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Achoo Jokes

My wife asked me why I always have to sneeze so loudly.

I told her, it’s not that I HAVE to….

Achoos to

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call sex with an immigrant?

Foreignercation

Foreigner-cation, for those not seeing it. Props to ImMrSneezyAchoo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Achoo

A woman gets on a plane and sits next to a random dude. Just before takeoff, he sneezes. She turns to him to say "Bless you" but is startled into silence when she sees him furtively take his penis out, wipe it off, and put it away. She decides to say nothing.

However, after she observes this ...

Un deux trois quatre cinq six sept ACHOO!

Sorry, I have a wheat allergy.

Where do Incans go to sneeze?

Achoo Picchu

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A woman sits down on a plane for a long flight

Sitting in the window seat next to her is a middle aged man. Some time after the plane takes off the man lets out a small "Achoo!". Immediately he unzips his pants, pulls his dick out, wipes it off.

Aghast, the woman is so stunned that before she can speak he's zipped back up, staring out th...

Gesundheit

What are you called when you reach the highest power level sneeze ever?

You're a Peak-Achoo.



I'll see myself out...

They’re having a great sale in person at the mall for Black Friday

Everything is buy one, get achoo free

The phone rings....

A man answers: "Hello?"


"*cough, cough, achoo*"


"Who is this?"


"*cough, achoo, cough, cough*"


The man slams down the phone. "Damn cold calls."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

stalin is in a huge auditorium giving a speech,

when from somewhere near the front of the crowd comes a DEAFENING sneeze, cutting him off. In a booming voice Stalin asks, "WHO DID THAT?"

No reply.

Stalin orders the entire front row to be taken outside and executed. Thereafter he continues his speech, until another ear-splitting ACHO...

Hey baby do you have the Corona virus?

Because I can’t stop looking achoo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sneezes just went from bless you to fuck you real quick.

Achoo.

I recently found out I’m allergic to alliteration

*Achoo*

My friend choked to death while sneezing.

I guess he bit off more than he could achoo.

What mountaintop is infamous for making climbers disappear?

\- Peak Aboo.

And which one gives them a flu?

\- Peak Achoo.

What do you call a vampire with allergies?

Nosefor-achoo!

What is the state that has the most colds?

Mass-ACHOO-setts

What does a sick train say?

Achoo Achoo!

What did the Frenchman with bad allergies say when he had to leave the dinner party?

My sincerest apologies but I bid you all ACHOO.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new highly infectious virus has broken out in Boston causing large amounts of people to sneeze so hard fall on their ass.

They’re calling the “mass achoo sits”.

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