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Hiccup Jokes

An older woman, well past child-bearing years went to a walk-in clinic where she was seen by a young, new doctor. After about 3 minutes in the exam room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out the door, screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked her what the problem was, and she told him what had happened.
After hearing her out, he sat her down in another exam room and marched back to where the first doctor was and demanded, “what is the matter with you? That lady is over 60 years old, has four grown...

A Cure For Hiccups

A man goes into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man’s face.

“What did you do that for?” the man asks, rubbing his aching cheek.

“Well, you don’t have the hiccups anymore, do you?” aske...

how to get rid of hiccups

Hold your breath for 15 minutes

Holding your breath is a reliable cure for the hiccups

....though now that I think on it, it cures just about every other ailment too.

A young man is visiting his girlfriend at her parent's home for the first time...

He's looking for a cup to make some tea in when he notices a long row of handmade cups, each inscribed with what seems like half-words. Just then the girlfriend's mother walks in, and he asks her what the deal with the cups are.

"Oh those. They are our family cups, one for each member, they'v...

Dreamworks has announced a new film exploring Hiccup's descent into depression and alcoholism after saying goodbye to Toothless.

It's called *How to Drain Your Flagon.*

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The Cure for Hiccups

A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist if he has anything to cure hiccups. The pharmacist says he does! So the pharmacist pulls out a glass and a pitcher of water. Then he starts filling the glass. He poured very slowly, and as the last little bit entered the cup, he let out a very loud...

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I told my friend the other day I fucked his wife and got her pregnant .

That cured his hiccups.

What vehicle is the worst kind of gas guzzler?

A hiccup truck.

What type of vehicle does a rural boy with synchronous diaphragmatic flutter drive?

A hiccup truck

A man walked into a pharmacy.

"Do you have anything to cure hiccups?" he asked.

The pharmacist didn't reply.

Again, the man asked "Excuse me, I asked if you have anything for hiccups?"

Still the pharmacist stayed silent.

The man started getting annoyed. "Can you hear me? I'm looking for something fo-"...

A doctor was examining a nun

Suddenly, the nun fainted dead away & the doctor was forced to summon emergency aid.

"What happened!?!" asked one nurse as the EMTs worked on the nun.

"Well, I examined her and I told her she was pregnant."

"She is?!" yelled the nurse.

"Actually, no" said the doctor ...

There's these two priests walking out of a church, having a conversation, when a drunk approaches them.

"Hey (hiccup), do you two serve the church?"

"Yes."

"Well, I'm the Son of God, so you guys are serving me."

"No, my friend, you are not."

"Really, I am. I can prove it."

"Okay, go ahead and prove it to us."

"Alright (hiccup), follow me."

The two pries...

Last requests

Last requests
A guy’s on the electric chair. The warden’s just about to pull the switch when the guy gets the hiccups.
The warden says, “Do you have any last requests?”
The guy says, “(hic) Yeah… (hic) could you please do (hic)… could you please do something to scare me?”

A doctor's receptionist is working away when she sees a nun running out of the doctor's office in floods of tears.

"whats up with her?" asked the receptionist.

"Oh, I told her she was pregnant", answered the doctor.

"Oh, no! That's terrible".

"Don't worry," said the doctor, "she's not, but it's cured her hiccups".

A drunk phoned the police to report that thieves had broken in to his car.

"They've stolen the dashboard, steering wheel, break pedal, even the accelerator," he cried out.

However, before the police investigation could get under way the phone rang a second time, with the same voice came over the line.
"Never mind," said the drunk with a hiccup, "I got in the bac...

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A man walks into a bar with a cat...

"Hey, we don't allow cats in here!" the bartender says.

But the man objects. "This isn't just any fucking cat," he drunkenly slurs. "This is a very special cat. I've taught him to do fucking math!"

The bartender is skeptical. "*You* personally taught *that* cat to do math?" he asks....

Water boarding gets a lot of bad press

But the search to cure hiccups must continue!

Curing a nuns hiccups

A nurse is going to work, walking through the hospitals parking lot, when a nun runs past her, screaming and crying. The nurse approaches the doctor standing in the doorway and asks, "What's wrong with that nun?" "Oh," the doctors says, "I told her she was pregnant." "Oh, so she's pregnant?" "No, bu...

A woman bursts out of the examining room, screaming after her doctor tells her she is pregnant

The director of the clinic stops her and asks what the problem is. She tells him what happened and another doctor has her sit down and relax in another room while he marches down the hallway to where the woman’s doctor had informed her of the pregnancy.

“What is wrong with you? Mrs. Miller is...

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NSFW A Welsh coal miner is met at the door by his obviously angry wife....

when he arrives still drunk from the weekend on Sunday morning.

She asked him: "Did you not get paid Friday for working all month?"

He replies (with a belch): That I did, my lovely woman!"

She glares back at him, "And how much of that month's pay do you have left?"

Barely...

Three women go to heaven...

Upon entering the pearly gates God states, "You can live a blissful life with anything you can dream of for all eternity. However, you must not step on any of the ducks!" The women look around to see the floor crowded with waddling ducks. Years go by without a hiccup. Finally after 10 years the firs...

The receptionist got a bit shocked when a nun comes running out at full speed, with an expression that could only be described as pure horror.

