Bank Manager Jokes - 53 Hilarious Bank Manager Jokes

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Bank manager

An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always r...

A robber pulled a gun on the bank clerk and manager saying, “Give me all the money! I need it to set myself up in a trade or profession. You know, initial investment is needed to cover the overheads until my cash flow is established.”

The bank manager said to the clerk, “You’d better do what he says, I think he means business.”

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A woman walks into a bank to deposit $100,000 in cash

The bank manager decides to handle this himself, as it’s such a large deposit. As he is processing her request, he asks, “Do you mind if I ask what it is you do for a living?”.

She says, “I make bets with people…For example, I bet you $50,000 that your testicles are cube shaped, like dice”....

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A man walked into a bank and walked up to the teller. He said,

I want to open a fucking bank account.
Astonished, the lady replied, "I'm sorry sir, but we don't tolerate that kind of language at this banking establishment." With that said she walked up to the bank manager and explained the situation. He agrees that the woman should not have to listen to that...

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She wants to open an account

One day, a raggedy looking woman carrying a large paper bag walks into the bank and asks to see the bank manager.

The receptionist is hesitant, but when she sees the large amount of cash in the bag, she escorts the lady into the manager's office. The raggedy old lady says she'd like to open ...

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a teenage boy keeps depositing one million dollar in his bank account every day

one day, Mrs. Mary the bank manager asks him to provide the source of all the money he's depositing

"I win it through gambling" he answers

"nobody can win that much money so consistently through gambling"

"wanna proof? how about we bet on 1000$ that...

Zeke, the bank manager, was dismissing his accountant...

"I don't know what the world is coming to, isn't anybody honest?" He asked. "Where were you educated?"

"Yale," replied the young accountant.

"Such a grand university - what is your name?"

"Yim Yohansen" replied the accountant.

A frog goes into a bank...

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is ...

A black guys walks into a bank...

... says "I'm looking for a job!"

The bank manager says, "Well, you're in luck! We have a position opening tomorrow that pays $48,000 a year and has access to a free car!"

The black guy says "You're joking."

The bank manager says "Well, you started it!"

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Why do bank managers have such thin penises?

Because they're such tight fisted wankers.

So a black guy walks into a bank

All dressed in black and says "I'm looking for a job!"

The bank manager says, "Well, you're in luck! We have a position opening tomorrow that pays $48,000 a year and has access to a free car!"

The black guy says "You're joking."

The bank manager says "Well, you started it!"

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Did you hear about the bank manager who was caught having an affair with an employee?

They were fired for having safe sex.

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An old woman walks into a bank

She asks for a meeting with the bank manager to set up an account. She explains that she wants to deposit five million dollars.

The bank manager says "If you don't mind my asking, where do you get all of your money?"

The old woman says "I'm a professional bettor."

"So like sport...

The FBI is interviewing a bank manager who's been robbed 3 times by the same guy.

The agent says, "did you notice anything distinct about him when he came into the bank?"

Manager replies, "only that each time he showed up, he was much better dressed."

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A man stores his money in a bank

A well looking man is at the bank and wants to deposit 100,000$, the bank manager gets closer to him and says:

"I have notice that you deposit huge amounts of cash every few days, is it OK if I ask, where to do find the money?"

"I'm betting" says the man

"what kind of betting?"<...

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An old lady walks into a bank with a big bag of money

One of the employees asks her what she wants.

Old Lady: I'm here to open an account and I want to deposit all this money into the bank.

"Whoa, that's a whole lot of money", the employee said. "You'll have to talk to the manager."

The employee escorts her to the manager's office...

A frog walks into a bank.

The frog hops up on the counter of the nearest available teller and says "I want a loan."

Confused, the teller asks for the frog's name.

"My name is Kermit Jagger, son of Rolling Stone's legend Mick Jagger, and I want a loan" he says. "And what is **YOUR** name?"

"My name is Pat...

A frog walks into a bank

A frog wearing a business suit walks into a bank and goes to stand in line to wait for a teller.

When it is his turn, he approaches the bank teller, whose name is Patricia Whack (don't laugh), and says "Hello, Miss, my name is Kermit Jagger, and I would like to take out a loan."

Miss W...

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So a frog walks into a bank.

So a frog walks into a bank and he goes to the front desk. He looks at the person at the front desk’s name tag, its says “Mrs. Patty Whack”

“Can I help you” she says.

“Yes I would like a loan” said the frog.

“A loan? What does a frog need a loan for “

“I would like to...

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Never trust a banker...

A guy walks into a bank and walks up to the teller, who happens to be an attractive young woman. The customer says, "Hey toots, great tits, I wanna open a fucking checking account. "

The teller is of course *instantly* offended. "Sir, that is insulting and sexist and I will *not* put up with ...

