A detective is investigating a crime scene in Mexico.

A cop fills him in on what happened.

“Apparently the killer is riddled with dementia and considers the train his lover, so he killed the train operator out of jealousy”

“Wow” says the detective, looking up at the train in question.

“That’s some locomotive”

The IRS is investigating a seafood company in Hawaii which dealt in mollusks

They suspect it of being a shell company being in fishy business

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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson were investigating a case.

Suddenly Dr. Watson started having constipation and he retired to the nearest lavatory.

After some time passed, Holmes went to check up on Watson.

"You all right in there, Watson?"

"Yes, Holmes."

"Still having bouts of constipation, don't you?"

"Yeah, no shit, Sher...

When Batman is investigating a crime, the most likely explanation is that the Joker did it.

That's Arkham's Razor.

The police were recently investigating a recent sheep theft..

No onces been charged yet, but police hope to have the criminals behind bahhs soon

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I am currently investigating a possible link between Jeffrey Epstein and Osama Bin Ladin.

I mean where else would Bin Laden get the 72 virgins he was always talking about?

Police were investigating a murder in Ten City...

The victim was Andrew Pun, and the suspects were his family members. They were extremely wealthy, and had a pure blood line spanning out across multiple cities.

The police began interrogating each sibling, guardian, and family friends. All of them had an alibi:

Tommy Pun, Andrew's lit...

If a dog works hard investigating and helps catches criminals and listens to a cop, it's a Police Hound

but if the dog did the same thing but listened to a Private Investigator it's a Snoop Dog

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

“How was he killed” asked one detective. “With a golf gun.” Replied the second detective.

“A golf gun? What’s a golf gun?”

“I don’t know, but it sure made a hole in Juan”

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Officers were investigating a crime that took place at a porn studio.

Finding evidence of the perpetrators, One officer said to the other, "They definitely came in here."

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Police were investigating an incident that happened during a hypnotist's show

A male hypnotist ended up in the hospital with multiple injuries. They interviewed a witness on what happened during the show.

Police: So, can you tell us what happened?

Witness: So we were watching a hypnotist doing his show, all is going well. He asked for volunteers from the audienc...

So police are investigating a korean man on suspicion of murdering his wife..

He is the seoul suspect of the case.

Sherlock Holmes and Watson are camped in the woods while investigating a case.

They go to sleep. Several hours later, Holmes wakes Watson. He says, "Watson, look up and tell me what you see."

Watson says, "Well, I see thousands of stars."

"And what does that tell you?"

"Well, I think it means that we'll have another nice day tomorrow. How about you?"
<...

The police are investigating the recent shootout at a fancy downtown restaurant.

There are no reports of casual tees.

The FBI is now investigating Net Neutrality comments

Pai Pai you piece Ajit

The police are investigating a burglar who robbed my home and drew a picture of himself.

The details are sketchy.

Two detectives are investigating a crime scene in a plastic surgeons O.R. (Long)

After an initial forensics report they determine cause of death was blood loss.

Detective 1: I’ve seen their sort of procedure before. Good God! I thought they stopped this sort of operation years ago!

Detective 2: what is it? You’ve seen this before!??

Detective 1: oh yes....Ma...

Holmes and Watson were investigating a murder at an archaeological dig-site

Holmes picks up several of the rocks and pebbles surrounding the murder victim. After a while, Holmes turns to his companion and says "I've cracked the case. The suspect was clearly murdered with a blow to the head by a rock, which then crumbled and scattered into pieces."

"How on Earth can y...

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A DEA agent is investigating some farms...

On one particular farm he walks up to the farmer who was doing some work in one of his fields and says, "Sir, I'm from the DEA and I'm inspecting some farms in the area to make sure there are no illegal drugs being grown"
The farmer replies, "Alright, but just don't go in that field"
The DEA a...

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3 Quick Ones

Brothel Trip

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.

'I'm 90 years old,' he says.

'90!' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'

'Oh, sorr...

A scientific study was conducted on ants...

There was a scientific study conducted on various species of ants investigating the correlation between their heights and how their feet operate.
Shorter ants were found to have little nubs on the end of their feet that operate similarly to toes on humans and primates.
This was not seen in lar...

Police investigating the feline corpse discovered in a Zerox machine.....

have said “this may be a copy cat killing”

Why did the FBI go to question Sarah Palin while investigating Trump's collusion?

Because she can see Russia from her house.

A group of naturalists found hundreds of dead crows near highways. They began investigating.

They brought an Ornithologist in, who discovered that 90% had been killed by trucks. After some study, they figured out that it was because the crows could say "Caw!" but not "Truck!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN:

**NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN:**

Please be advised that anyone planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a full Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs. This assessment must also consider wheth...

Investigating Hillary Clinton is like fishing on Discovery Channel

... you catch them, you show them, and you let them go.

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