrant is dying (NSFW-language)

and he asks his nurse "Please take me back to Cuba, I want to kiss the Cuban flag for one last time before I die". The nurse replies " We can't take you there, but I will get you the next best thing". She pulls down her pants and so it happens that she is wearing underwear with the Cuban flag printe...

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A very clean joke

A Portuguese, Spaniard, Dane, Finn, Swede, German, French, Italian, Belgian, Austrian, Czech, Polish, Russian, Afgani, Serbian, Brit, Irish, Scot, Sardinian, Corsican, Icelander, Belarian, Romanian, Yugoslavian, Hungarian, Ukrainian, Bulgarian, Turk, Morrocan, Algerian, Liberian, Sudanese, S. Africa...

If the world were a cube

We'd all be Cubans!

3 presidents in a plane

The President of the United States of Russia and Cuba are in a jet. the American president puts his hand out the window and says I can tell we’re traveling over the United States, the crew in the plane clap and say how do you know that? the American president says well the breeze is just American,...

Would a 10'x10'x10' workspace...

...used by a Havana artist studying Picasso's style be a Cuban cubist's cubical cubicle?

Four men were sitting together in a train.

A Mexican, a Swiss, a Cuban and an American (USA).

As they were talking, the Swiss man looked at his gold plated Rolex watch and realised it was dead. He promptly took it off then threw it out the window.

"Are you mad!?! That must have cost thousands of dollars!" said the other pa...

What would happen if the earth became a cube?

We would all be cubans

Did you hear what Trump said about Roe vs. Wade?

I don't care HOW those damn Cubans get home.

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A mailman is working his last day on a route he's been doing for 20 years

He gets to the first house and a man greets him at the door with a very expensive bottle of wine and thanks him for his service. He arrives at the next house and is greeted by the entire family with a box of Cuban cigars and everyone wishes him a happy retirement.

He arrives at the third hous...

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Longish literary-ish joke translated from Russian

Russia in the 1930s. Winter. Poverty. Famine. It's freezing cold. A poorly dressed kid is running across a courtyard with an armful of deadwood, followed by an angry caretaker.

The kid is running and thinking to himself:
>I gotta put an end to this. After all, I come from a nice family,...

What is the language of the squares?

Cuban.

Fidel Castro, Vladimir Putin, and the Oort Cloud are riding on a train.

Fidel Castro pulls an expensive Cuban cigar out of his pocket, lights it, and then throws it out the window after only a few puffs. Vladimir Putin and the Oort Cloud are both surprised by this and ask "what are you doing, Fidel? That's an expensive cigar!" To which Castro responds, "in your country/...

“Father, forgive me, for it has been a long time since I’ve been to confession,

A man went into a confessional booth and
discovered a fully equipped bar with beer on
tap and a wall stocked with a dazzling array
of the finest Cuban cigars. When the priest
walked into the room the man said, “Father,
forgive me, for it has been a long time since
I’ve been to conf...

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Fidel Castro was giving a speech to his people

Fidel Castro was giving a speech to the Cuban people in a large outdoor venue. Halfway through the speech he hears a vendor in the crowd, "popcorn, peanuts, soda..."
He ignores it and carries on with the speech.
He hears the same thing, "popcorn, peanuts, soda..."

Fidel gets frustrated...

Fidel Castro Dies and Goes to Heaven

Castro finds himself at the pearly gates. St. Peter is there, surprised to see him. He says, "Fidel, you've done so many awful things in your life, how did you get here?"

Castro says, "It was the Pope. He blessed me and told me I must have been chosen by God, so I was certainly going to heave...

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There was an old man on his front porch drinking a glass of whiskey.

The man's grandson opened the front door and said "hey grandpa! Can I have some?". "Can your dick touch your asshole?" Asked the man. "No" said the boy. The old man said "well that means you can't have any."

The next day, the man was out on his front porch again smoking a Cuban cigar. Out com...

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The 3 Little Pigs

There were once three little pigs, named Jiggs, Willie, and Elmer. They lived a nice quiet life in their houses made of straw, wood, and brick, respectively. But wouldn't you know it, the Big Bad Wolf came strolling into town one day, hungry for some porkchops and maybe a little applesauce on the si...

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A man dies and goes to hell

and this demon starts showing him around; you know, the pool, the hotel, whatever. They get to talking, and the demon asks:

Hey, do you like to drink?
The guy answers "Ya, I love drinking"

The demon replies: You're going to love mondays. On monday, we drink from morning to night. We...

Bartender and His Customers

A neurosurgeon, two Cubans, a fascist, a socialist, and a prisoner all walk into a bar together.

The bartender asks, "What's new?"

They all reply, "I'm running for president."

This is a classic Deaf joke.

Three men are on a train: One Cuban, one Russian and one Deaf man. The Cuban is smoking a huge cigar, but half way through it throws it out the window. The Russian and the Deaf man exclaim about him wasting the beautiful cigar, but he just shrugs and says, "Eh, we have *plenty* of cigars back home."...

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Mr Postman knocks at Little Johnny's parents' house...

Johnny answers the door, wearing his dad's dressing gown, holding a half-smoked cuban cigar and swigging from a bottle of Cognac.
"Hello Little Johnny" said the postman, "are your parents in please?"
Little Johnny replies, "DOES IT FUCKING LOOK LIKE IT?!"

What is the difference between pick and choose?

To pick is to make a selection... And choose are what Cubans wear on their feet.

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Little Johnny is visiting his grandparents...

...during his summer vacation. The very first night after dinner he sees his grandpa enjoying a glass of scotch in his study. Johnny asks, "hey grandpa whatcha drinkin?" To which grandpa replies, "this is called whiskey Johnny." Johnny then asks, "can I try some?" With a smirk, Grandpa asks, "well, ...

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