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Bank Robber Jokes

A bank robber robs a bank.

Before leaving, he turns to one of the hostages and asks:

"Did you see who robbed the bank?"
"Yes." replies the hostage.

The robber then shoots the hostage and turns to another one.

"Did you see who robbed the bank?"
"Uh, yes?" says the hostage.

The robber s...

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Four prisoners are killed in a prison bus accident

A drug dealer, a car thief, a bank robber and a rapist all die and are sent immediately to hell. Once there Satan begins checking his documents and says he isn’t ready for them. He says “you died a little too soon. So we don’t have anywhere to put you. I will be clearing out a few places for you but...

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Bank Robber

A man walks into a bank with a ski mask and a handgun, and proceeds to make his way to the woman at the counter.

"Do what I say and nobody gets hurt" he says as he waves the gun in the woman's face

"Sir this is a sperm bank I think you must be mistaken" says the woman.

The ...

Being A Bank Robber Was Fun

But my new job as a bakery robber really takes the cake.

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Bank robber pulls out gun, points it at the teller...

Robber: "Give me all your money or you are GEOGRAPHY!'

Cashier (puzzled) "Did you mean to say "or you're history?"

Robber: "Don't change the subject."

My first joke on reddit. Hope it hasn't been told too often

A bank robber wanted to keep his identity secret, but didn't wear a balaclava. he told all in the bank not to look at him or he would shoot them.
one foolhardy customer sneaked a look, and the robber promtply shot him.
the robber asked if anyone else had seen his face.
one customer, gazing ...

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The blonde and brunette bank robbers

A blonde and brunette are parked outside a bank with ski masks on.

"Remember the plan. You ready?" the brunette asks.

"Ready as I'll ever be," the blonde eagerly replies.

The blonde rushes into the bank while the brunette keeps the car running. 5 minutes pass, then 10, then 20...

Everyone in my family was a police officer, except for my grandad, who was a bank robber

He died last week

surrounded by his family

Police arrested a bank robber

To conceal evidence of his crime, the robber had swallowed over ten thousand dollars in unmarked bills.

Doctors are monitoring him closely but right now no change is expected.

Bank Robber : Wherr is the safe?

Teller :

Bank Robber : WTF. Where is the safe?

Teller :

Penn : He always does this.

The bank robber

A hooded robber burst into a Kansas bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.

On his way out the door, a brave Kansas customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off, revealingthe robbers face.

The robber shot the customer without a moment’s hesitation.

He then looke...

What do you call a British bank robber?

A quid-napper

Did you hear about the infamous bank robbers in the old wild west? One of them married the other one's sister.

They were both outlaws and in-laws.

How did the bank robber choose his next target?

He used Google safe search.

Bank robber walks into the wrong building

So my friend was a bank robber before getting traumatised, he shouted "drop it" in a strip club. Longest 9 inches he's seen

Three bank robbers

Three robbers break into a bank, but when they open the safe, they find only boxes. One robber opens a box and finds cups full of yogurt.
"We didnt find any money, but we got something to eat," he tells his partners. They eat their fill and leave.
The next mornings newspaper headline r...

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A bank robber swallows a million dollars

Desperate and on the run from the police, a bank robber forces his entire million dollar haul down his gullet and calmly walks home.

The next day he is suffering from extreme cramping and his pain becomes worse throughout the day. In the end he cannot take it anymore and presents himself to ...

Why didn't the bank robbers steal the car?

Because it was too heavy and made their arms hurt.

Bank Robber 1: Did you scope out the place?

Robber 2: Yes. The place has two armed guards.

Robber 1: So we are evenly matched, limb wise.

A bank robber's mask falls off mid-heist.

He makes eye contact with a hostage directly facing him and shoots him. He puts his mask back on and turns to face the other two hostages, a man and a woman. "Did either of you see my face?!" He yells.

The man answers, "I didn't, but I think my wife might have..."

why do bank robbers make hostages kneel down?

cause it's a fell-on-knee

Say what you will about bank robbers...

At least they wear masks

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Dyslexic bank robber

Walks into bank, "air in the hands mother stickers, this is a fuck up".

A Car full of bank robbers has crashed into a cement truck yesterday while evading police …

The police are now searching for hardened criminals.

The wife and I went to a bank robber-themed fancy dress party last night.

Well I did. She stayed in the car, keeping the engine running.

Bank Robber

A masked armed robber runs into a bank and up to the first teller. As he begins to tell her to give up the cash, his mask falls off. He puts it back on and then asks her if she saw his face. She replies yes, so he shoots her dead. Next teller is asked the same thing, replies yes and bang, dead. He t...

A bank robber just finished his heist

Unfortunately, his mask accidentally dropped for a few seconds. He picked it up, put it back, then asked a guy kneeling next to him.

"Did you see my face?" Asked the robber.

"Yes, but I swear I won't-" A bullet went through the guy's head. Then the robber asked the next guy kneeling n...

