Sandy Jokes - 59 Hilarious Sandy Jokes

Sandy, an 18 year old boy, desperately wants a car.

However, his mother forcibly tells him no. Sandy, undeterred, decides to get a job to pay. He applies for many jobs, ranging from a mechanic to delivering newspapers. However, he is not accepted for any of them. Slowly, he gives up on his dream of buying a car.

Weeks later, Sandy tells his mo...

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On day six of the Creation, God announced to his archangel underlings, "Today we're creating a place called Canada.

"Today we're creating a place called Canada. Pull out all the stops. Give it beautiful mountains, lakes, plains, forests, and sandy beaches. Underground, give it oil, gold, etc. Oh, and plenty of fish and wildlife."

"Sir," interjected an archangel, "aren't you being overly generous to the...

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Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance

Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at the growth state of a 12 year old.

He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much.

“I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant a...

Why do hurricanes get lousy names, like Sandy?

Name that thing Hurricane Death Megatron 900 and I guarantee folks will be evacuating like they need to.

What do Kim Kardashian and Hurricane Sandy have in common?

They will both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV.

What do you call a waffle on a California beach?

A Sandy Eggo.
- Compliments of my cousin's 6 year old daughter (She says "Hi" by the way).

-EDIT: Wow, this blew up a lot more than I thought it would. My first gold and my first post to make it to the front page. You are too kind, Reddit.

HURRICANE SANDY UPDATE

Mitt Romney has advised everyone in the path of Hurricane Sandy to make their way to their 2nd or 3rd homes immediately.

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A physicist, a chemist, and an economist are stranded on a desert island

The only thing on the island besides the three academics is a single can of beans. They are discussing how to get it open.

The physicist suggests that they build a fire and heat up the can until the pressure causes the can to explode.

The chemist says “No, no, the beans will fly eve...

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Little Sandy

Little Sandy always slept through her Sunday school classses.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Sandy, who created the universe?"

When Sandy didn't stir, little Bobby, seated behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

"GOD ALMIGHTY!" shou...

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The hurricane Sandy.

A guy goes to a bar and looks at the drink menu to see if he can try a new cocktail that he never had before. He noticed there is a drink on the menu named "Hurricane Sandy." The guy never heard of it before so he asks the bartender what is it. The bartender replied "It's a watered down Manhattan...

A man is walking on the sandy beaches of the US east coast

When suddenly he bumps his foot at something. Moving away some sand he finds it to be a magic lamp. He immediately starts rubbing the lamp and a genie appears.

Being grateful for being released after 200 years, the genie offered the man to make one wish of something he really wanted in his li...

A man has 3 children: “Sandy”, “Snowy” and “Bricky”.

One night he is watching television, Snowy approaches him and ask: “Why is my name snowy?”

The father replies: “Because when you were born, a little snow flake posed on your head and your mother though it was beautiful”

The other day, Sandy approaches his dad and asks him: “Why is my n...

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Sandy was the youngest of five brothers born in a poor family in 19th century Scotland.

When he came of age, Sandy decided to cross the seas to America to seek his fortune. Scots are thrifty and hardworking, so Sandy prospered in his new home. After twenty years, he decided the time had come, so he booked passage on a sailing ship to cross the sea again and return to his native land fo...

Sandy’s mum has four kids; North, West, East. What is the name of the fourth child?

Sandy, obviously!

God created Canada.

On the 6th day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains,beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-l...

A man finds an old brass lamp on the beach (long).

It’s very sandy, so he picks it up and rubs it.
Wouldn’t you know, it starts to emit a plume of multicolored smoke and a djinni appears.
The djinni says “For freeing me from this lamp I offer you 3 w…”
The man cuts him off “I know, I know, 3 wishes! My first wish is to have $200 billion dol...

Looking for a new drink? Try a Hurricane Sandy...

It's a watered-down Manhattan

Tonight I dreamt of a beautiful walk on a sandy beach.

At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning

Hurricane Sandy

I asked my bartender for a Hurricane Sandy. She looked confused and asked, "What is that?"

I replied, "A watered down Manhattan."

I will never forget our day at that sandy beach together

It’s really ingrained in my head

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An RCMP officer stopped at Sandy Bay First Nations and talked to an elderly Indigenous gentleman standing on the road.

He told the old man, "I need to inspect this land for illegally grown drugs."

"Okay," the elder said reluctantly, "but don't go into that field over there...", as he pointed to the location. The officer verbally exploded & said, "look mister, I have the authority of the federal government...

The kids at Sandy Hook wanted books

But instead, they got magazines

Did you hear what sandy did to New Jersey?

A few billion dollars worth of improvements

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Two Couples Were Playing Cards

Jeff accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave's wife, Sandy, was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jeff hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later when Jeff went to the kitchen to get some refre...

Remember Hurricane Sandy that hit New York a couple years ago? They made a mixed drink after it

It’s pretty much a watered down manhattan

A woman wakes her husband up at 2 AM, saying

"Quick, who's scored the highest number of goals in football, ever?"

"Klose", replied the groggy husband.

"And how many episodes of Breaking Bad are there in total?"

"Huh? Wait, let me...55, no, 62, there's 62 total episodes" he replied.

