How are marriage and a hurricane similar?

In the beginning theres lots of blowing and in the end you lose your house.

What do a hurricane, a tornado and a red neck divorce all have in common?

In every case, someone loses a trailer.

I often wonder why hurricanes have names like Andrew, Elisa, Katrina, Dorian, Irma

Name a hurricane: Death Megatron 2000, they'll automatically evacuate from their

I want to make a joke about hurricane Harvey

But I am scared my inbox will be flooded

A politician visited a village in Haiti after a devastating hurricane.

Upon arrival, he asked what their needs were.

“We have 2 basic needs sir,” replied the villager.

“Firstly, we have a hospital, but there's no doctor.”

On hearing this, the politician whipped out his phone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village leader that the...

A man walks into a bar and orders a Corona and two hurricanes...

The bartender says that'll be $20.20

What did Hurricane Tyrone say as it made landfall?

Where the white beaches at?!?

How what are similarities between and hurricane and a woman?

When they come they are wet and wild and by the time the leave the take your house and your car!


p.s

Don’t know where the how came from... sorry for it!
Also, it’s my cake day!!!!

Why are most hurricanes named after a woman?

When they come, they come wet and wild. When they leave they take your house and your car!

I’m writing a book about hurricanes and tornadoes..

It’s only a draft at the moment.

Hurricanes are a lot like marriage

First there’s a lot of blowing. Then your house is gone.

How is marriage like a Hurricane?

In the the beginning you get blown a lot

and it ends with you losing your house.

Have you heard about the street performer who did his act in the middle of a hurricane?

It was mime-blowing

Hope You Get a Laugh

Three elderly men were relaxing on the beach in Florida.

One said “I owned a factory in New York state. One winter, the heat didn’t come on, the pipes froze and got water everywhere, and everything was ruined. I decided I was too old to start over, so I took the insurance money, sold the plac...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hurricane is headed for a small town. The news says that everyone needs to evacuate. A religious man in the town says "I'm not going to leave my home, God will protect me".

The hurricane hits, and it's bad. There's mass flooding, and the police come to the man's door and tell him he needs to leave. The man says "I'm not afraid, God will protect me." The police give up and leave him.

The water rises in his house, so the man is forced to climb onto his roof. Just...

I always get a little sad during hurricane season in south Florida...

...you could say I have tropical depression.

BREAKING NEWS! A hurricane has just hit New Jersey...

It has inflicted about $25,000 worth of improvement.

What do a Hurricane and a wife have in common?

One day it is wet and exciting and the next day your house is gone.

Hurricane Season

The husband was ready for the last major hurricane to threaten their home, but his wife was not.

When the wind reached a screaming pitch with the trees snapping and threshing, the horizontal streaming rain, flying roofing iron and destroyed fences as well as the unnerving sound-levels, his...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yo momma's so fat

When she gives a blowjob it is classified as a class 5 hurricane.

Last week we had an earthquake, a hurricane, and a LITERAL serpentine fire so, on this auspicious day, I'd just like to say:

OK, Earth Wind & Fire...

WE REMEMBER THE 21ST NIGHT OF SEPTEMBER!!!

Katy Perry sang that after a hurricane comes a rainbow, but you know what else comes after a hurricane?

A moron in a suit.

It dawned on me in the shower that my ex gf must be related to hurricane Dorian. You've been waiting for them to come but they just keep gyrating until they exhaust themselves.

The worst though is when you see the video of them ravaging and gushing all over their previous fling, leaving you feeling completely inadequate and devastated.

Remember, If your apartment is hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT TO SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY

That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside.

I am in the process of writing a big research paper on hurricanes.

The first draft really blew me away.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are hurricanes the best natural disaster?

They at least have the decency to get you wet before violently fucking you!

What's one thing you need to watch out for during a Jewish hurricane?

The flying de-bris

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob!

How is Hurricane Florence like my ex wife?

They start off wet and wild but in the end, they take your house.

What do a tornado, a hurricane, and a redneck divorce have in common?

Somebody's gonna lose their trailer.

A hurricane tore off a quarter of my roof.

oof.

Why do hurricanes get lousy names, like Sandy?

Name that thing Hurricane Death Megatron 900 and I guarantee folks will be evacuating like they need to.

After Trump changes course of hurricane with a sharpie

House approves budget of 12 crayons for border wall

What do Hurricane Matthew and Kim Kardashian have in common?

They'll both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV

I took a picture of Hurricane Dorian

but it came out Grey.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats similar between a hurricane and women?

They come in hot and wet and leave with **THE LAWN CHAIRS WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARA YOU BITCH!**

It's too early for hurricane jokes

wait for everything to blow over first.

What happens to a sailboat in a category 5 hurricane?

MAST DESTRUCTION!!!

I'll ~~see~~ sea myself out...

Hurricane Ophelia just blew the roof off my cheese factory.

There’s de Brie everywhere

I don't have to hurricane prep

Between the glasses of water on my nightstand and the half-bottles of water on my passenger side floorboard I'm good for a year.

A hurricane comes unexpectedly.

The ship goes down and is lost. A man finds himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts. Used to five-star hotels, this guy has no idea what to do, so for the next four months he eats bananas, drinks coconut juice and longs for his...

During a major hurricane the order is given to evacuate.

However a devout christian is confident that the lord will protect him from the storm.

As the water begins to rise a police man comes by in a 4 wheel drive and makes a call for evacuation.

“The lord will save us.” The man says confidently. The cop shrugs and drives off.

The w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Women are like Hurricanes

They come into your life wild and free and then leave with the PATIO FURNITURE WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARAH YOU BITCH

Hurricane Harvey is no joke.

https://twitter.com/fema/status/902646949479841793


To find out how to help, follow the link above.