Why the Baker went out of business...

- The turnover was disappointing
- His investors all wanted a slice of the pie
- The price of yeast wouldn't stop rising
- Customers said his service staff were too tarte
- His bakery business model became stale
- He tried to get another loan but the bank manager said " there Cannoli ...

Infidelity upgraded

A couple in the Philippines is celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary. When their guests left, they started talking privately.

Husband: It's been 25 years since we exchanged our vows. Was there a time that you cheated on me?

Wife: My guilt haunts me, but now I'm willing to confess....

The ring leader hired the best safe cracker for their bank job...

In criminal circles he was known to crack any safe and the police never caught him. When the day of the heist came, they entered the bank, secured the building, corralled the hostages in the bank managers office and the safe cracker proceeded to the locked vault.

After a few quick inspection...

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Granny went to the bank to deposit her $1M

She was greeted by the Bank Manager.

Manager: "Good morning, ma'am! That's quite a fortune. May I ask where did it come from?"

Granny: "I have a knack in gambling. These are my winnings."

M: "I have no doubt. However, our policies prevents us from accepting it due to anti money-...

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A redditor is being investigated for tax fraud

So he goes to the IRS bar at the bank with his attorney little Johnny.

The tax bartender asks him "you have no marketable skills, how do you make so much money?"

The redditor responds "I tell jokes, want to hear one? If you guess the punch line I'll pay you $69, if not you'll owe me $...

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A little old woman walked into the bank...

A little old woman walked into the Bank.

She was carrying a large bag full of money. She insisted on speaking with the bank manager to open a savings account because, “It’s a lot of money.”

After a great deal of negotiating, the bank staff decided to humor her and finally ushered her ...

The kid

There once was a bank manager. A kid often visited the bank manager, and one day, the bank manager was bored. There was no one in the bank except for the kid. So the bank manager had an idea. The banker placed a 5 dollar note and a 10 dollar note on the table, then the banker asks the kid to take on...

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Kermit the frog walks into a bank...

He wants to get a loan and so he speaks to the bank’s loan officer, Mr. Paddywack. Mr. Paddywack asks Kermit how much money he wants to borrow and what is the purpose of the loan. Kermit replies that he needs $5,000 to fix up his lilly pad and to do some other swamp maintenance. Mr. Paddywack is int...

A frog goes into a bank

He hops up on the desk of the loan officer.
''Hi,'' he croaks.''What's your name?'

The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?''

''Yeah,'' says the frog. ''I'd like to borrow some money.''

The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form....

Yale educated

The bank manager noticed the new clerk was not good at counting money and adding up figures.

"Where did you get your financial education?" he asked.

"Yale," replied the lad.

"And what's your name?" barked the manager.

"Yim Yohnston," he replied...

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A guy walks into a bank office and says...

"I WANT TO OPEN A FUCKIN BANK ACCOUNT!"

The accounts manager is taken aback and says, "Excuse me, sir! We do not allow that kind of language in here!"

He says, "WHAT'S THE GODDAMN ISSUE, BITCH?! I JUST WANT TO OPEN A FUCKIN BANK ACCOUNT!"

"Sir!" She says and stands up from her d...

Good old #162, the Frog Joke

Patricia Whack, a bank teller, was having an unusual day: a frog had appeared in front of her teller and asked in perfectly elocuted English, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to obtain some credits from your establishment, on consideration of this blue marble elephant as collateral."

Ms. Whack knew immed...

three times...

Sam and Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary when Sam says to Becky, “Becky, I was wondering if you’ve ever cheated on me?”

Becky replies, “Oh, Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don’t want to ask that question...”

“Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please...

Kermit the frog walks into a bank to request a loan.

Kermit the frog walks into a bank to request a loan.
He meets the loan officer whose name is Mr. Paddywack. Paddywack says what can I do for you Kermit?
Kermit says I'd like to get a loan for $20,000.
Well that's a lot of money Kermit. What kind of collateral do you have asks Paddywack....

Doctor: You’ve lost a lot of blood. Me: That can’t be good, right?

Doctor: No. You’re the worst blood bank manager we’ve ever seen.

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Guy walks into a bank...

He waits in line and gets called to the window of an older teller. When she asks how she can help, he replies, "I wanna open a fuckin' savings account."

The teller is offended and informs him, "Sir, please don't use such language in the bank. Now, you say you wish to open a savings account?"<...

A frog walked into a bank

..and sat down at the desk of a loan officer. She was a friendly-looking young woman with a name tag that said Patricia Whack.

