UPJOKE
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A friend of mine has recently started a hot air balloon business

He hasn't got it off the ground yet

Putin, Biden and Zelensky are all in a hot air balloon

Putin, Biden and Zelensky are all in a hot air balloon and it’s starting to lose altitude. They need to lose some weight to stop from crashing.

Putin throws out a bottle of vodka and says “don’t worry I’ve got too much of that in my country anyway”

Biden throws out an AR-15 and says “d...

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he's lost.

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he's lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."...

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me?

I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground.
You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"...

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A guy is flying in a hot air balloon and is lost

So he lowers himself over a field and shouts to a guy on the ground:

"Can you tell me where I am, and which way I'm headed?"

- "Sure! You're at 43 degrees, 12 minutes, 21.2 seconds north; 123 degrees, 8 minutes, 12.8 seconds west. You're at 212 meters above sea level. Right now, you'r...

So I invested in a hot air balloon company...

And it's really taken off

My friend hired a hot air balloon for his wedding.

They quoted him 200 and on the day charged 400. Said it was due to inflation.

There's a trick to eating hot air balloons.

They're really good when you get it down.

Why do hot air ballons use burners and not steam?

Because Fireflies and Waterfalls

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20 men and a witch are in a hot air balloon

One man says "We are losing air, some of us are going to have to jump out!"
The witch says "Don't worry, if you drink this potion whatever you say will appear below you, when you jump out!"
One man drinks the potion and says "Pillows" and lands in 20 pounds of pillows
Another man drinks the...

Philosophers in hot air balloons.

They think highly of us.

I have only ever seen hot air balloons in the morning

I guess they’re all early risers

3 men are on a hot air balloon

3 men are on a hot air balloon but it’s losing altitude. They need to get rid of things quickly.

The first man grabs some planks of wood and throws them off the side of the balloon.

The second man throws 3 heavy rocks off of the balloon.

The last man drops a bomb off the side....

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[inventing the hot air balloon...]

I don't give a fuck where I go.

I'm waiting to invest in a hot air balloon

I don't want to lose my life's savings to inflation

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I called in a psychic radio show while I was taking a ride in a hot air balloon.

Psychic: Go ahead caller, you’re on the air.

Me: Holy shit, how did you know??

A teacher, a nurse, and an Army man were in a hot air balloon.

The balloon was too heavy so each of them dropped something off it. The teacher dropped an apple, the nurse dropped her medical bag, and the Army man drops a grenade. After they land, they go for a walk. They come across a little girl who's crying. They ask her what's wrong and she says an apple fel...

I used to talk alot about hot air baloons.

But now my friends say I can't bring it up.

Did you hear about the charismatic politician who spews a lot of hot air when he talks about his ideas?

You could say that he expresses himself with convection.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, an American and a Mexican are in a hot air balloon.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, an American and a Mexican are in a hot air balloon.

They're running out of fuel, and losing height, having already thrown all of their ballast overboard.

A range of mountains is coming up in the distance, and they need to lose weight the clear them.

A...

A physicist insisted on his wife giving birth on a hot air balloon.

When his son turned out to be a shame on the family, he told him: "You had so much potential!"

What does a hot air balloon and a homeless person have in common

No visible means of support

Variation of the hot air balloon joke

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to fly to the airport. The pilot saw a...

Three soldiers are in a hot air balloon

Three soldiers are in a hot air balloon, riding over a town with a mountain in the distance. As the mountain approaches, the sudden realization hits that they will not clear mountain.

In a last-ditch effort, they try to throw out everything they can. The first soldier throws out their weapon...

What do you call the basket on a hot air balloon?

A balooney bin. Fuuuuuuck I hate myself.

i was dating a hot air balloonist

at least she let me down gently

I didn’t get the joke about the hot air balloon.

I think it was over my head.

Why'd the crazy guy jump out of the hot air balloon's basket?

He wanted to escape from the ballooney bin.

Donald Trump, Kim Jong Un, and El Chapo are on a punctured hot air balloon that's quickly going down.

In order to slow their descent, they decide to throw stuff out of the basket in which they're riding.

El Chapo throws several bricks of cocaine over the side and says, "Don't worry, I've got tons of this stuff back in my country."

Following suit, Kim Jong Un throws over several bottles...

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My friend wanted to ride a hot air balloon...

So we went to the place where they had hot air balloon rides and my Buddy goes up. He finds out in talking with the driver of the balloon that he is a homosexual. The driver says to my buddy "you either have to take it in the ass or jump " I see him the next day and told me the story and I said "so...

4 men were talking inside a bar.

One of the men went to the bathroom and the other men started talking about their sons.

The first man says: "My son is so rich, he just bought a mansion and gave it to his boyfriend".
The second one said: "My son is so rich, he bought a Ferrari and gave it to his boyfriend"
The third on...

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Male or Female non-living objects... You might not know this, but a lot of non-living things are remarkably similar to men and women.

