Mick Jagger and Keith Richards were arrested for allegedly breaking into a Spanish man's house

They reportedly took some of his belongings (only what they could carry). When the police asked the homeowner about it, he said "They took what they could, but then.... The Rolling Stones gathered no más."

Long ago in ancient Rome, the most heinous criminals were brought before Caesar to be sentenced.

One criminal was accused of murdering his mother-in-law. What made his crime especially depraved was that, after he strangled her, he allegedly cannibalized her body. Caesar said to the man, "What do you have to say for yourself?"

"By golly I did it! I did it all, and if I could do it again, ...

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BREAKING NEWS Thieves have allegedly broken into the laboratory at Pfizer to try and steal the new Covid-19 vaccine...

They apparently took a case of viagra instead. The police are looking for a group of hardened criminals.

Is Hell endothermic or exothermic?

The e-mail was on the weighty matter of the nature of hell, as allegedly posed by a Dr Robert Shambaugh of the University of Oklahoma school of chemical engineering. It purports to be a final exam question from May 1997.

His May 1997 question for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class ...

Allegedly John Adams

In my many years, I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress

All this rubbish about R. Kelly allegedly marrying a fifteen year old are ridiculous. Everyone knows he prefers twenty nine year olds.

Mostly because there are twenty of them.

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I got drunk and to impress a girl, I swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles.

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

**EDIT: WOW, thanks for all the love on this post. It’s my first post in JOKES where I didn’t get ripped a new butthole for allegedly stealing/reposting. Thanks Reddit!**

"Allegedly Trump gave Russians intelligence "

I wonder how much he had in the first place and how much he is left with.

Allegedly the longest joke in the world: The story of Jack, and Nathan the Snake

It's actually so long that it won't fit into a Reddit post, but it's [worth the read if you have like an hour to kill.](http://www.wattpad.com/2012108-the-longest-joke-in-the-world-a-man-in-the-desert#.Uaa7x8qwUgk)

Trump allegedly had an affair with Tony the Tiger.

When reached for a comment, his response want typical: "Nope, not true. Flake news."

Allegedly, Kim Jong Un is Known for Reading Every Book in the World

No wonder why everyone calls him the supreme reader!

Did you hear about the California owl conspiracy network?

They're allegedly calling themselves the "ca-hoots".

Recently a teacher got arrested...

Police found a pencil, ruler and notebook. Allegedly he was part of the Al-Gebra network and possessed weapons of math instruction.

I heard this on the radio earlier today

Dr Fauci allegedly said that after the pandemic is over and done with we will have to wear masks for 2 months on the back of our heads so our ears will return to normal

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Peter Dinkalage has been accused of sexual harassment.

He allegedly told the woman that her hair smelled nice.

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As a lawyer, whenever someone asks me the joke "why did the chicken cross the road," this is always my response.

As counsel for the chicken, I have advised my client to invoke its 5th Amendment right to remain silent. The chicken with neither confirm nor deny crossing the road, nor the existence of the road thereof. Your concept of ‘crossing’ and ‘road’ do not rise to criminal conduct in any jurisdictional cou...

Why was the guitar teacher arrested?

Allegedly he fingered A Minor.

Why did the police arrest the baseball player?

Because he allegedly murdered his wife and kids.

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A Joke for Mother's Day

An angry mob is getting prepared to stone a woman to death for allegedly committing adultery, when Jesus steps out and stands between the woman and the crowd. "Do not be so quick to judge the actions of others!" He proclaimed, "You all have had your moments of weakness. Let him who is without sin ca...

My judge buddy told me about these two guys he had in his courtroom...

The two men were allegedly both involved in heinous crimes. The first man, Peter Phive, was accused of maliciously beating the second man, Willem Sephen. When questioned as to the motive of the attack, Mr. Phive claimed that Mr. Sephen murdered and consumed a dear friend of Mr. Phive's. The alleged ...

COLONOSCOPY

I was feeling nervous, and embarrassed about my upcoming colonoscopy. On a recommendation, I decided to have it done while visiting friends in San Francisco. I was convinced that the beautiful nurses were allegedly more gentle and accommodating there.

As I lay naked on my side on the table, ...

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General Ramos served a stellar career in the military for several decades...

General Ramos served a stellar career in the military for several decades. During his downtime, he pursued an interest in bizarre history and mythical lore. His one white whale was the legend of a military flute that could allegedly bring back great war heroes from the dead when played. He search...

You may have heard on the news about a southern Californian man...

Who was put under 72 hour psychiatric observation when it was found that he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammo stored in his home.

My favorite quote from the dimwit tv reporter:"Wow! He has a quarter million machine gun bullets." The headline referred to it as a "massive...

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