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Two dyslexic bank robbers attempted to rob the local bank today. (NSFW)

They ran in and said "Air in the hands mother stickers this is a fuck up!!"

What do bank robbers eat for dessert?

Heist Cream

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Did you hear about the nervous bank robber?

He charges into the bank, pulls his gun, and says to the teller, "All right mother-sticker, this is a fuck up!

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Why did the bank robber die having sex with the vault?

They didn’t know the safe word.

So i just saw a bank robber jump down some stairs while yelling about how terrible the cops were

guess you could say he was condescending

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Great joke for a bar...

Some time ago, a pregnant woman was waiting in line at the bank when a bank robber comes running in. The robber begins waiving around his gun and yelling at all the tellers frantically to give him the money and get down. A hidden security guard watches as the robber appears to be losing control an...

A hooded bank robber burst into a bank demanding cash

Once his bags were full he started making his way out when a brave soldier ripped his mask off and sees his face. The robber, realizing his face has been exposed, shoots and kills him dead. The robber turns around and sees a bank teller looking him in the eyes so he walks up to him and shoots him ...

What's the difference between a successful bank robber and one who ends up in prison?

One's a pro, and one's a con.

Did you hear that more bank robbers have been caught this year than any before in history...

It seems the criminals are refusing to wear masks.

Three bank robbers: a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde...

Are trying to evade the police when they come across a farm. Being short on time and options, they all decide to hide in the barn. The redhead hides near the horses, the brunette hides near the cows, and the blonde hides in a pile of potatoes.

When the police come to search the barn, first t...

What did the cauliflower bank robber say to the broccoli getaway driver?

Floret.

Two dogs and a cat die and go to heaven.

Two dogs and a cat die and go to heaven.



They are brought before God, who interviews them to determine their fate. He asks the first dog, "What did you do when you were alive on earth?"



The first dog answers, "For 15 years I was a guide dog for a blind person. I was kil...

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My friend told m this idk if it’s from someone else

So a pregnant lady with triplets is at a bank … and it starts getting robbed, the bank robber shoots her three times in the stomach. The doctors miraculously save each baby.




about 16 years pass and each shield is old and healthy, one girl and two boys.


The girl say...

Why do blondes make awful bank robbers?

Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.

What did the bank robber say about stealing and reposting jokes on Reddit?

I’m all for getting gold, but I’m not gonna be that lazy

Did you hear about the bank robbers who managed to evade the police but lost one of their associates from the northern UK?

They got away scot-free

According to the news, there's a clairvoyant bank robber with dwarfism on the loose in my hometown.

They said to keep an eye-out for a Small Medium at Large.

My armless uncle was a bank robber for 40 years and th e police couldn't ever capture him...

Apparently, they couldn't arrest him for armed robbery.

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Prison Fun

Bob the stockbroker was convicted of insider trading and sent to federal prison.
He was housed with a big, tough bank robber named Jesse.

Walking into his shared cell for the first time Bob was understandably nervous.

“ Hello there, welcome to your new home” said Jesse holding ou...

Whos on first recreation

Hello 911 what's your emerengcy?

There's some people over here robing the bank

Sir I got you using your cellphone where's the bank?

It's the Wellsfargo on Main st

Are you inside the building?

Yeah I'm hiding but they have hostages

Ok sir stay on the line I'm...

A bank robber gets hold of the cash he needs but before fleeing the scene he demands the regular customers to stand in a line

The bank robber ask the first guy in line: "did you see what happened here?"

First guy: "I sure did! And I'm gonna tell the police exactly what happened and what you look lik..."
The bank robber shoots him in the head and ask the next in line the same question.

Second guy: "I assure...

Indians Robbing a Bank

An Indian man tries to rob a bank. He walks out of the bank with no money. The getaway driver asks him “Where’s the money? And why do you have so many computers?” The bank robber replies “They thougth I was tech support.”

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A pregnant woman

One day a women who is nine months pregnant with triplets was walking down the street. She crosses path with a bank robber and is shot three times in the belly. She is taken to the hospital and gives birth to three healthy babies. 13 years later one of the daughters comes crying into her mom's room ...

The Bank Robbery

A ginger, a brunette, and a blonde rob a bank. They make their getaway on foot, but the police are quick to arrive and make chase.

The bank robbers make a wrong turn down an alley and find themselves at a dead end. They furiously look around for a place to hide and see only 3 potato sacks. Th...

The sheriff's girlfriend asks to get married

GF: Please, marry me?
Sheriff: I can't, I have to go catch bank robbers.

GF: Please, marry me?
Sheriff: I can't, I have to go catch the cattle rustlers.

GF: Please, marry me?
Sheriff: I can't, I have to go catch the men who held up the train.

Moral of the story, some me...

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A bank robber and her husband were being chased by the police

A bank robber and her husband were being chased by the police

In order to shake off the heat, the couple rushed into a Victoria's secret to blend in with the crowd and hide.

By the time two officers had shown up, the weird looks and perfume that everyone was berating them with were inc...

Irish bank robbery

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.

The robbers c...

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