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Battleship Jokes

Why do Norwegians have barcodes on their battleships?

So they can Scandinavian

Do you wanna play battleship?

I'll lay down and you can blow the hell out if me.

US Battleship and Canadian Navy

I remembered an old joke I read awhile back. Some details may be off, but figured I had to share:

An American battleship ship is traveling at night around Canada when the radio comes on. It says "Canadian Navy to American Battleship, we have detected that you are on a collision course with us...

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What do prostitutes and battleships have in common

They are usually covered in semen

Hey guys, why did Vikings put barcodes on there battleship?

So when they get back to the port, they can scan-the-navy-in!

Some people like playing Battleship, whereas others really dislike it.

It’s….hit or miss.

Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes printed on the sides?

So that when they return to port they can scandinavyin.

Some of my friends loved the game Battleship while the others absolutely hated it.

It was…hit or miss.

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Three Soviet generals wager who has bravest soldiers

Soviet army organizes a large military exercise. Three high-ranking officers - an army general, a navy admiral and an air force commander watch the war games from an observation bunker, drink vodka and argue who has bravest men. They can not reach a conclusion, so the army general calls his troops a...

All Swedish battleships have a UPC code printed on the hull.

When the ships return to port, it helps them Scandinavian.

Did you know that Brutus killed Caeser over a game of Battleship?

Caeser's final words were: "E-2, Brute?"

How do you sink an Indian battleship?

Put it in the water.

Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes painted on their side

So the Swedish can scan their navy in

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Three generals were sitting on a battleship.

Three generals, one from the army, one from the navy, and one from the marines, were sitting on the deck of a battleship, having a drink after a long day of drills. They get into a debate about which company had the braver soldiers. So the navy captain calls to one of his cadets, “Private!! I wan...

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An American battleship is on a shore during WWII.

The people on the ship are discussing a plan to destroy a 1000 person Nazi battleship nearby. No one can come up with a good plan, and they're worried the Nazis will attack before them. Just then, the janitor on the ship asked if he could share his plan, and no one objected.

The janitor says,...

I was playing battleships with my dog

I went "K 9"
He said "yes"

Two battleships were out at sea during heavy weather for several days...

The visibility was poor with patchy fog, so the captain remained on the bridge keeping an eye on all activities.

Shortly after dark, the lookout on the wing of the bridge reported, "Light, bearing on the starboard bow."

"Is it steady or moving astern?" the captain called out.

Lo...

Why did the battleship keep swearing?

It had turrets.

Why will 3 never play battleship with 4?

Because quatre cinq six

Battleship is a completely unrealistic movie...

Everyone knows that Rihanna doesn't fight back.

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A Battleship...

A Battleship is sailing along when its commander receives a signal: "You're heading for a collision with us; adjust your course by 20 degrees."

The captain of the battleship doesn't want to, so he sends back "Adjust your course twenty degrees. I am a high-ranking officer and I suggest you do ...

I like playing Battleships because I always win

But my friends tell me it's just survivor ship bias.

I was playing Battleship with my tumor...

I won though, my last hit was B9.

Ever heard of the guy who lost a game of Battleship?

Guess you could say that he had to go back to square one.

I just read a book about building battleships...

...it was riveting.

An admiral is staring off the deck of his battleship at the approaching enemy on the horizon.

“Fetch my red shirt,” the admiral says to his first officer. “If I’m wounded in battle, I don’t want the men to see I’m bleeding. It will kill morale.”



“But sir,” says the first officer, “there is a fleet of fifteen ships coming right for us.”



“Oh,” the admiral sighs. “...

Caesar and Brutus are playing battleships.

A2, Brute?

Why do the 3rd Italian Navy use glass-bottomed battleships?

So they can look at the 2nd Italian Navy!
*[Sorry if you are offended]*

Edit: Grammar

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What do a battleship and a belly button ring have in common?

They're both Naval units.

A joke from my old physics professor..

How Long is a battleship. True or false?


False. How Long is a man from China.

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A man's yatch capsizes and he is about to drown in the middle of the ocean

Loudly he proclaimes "Nothing to fear! My lord will save me!"

A tug boat comes by and the sailor spots the man

"It's your lucky day mate, jump in and I'll take you to shore"

The man replies, "thankyou for the kind offer but I have no fear, my lord will save me!"

"Suit you...

Looking out into the pitch-black night, a sea captain sees a light dead ahead. It’s on a collision course with his ship.

He sends out a light signal: “Change your course ten degrees east.”



The light signals back to the ship, “Change yours ten degrees west.”



Angrily, the captain sends a second signal, stating, “I’m a navy captain! Change your course, sir!”



“I’m a seaman, sec...

There once was a man named Ivan who lived with his family in a Siberian forest...

After years of living in the harsh region, Ivan became rough, tough, hard to bluff, and extremely used to hardship.

He was large, muscular, and able to chop down a fully grown Siberian pine tree with one swing of his axe. This came in handy as Ivan had to chop down many trees to be used as fi...

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Bobby loved board games.

His collection of board games was massive, he had games from the 40's, 50's, 60's up to today. But one day, the neighborhood bully came over and saw Bobby playing and took all of Bobby's player pieces and broke them, all the Monopoly tokens, all the Battleship ships, all the markers for Sorry!, etc....

What's black, white and red all over?

Battleship Potemkin.

A 2 year old kid gets into a stack of board games.

And before his parents notice, he has them all open and pieces everywhere. The folks clean up the mess but soon realize that there are pieces missing from the Battleship game.
They rush the kid to the hospital, and sure enough, x-rays show he has swallowed some pieces. The doctor finds an aircr...

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No kidding

After graduating from the Naval Academy, my first ship I was assigned to was a battleship. The captain briefed us on our duties and then we disembarked. It was a very uneventful mission. We went. We did what we needed to do. We came back. When we got back, the captain had all of the newbies tie down...

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