UPJOKE
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Arranging Jokes

I was sitting at the bar arranging peanuts into piles of 1, 3, 5 and 7.

The bartender asked me if I was trying to set up some odd joke. I told him “No, but I would have done that in my prime.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired from my last job for arranging the vegetables into sexual position

Apparently that's "misconduct" for a special needs teacher.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm arranging a party for men with ejaculation problems

Let me know if you can't come.

What did the Mathematician say to his friends after arranging to meet?

Be there or b^2

An elderly couple were arranging their funeral and deciding on what words to put on their headstones

Husband suggests "Here lies Beryl, silent at last"

Wife suggests "Here lies Barry, stiff at last"

A father passes away and his son is arranging the funeral.

He talks to the mortician about his father’s remains.

The son says, “I know we don’t have much money, but I want the best for my father. Please do what you can.”

A week after the funeral, the mortician presents the son with a bill for fifty dollars. Thinking it to be very reasonable, t...

Arranging a business trip.

"Hello I need to book a business trip to Thailand."

"Are you going to Bangkok?"

"No, I'm just going to Phuket."

I just got thrown out of my local park for arranging the squirrels by height…

Apparently, they didn’t like my critter sizing.

What do you call arranging two pigs shoulder to shoulder?

Parallel porking

Sean Connery was arranging the books in his personal library when the wooden plank gave away and all the books fell on him..

His maid rushed to the scene and asked " are you alright, sir ?"

Sean : "it'sh ok..I only have my shelf to blame ."

Arranging a funeral for my boss is turning out to be more difficult than I thought.

He keeps asking what we are doing.

I told my wife that I’ll start arranging the herbs in alphabetical order from now on.

She said, “Where would you find the time?”

Me: Easy. Right next to the sage.

What do you call re-arranging the layout of your network?

LANscaping.

I was bored, so I spent all day re-arranging my spice rack, only for one of the herb jars to exploded all over me...

I've got way too much thyme on my hands

Murder @ Wal-Mart

So here's the story. . .

Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a
young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large
insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then
arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend o...

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