Receptionist: What in gods name happened to her? The receptionist asked the doctor.

Doctor: Well, I told her she was pregnant.

Receptionist: Pregnant? A nun? Was she really?

Doctor: Of course not, but atleast I managed to cure her hiccups...

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A Man Goes to the Doctor About His Erectile Dysfunction

“Doc I can’t perform in bed and it’s killing my dating life.”


The doctor replies, “I have just the thing,” and hands the man a bottle of pills. “These will allow you to get an erection, but only when lying on your back. Just tell her she should be on top.”
The man agrees to try it, des...

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This is a riddle

This is a riddle. It works well if you let the students ask yes and no questions about the situation, before revealing the answer.
Q: A man goes into a bar and asks for a glass of water. The barman pulls out a gun, and points it at the customer. "Thank you" replies the customer and walks out. Wha...

I went to see the doctor the other day...

...and as I arrived, a nun rushed out crying. So, I said to the doctor, "d'you know, when I arrived here, a nun rushed out crying!". Doctor says, "oh yeah, I just told her she's pregnant."
"Oh my God," says I, "is she really?"
"No, of course not," says the doctor, "but it cured her hiccups!"

A man is caught licking the outside of a tavern.

A police officer asks him what he's doing.

"Waitin' to get arrested, officer," he slurs. "If I'm gonna get charged with something, I wanna deserve it."

"What are you talking about?" the officer replies.

"I've been arrested 3 times this month, and I've agreed with the charges of...

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Enjoying Life

There are few things I enjoy more than picking an argument with my wife when she has the hiccups.


I wish I could wake up in the morning and be as excited about it as my penis.

A man comes home drunk late at night.

He hears his cuckoo clock strike four a.m.

Vaguely remembering he promised his wife to be home before midnight, his mind races to come up with a plan: He imitates the clock's call some more times, and his wife will be none the wiser. When he finally goes to bed, his wife doesn't say a word; n...

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So, the day little Johnny is turning 12, his dad asks him the following question...

"Little Johnny, do you know how babies are born?"
The little boy, scared, answers immediately:
"I don't wanna know! Please promise you won't tell me, dad!!!"
The dad is really nonplussed, confused, and asks him:
"But why in the world don't you want to know, Johnny?"
Johnny, hiccuping ...

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A Finn, a Swede and a Norwegian

get caught in a storm while sailing and crash into an island. The island is inhabited by cannibals. They're given 3 tasks and if they fail at anyone of them, they'll be eaten.
First they have to drink a bottle of moonshine, then they have to go into a tiger cave and kill a tiger and lastly they ...

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A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a shot of 15 year old scotch...

The bartender thinks, "This guy doesn't know 15 year old scotch from water". So he pours some cheap whiskey for the guy, who throws back the shot and spits it out all over the bar. "No, Damn it!", yells the man, "I want 15 year old scotch, not this house crap." The bartender wants to test him now an...

The Bartender's Challenge

A man enters a bar and walks right up to the counter.

As he's about to order a drink, he notices a huge glass jar, absolutely stuffed with $20s.

The man asks the bartender, "Hey, what's this, a tip jar or something?"

The bartender responds with a smile, "We have a little challe...

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A drunk walks into a bar...

He sits down and sees three darts laying in front of him.

"Wha... What's the the deal with these darts, bartender?"

The bartender tells him they have a promotion going where anybody who gets three bullseye in a row get a prize. The drunk staggers to his feet, takes aim and-miraculous...

A close shave

A man dressed impeccably, in the finest Italian suit, a silk tie and matching leather shoes walked into a shabby barbershop and enquired apprehensively.
"I have a very important meet in an hour and I need the closest shave possible, I do not want a hint of growth anywhere. Do you think you can d...

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A man was crossing the countryside in his car.

He had already been on the road for some time and he had a good way still to go when his motor hiccuped and died, and refused to start again.

The man popped the hood open and spent a few moments just cursing about the situation and trying to fix the engine, but he was no mechanic, so it seeme...

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A Bear walks into a bar in Butte...

Walks up to the Bartender and says "Gimme a beer"

Bartender says "No way, get out! We don't serve beers to bears in bars in Butte!"

Drunk woman at the end of the bar says "You heard the man bear, get out!"

Bear says again "I'm asking nicely, please give me a beer"

Bartend...

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Drunk joke: the cuckoo-clock

A wife goes out for the night with her girlfriends. Just before she left, she assured her husband that she wouldn’t be home any later than midnight: “I promise, honey.” Unfortunately it happened to be ladies night, which meant the cocktails were only half the usual price and the night got really fun...

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New to the big city, a man is referred to a local bar, high up on the roof of a major newspaper building…

One night he decides to visit it. As he exits the elevator, he sees two other men: A classy, well-dressed bartender and a more blue-collar-looking patron in glasses. He sits down next to the patron and orders a drink.

The patron leans over to him and says, “First time here, right?”

“Ye...

One day, a man exploring a jungle stumbles upon an ancient village.

One day, a man exploring a jungle stumbles upon a legendary ancient village. The villagers, who to the man's surprise are still alive and well, lavish him with praise. They think he must be a god! But he must first be tested, just to be sure.

So the chief of the village takes him to a row of ...

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