UPJOKE
wizardsorcerermagicianblack magicmagicwitchcraftdemonenchanterspiritghostsorceressmagusoccultistwarlockodyssey

The Hero: I'm on a quest to avenge the death of my Father!

The Paladin: You have my sword!

The Elf: And my bow!

The Dwarf: And my axe!

The Necromancer: And your father!

What's with all the hate for Necromancers?

Can't a guy raise a family in peace?

What did the necromancer say at the funeral

Hi there
I'm Bob the necromancer and today I am going to be doing a unboxing video

Where does a necromancer get skeletons?

He works his zombies to the bone.

Why do necromancers make such good friends?

Because they're great at raising people's spirits.

What do you call it when a Necromancer has issues raising the dead?

Resurrectile Disfunction!

How do you pay a necromancer for their services?

Crypt-o-currency

Necromancers,

They just want you for your body.

What's the difference between a necromancer and a necrophiliac?

One raises the dead, the other is raised by the dead.

What does a necromancer magician say during a magic trick?

Abra-cadaver.

What do necromancers put in their shoes?

Souls

A farmer and a necromancer sit in a bar and lament their suffering

Famer: raising a family is hard.

Necromancer: not if they're buried close enough to each other. With planning and skill, a single spell is all it takes

Farmer: what?

Necromancer: what?

Why couldn't Superman stop the necromancer?

His powers were too weak near the crypt tonight.

What's a necromancer's favorite form of exercise?

Deadlifts.

What did the kleptomaniac necromancer say?

I am a real heart stealer, you know?

Have you heard about what the necromancer movie director did?

He ordered the whole film to be reanimated.

What’s a necromancer’s favorite workout?

A deadlift!

I had to break up with my girlfriend. She was a necromancer.

She wanted us to raise a family together.

Why did the Necromancer with a gambling problem get kicked out of the Slaughterhouse...

He kept raising the steaks.

What’s the hardest part of raising unvaccinated kids?

Finding a reliable necromancer.

What is a necromancer's favorite workout?

Dead lifts

I was gonna tell you the one about the necromancer who liked to abuse animals...

...but it'd just be beating a dead horse.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sure, he's got his faults, like -- he's a necromancer, and a hoarder...

... but doesn't everybody have a few skeletons in their closet?

Why do necromancer's hate original cartoon shows?

Because they prefer the reanimated versions.

Must be easy to get rich as a necromancer

You'd be making a living!

Mommy told me I should make some friends

So I became a necromancer

I’m pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers

They only care about the dead

What do Christian necromancers say?

Raise the Lord!

Why does the Necromancer hate doing stand-up comedy?

He always has a dead audience

The death of an adventurers brother..

An adventuring party hears of the murder of the fighter's brother.

\>Bard: I swear I will have revenge for my brother!

\>Warrior: You have my sword!

\>Ranger: You have my bow!

\> Necromancer: And your brother! \*whacks corpse on the table\*

A necromancer and a funeral director are at marriage counselling.

Counsellor: So, why are you guys here today?

Funeral Director: “He only wants me for my bodies!”

I will avenge the death of my brother! Who is with me?

Warrior: You have my axe!

Hunter: And my bow!

Necromancer: And your brother!

Why did the Necrophiliac Necromancer raise the dead?

So he could get a res-erection

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?

One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.

What's the difference between a Lich and a Vampire?

One's a Necromancer. The other, a Neck-Romancer.

How do you call someone who loves to kiss people on their neck?

Neck-romancer.

Also: One can not raise a family in peace these days. Its realy hard to be a necromancer...

What do you call someone who likes to give hickeys?

A necromancer

Why did the witch have so many hickies?

She was dating a necromancer.

Why did the mage take the giraffe out on a date?

Because he was a necromancer.

Credit goes to my (imaginary) 7 year old.

My girlfriend has such a neck fetish,

she barely cares about me she just likes my neck. She's a necromancer.

A warrior’s brother was killed

“By my sword, I shall have vengeance!”, says the warrior.

“And my bow.” Added the elf.

“And my axe.” Added the dwarf.

“And your dead brother.” Added the necromancer.

What do you call a zombie with a hickey?

A necromancer.

RIP GEORGE A ROMERO

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.