"Who was that girl in that 'Saved ...

School counselor

Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other.

Sandy approached and asked if she was all right.
...

I don't really understand Sandy Hook jokes...

I guess they're aimed at a younger audience.

Sandy, an older women in her fifties, has a near death experience...

...later, on the operating table. She sees God who tells her not to worry she has at least another thirty years to live.

Sandy decides she’s anyway in the hospital and she had another thirty years to live, she should make the most of it. She has plastic surgery on her face, Botox and bre...

Snooki's kind of like Hurricane Sandy...

She's large, slow-moving, an has blown just about everyone in the Jersey Shore.

What do you call it when you drop your waffle on the beach of SoCal?

Sandy eggo

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A guy walks into a bar and orders a Sandy...

A guy walks into a bar and orders a Sandy..I says to him, what the fuck is a Sandy?

He says its a watered down Long Island.

Too soon?

As I peered back from the pier at a beach full of pee’ers, I saw my wife making her way my way. But she was forlorn with my forewarning.

I shouted, “Sandy! You’re in sandy urine!”

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A teacher asks her students to use the word “beautiful” twice in a sentence...

Little Sandy’s hand shoots into the air immediately.

“Go ahead, Sandy.”

“My mother bought a beautiful new dress, and she looks beautiful when she wears it.”

“Very good, Sandy!”

Sandy beams. At that moment another hand is raised in the back of the room. It’s that of Little...

What do you call a cat on the beach?

Sandy Claws. Happy holidays everyone.

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Damn girl are you the green fish from Spongebob season 2, episode 20: Sandy, Spongebob, and the Worm, at exactly 21:52?

Because I'm gonna eat that ass.

What do you call a waffle you drop in the desert?

San Diego

^^San-dee-eygo
^^^^sandee-eygo
^^^^^sandy-eggo
^^^^^i'll ^^^^let^^^^myself^^^^out

The mail pilot

A man applied for a job delivering mail to remote areas by plane. The human resources officer showed him the employment contract.

He said, "you need to be aware that the U.S. Post Office has a tradition of delivering the mail no matter what, even in bad weather. So that means you will...

I took my wife to the beach today and now she’s mad at me. I thought she wanted to watch me drop frozen waffles along the shore and trick a bunch of communists into eating them.

After all, I could’ve sworn she said her dream was to see the sandy Eggo commie con.

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Three men arrive in heaven at the same time. St. Peter comes out to greet them.

"Sorry about this guys," says St. Peter. "God didn't realize just how many people would get into heaven, so we have a new policy. You now have to tell me the story of how you died, and if I think it's sad or interesting enough, I'll let you in."

He walks up to the first man who is a nerdy, bo...

What do you call a girl who was born in the desert

Sandy

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A chicken and an egg are sitting in bed after sex

The chicken turns to the egg and says ‘well, that answers that old question’

I stole this from Sandy from QI

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Pussy and Bitch

A kid comes home from school and says to his mom, "Mom I've got a problem."

She says, "Tell me."

He tells her that the boys at school are using two words he doesn't understand.

She asks him what they are?

He says, "Well, pussy and bitch."

She says, "Oh that's no bi...

An illustrious Count, Wictor Oblodowsky, agrees to conduct Beethoven's 9th Symphony in a Baltimore gym.

He's hesitant at first. He'd only been to America once before, and it was a favor for a friend. The oboist in his orchestra kindly loaned him the first season of The Wire, but the Count never watched it, as he'd never gotten around to buying a DVD player.

After an uneventful flight and some t...

Where can you find a beach covered with frozen waffles?

Sandy Eggo

What do you call a little kid with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

Danny joined the French Foreign Legion to forget a girl.

Unfortunately, the girl he was trying to forget was Sandy.

What do you call a waffle made in California?

A sandy Eggo.

What kind of punch takes out 20 kids and 6 adults?

A sandy hook

Did you know that the seven main characters on SpongeBob SquarePants represent the seven deadly sins?

SpongeBob:

Patrick:

Squidward:

Sandy:

Plankton:

Gary:

Mr. Krabs: Lust, sloth, wrath, pride, envy, gluttony, and greed

Visiting married friends

Hamish MacTavish is visiting his married friends Sandy and Glenda MacDougal.

”Sandy, I can’t help it,” says Hamish, ”but Glenda really turns me on. If I could pinch her bare backside just once, I would give you a thousand dollars.”

”For that kind of money,” says Sandy, ”I don’t think t...

Best pick up line.

Hey is your name Sandy Hook?

Cuz I wanna shoot a bunch of kids inside you.

Whats a punch that can kill 26 people?

A Sandy Hook

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New book out. It's called"Nude Beach" by

Sandy R. S. Hole

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Did you know that SpongeBob has a square dick?

If you think you're surprised, Sandy just shit a brick.

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What do you call a prostitute who's upset about gun control?

A sandy hooker

While in California, I wanted to enjoy breakfast at Mission Beach and some guy just threw my waffle on the ground.

I hate sandy Eggo.

What would you call Osama bin Laden if he became a pirate?

Sandy Hook.

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My favourite Spongbob character is like sex on the beach

Sandy Cheeks

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