What do a hurricane, a tornado and a red neck divorce all have in common?

In every case, someone loses a trailer.

Why are hurricanes usually named after women?

Because when they come, they are wild and wet. But when they leave, they take your house and your car.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?

Hold on to your nuts. It's going to be one hell of a blow job.

How are marriage and a hurricane similar?

In the beginning theres lots of blowing and in the end you lose your house.

I want to make a joke about hurricane Harvey

But I am scared my inbox will be flooded

A man walks into a bar and orders a Corona and two hurricanes...

The bartender says that'll be $20.20

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A hurricane is headed for a small town. The news says that everyone needs to evacuate. A religious man in the town says "I'm not going to leave my home, God will protect me".

The hurricane hits, and it's bad. There's mass flooding, and the police come to the man's door and tell him he needs to leave. The man says "I'm not afraid, God will protect me." The police give up and leave him.

The water rises in his house, so the man is forced to climb onto his roof. Just...

What do a Hurricane and a wife have in common?

One day it is wet and exciting and the next day your house is gone.

I often wonder why hurricanes have names like Andrew, Elisa, Katrina, Dorian, Irma

Name a hurricane: Death Megatron 2000, they'll automatically evacuate from their

Katy Perry sang that after a hurricane comes a rainbow, but you know what else comes after a hurricane?

A moron in a suit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats similar between a hurricane and women?

They come in hot and wet and leave with \*\*THE LAWN CHAIRS WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARA YOU BITCH!\*\*

What's one thing you need to watch out for during a Jewish hurricane?

The flying de-bris

It dawned on me in the shower that my ex gf must be related to hurricane Dorian. You've been waiting for them to come but they just keep gyrating until they exhaust themselves.

The worst though is when you see the video of them ravaging and gushing all over their previous fling, leaving you feeling completely inadequate and devastated.

I took a picture of Hurricane Dorian

but it came out Grey.

What did Hurricane Tyrone say as it made landfall?

Where the white beaches at?!?

A devout Christian man living in New Orleans refuses to leave his home after hearing news of an imminent hurricane and flood.

A richly devout Christian man lives alone in New Orleans. He keeps to himself mostly, isolating himself in prayer and self-reflection with little care for the outside world.


One day, the man notices it growing dark outside earlier than normal. He steps outside and feels the wind has pick...

After Trump changes course of hurricane with a sharpie

House approves budget of 12 crayons for border wall

What does a marriage and a hurricane have in common?

It begins with a lot of sucking and blowing and in the end you still loose your house

If you live in Florida, make sure to take a black and white photo of the hurricane this weekend.

I'm not exactly sure why, but I've heard a lot of buzz about a picture of Dorian, grey. People seem pretty wilde about it.

A hurricane tore off a quarter of my roof.

oof.

In the wake of Hurricane Dorian, President Trump names a new Disaster Assistance Ambassador to The Bahamas. "He's the best. He'll do a great job, believe me." the President said.

Ja Rule reportedly accepted the position via Twitter.

You hear about the new drink called The Hurricane Dorian?

It's just a watered down Bahama Mama..

Hurricane Harvey is no joke.

https://twitter.com/fema/status/902646949479841793


To find out how to help, follow the link above.

Don't donate to the Bahama hurricane victims without researching the organization first. It could be a scam.

That's a good "Ja Rule" of thumb.

What do you call a walking stick that makes you walk faster?

A hurricane

Where do squirrels go in a hurricane?

All over the place!

Blonde Joke (oldie but a goodie)

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are standing in front of a firing squad about to be executed. The executioner chooses the redhead first...

Executioner - Do you have any words to say before you die?
Redhead - no
Executioner - ready, aim...
(The redhead screams) "TORNADO!"
**Ever...

During a major hurricane the order is given to evacuate.

However a devout christian is confident that the lord will protect him from the storm.

As the water begins to rise a police man comes by in a 4 wheel drive and makes a call for evacuation.

“The lord will save us.” The man says confidently. The cop shrugs and drives off.

The w...

Hurricane Season

The husband was ready for the last major hurricane to threaten their home, but his wife was not.

When the wind reached a screaming pitch with the trees snapping and threshing, the horizontal streaming rain, flying roofing iron and destroyed fences as well as the unnerving sound-levels, his...

Remember, If your apartment is hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT TO SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY

That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside.

How is Hurricane Florence like my ex wife?

They start off wet and wild but in the end, they take your house.

What did the well-intended but lazy pimp tweet out after a hurricane?

“I’m sending my thots and prayers.”

It's too early for hurricane jokes

wait for everything to blow over first.

We need to start giving hurricanes Arab names

Nobody is going to leave for Irma but if Muhammad was coming the whole country would evacuate

What happens to a sailboat in a category 5 hurricane?

MAST DESTRUCTION!!!

I'll ~~see~~ sea myself out...

Hurricane Ophelia just blew the roof off my cheese factory.

There’s de Brie everywhere

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Texan, an Oklahoman, and a Louisianan are sitting around a campfire.

The guy from Louisiana says, “I once moved two hundred head of cattle through a hurricane.”

The Oklahoman scoffs and says, “Heck, that’s nothing. I once moved three hundred head of cattle through two tornados!”

The Texan said nothing and continued to stir the coals of the fire with his...

