I hope Elon Musk never gets involved in a scandal

Elongate would be really drawn out.

I tried to write an article about a recent bedding scandal.

But all the other news agencies had it covered.

What would it be called if Bill Gates ever had a scandal?

Gatesgate

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A male band member’s manager learns that a local tabloid is looking for something scandalous to write a story about.

Trying to get ahead of whatever is coming, they go ahead and write out a list of rules for their client to follow to try and avoid catching the press’s attention. They emailed the list to the celebrity and told them to follow the instructions very closely.

A few days later, one of the manage...

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Jerry Falwell Jr. said that if he ever got caught in a sex scandal....

He would go down swinging.

What do you name a scandal in the Colgate company?

Colgate.

There was a big scandal at my school the other day, two students were suspended and teacher was fired for drinking on the job.

Homeschool is crazy.

Elon Musk caused a major scandal today by going on a bizarre rant about Coronavirus.

I hope Elon-gate is not too drawn out.

I hope Elon Musk never gets involved in a scandal because...

Everyone who searches for actual news on Elongate will only get 50 pages of a reposted joke from Reddit.

Due to all the scandals, the Trump administration has decided to stop using emails.

They’ll use alternative fax.

Why was it called “the Lewinsky scandal”?

Because if they called it the Clinton scandal, people wouldn’t know which on you were talking about.

Did you hear about the scandal with Elon Musk embezzling money for his surgery to make him taller?

Look it up, it's called Elongate.

I keep trying to write a joke about the Kraft scandal...

...but they all end up too cheesy.

How did Papa John's rebrand themselves following the racial scandal?

Uncle Tom's

Did anyone hear about the scandal in North Korea?

Me neither

What if Stephen Colbert got involved in a scandal?

It would be called Colgate.

Did you hear what they’re calling this Tesla scandal?

Elongate, it’s gonna be really drawn out.

Over the last month, Elon Musk seems to be embroiled in one scandal after another.

Elon-Gate seems to be a long drawn out affair.

No wonder Elon Musk's scandals are so drawn out

It's not called elongate for nothing.

Did you hear about the big toothpaste scandal?

The media are calling it Colgate...

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This whole college bribery scandal pisses me off. When I got into MIT, we didn't have fixers or bribes.

We did it the old fashioned way: cheating and blowjobs.

Did you hear about the self-portrait scandal?

Turns out, he was framed.

Family scandals are like a music concert.

Always starts with the new stuff and ends with the old hits.

Russia's dope scandal is now over.

Almost two years after putting him in the White House....

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Another World War II political joke that my grandfather told me.

You guys seem to like my last one so here's another one of my grandad's World War II jokes. Like I said I'll try to retell it like he did.

>There's this rabbi sitting down at a cafe reading a newspaper. One of his congregants notices that he's reading the Daily Stormer, which was the Nazi ...

I left some burgers sitting in my fridge since the horse-meat scandal.

AND THEY'RE OFF!!

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I hope Elon Musk doesn't say something scandalous after being butthurt because someone told him he can stick his sub where it hurts...

Because Elongate could be really long and drawn out.

Does Hilary's scandal compare to Bill's?

I'd say it's close, but no cigar.

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Four nuns are summoned by the head priest for committing sins

Priest to the first nun: alright, sister, what was your sin?

First nun: I saw a man's penis today

Priest: hmmm... well these things can happen by mistake, but it is a sin nonetheless! Go wash your eyes in the holy water.

The first nun does so and some giggling can be heard from ...

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In Headlines Today: White House Sex Scandal

Evidence deemed “fake nudes.”

BMW raided over emissions scandal /r/news

Investigators discovered huge stockpile of uninstalled turn signal controllers.

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Dog grooming is normal...

... but a groom dogging is a scandal.

How is the Copiapó mining accident and the Jared Fogle scandal the same?

In both cases some miners got screwed

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Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are in a bar. Donald leans over, and With A smile on his face, says, "The media are really tearing you apart for That Scandal."

Hillary: "You mean my lying about Benghazi?"

Trump: "No, the other one."


Hillary: "You mean the massive voter fraud?"

Trump: "No, the other one."

Hillary: "You mean the military not getting their votes counted?"

Trump: "No, the other one."

Hillary: "Usin...

Trump's first scandal.

Trump has had his first scandal. According to CNN, Donald Trump has gone to a private dinner with his family without alerting the press core. They've called this 'A dangerous breach of protocol and lack of transparency'.


I guess they're worried that he may have given some classified infor...

Nixon: "I bet you can't run a more scandal-ridden presidency than me"

"Hold my beer"

"Sure.. Wait this isnt beer"

Late one night a robber wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and put a gun to his head. "Give me your money," he demanded. Scandalized, the man replied, "You can’t do this — I’m a US Congressman!"

"Oh! In that case," smiled the robber, "Give me MY money!"

