They call me the Mary Poppins of artillery...

I deliver...

Super-calibre-ballistic-expedient-explosions

It is 1939 and a Soviet army is marching on Finland

As they pass the border, they hear a Finnish voice over the hill -

"One Finnish soldier is better than 10 Soviet soldiers!"

The Soviet general laughs, as he sends 10 men on the hill to capture it.

There is gunfire for a minute and then everything goes silent for a moment, and th...

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World War 2 joke

Sometime around 1943, when the Germans were losing the war, Hitler decided to boost his army's morale by visiting the front.

While there, he had the oppurtunity to interact with a soldier. He commented, "My brave young man, you are risking your life for the country by standing in the way of t...

How is an accordion like an artillery shell?

Once you hear it, it's already too late.

A little story from WWII

A Russian patrol was going through the woods of Finland when they were wiped out, one by one, by a sniper hidden in the deep firs, who killed the lot, but for one man. "One Finn is better than ten Russians!" He was taunted as he ran away.


He returned to his base, and the platoon commande...

Why wasn’t the director allowed to use a sword as a prop in his film adaption of a artillery book?

It wasn’t cannon

A different presidential joke

George W. Bush was talking to some of his military advisors, and after listening to their briefings, he stated that he was going to earmark some military funds to send portraits of his predecessor's wife to the troops overseas.

One of his generals sighed, and leaned in. "Sir, we were asking f...

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Sports Teams should be named for what their city is famous for

For example: Dallas is known for cowboys, San Francisco was the place for the miners, 49ers, to bring their gold and claims, Islignton was famous as being home of the Artillery Regiment, thus "Arsenal," Milwauke HAD brewing.

Washington should change their name to "Senators," and Cleveland cou...

An army plane is crashing, and three soldiers are on board

To lighten the load, each throws out one item. The first throws out an artillery shell, the second throws out a machine gun, and the third throws out a radio. It's no good however, and the plane continues going down, so the three soldiers are forced to jump out and parachute to safety.

When t...

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My history teacher told me a joke about WW2 today...

If you have unknown troops in front of you and you want to find out who they are, fire a few rounds in their direction.

If you are met with precision machine gun fire, they’re German.

If you are met by a volley of precision rifle fire, they are British.

If they surrender, they’r...

A German officer watches over his outpost during the Great War.

He's polishing his handgun when one of his soldiers below sounds the alarm. Down he rushes, gun in hand, to see a battle going on between his men and the British. He joins his men, and the fight seems to go on for hours. The gunfire only stops when out of the sky comes an artillery shell, destroying...

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It’s World War II, just before dusk. And a Native American Code Talker named Grey Beaver was running for his life...

Author's note - Wrote this from memory. When you tell this joke in person, act out the stuff in brackets.

\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_

It’s World War II, just before dusk. And a Native American Code Talker named Grey Beaver was running for his life from a German patrol. One of the benefi...

A private ran to his General, sending a message from the front lines. He was in utter distress.

"Sir! We are outnumbered three to one, and..."

"Private! Get me my red shirt," he interrupted, "When I bleed in battle, I don't want the soldiers to be discouraged."

"Sir! You don't understand, they have battalions of heavy artillery, and their tanks are twice the..."

The Genera...

A Soviet General visits his troops...

He goes to see his men to raise their morale, and to encourage them to continue destroying the Finns on he Eastern front.


From somewhere within the forest he hears, "Ha! One Finn is better than ten Russians!"


The general is angered by this so he rounds up the nearest ten soldie...

[Civil servant joke] President Obama wants to know who's better: the CIA, the US Marine Corps, or the LAPD.

The President orders a single, clearly marked white rabbit to be released into the California redwood forests. Whichever service catches the rabbit wins the contest.

The CIA go first. They deploy surveillance drones, spy satellites and analysts to track down the target. The rabbit is small...

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Reaction to Snakes

• Civilian: Runs away from the snake screaming.

• Paratrooper: Lands on and kills the snake.

• Armor: runs over snake, giggles, and looks for
more snakes.

• Infantry: "Look, a putty cat. Come 'ere
kitty....Ouch! Hey, that's not a putty tat."

• Army Aviation: Has GPS...

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Ceasefire broken!

Once upon a time Sweden and Norway was at war, The war was getting pretty bad for both sides so they decided to have a ceasefire.

At the front line there were 2 watchtowers, 1 on each side of the border and there was one Norwegian and one Swedish solider on watch out duty on each side of th...

Obama and a general are discussing how to attack ISIS

Obama: “We need to get boots on the ground to attack them. Send in soldiers, artillery, and trucks.”

General: “You are forgetting something important sir.“

Obama: “No I am not.”

General: “Tanks, Obama.”

A German soldier finds a magic lamp.

He rubs it and from it a genie appears
-my boy you have 3 wishes think about if carefully
-first wish I want a good winter clothing
A blinding light appears and he is wearing a heavy coating
-second wish my friend
-I want a 8 inches ducks
-this will be a hard one
The German sold...

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Charles XII of Sweden, Darius of Persia and Napoleon are sitting at a bar.

Charles XII of Sweden, Darius of Persia and Napoleon are sitting at a bar, watching a military parade on CNN.
Impressed by modern technology Charles XII says - "Man, if i had mechanised infratry like that I'd have kicked ass at the Poltava battle."

Darius replies - "And if i had artille...

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