Remember Hurricane Sandy that hit New York a couple years ago? They made a mixed drink after it

It’s pretty much a watered down manhattan

Fitting joke for Hurricane Harvey

This is a Joke my Dad (who is Catholic) once told me when I was young. With Hurricane Harvey currently outside my window, I was reminded of it. Maybe it will give some humor to those currently in worse off areas than I.


A woman lives on the Texas coastline. Her town orders her to evacua...

Why do hurricanes get lousy names, like Sandy?

Name that thing Hurricane Death Megatron 900 and I guarantee folks will be evacuating like they need to.

A hurricane walks into a bar

The owner doesn’t have insurance so his life is pretty much ruined.

Because the Hurricane Made Landfall at Night...

...does that make it Florence Night-in Gale?

What do Hurricane Matthew and Kim Kardashian have in common?

They'll both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when Bob Dylan sucks your dick in a hurricane?

The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind. The answer is blowing in the wind

Something light in light of Hurricane Florence

Q: What do corals get stressed about?
A: Current events

If Hurricane Dorian becomes a major hurricane...

Will it be called Hurricane Mixolydian?

In a strange way, I was really looking forward to the hurricane and I was disappointed when it was downgraded...

I thought others round these here parts would echo my sentiment, but I guess Carolinians are used to being disappointed by the Hurricanes.

How to take a hurricane seriously

If the US wants to take hurricanes seriously they need to give them Muslim names. We got Irma and people don't care. But when the weatherman starts saying Abdullah is coming at Florida as a category 5, the whole country would evacuate.

A reporter is interviewing a Florida victim of Hurricane Michael.

In the background, a scene of complete devastation; the roof is gone, half of the walls are down, personal possessions scattered around. The person looks shell-shocked, with an unfocused gaze. The hair is wild, clothes disheveled, dirt smudges on the face and arms.

"So what are you going to d...

Many news outlets don't name shooters anymore to prevent copycats...

Explains why we keep having so many hurricanes.

A hurricane comes unexpectedly.

The ship goes down and is lost. A man finds himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts. Used to five-star hotels, this guy has no idea what to do, so for the next four months he eats bananas, drinks coconut juice and longs for his...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I did the math on Hurricane Florence rain fall...

There is predicted to be 17 Trillion gallons of rain falling from Florence.

The width of a milk jug is 5.5"

Rain x Width = 93 Trillion inches

93 Trillion divided by 12 gets you 7,791,666,666,666 Feet

Divided by 5280

1,475,694,444 Miles

Divided by 93,000,000 ...

Before i married my wife she like a hurricane

She was a 5 but now shes 2

I asked my Hindu friend whether he plans to evacuate for Hurricane Florence.

He said, Na-ama-ste.

Astronauts release a photo of Hurricane Harvey...

Astronauts released a photo of Hurricane Harvey as seen from the the International Space Station. They sent a short message along with the photograph; "Houston, you have a problem."

LPT: In light of Hurricane Michael, remember to always look out for yourself. As they say: There's no 'I' in Team...

But there is an Eye in Hurricane.

What was the governor of North Carolina criticized for responding to Hurricane Florence so quickly?

Because women don’t like premature evacuations

Secretary walks into the President's room

Secretary: Mr.President, Hurricane Florence is causing trouble.
Trump: Offer her the same deal as Stormy Daniels.

What do you call a white girl Hurricane?

A hurrican’t-even

America sure is having some bad luck with the recent hurricanes.

As if it's built on an ancient Indian burial ground.

How Moral Are You?

This takes less than one minute and is incredibly accurate…well worth the little bit of effort I promise.

This test has only one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer you will discover where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely and completely f...

A hurricane named Florence and no "Aunt Flo" jokes?

Hope there's no red tide.

Children in florida during the hurricanes,

They all got free swimming lessons in the comfort of their home.

Hurricane Irma was coming, and my mother was thirsty.

My mother has a glass of port wine with almost
every dinner, and insists that any guests over 21 do the same. A handful of my friends have also come to wait out the storm with us, as they had to evacuate. While at the grocery store stocking up on food, my mother insists on getting more wine for ...

What do Hurricane Harvey and Harvey Weinstein have in common?

They are both massive bodies that devastated countless victims.

What is the difference between Hurricane Harvey and Harvey Weinstein?

Hurricane Harvey actually made its victims wet.

We should just name hurricanes after politicians.

That way we wouldn't have to worry about them actually coming through with anything.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Hurricane Katrina and Kim Kardashian have in common?

They have both swallowed hundreds of black kids :)

That clown movie topping the box office is the real reason why we've been having so many hurricanes

Because when IT reigns, it pours.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?

Hold on to your coconuts, this ain't gonna be your average blowjob.


As told to me by a passing homeless man yesterday...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hurricane Gussy (NSFW?)

A man enters a brothel and tells the madam he's looking for something new and exciting.

The madam says "Well, we have one girl who is a contortionist."

The man says "No, that's too ordinary."

The madam thinks for a moment and says "What about a Hurricane Gussy? Have you ever ...

After the hurricane, fixing the fence around our family farm reminded me a lot of r/jokes

A lot of reposting

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The hurricane Sandy.

A guy goes to a bar and looks at the drink menu to see if he can try a new cocktail that he never had before. He noticed there is a drink on the menu named "Hurricane Sandy." The guy never heard of it before so he asks the bartender what is it. The bartender replied "It's a watered down Manhattan...

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