"Bet you can't chug that entire beer can"

"Hold my beer"

What do you call a bunch of flies in a beer can?

An Outback Vibrator

I just read a study that the hops in beer can irritate men's prostates

If anything in beer bothers your prostate you're consuming it the wrong way.

Say “beer can” in a British accent.

No, wait, that’s “Bacon” in Jamaican.

What did a burnt pizza, pregnant girl and frozen beer can have in common?

Nobody pulled out in time.

An Englishman saying 'beer can' sounds like...

A Jamaican saying 'bacon'.

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A redneck birth control

After having the 10th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough since they could not afford another kid.

So the husband went to his doctor and told him the he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy th...

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Here It Is! The Poopie list!

Ghost Poopie--The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

Clean Poopie--The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie--The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unw...

A woman walked into the kitchen

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. ! Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked "How can you...

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Box under the bed

When Eamonn and Ruth first got married Eamonn said, *“I am a sex addict and I’m putting a box under the bed to help control my addiction. You must promise never to look in it.”*

In all their 30 years of marriage, Ruth never looked. However, on the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosit...

Locked My Keys In The Car

A devout lady was feeling drowsy while driving home on a quiet highway, so she pulled over, and got out for a walk and some fresh air. When she returned to her car, she was horrified to discover that she had locked her keys inside. She searched her pockets but found nothing to help; no keys; no ph...

Wisdom of ages

Johnny is cutting his nails when his grandpa stops by, and comments that he should not be cutting nails on a Thursday. Knowing that grandpa is the superstitious kind, Johnny ignores him and carries on.

A few weeks later grandpa visits again, and guess what - it is Thursday, and he catches Jo...

A couple had been married for 50 years. The man had a large cardboard box under the bed.

His wife had noticed this box but never thought much of it. One day, however, curiosity got the better of her, and she opened it. She found 2 empty beer cans and a bag with some dollar bills and coins.

That night, she asked her husband what this was about.

"Well," he replied. "If y...

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A Farmer and his wife...

A farmer and his wife were sitting on the front porch enjoying the cool summer evening, when a flying saucer lands in the front yard, a door drops down, an Martian man and woman step off the spacecraft and introduce themselves to the country couple, after a long evening of enjoyable conversation the...

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The Stretcher

A man is blazing down a highway in a brand new Ferrari when after crossing a bridge he notices a cop behind him. He pulls over and the cop is about to write a hefty ticket until he approaches the car:

Cop - Dispatch, we have a grand theft auto. Please send backup

Driver - HEY OFFICER! ...

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(LONG) A woman marries a sex addict:

A young woman marries a sex addict.

For the first few weeks everything was fine until she found a box under the bed, curious, she asked the man about it, he said" that's my secret and you must not open it", "I understand" she replied.

A few months pass and the womens curiosity gets t...

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A coroner comes home from work and sets his lunchbox down, laughing to himself...

"Wow!" he tells his wife. "You should have seen this autopsy I did today! The guy must have had a schlong at least 11 inches long and fat as a beer can! I've never seen anything so..."

He trails off as his wife bursts out sobbing. "Oh no!" she says. "Fred's dead!"

How to master Australian accent in seconds

Say "Rise Up Lights" out loud. *You just said razor blades in Australian accent.*

Don't stop there.

Say "Beer Can" with an English accent. *You just said Bacon in Jamaican accent.*

Mastered.

I just asked Siri for a wake up call...

She sent a photo of me, surrounded by empty pizza boxes and beer cans.

What does a Jamaican eat for breakfast?

A beer can sandwich.

Best friends in heaven

Two friends die at about the same time. One goes to heaven and one goes to hell. The one that went to heaven is getting a tour by St Peter. He is admiring the streets of gold, the beautiful harp music and choir and the peaceful ambiance. At one point though he looks down into hell and sees his best ...

I hate when I'm driving and I see people text and drive.

It makes me want to throw my beer can at them.

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It's a blond joke

A blond, brunette, and a red head decide to see what their daughters carry in their purses.

The brunette opens up her daughter's purse and finds a pack of cigarettes and says OMG my daughter smokes I'm so ashamed.

The red head opens her daughter's purse and finds a crushed beer can an...

I just moved to Florida and can't believe the way people drive

Hell, I got so mad at this lady on her phone I threw my beer can at her.

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A man comes home from a hard day's work at the local morgue...

He says to his wife, "You'll never guess what I saw at work today, honey! Some dude just laying on the slab there. Guy had a fucking 12-inch cock, and it was thick as a beer can. Holy shit!"

His wife bursts into tears. "Oh my God! Fred's dead!?"

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