Alchemist Jokes - 13 Hilarious Alchemist Jokes

How does an alchemist get his wife off?

Elixir

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How does an alchemist make his wife happy?

Elixer

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What does an Israeli alchemist do?

Hebrew

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Everyone wants to be an alchemist…

…until things change

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Why did the alchemist rob the hospital?

Cause Urology had acquired some Philosopher's Stones

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How does the alchemist keep his lady satisfied?

Elixir.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does an Alchemist prostitute earn his pay?

Elixir formula.

Fullmetal Alchemist is so unrealistic

I mean how can they draw such perfect circles?

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Redditors are like alchemists.

They try to convert upvotes to Gold.

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What do you call a Jewish alchemist?

A Hebrew.

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My girlfriend is an alchemist. Last night she drank 8 rum & cokes.

Then she vomited 7-up.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his penis.

A man had a problem with his penis since birth. It was related to the size, but unlike many humans who feel they are too small, his was far too large! 25 inches to be precise. Constantly he would have women run screaming from his bedchamber. So one day he decided he'd had enough of this, and went on...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hideous little orc is in the kingdom's capital, looking to acquire medicine for his sick mom.

Nobody can stand the sight of him, with some even threatening violence of he doesn't leave.
He finds and alchemist's medicine shop at the market and tells him about his mother's illness.

"Ah, but of course!" says the alchemist, "It's clearly a case of Sakiara Fever. It's not very common at...

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