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Necromancer Jokes

The Hero: I'm on a quest to avenge the death of my Father!

The Paladin: You have my sword!

The Elf: And my bow!

The Dwarf: And my axe!

The Necromancer: And your father!

What's with all the hate for Necromancers?

Can't a guy raise a family in peace?

What did the necromancer say at the funeral

Hi there
I'm Bob the necromancer and today I am going to be doing a unboxing video

Where does a necromancer get skeletons?

He works his zombies to the bone.

Why do necromancers make such good friends?

Because they're great at raising people's spirits.

What do you call it when a Necromancer has issues raising the dead?

Resurrectile Disfunction!

How do you pay a necromancer for their services?

Crypt-o-currency

What's the difference between a necromancer and a necrophiliac?

One raises the dead, the other is raised by the dead.

Necromancers,

They just want you for your body.

What does a necromancer magician say during a magic trick?

Abra-cadaver.

What do necromancers put in their shoes?

Souls

What did the kleptomaniac necromancer say?

I am a real heart stealer, you know?

A farmer and a necromancer sit in a bar and lament their suffering

Famer: raising a family is hard.

Necromancer: not if they're buried close enough to each other. With planning and skill, a single spell is all it takes

Farmer: what?

Necromancer: what?

Why couldn't Superman stop the necromancer?

His powers were too weak near the crypt tonight.

What's a necromancer's favorite form of exercise?

Deadlifts.

Have you heard about what the necromancer movie director did?

He ordered the whole film to be reanimated.

What’s a necromancer’s favorite workout?

A deadlift!

I had to break up with my girlfriend. She was a necromancer.

She wanted us to raise a family together.

Why did the Necromancer with a gambling problem get kicked out of the Slaughterhouse...

He kept raising the steaks.

What’s the hardest part of raising unvaccinated kids?

Finding a reliable necromancer.

What is a necromancer's favorite workout?

Dead lifts

I was gonna tell you the one about the necromancer who liked to abuse animals...

...but it'd just be beating a dead horse.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sure, he's got his faults, like -- he's a necromancer, and a hoarder...

... but doesn't everybody have a few skeletons in their closet?

Why do necromancer's hate original cartoon shows?

Because they prefer the reanimated versions.

What do Christian necromancers say?

Raise the Lord!

Must be easy to get rich as a necromancer

You'd be making a living!

The death of an adventurers brother..

An adventuring party hears of the murder of the fighter's brother.

\>Bard: I swear I will have revenge for my brother!

\>Warrior: You have my sword!

\>Ranger: You have my bow!

\> Necromancer: And your brother! \*whacks corpse on the table\*

Mommy told me I should make some friends

So I became a necromancer

I’m pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers

They only care about the dead

Why does the Necromancer hate doing stand-up comedy?

He always has a dead audience

A necromancer and a funeral director are at marriage counselling.

Counsellor: So, why are you guys here today?

Funeral Director: “He only wants me for my bodies!”

I will avenge the death of my brother! Who is with me?

Warrior: You have my axe!

Hunter: And my bow!

Necromancer: And your brother!

Why did the Necrophiliac Necromancer raise the dead?

So he could get a res-erection

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?

One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.

What's the difference between a Lich and a Vampire?

One's a Necromancer. The other, a Neck-Romancer.

How do you call someone who loves to kiss people on their neck?

Neck-romancer.

Also: One can not raise a family in peace these days. Its realy hard to be a necromancer...

What do you call someone who likes to give hickeys?

A necromancer

Why did the witch have so many hickies?

She was dating a necromancer.

Why did the mage take the giraffe out on a date?

Because he was a necromancer.

Credit goes to my (imaginary) 7 year old.

My girlfriend has such a neck fetish,

she barely cares about me she just likes my neck. She's a necromancer.

A warrior’s brother was killed

“By my sword, I shall have vengeance!”, says the warrior.

“And my bow.” Added the elf.

“And my axe.” Added the dwarf.

“And your dead brother.” Added the necromancer.

What do you call a zombie with a hickey?

A necromancer.

RIP GEORGE A ROMERO

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