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An agent of the CIA named Charles Dick goes missing after investigating a cartel in Mexico...

After a few days, another agent is sent to find out what happened to him, and after much effort the agent makes contact with one of the cartel's leaders


"What can you tell us about Charles?" the agent asks.
The leader replies, "We have Señor Dick."

Startled, the agent fasten...

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A man get pulled over with his young son in the back seat.

The cop comes to the window.

"Sorry officer, I was rushing tog et home. My wife is throwing a dinner party for very important guests."

The cop writes him a ticket anyway, wishes him a good day and walks back to his patrol car. As he walks away, the dad mutters "Bastard."

The lit...

A duck and a detective are investigating a crime scene.

Duck: It looks like the man was stabbed

Detective : Do you suspect fowl play?

Duck: please focus, there may be a killer on the loose.

Detective: You’re right, I really hope we can quack this case and put it to bread

A crime at the movie theater

A police detective walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Just got done investigating a burglary at the local movie theater," the detective tells the bartender. "They lost almost $10,000." "That's horrible," the bartender says. "Did they get the cash register?" "No," the detective replies. "Just three...

At the doctor investigating my stomach issues, I was asked if I had a family history of stomach issues

I said “why yes, diarrhea runs in my genes.”

A detective is investigating a crime scene in Mexico.

A cop fills him in on what happened.

“Apparently the killer is riddled with dementia and considers the train his lover, so he killed the train operator out of jealousy”

“Wow” says the detective, looking up at the train in question.

“That’s some locomotive”

Sherlock and Watson were investigating a home robbery.

They were going around the house looking for any clues or fingerprints. They were also going off tips from people who witnessed the crime. "One of the people said the guy was in here for a good fifteen or so minutes" said Watson.

"Fifteen minutes? What was he doing here for that long?" Sherlo...

NASA is currently investigating why Mars used to be warm and wet and now dry and cold.

My guess is 5-10 years of marriage.

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

“How was he killed” asked one detective. “With a golf gun.” Replied the second detective.

“A golf gun? What’s a golf gun?”

“I don’t know, but it sure made a hole in Juan”

When Batman is investigating a crime, the most likely explanation is that the Joker did it.

That's Arkham's Razor.

I work at a store that was burglarized.

An investigating officer asked me where I was between 5 and 6.


He didn't seem pleased when I answered:

"Kindergarten."

The police were recently investigating a recent sheep theft..

No onces been charged yet, but police hope to have the criminals behind bahhs soon

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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson were investigating a case.

Suddenly Dr. Watson started having constipation and he retired to the nearest lavatory.

After some time passed, Holmes went to check up on Watson.

"You all right in there, Watson?"

"Yes, Holmes."

"Still having bouts of constipation, don't you?"

"Yeah, no shit, Sher...

The IRS is investigating a seafood company in Hawaii which dealt in mollusks

They suspect it of being a shell company being in fishy business

Police were investigating a murder in Ten City...

The victim was Andrew Pun, and the suspects were his family members. They were extremely wealthy, and had a pure blood line spanning out across multiple cities.

The police began interrogating each sibling, guardian, and family friends. All of them had an alibi:

Tommy Pun, Andrew's lit...

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Police were investigating an incident that happened during a hypnotist's show

A male hypnotist ended up in the hospital with multiple injuries. They interviewed a witness on what happened during the show.

Police: So, can you tell us what happened?

Witness: So we were watching a hypnotist doing his show, all is going well. He asked for volunteers from the audienc...

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I am currently investigating a possible link between Jeffrey Epstein and Osama Bin Ladin.

I mean where else would Bin Laden get the 72 virgins he was always talking about?

If a dog works hard investigating and helps catches criminals and listens to a cop, it's a Police Hound

but if the dog did the same thing but listened to a Private Investigator it's a Snoop Dog

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Officers were investigating a crime that took place at a porn studio.

Finding evidence of the perpetrators, One officer said to the other, "They definitely came in here."

Sherlock Holmes and Watson are camped in the woods while investigating a case.

They go to sleep. Several hours later, Holmes wakes Watson. He says, "Watson, look up and tell me what you see."

Watson says, "Well, I see thousands of stars."

"And what does that tell you?"

"Well, I think it means that we'll have another nice day tomorrow. How about you?"
<...

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Why did the quantum physicist participate in sexual threesomes?

Because he was interested in investigating entanglement and running double slit experiments.

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A DEA agent is investigating some farms...

On one particular farm he walks up to the farmer who was doing some work in one of his fields and says, "Sir, I'm from the DEA and I'm inspecting some farms in the area to make sure there are no illegal drugs being grown"
The farmer replies, "Alright, but just don't go in that field"
The DEA a...

So police are investigating a korean man on suspicion of murdering his wife..

He is the seoul suspect of the case.

Holmes and Watson were investigating a murder at an archaeological dig-site

Holmes picks up several of the rocks and pebbles surrounding the murder victim. After a while, Holmes turns to his companion and says "I've cracked the case. The suspect was clearly murdered with a blow to the head by a rock, which then crumbled and scattered into pieces."

"How on Earth can y...

The FBI is now investigating Net Neutrality comments

Pai Pai you piece Ajit

The police are investigating a burglar who robbed my home and drew a picture of himself.

The details are sketchy.

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Mickey Mouse wakes up one winter morning to find that someone has written "Fuck You Mickey" in the snow on his lawn with piss. It happens multiple times each with worse messages. Mickey calls the police who start investigating and after a few days...

...the detective comes to Mickey and says, "Well I have good news and bad news."

"What's the good news?" Mickey asks.

"We ran a bunch of tests and found that the urine belongs to Donald Duck!"

"Well that's great, but what's the bad news?"

"Forensics has confirmed that the...

Two detectives are investigating a crime scene in a plastic surgeons O.R. (Long)

After an initial forensics report they determine cause of death was blood loss.

Detective 1: I’ve seen their sort of procedure before. Good God! I thought they stopped this sort of operation years ago!

Detective 2: what is it? You’ve seen this before!??

Detective 1: oh yes....Ma...

A group of naturalists found hundreds of dead crows near highways. They began investigating.

They brought an Ornithologist in, who discovered that 90% had been killed by trucks. After some study, they figured out that it was because the crows could say "Caw!" but not "Truck!"

What do you call a cholo investigating a crime scene?

Sherlock homes foo.

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Two FBI agents are investigating the murder of a young woman.

"I can't seem to find any identification on the body. No wallet, purse, phone, or other means of identifying who this poor thing was. The vic looks to be in her early twenties. Dark brown curly hair, and hazel eyes. Pretty thing." says the first FBI agent.

"We'll get this bastard, don't you w...

An old Russian WW2 joke

This is an old Russian WW2 joke that my grandfather loved to tell.

During high-casualty battles between Germans and Russians, the Russian general gets surprised by the commander of a tiny platoon who wants to hand over hundreds of German prisoners. When investigating the prisoners closer, h...

Police investigating the feline corpse discovered in a Zerox machine.....

have said “this may be a copy cat killing”

Why did the FBI go to question Sarah Palin while investigating Trump's collusion?

Because she can see Russia from her house.

Investigating Hillary Clinton is like fishing on Discovery Channel

... you catch them, you show them, and you let them go.

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