What's the scandal when Tesla promises their cars can travel farther than they really can?

Elongate

Did you guys hear about the scandal with the South Korean president?

She did the right thing and accepted Seoul responsibility.

There's a doping scandal at the Rio de Janeiro Paralympics involving the Russians.

We will see if these accusation stories have any legs.

The Christians are really taking the Dugger family scandal hard

I drove by a Chick-fil-A and the flags were at half-staff...

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Robert Kraft facing charges of soliciting a prostitute just means...

That once again the Patriots are tied to a scandal involving deflated balls.

What shoes does hilliary clinton wear.......

Scandals!!!!!

Obvious media bias

Michelle Obama gives a speech when her husband is being nominated, and the media is generally positive. Melania Trump gives the exact same speech, and the media pretends it's some kind of scandal.

Once upon a time there was an egg...

This egg was very smart, even at a very young age he decided to be the most successful chicken in the world! During his chick years he was so hardworking and competitive that he was always top of the class and graduated a couple of months younger than his peers. Of course, naturally he was accepted ...

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A Priest and a Nun go golfing...

The priest lines up his shot, adjusts his lucky cap, takes a deep breath, and swings! And misses.

"Fuck!" he shouts.

The nun is scandalized and warns the priest-'Father! Watch your language!'
The priest apologizes and decides to move onto the next hole.

He lines up his shot,...

Late one night, Snow White was feeling sleepy

The other dwarves found out and it was a big scandal.

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Heard the one about the Pope!

One morning the Pope awoke in his bed chamber in the Vatican. To his surprise, he noticed that he had woken up with a massive erection. Perplexed, he called on his personal physician.

'Doctor, this should not be possible,' he said, 'I'm the Pope, and I'm celibate! I haven't had one of these f...

The bunny jogging

A bunny is running through the forest and he meets a hedgehog, who's smoking a joint, so the bunny says:

"Hedgehog noo, don't do it, drugs are dangerous, come to run with me in the forest!"

The hedgehog convinced by the bunny runs with him.
They run and they meet a bluetit w...

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I know everyone is tired of the negativity with all the recent events...

I'm negative too. I'm sorry. I can't help it. I just can't comprehend how this guy is so successful. How did he win? And to be on the biggest stage in the world now. It doesn't make sense. No one ever thought he was a real contender, but here he is.

With all the scandal, how people think his ...

The Flying Scotsman

Alex Salmond's colleagues decided it would be a worthy gesture to name a railway locomotive after him, so an official went to the National Railway Museum at York to investigate the possibilities.

"There are a number of locomotives at the NRM without names," a consultant told the official, but...

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A zoophile, a pyromaniac, a necrophile and a masochist are siiting on a bench...

... in a park. The zoophile comes up with a twisted idea:
"Let's find a cat and fuck its brains out", he says.
"Yeah, and then let's burn it to a crisp!", adds the pyro.
"Brilliant idea, so we can fuck it, burn it, then fuck it again", says the necrophile.
The masochist's eyes light up a...

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Topical Jokes (5/19)

Good evening, folks! It is once again time to relay the jokes.

First up, if you're not following this story, you're missing out. The IRS scandal continues to get stickier. According to a White House insider, President Obama learned about the IRS scandal by watching TV news. As shocking as tha...

What footwear does Hilary Clinton wear to the beach?

Flip flops or scandals!

Florida lawmaker Randall Thompson is forced to resign after it is revealed he spent taxpayer money on expensive footwear for his wife.

I guess Randall mishandled his panhandle sandal scandal.

Sepp Blatter has resigned as FIFA President...

Sep Blatter has resigned as the FIFA President after the allegations of corruption have been taken global. His involvement in the scandal has been rumoured to have been the sharing of confidential FIFA information to private entities in return for large cash payments.

A press release has bee...

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The Talking Dog

One day, a man was going through personal ads and came across an ad for a supposed talking dog. When he sees this, he's immediately interested and decides he would check it out for fun. He contacts the person who posted the ad and is on his way in no time.

So he arrives to the owners house, ...

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Topical Jokes (5/16)

Another day has gone by. And, of course, we now have a new set of jokes. Some of these are weirder but let's begin!

Inside int'l experts believe that Kim Jong Un may have two babies by two different women. In a quick response to the rumor, President Obama has appointed a new consul to North K...

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The Pope Fell Ill...

The Pope became very sick, and all the doctors in the world could not find a cure. Finally, in the back of an ancient medical text kept deep in a Vatican library, they found a possible cure: The Pope must have sex with a woman. The Pope was shocked. How could this be? To have sex with a woman? Sca...

Topical Jokes (5/20)

Welcome back, everybody! We've got some more news and, thus, more jokes. Let's get started.

Right off the bat, more on President Obama. Following a week of scandals, President Obama played golf with Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood. Things got a little tense when Obama had IRS agents audit...

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