Today in the Gulf Stream, two dolphins were caught cheating on their significant others, and in the East Australian, a humpback whale gave the term new meaning when he was found in the fins of another beluga.

I like to stay on top of current affairs.

What do you call a fish that lost his fin and grew another one?

Finnegan

In WWII, a soviet army marches through Finland...

Suddenly, from over the hill, they hear a voice shout, "One Finnish soldier is worth 10 Soviets!"

The Soviet commander is annoyed. He sends 10 troops over the hill to investigate. After a few minutes, he hears gunshots, screams, and then silence. Then the voice shouts again, "One Finnish sol...

What does a mermaid wash her fins with?

Tide!

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Kids this day. Policeman V/S the girl.

A policeman on his horse says to little girl on her bike, "Did santa get you that?"
"Yes," she replies

"Well tell Santa to put a reflector light on it next year," and fines her $5. The little girl look up at the policeman and says, "Nice horse you've got there. Did Santa bring you that too...

wanna hear a story? once upon a time, a kid had a dolphin doll

fin.

TIL France got a different version of The Force Awakens than the rest of the world.

While the international version ends with Rey and Luke, the French version ends with fin.

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My first dog was named Victory...

...because my parents never let me have a pet when I was a kid. I was so happy to have her that I took her out for walks every day. One day, we were passing the beach, and I decided it would be nice to let her go for a swim. It was hot out, after all. Unfortunately, the local beach had an infamous s...

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An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese guy are hired at a construction site.

The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian, "You're in charge of sweeping."

To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shovelling."

And to the Chinese man he says, "You're in charge of supplies."

So the foreman goes away for a couple of hours and when ...

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A shark and his son go looking for a snack...

The father says, "I'm going to teach you how to catch a human. First you raise your fin out of the water and start circling, then you go in and eat them."

"Why circle them?" asks the son.

The father replies, "They taste better without shit in them."

Three England fans on their way to the world cup fin a magic lamp..

Three England fans on their way to the world cup find a magic lamp on the road, the first one picks it up and a genie comes out!

"England fans?!" says the genie, puzzled at how they made it to the world cup.. "Well I guess you get one wish each like everyone else. What do you choose?"
...

A man decided that he wanted to learn how to scuba dive.

He spent weeks getting certified, and hundreds of dollars on all of the top of the line equipment he could get - fins, a wetsuit, a mask, and even a waterproof notebook with a pen that could write underwater.

When he finally got down underwater for the first time, he was surprised to see a m...

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A mom shark is teaching her son how to hunt swimmers properly.

“So, first you go and circle them making sure your fin is showing. And then you go at them full blast and eat them.” “OK, but why don’t I just go at them full blast and eat them right away?” “I guess you could, son, but would you really want to eat them with all that shit in their intestines?”

The two best racehorses in the country.

There were these two racehorses, Galem and Gollum. They were raised together and had been racing side by side their entire lives. Everyone loved to watch them. They were always faster than the other horses; as a matter of fact, they were the best racehorses in the country.



As good as ...

A shark is teaching his kid how to attack swimmers.

"Make sure your dorsal fin is above the water and swim toward them *really fast*, then veer away at the last moment. Do that a few times, and then go back and eat them."

"But why not just come up from below and eat them right away?"

"Well, they taste a lot better if you *empty* 'em fir...

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A whale walks into a bar...

The bartender immediately stops the whale as he enters. Holding both hands up, the bartender begins shouting,

"Woah, woah there, whale! What are you doing here?! This is a bar! This is no place for whales!"

The bartender notices this upright whale is wearing a top hat and carrying a S...

What hormones does a fish use to swim in a house?

Indoor Fins

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Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.

"Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people. The father added, "First, we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing."

And they did.

"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing....

Two prawns called Christian and Terry are out for their morning swim.

Soon they happen upon a codfish caught in a six pack ring. Cursing the humans, Christian and Terry help the poor fish out of his predicament. Now freed, he begins to glow mysteriously.

“Thank you,” he says. “My name is Cod, and I’m a wish-granting codfish. I’d like to grant each of you one wi...

Little Johnny is in 1st grade, but extremely smart.

One day his friend asks him how he’s so clever.

Little Johnny answers: Simple, I use association.

During this, their teacher is listening and thinks this is a big word for a first grader so the teacher decided to test him.

Teacher: Johnny I heard you telling your friend about...

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So the popular joke of the morning is the whale blowjob.... I got you!

So a couple of years ago two sharks were swimming along and came across a small party boat that was sinking. One shark says to the other, lets swim around and show them one fin, that will scare them. So they make a few laps, sure enough giving the party on board a good scare. The sharks hang around ...

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Mother sharks and her offspring were swimming one day when they came upon a sinking ship.

