How do you get to the gym at Hogwarts?

Find the dumbbell door.

A dentist graduated from Hogwarts...

He’s now known as the “Wizard of Aahhhs”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Dumbledore give the best blow jobs at Hogwarts?

Because he's the headmaster.

What do Hogwarts students use to read PDF files?

They use Adobby

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who gives the best blowjobs at Hogwarts?

Dumbledore, he’s the head master

How did the chocolate frog sneak into Hogwarts?

It used the invisibility croak.

i used to go to hogwarts but they kicked me out because of my dyslexia

apparently spelling matters

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

J. K. Rowling has revealed one of the teachers at Hogwarts was a hermaphrodite.

Professor Clitdick

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You hear about the wizard that dropped out of Hogwarts?

He couldn’t spell.

Why did Akbar didn't get accepted into Hogwarts?

Because he is a "Mughal"

What language does the post office at Hogwarts speak?

Parceltongue

I’ve noticed a severe lack of African-American students attending Hogwarts...

... I guess they don’t like black magic.

how does harry potter get to hogwarts?

he walks


Jk, rolling

What game do octopuses play at Hogwarts?

Squiddich

Why i don’t trust the stairs at “hogwarts”?

Because they are subject to change.

Harry Potter fans be like: ”I wanna go to Hogwarts!”

Narnia fans be like: ”I wanna go to Narnia!”

Hunger Games fans be like: ”I’m good...”

What do you call the Imodium the head nurse at Hogwarts gives you?

Defense Against the Dark Farts

What's a Hogwarts student's favourite boy band? [NSFW]

Wand Erection.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who are the most homo-erotic pop group at Hogwarts?

Wand Erection.

Harry Potter's invisibility cloak was very effective for spying on the women of Hogwarts

They never saw him coming.

What does a confused student at Hogwarts study?

Which craft?

Why did none of the girls at Hogwarts ever get pregnant?

Fetus Deletus!

What do you call the Mental Health class at Hogwarts?

Defence against the Dark Thoughts.

What do they call an abortion in Hogwarts?

*fetus, deletus!*


^It's ^my ^first ^time ^posting ^here. ^Tell ^me ^if ^I ^did ^something ^wrong ^or ^if ^this ^is ^the ^wrong ^sub...


^And ^yes, ^I ^am ^a ^Muggle.

Following the events of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, how did the Hogwarts payroll department satisfy the sudden termination of Albus Dumbledore?

Severus Package

Did you hear about the magical gorilla taking ceramics class at Hogwarts?

It's a Hairy Potter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I know why Hogwarts doesn't have math class. They have a magical device for it.

It's called a calculator.

Harry Potter is invited to a... "gathering" at Hogwarts one night.

He is told to go through the door marked by a gryphon. As he does so, he wonders what this is all about. When he enters the room, he is stunned to see Malfoy obviously inebriated on the floor, just slitherin' over to the side, towards a guy who would repeatedly huff 'n' puff clouds of smoke. Next to...

What do they call Gold Bond at Hogwarts?

Quidditch.

How do Hogwarts students keep their breathe fresh?

enchant mints

Hogwarts' Spells

Two kids are fighting in Hogwarts, Dumbledore comes to seperate them and says loudly «You guys are Ex-spelled»

Why did Harry Potter have to go to Diagon Alley before going to Hogwarts?

He didn't want to be an unwanded guest.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do black people get to Hogwarts ?

They go through wall 9 3/5

What did the neckbeard wizard use to find his way around Hogwarts?

M'rauders Map

What do you call a Jamaican teacher at Hogwarts?

De mentor.

*For Harry Potter fans* What language do UPS men at Hogwarts speak?

Parcel-tongue

Don't let this election distract you...

From the fact that Slytherin blew a 472 to 312 point lead to Gryffindor for the House Cup during the trophy presentation ceremony at Hogwarts back in 1992.

Hey, Can I take you to Hogwarts?

Because I'm 9 and 3/4.

How much do flying broomsticks cost at Hogwarts?

Quid each.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Never have sex with a wizard...

I did once and I got Hogwarts.

Now they won't quidditching.

I don't know about you but in these sad, desperate times, I've hit a wall so many times...

...that now more than ever, I deserve to board the Hogwarts express.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doing the Boss

A woman's boss calls her into his office asking her if she would house sit when he's gone for a weekend.
Accepting right away she says , "I'll make a list right now of what you'll need. Whatll you need me to do?"

"I've a mini pig that has a rash, can you rub some soothing oil on it?" The b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Harry Potter and Kermit the Frog's penis have in common?

Hogwarts.

I really like telling children at the station...

...that the way to Hogwarts is just a matter of speed.

\*SmAacK!

"try again faster."

\*SMACK!

Professor Snape and Eearmus

There was once a terribly misbehaving student at Hogwarts. His name was Eearmus. He wouldn't finish his homework or practice any of his incantations. The teachers were getting really impatient with Eearmus.

One day, Eearmus was extra mischievous and decided to play a prank on professor Snape...

What do you call a pig with a skin disease?

Hogwarts..

Don't touch magic pigs...

...you might get Hogwarts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Story Time

So when I was a kid, I was a total nerd. Excelled in class, but I was bullied a lot. There was this really cute girl in my class. I was absolutely in love. I introduced myself to her and we got to talking. She immediately friend zoned me. I'm hurt, but I'm like, whatever. She's amazing and man, if n...

French Jokes

What's the standard issue weapon in the French army? A white flag.

What's the only French martial art? Parkour, the art running away.

Like the entrance to Hogwarts, if you look at the French flag from exactly the right angle (like that of an invading army), it turns white.

An Am...

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