"I'm looking to take out a personal loan of $5000," the frog said.

The loan officer stared at him skeptically. "Do you have anything to offer as collateral?"...

Smart Blond Joke

A very wealthy blond woman enters a bank in Manhattan and requests to take out a small loan, which she intends to pay off in two weeks.

She foregoes some of the paperwork for financials, instead offering her brand new Bentley as collateral.

The bank manager approves the loan, takes ...

50 zlotys

Wlodek, a rural farmer, has decided that might be safer not keeping his money under the mattress. So he takes his horse and cart and goes off to the nearest town to talk to the bank.
"Right," says Wlodek, "I want to make sure my 50 zlotys are safe. Like, what happens if someone robs you and takes...

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An old man wins the lottery and walks into the bank

When he gets to speak to a loan officer he says “Gimme a loan for a million fucking dollars!”

The loan officer replies “Sir! There’s no need to speak to me that way!”

“Lady, fuck your feelings! I want a goddamn loan for a million fucking dollars and I want it lickety fucking split!”...

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Cunning old bitch

So there was an old lady who entered the First National Bank of Perth one day with a big suit case. She approached the front counter.

"I'd like to speak to the manager please" she asked.

The cashier attempted to help her but she insisted. So the cashier went and got the manager.
...

An 80 year old lady gets married for the 4th time.

This time to a funeral director.

The local paper does a story on her and they ask her about her previous marriages.

She tells them that at 20 she married a bank manager, at 40 a ringmaster, at 60 a pastor and at 80 a funeral director.

The reporter asks her why?

1 for the ...

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An old lady goes into a bank...

Coutt's Bank, to be exact, and asks to open an account. She is told, politely but coolly, that they are a very exclusive bank and have stringent requirements for prospective clients. "I know," she says. "May I see the manager, please?"

She is shown into the manager's office and repeats her re...

A frog walks into a bank...

to get a loan. He waits in line and when the teller calls him he walks up to do his thing.

"Hi, I'm Patty Black, what can I do for you today?" she asks.

He replies, "I'm here to get a loan."

"Well what do you have for collateral?"

"All I have is this antiq...

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An old lady goes to the bank

An old lady goes to the bank with a briefcase full of cash. Not wanting to make their client deal with large amounts of money in public, the manager calls her into his office to deal with her personally.

"How much are you depositing today Mrs Green?"

"£200,000," she replies, opening t...

I just made one sale

A keen indian state bank manager, left the job and applied for a sales man job at london's premier downtowrn department store. In fact which was the biggest store in the world - You could get anything there.

The boss asked him "Have you ever been an salesman before? Yes Sir, I was a saleman i...

A Wealthy Programmer Freezes Himself.

Back in the early 70s, a programmer was able to build several complex systems and was heavily compensated for his work. Throughout the years, he put his knowledge to work and was able to fix almost any problem thrown at him. Unfortunately, however, he learnt from his doctor that he was slowly dying ...

A Frog Walks Into A Bank

and approaches the teller who's name is John Paddywack.

"I would like to take out a loan for $100,000" the frog declares.

Mr. Paddywack looks at the frog and says "Since you don't have any credit with this bank you'll need a cosigner."

"No Problem" says the frog "My father is ...

A blonde loses her checkbook...

When she reports this to her bank manager, he scolds her, "you need to be careful. Someone can forge your signature and steal your money!"

She assures him, "nah, I signed all my checks, so there's no space to forge my checks"

A frog hopped into a bank...

...dressed in a tiny tuxedo and approached the desk of first loan officer he saw.

"Good afternoon, madam. I am Francis the frog and I'd like to take out a $5000 loan."

The loan officer sat stunned for a moment then shrugged and smiled, "I'm Patti Black and I'll be happy to assist you. ...

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I will be doing some themed jokes from now on. Theme 1: Business

A frog goes into the bank and asks the teller for a loan. The teller tells the frog to see Mr. Paddywack, the loan officer.
Mr. Paddywack looks at the frog and says, "What do you have for collateral? "
The frog pulls out of his pocket a solid silver elephant.
Mr. Paddywack looks at the e...

Banking

A Chinese laundryman living in San Francisco opens a savings account at the bank and goes regularly to deposit his profits.

After several months he has saved up a considerable sum. One day, he comes into the bank and says that he wants to withdraw all his money. The clerk is surprised, so the...

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A frog walks into a bank

Heard this one on Norm MacDonald's show/podcast so he gets the credit. It's better delivered in live, but here it is:

A frog walks into a bank to get a loan. He walks over to the bank teller--her name's Whack (nametag says Whack).
Frog: "Yes, I'd like to get a loan."

Teller: "A loan...

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