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Wizards Jokes

If the Ku Klux Klan leaders are wizards, why don't they cast a spell to kill all those that oppose them?

Because they don't have access to black magic.

Why did the wizards wife have hickeys on her neck?

Because he was a neck-romancer....

PSA do not wear a washington wizards face mask.

CDC studies have shown they provide no defense

Where do evil wizards do their shopping?

Volde Mart.

Witches and wizards don't fart.

They cast smells.

The Smiths were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower and their descendants included senators and Wall Street wizards.

They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren.
They hired a fine author.
Only one problem arose, how to handle great-uncle George, the criminal, who was executed in the electric chair.
The author said he could handle the story tactfully.
The book...

What is the most prevalent STI wizards and witches get?

Hog warts.

Why are vampires like wizards?

Because they’re neck-romancers

What do nerds and racists have in common?

They both aspire to be wizards.

Why did the wizards show up to battle empty handed?

Their weapons were at a staff meeting.

Yes, yes. Groan, downvote, and move on. It popped into my head and I shouldn't have to suffer alone.

How much are tickets to wizards’ sporting events?

About a quid each

How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb?

Six.

One Slytherin to break it.

One Gryffindor to volunteer to change it.

Three Hufflepuffs to hold the ladder to ensure the safety of the Gryffindor student.

And one Ravenclaw to point out that they could have just used magic in the first place.

Three wizards decide to play with spells....

They conjure up a slide that leads into a pool and put a spell on it so that whatever you say as you come down the slide will appear in the pool.

The first wizard shouts "BEEEEEERRRR" whilst on the slide and lands in a pool of the best beer ever to be tasted.

The second wizard cries "W...

What is the favorite school of magic for cow wizards?

Moodoo

How are wizards banished?

They're expelled.

Why are mixed-race wizards ineffective?

They can only half-cast.

What do you call a group of wizards?

A staff meeting.

What’s the leading cause of death in wizards?

Staff infection.

What kind of doors to wizards use?

Gryffindoors

Two wizards were having an argument.

One of them was saying that magic is produced by the person casting the spell. The other argued that it is drawn out of the air around them and the spell-caster simply acts as a focal point for the magic. They decided to seek some help.

The two wizards set off to visit Drahn the Wise, who was...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At a university for wizards, an undergrad was having a big week. He had just learned his first spell. Freeze, Level 1.

Turns out he was a natural. By the second day, he could freeze his classmates for ten seconds. When Friday came, the professor declared he was ready for the final project: to freeze people in public.

Over the weekend, he went looking for a place to cast. He needed somewhere with a lot of peop...

How many are eight Wizards of Oz?

One Wizard of Cups

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do wizards in Harry Potter use instead of laxatives?

Expellianus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are 3 wizards on a cliff...

The first one runs, and jumps off yelling "EAGLE!" then transforms into an eagle and flies away. The second jumps yelling "FALCON!" He then turns into a falcon and flies away. The third runs but trips and he yelled "OH SHIT!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The wizard and the monkey and the alligator.

A wizard is walking through the forest when he stumbles on to a monkey in a tree. The wizard asks what the monkey is doing and the monkey replies nothing just chilling smoking this joint. The monkey then asks if the wizard would like to join. The wizard does. After smoking the joint the wizard gets...

How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb?

Depends what you want it to change into...

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