What language do the mailmen of Hogwarts converse in?


How does Albus get into Hogwarts?

Through the Dumble-door.

Why i don’t trust the stairs at “hogwarts”?

Because they are subject to change.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You hear about the wizard that dropped out of Hogwarts?

He couldn’t spell.

What do you call the Imodium the head nurse at Hogwarts gives you?

Defense Against the Dark Farts

Why did none of the girls at Hogwarts ever get pregnant?

Fetus Deletus!

I’ve noticed a severe lack of African-American students attending Hogwarts...

... I guess they don’t like black magic.

J.K. Rowling recently tweeted out that Hogwarts actually has a full gym for wizards to exercise and lift weights

The entrance is called the Dumbbell Door

What game do octopuses play at Hogwarts?


Apparently Hogwarts has a low teen pregnancy rate.

Research shows it is singlehandedly due to the spell - DELETUS FETUS

how does harry potter get to hogwarts?

he walks

Jk, rolling

Harry Potter fans be like: ”I wanna go to Hogwarts!”

Narnia fans be like: ”I wanna go to Narnia!”

Hunger Games fans be like: ”I’m good...”

What do you call the Mental Health class at Hogwarts?

Defence against the Dark Thoughts.

I really like telling children at the station...

...that the way to Hogwarts is just a matter of speed.


"try again faster."


What do they call Gold Bond at Hogwarts?


Did you hear about the magical gorilla taking ceramics class at Hogwarts?

It's a Hairy Potter.

What's a Hogwarts student's favourite boy band? [NSFW]

Wand Erection.

Hogwarts' Spells

Two kids are fighting in Hogwarts, Dumbledore comes to seperate them and says loudly «You guys are Ex-spelled»

I dated a wizard once

They gave me hogwarts.

It wouldn’t quidditching.

Harry Potter's invisibility cloak was very effective for spying on the women of Hogwarts

They never saw him coming.

How do Hogwarts students keep their breathe fresh?

enchant mints

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who are the most homo-erotic pop group at Hogwarts?

Wand Erection.

Why did Harry Potter have to go to Diagon Alley before going to Hogwarts?

He didn't want to be an unwanded guest.

What does a confused student at Hogwarts study?

Which craft?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I know why Hogwarts doesn't have math class. They have a magical device for it.

It's called a calculator.

What do they call an abortion in Hogwarts?

*fetus, deletus!*

^It's ^my ^first ^time ^posting ^here. ^Tell ^me ^if ^I ^did ^something ^wrong ^or ^if ^this ^is ^the ^wrong ^sub...

^And ^yes, ^I ^am ^a ^Muggle.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doing the Boss

A woman's boss calls her into his office asking her if she would house sit when he's gone for a weekend.
Accepting right away she says , "I'll make a list right now of what you'll need. Whatll you need me to do?"

"I've a mini pig that has a rash, can you rub some soothing oil on it?" The b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do black people get to Hogwarts ?

They go through wall 9 3/5

What did Voldemort say when stubbed his toe trying to enter Hogwarts?

"Dumb 'ol door!"

What do you call a Jamaican teacher at Hogwarts?

De mentor.

What did the neckbeard wizard use to find his way around Hogwarts?

M'rauders Map

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

First day of class at Hogwarts

A group of first-year students walked into a classroom at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The professor, Febuina Pell, was young for her profession and had never married, but was well respected and had written the very textbook to be used in the class. One of the students, a muggle-born ...

*For Harry Potter fans* What language do UPS men at Hogwarts speak?


How is the Battle for Hogwarts like a Black Friday sale?

Weasley twins are 50% off

How much do flying broomsticks cost at Hogwarts?

Quid each.

Hey, Can I take you to Hogwarts?

Because I'm 9 and 3/4.

What do you call a pig with a skin disease?


This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Harry Potter and Kermit the Frog's penis have in common?


Professor Snape and Eearmus

There was once a terribly misbehaving student at Hogwarts. His name was Eearmus. He wouldn't finish his homework or practice any of his incantations. The teachers were getting really impatient with Eearmus.

One day, Eearmus was extra mischievous and decided to play a prank on professor Snape...

Don't touch magic pigs...

...you might get Hogwarts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Story Time

So when I was a kid, I was a total nerd. Excelled in class, but I was bullied a lot. There was this really cute girl in my class. I was absolutely in love. I introduced myself to her and we got to talking. She immediately friend zoned me. I'm hurt, but I'm like, whatever. She's amazing and man, if n...

French Jokes

What's the standard issue weapon in the French army? A white flag.

What's the only French martial art? Parkour, the art running away.

Like the entrance to Hogwarts, if you look at the French flag from exactly the right angle (like that of an invading army), it turns white.

An Am...

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