Allegations Jokes - 31 Hilarious Allegations Jokes

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Some people don't believe the allegations that Louis CK whipped his dick out...

...others saw it coming.

Brett Kavanaugh has stated that he will not be pressured into withdrawing his Supreme Court bid by the allegations made against him.

He sounds like the kind of guy who just won't take 'no' for an answer.

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Comedian Jeff Dunham has been accused of sexual assault

After allegations from his coworkers saying that he's been fisting them for decades.

Just look up his Youtube channel if you want to see evidence of this abuse. Millions have just sat by and watched while these poor souls suffered through tremendous pain right in-front of them.

From the Newsdesk: Television Star turned Politician loses bid for reelection amidst corruption allegations...

Our request for a comment from Sideshow Bob's campaign staff was declined

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I'd like to take the opportunity on this, International Women's Day, to refute allegations that I'm a sexist.

I've got a friend who's a woman. And I believe she should be treated as if she *is* equal.

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Sexual harassment allegations have been made against Lou Bega

7 women have come forward and the assaults have been said to have taken place in varying locations including: in the sun and by his side

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With all the recent allegations of sexual assault...

I want to come out that I sexually assaulted a lamp. I know it isn't illegal, but it does shed light on my past

Did you hear about the allegations on the forged distillery?

Sorry, fake brews.

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Did you hear about the number of sexual assault allegations against Bill Clinton involving coercive oral sex?

It's jaw dropping.

Subway is really upset about allegations concerning the meat in their subs...

They haven't been this worried about meat between buns since Jared was sentenced.

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A man is being hunted by police on suspicion of bestiality following allegations that he has been engaging in sexual acts at Chester Zoo.

He was last seen ~~getting~~ sliding into a Jaguar.

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I hope there aren't any sexual misconduct allegations from SpaceX...

I don't think America could handle being Elon-gated

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I like my dust like I like my sexual harassment allegations.

Swept under the rug.

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A sad example of the witch hunt caused by the flood of sexual abuse allegations

A good friend of mine, after 7 yrs of medical training has been fired for one minor indiscretion.

He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He's still paying off his school loans.

This just goes to show...

The #Metoo movement is getting out of hand! Now there are assault allegations against Slenderman!

But don't worry, they're all faceless accusations.

Lance Armstrong flew to NY yesterday to fight the allegations of doping.

... would have been more convincing if he'd taken a plane, though.

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Can we applaud David Spade for not having any allegations of sexual advances?

Consensual ones included.

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A middle manager was called into HR for a harmless ice breaker.

"Do you know why you've been sent here? One of your new employees, Gina, has levied sexual harassment allegations against you". The stern HR rep asserted.

"What!? Gina!? Oh god, no this must be a mistake! I've only known her for a few days!" The manager replied perplexed and shocked.

"...

Breaking World Cup News.

Ivan Toney has denied that the recent betting allegations cost him a place in the England Squad and states he is gutted he will not be involved in Monday's 2-2 draw with Iran..

An engineering student is called into the Dean’s office…

The dean says “While we know you are doing well in your engineering studies, there some very troubling reports from your core curriculum professors. In English, your professor says you constantly use the passive voice in your essays; your art history professor says you are constantly confusing Carav...

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So its being reported that Neil deGrasse Tyson is having his show pulled from the air due to sexual misconduct allegations. I only have one thing to say about that.

It wasn't actually "pulled from the air". It was removed from a broadcast schedule that includes land, space and over-the-air signal delivery.

what's the worst thing about wild alligators?

their wild allegations

Person One: [To a crowd] “Help! This is an emergency. Is anyone here a doctor?”

Person One: \[To a crowd\] “Help! This is an emergency. Is anyone here a doctor?”

Person Two: “I’m a doctor but I’m afraid of frivolous lawsuits.”

Person Three: “I’m a lawyer and I have a contract here that can protect you against most allegations of malpractice. But it will need to be...

There was a murder at a Janitorial Convention

Needless to say, there were sweeping allegations…

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The suspicious Soviet.

In the heat of the Cold war, the American C.I.A decides to send one of their best spy in Soviet Russia. The spy speak perfect Russians and learn the culture and history of the Russians.

Upon arrival in Moscow, the spies takes photography of nuclear implant, he follows Soviets politician throu...

A man is facing trial for a motor vehicle theft.

Judge: "This is a serious charge, young man. How do you plead to these allegations?"

*The man whispers something quietly to his lawyer*

Lawyer: Are... Are you sure?

Man: Yes, absolutely.

Lawyer: "Your honor, the defendant would like to ple...

A word to the wise from personal experience.

If your brother, Charles is being held over allegations of drug dealing, it's no help putting up a banner on his house saying "Free Charlie."

Several epidemics throughout history have many similarities in characteristics.

For example, many diseases evolved from poor hygiene between animals and humans and a rise in urban population and interregional communication. Many had very similar effects and modes of transmission.

Because of the similarities, many historians are looking into allegations of these diseases ...

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Factual Headlines

Day 1: A famous priest arrives in Seattle airport gets accosted by a reporting asking, "Sir, what are your thoughts about Seattle prostitutes?"

The priest responded, "There are prostitutes in Seattle?"

*News headline the next day: "Famed priest asks about prostitutes upon arriving Seat...

Putin gets interviewed about the sinking of the Moskva

Vladimir Putin:] It’s a great pleasure, thank you.

[Interviewer:] This ship that was involved in the incident off Crimea this week…

[Vladimir Putin:] Yeah, the one the magazine detonated?

[Interviewer:] Yeah

[Vladimir Putin:] That’s not very typical, I’d like to make that...

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A guy goes to a brothel.

A guy wants to go to a brothel. He arrives at the door and asks the guard :

"I want to check the services that this brothel offers"

"Sure man, the office is on the first door on the right"

The guard opens the door and guides him to the office.

The man behind the counter...

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