**FREEZER BAGS**: These are male because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

**PHOTOCOPIERS:** These are female, because once turned off, it takes

**TIRES**: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated

**HOT AIR BALLOONS**: Al...

I know why this entire country has gotten so cold.

It's because Trump stopped blowing hot air that kept all of us warm.

What kind of monkey can fly?

A hot air baboon

A man in a ballon

A man was stuck in a hot air balloon and realized that he was lost. He reduced his height and saw a woman down on a field.

He went further down and yelled at the woman : "Excuse me, Could you help me? I had arranged a meeting with a friend an hour ago, but I have no idea were I am."
...

We should send all of Earth's politicians to colonize Mars.

All that hot air would make it habitible quickly!

"You must be an engineer"

A man is flying solo in a hot air balloon and he discovers that he is lost. He lowers altitude until he can see a guy walking through a field.

He says to the guy, "Hey, where am I"?
The guy replies, "You are in a hot air balloon about 8 feet above farmer Jack's field."
The balloon ...

My 8 year old son just told me this : What do you call a flying monkey ?

A hot air baboon !

Politicians are rushing to Venus.

This after news that the local population absolutely *lives* for hot air.

First post please be nice

And English man a Chinese man and an Australian man were in a hot air balloon and it started to got down, the English man said quick we need to get rid of stuff we don't need so he throws out a tea pot and a mug, and says "we have to many of these in our country" the Chinese man throws out some ch...

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A Scotsman, an American, and a Mexican...

A Scotsman, an American, and a Mexican are travelling in a hot air balloon when it starts to rapidly lose altitude.

"Quick!" says the Scotsman, "We need to lose some weight, fast."

He throws his case of fine scotch whisky over the side.

"Why did you do that?" says the American. ...

You must be an Engineer...

(I'm fairly new to reddit, so I hope this isn't an old one.)

A guy is lost on a hot air balloon ride. After some time, he sees a man in a field and lowers the balloon to ask for directions.

"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" he calls down.

The man in the field thinks ...

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An Englishmen, a Mexican and an American...

are all in a hot air balloon. The Englishman throws a teabag out of the balloon and the Mexican says "why did you do that?"
"We have too many of those in my country" replies the Englishmen. The Mexican then decides to throw a burrito out of the balloon and the American says "why would you do suc...

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What's The Difference Between Donald Trump & a Bag of Cheetos?

One is a cheesy sack of toxic crap that's pumped up with orange dye and hot air, and is sold to ignorant masses with no taste.

The other is a corn-based snack food.

I'm going on a date with a chemical engineer this week, what are some good chemisty/engineering jokes?

Best engineering joke I've heard:

A man is walking in a field when he notices a guy adrift in a hot air balloon with no fuel. Balloon guy shouts down "A little help here?"
The man on the ground looks up and shouts "You are in a hot air balloon with no fuel, you're about 20 feet off the gro...

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[NSFW] On a midnight train to Georgia...

A man and a woman, total strangers, find themselves sharing the same double bunk-bed passenger cabin on the 10:15 PM Amtrack express to Atlanta due to a mix-up at the ticket office.

It's the middle of winter. There's frost on the window, and the shitty Amtrak maintenance means the heat is ou...

A Manager and an Engineer

A man is flying in a hot air balloon above the mountains. He's lost, so when he sees a man walking down below, he yells out to him. "Excuse me sir, can you tell me where I am?" yells the man in the balloon. The man walking on the ground says "Certainly. You're 30 feet up in the air, in a hot air bal...

The other day a blimp told me he contained a perfect vacuum

I told him he was full of hot air

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A man is on a plane and really needs to use the bathroom...

but all the men's bathrooms are busy. He tries his best to wait and hold it but finds it very difficult.

He approaches a stewardess and explains his situation and begs to use the women's bathroom. After some debate and ample hesitation, she agrees under the condition he does not touch any bu...

My math teacher told me this one today

Two guys were flying over the Sahara Desert in a hot air balloon. They were completely lost, and had no way to find out where to go to get to civilization.

Suddenly, they see a man walking on the ground. Thinking they may be close to some kind of settlement, one guy calls down to the man:...

Trump only pulled out of the Paris Climate Agreement because he was standing up for his own kind

After all, he is just a load of hot air

French Joke (translated)

A Frenchman, an American, and an Arab are on a hot air balloon.
The hot air ballon wouldn't lift-off as there was too much weight, so the three friends agree on throwing off anything that is plentiful in their respective countries. The rich American goes forth and throws away piles on piles of ...

The (Mostly) True Story of Two Musicians and a Summer in Boston

Last summer, I went to Boston for a music program and met up with a bunch of awesome musicians, people from all over the world with all sorts of talents. My two roommates, for instance, were super chill guys. Sam was a saxophone player from Santa Barbara and George was a guitarist from Chicago. Supe...

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