What did the well-intended but lazy pimp tweet out after a hurricane?

“I’m sending my thots and prayers.”

In the wake of Hurricane Dorian, President Trump names a new Disaster Assistance Ambassador to The Bahamas. "He's the best. He'll do a great job, believe me." the President said.

Ja Rule reportedly accepted the position via Twitter.

If you live in Florida, make sure to take a black and white photo of the hurricane this weekend.

I'm not exactly sure why, but I've heard a lot of buzz about a picture of Dorian, grey. People seem pretty wilde about it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when Bob Dylan sucks your dick in a hurricane?

The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind. The answer is blowing in the wind

Fitting joke for Hurricane Harvey

This is a Joke my Dad (who is Catholic) once told me when I was young. With Hurricane Harvey currently outside my window, I was reminded of it. Maybe it will give some humor to those currently in worse off areas than I.


A woman lives on the Texas coastline. Her town orders her to evacua...

You hear about the new drink called The Hurricane Dorian?

It's just a watered down Bahama Mama..

Because the Hurricane Made Landfall at Night...

...does that make it Florence Night-in Gale?

Remember Hurricane Sandy that hit New York a couple years ago? They made a mixed drink after it

It’s pretty much a watered down manhattan

A hurricane walks into a bar

The owner doesn’t have insurance so his life is pretty much ruined.

How to take a hurricane seriously

If the US wants to take hurricanes seriously they need to give them Muslim names. We got Irma and people don't care. But when the weatherman starts saying Abdullah is coming at Florida as a category 5, the whole country would evacuate.

A reporter is interviewing a Florida victim of Hurricane Michael.

In the background, a scene of complete devastation; the roof is gone, half of the walls are down, personal possessions scattered around. The person looks shell-shocked, with an unfocused gaze. The hair is wild, clothes disheveled, dirt smudges on the face and arms.

"So what are you going to d...

America sure is having some bad luck with the recent hurricanes.

As if it's built on an ancient Indian burial ground.

There were 3 prisoners: Billy, Bob, and Joe.

Billy was smart, Bob was an average human, and Joe was an idiot.

One day, Billy thought up a plan to escape.

He whispered to Bob, "We're busting out tonight. Pass it on."

Bob whispered to Joe, "We're busting out tonight. Pass it on."

Joe whispered to the guard, "We're bus...

Something light in light of Hurricane Florence

Q: What do corals get stressed about?
A: Current events

Astronauts release a photo of Hurricane Harvey...

Astronauts released a photo of Hurricane Harvey as seen from the the International Space Station. They sent a short message along with the photograph; "Houston, you have a problem."

Before i married my wife she like a hurricane

She was a 5 but now shes 2

A priest, a nun and some random dude walks into a bar

They ask for a few coronas, hurricanes, and fireballs.

The bartender says "that'll be 2020"

LPT: In light of Hurricane Michael, remember to always look out for yourself. As they say: There's no 'I' in Team...

But there is an Eye in Hurricane.

If Hurricane Dorian becomes a major hurricane...

Will it be called Hurricane Mixolydian?

In a strange way, I was really looking forward to the hurricane and I was disappointed when it was downgraded...

I thought others round these here parts would echo my sentiment, but I guess Carolinians are used to being disappointed by the Hurricanes.

We should just name hurricanes after politicians.

That way we wouldn't have to worry about them actually coming through with anything.

Hurricane Irma was coming, and my mother was thirsty.

My mother has a glass of port wine with almost
every dinner, and insists that any guests over 21 do the same. A handful of my friends have also come to wait out the storm with us, as they had to evacuate. While at the grocery store stocking up on food, my mother insists on getting more wine for ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Hurricane Katrina and Kim Kardashian have in common?

They have both swallowed hundreds of black kids :)

I asked my Hindu friend whether he plans to evacuate for Hurricane Florence.

He said, Na-ama-ste.

HURRICANE SANDY UPDATE

Mitt Romney has advised everyone in the path of Hurricane Sandy to make their way to their 2nd or 3rd homes immediately.

What was the governor of North Carolina criticized for responding to Hurricane Florence so quickly?

Because women don’t like premature evacuations

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I did the math on Hurricane Florence rain fall...

There is predicted to be 17 Trillion gallons of rain falling from Florence.

The width of a milk jug is 5.5"

Rain x Width = 93 Trillion inches

93 Trillion divided by 12 gets you 7,791,666,666,666 Feet

Divided by 5280

1,475,694,444 Miles

Divided by 93,000,000 ...

A hurricane named Florence and no "Aunt Flo" jokes?

Hope there's no red tide.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The hurricane Sandy.

A guy goes to a bar and looks at the drink menu to see if he can try a new cocktail that he never had before. He noticed there is a drink on the menu named "Hurricane Sandy." The guy never heard of it before so he asks the bartender what is it. The bartender replied "It's a watered down Manhattan...

What do Hurricane Harvey and Harvey Weinstein have in common?

They are both massive bodies that devastated countless victims.

What is the difference between Hurricane Harvey and Harvey Weinstein?

Hurricane Harvey actually made its victims wet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hurricane Gussy (NSFW?)

A man enters a brothel and tells the madam he's looking for something new and exciting.

The madam says "Well, we have one girl who is a contortionist."

The man says "No, that's too ordinary."

The madam thinks for a moment and says "What about a Hurricane Gussy? Have you ever ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?

Hold on to your coconuts, this ain't gonna be your average blowjob.


As told to me by a passing homeless man yesterday...

That clown movie topping the box office is the real reason why we've been having so many hurricanes

Because when IT reigns, it pours.

What do you call a white girl Hurricane?

A hurrican’t-even

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