Mother shark saw the humans abandoning ship. Once the ship sank, she instructed her offspring, "Follow my lead. We're going to swim in circles around the humans". The little sharks, their hunger already growing, were excited. One asked, "Can we eat them now?" Mother replied, "Not yet, dear. Just fol...

What text should have appeared when Jaws ended?

Fin.

The Zoo Joke

A man had an uncle who happened to own a zoo. One day, the uncle unfortunately passes away. When the man speaks to his uncle's lawyer, the lawyer offers to give him the zoo. The man willingly agrees. The zoo has an aquarium, a lion cage and a bird cage but it is in horrible condition. The man pays t...

I wrote a review for the Fast and Furious movies...

Ok so all of the cars have this little fin on the back and...

Oops, I forgot to warn people, this contains spoilers.

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The schwanky nightclub

An American, a Frenchman, a Brit,a German, a Russian, a Canadian, a Mexican, a Nicaraguan, a Honduran, a Nepalese, an Argentinian, a Peruvian, a Uruguayan, a Colombian, a Guatemalan, a Nigerian, a Moroccan, a South African, a Malayan,a Malaysian, an Indonesian, a Cambodian, a Viet, a Korean, a Japan...

Why are fire engines red?

Because they have eight wheels and four people on them, and four plus eight makes twelve, and there are twelve inches in a foot, and one foot is a ruler, and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler, and Queen Elizabeth was also a ship, and the ship sailed the seas, and there were fish in the seas, and fish have...

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A rich man and a poor man both happen to be looking at birthday cards for their wives...

The rich man and poor man find out their wives share the same birthday.

The rich man proudly boasts what he got his wife for the special occasion.

"I got her a brand new Porsche **and** a diamond necklace. You see, if she doesn't like the car, I'll just give her the necklace! What di...

Why does keeping tropical fish in your home have a calming effect on the brain?

Because of the indoor fins.

Three ladies.

Three ladies went out to the flee market. A blonde, a redhead and a brunette. They found a magic mirror that told them this "each of you has to say something about herself, if it's true I'll grant you a wish but if it's false I'll kill you ". The ladies agreed, and the redhead said "i have the cutes...

Every year for Halloween I go dressed as a shark

Every year for Halloween I go dressed as a shark. But, I've done this for the last few years so the joke is wearing fin

We all felt euphoric once I added sharks to the pool inside my house...

That's because the pool was full of indoor-fins.

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[NSFW] Urban Dictionary word example

Tony: "Bro, I rage fucked Taylor last night!"

Frankie: "What!? She ha......"

Tony: "Hell ya! It was awesome. I took all my anger out on her! Felt so good!"

Frankie: "But she ha......"

Tony: "Best day of my life! Wait sorry I interrupted you again. What were you going ...

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Tasty food....

Two homeless guys are walking down the street in the new town they hitchhiked to going door to door begging for food. They come to the last house on the last street in a little neighborhood. A beautiful blonde woman answers the door wearing nothing but a towel. The first man pleas with the woman for...

There's this penguin...

There's this penguin, driving through the South, the Deep South... late August. The hot months. "Ew! But it sure is hot!" the penguin lisped from behind the wheel of his choking jalopy.

Suddenly! The jalopy fails the penguin and he has to push it down a bumpy road to the next small town. He g...

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Food and Country

Yesterday I was so Hungary, I decided to Czech if there was any food.
I was Russian to the fridge, but found only a Turkey full of Greece.
Iran to the store to get some salt, pepper, Chile and Korea-nder, because I was in the mood for some Sweden sour.
I found Iraq of pork chops but there w...

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A father shark and a son shark come across a shipwreck...

The son shark immediately starts swimming for the people, anxious for the easy meal. The father shark stops him. The son shark asks "Why can't I eat the people?". The father explains to him, "In a moment son...watch me". The father shark proceeds to swim around the people, showing his fins. He swims...

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Mama shark and baby shark

Mama shark and Baby shark are swimming in the ocean. Mama shark turns to Baby shark and says "Baby shark, do you see those swimmers up there on the surface? I'm gonna teach you how to hunt. Watch this". So Mama shark swims up, sticks her fin out of the water, circles them 3 times, and then eats them...

Adam: God, I appreciate everything you've done for me, but this earth is kind of lonely.

God: Well Adam. I can create for you a beautiful woman who cooks and cleans and fulfills all your desires.




Adam: ooooh sounds expensive. What's it gonna cost me.




God: An arm, leg and your right nut.




Adam: What can I get for a rib?


...

I often go to fancy dress parties dressed as a shark....

Quite honestly, the novelty is wearing a little fin

A penguin is driving his car..

..when he hears a strange noise, and takes it to the mechanic.

The mechanic says it will take awhile and suggests the penguin go across the street to grab some ice cream while he waits.

So the penguin eats his ice cream with his flat little fins and tiny bea, then he goes back to the s...

The French remake of "Jaws" has a surprise ending...

"Fin".

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