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Seashore Jokes

Sally can't sell seashells down by the seashore anymore...

She was busted for conch-traband.

Shelly sells seashells down by the seashore

Shelly got chlamydia.

You wanna sell seashells by the seashore?

Well that’s a lot easier done than said.

Grandpa Mike died this weekend.

He led a simple life, loved by family and friends while enjoying a long career as a crop duster. In accordance with his final wishes, his cremated remains will be mixed with water and sprayed over the seashore where he spent his final days. He will be mist.

A man goes to the bank to apply for a loan

The banker says okay, but I'll need some information first. What do you do for a living?

The man says he's a dentist.

A fine profession! And are you married?

Yes.

And what does your wife do for a living?

Well, it's a little hard to say....

I must know if you...

Putin has started to launch missile attacks from submarines off the coast of an East African archipelago

He shells Seychelles by the seashore

My wife - its difficult to say what she does for a living.

She sells seashells on the seashore.

My mother does unspeakable things at the beach.

She sells sea-shells on the seashore.

My mum has a small shop near the beach, where you can buy batteries ...

She sells C cells by the seashore.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was 1988. A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot...

... One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.

She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond n...

The Chinese premier was spotted selling people a popular Linux terminal app on the beach.

Xi sells C shells by the seashore.

A UNIX Salesperson

A unix salesperson named Lenore

Loved her job, but loved the beach more.

She devised such a way

to combine work and play:

She sells C-shells by the seashore

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Aquarium [NSFW]

So this guy who works in an aquarium gets summoned by his boss, who says to him: "I just walked by the dolphin tank and they're feeling very amorous. They're doing all sorts of things to each other. In two hours we've got three bus loads of second graders coming, and we can't have them watching thos...

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An alien spacecraft lands in a rice paddy in rural Japan...

An alien spacecraft lands in a rice paddy in rural Japan and out comes a silver-suited alien, who floats overs to an old rice farmer standing in amazement.

"HUMAN CREATURE," the alien bellows, "WE LAST VISITED YOUR PLANET A HUNDRED THOUSAND OF YOUR EARTH YEARS AGO. TELL US HOW YOU HAVE EVOLVE...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went on a vacation to Taiwan...

I asked around for tourist attractions

A peculiar man came up to me, inquiring about some \*discount\* sex shop

When in Taiwan, am I right? Needless to say I was intrigued.

He said to me, "go down to da beach,

aska bout da tongue twister packege

my friend will mak...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The story of the Fukawi Indian Tribe

Our tribe has rich and long-standing history. Long time ago, our tribe wander the wilderness. For many years, we wander looking for land to call our own. Our chief led our people through mountains, valleys, seashores and plains.

People were born wandering. People died wandering. After an ent...

Three guys are lined up to be executed by handgun.

The executioner ask the first one, "Any last words?"

"Tornado!" He exclaims, pointing behind the executioner, who turns around in terror. While the executioner is distracted, he runs away.

So the executioner moves on the the next guy. "Any last words?"

"Tsunami!" He yelled, poin...

The man once renowned, now…

Salomon Elliot is a notorious man from the familia, and ain’t no one ever cross the man. His name shakes fear into his foes and demands respect from his henchmen, wide across the Hudson and down even to the beaches of Miami.

After years of blood on his hands and the helpless cries of this fa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

the three Paddys

Three blokes, all named Paddy, are down by the seashore one day when they spot a mermaid off in the distance.

The English Paddy says to his mates "watch this". He saunters over to the mermaid and asks "Excuse me, have you ever been kissed before?" She replies "Why no", whereupon he proceeds t...

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