This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What’s similar between a hurricane and a women?

They come in hot and wet and leave with THE LAWN CHAIRS WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARAH YOU BITCH

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?

"Better hold onto your nuts because this is no ordinary blowjob."

Why is a marriage like a hurricane?

At the beginning there's a lot of blowing, and when it's over your house is gone...

How is Hurricane Florence like my ex wife?

They start off wet and wild but in the end, they take your house.

How come Hurricanes are usually named after women?

At first they are wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house, your car, and sometimes your kids

Remember Hurricane Sandy that hit New York a couple years ago? They made a mixed drink after it

It’s pretty much a watered down manhattan

Remember, If your apartment is hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT TO SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY

That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside.

One of Trump's advisors ran up to him and asked in a panic what to do about Hurricane Katrina...

Trump said: "Give her the same deal we gave Stormy Daniels."

What do a tornado, a hurricane, and a redneck divorce have in common?

Somebody's gonna lose their trailer.

What did Hurricane Tyrone say as it made landfall?

Where the white beaches at?!?

During a major hurricane the order is given to evacuate.

However a devout christian is confident that the lord will protect him from the storm.

As the water begins to rise a police man comes by in a 4 wheel drive and makes a call for evacuation.

“The lord will save us.” The man says confidently. The cop shrugs and drives off.

The w...

It's too early for hurricane jokes

wait for everything to blow over first.

We need to start giving hurricanes Arab names

Nobody is going to leave for Irma but if Muhammad was coming the whole country would evacuate

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I did the math on Hurricane Florence rain fall...

There is predicted to be 17 Trillion gallons of rain falling from Florence.

The width of a milk jug is 5.5"

Rain x Width = 93 Trillion inches

93 Trillion divided by 12 gets you 7,791,666,666,666 Feet

Divided by 5280

1,475,694,444 Miles

Divided by 93,000,000 ...

In a strange way, I was really looking forward to the hurricane and I was disappointed when it was downgraded...

I thought others round these here parts would echo my sentiment, but I guess Carolinians are used to being disappointed by the Hurricanes.

A hurricane named Florence and no "Aunt Flo" jokes?

Hope there's no red tide.

Hurricane Harvey is no joke.

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Women are like hurricane...

...when they're coming, they are nice and wet. When they're leaving, they take cars, houses...

A hurricane walks into a bar

The owner doesn’t have insurance so his life is pretty much ruined.

Where do squirrels go in a hurricane?

All over the place!

Why do hurricanes get lousy names, like Sandy?

Name that thing Hurricane Death Megatron 900 and I guarantee folks will be evacuating like they need to.

LPT: In light of Hurricane Michael, remember to always look out for yourself. As they say: There's no 'I' in Team...

But there is an Eye in Hurricane.

A reporter is interviewing a Florida victim of Hurricane Michael.

In the background, a scene of complete devastation; the roof is gone, half of the walls are down, personal possessions scattered around. The person looks shell-shocked, with an unfocused gaze. The hair is wild, clothes disheveled, dirt smudges on the face and arms.

"So what are you going to d...

Because the Hurricane Made Landfall at Night...

...does that make it Florence Night-in Gale?

I asked my Hindu friend whether he plans to evacuate for Hurricane Florence.

He said, Na-ama-ste.

Three men find themselves at a beach-side resort in the Caribbean...

... and they soon begin to discuss their lives and how they came to be there.

The first man says, "I use to run a successful business in the Mid West. One day unfortunately there was a huge fire and my entire warehouse burned to the ground. I collected the insurance on it and decided to move ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call it when Bob Dylan sucks your dick in a hurricane?

The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind. The answer is blowing in the wind

What was the governor of North Carolina criticized for responding to Hurricane Florence so quickly?

Because women don’t like premature evacuations

Hurricane Season

The husband was ready for the last major hurricane to threaten their home, but his wife was not.

When the wind reached a screaming pitch with the trees snapping and threshing, the horizontal streaming rain, flying roofing iron and destroyed fences as well as the unnerving sound-levels, his...

So the hurricane Florence has gone from a cat 5 to a cat 2

I guess you could say it was...

​

overblown

I want to make a joke about hurricane Harvey

But I am scared my inbox will be flooded

Apparently more than 5,000 hogs drowned in floods following hurricane Florence...

On the bright side the McRib should be back soon.

Something light in light of Hurricane Florence

Q: What do corals get stressed about?
A: Current events

Fitting joke for Hurricane Harvey

This is a Joke my Dad (who is Catholic) once told me when I was young. With Hurricane Harvey currently outside my window, I was reminded of it. Maybe it will give some humor to those currently in worse off areas than I.


A woman lives on the Texas coastline. Her town orders her to evacua...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How's a hurricane an a sexy wife alike?

When both cum they're wet, wild and dangerous...... And when they leave they both take everything with em.

What happens to a sailboat in a category 5 hurricane?

MAST DESTRUCTION!!!

I'll ~~see~~ sea myself out...

Hurricane Ophelia just blew the roof off my cheese factory.

There’s de Brie everywhere

We should just name hurricanes after politicians.

That way we wouldn't have to worry about them actually coming through with anything.

Hurricane Bud is expected to pass over Mexico and cross the border into the United States.

By the time it reaches us, it'll be Bud Lite.

Children in florida during the hurricanes,

They all got free swimming lessons in the comfort of their home.

What do Hurricane Harvey and Harvey Weinstein have in common?

They are both massive bodies that devastated countless victims.

What is the difference between Hurricane Harvey and Harvey Weinstein?

Hurricane Harvey actually made its victims wet.

Hurricane Irma was coming, and my mother was thirsty.

My mother has a glass of port wine with almost
every dinner, and insists that any guests over 21 do the same. A handful of my friends have also come to wait out the storm with us, as they had to evacuate. While at the grocery store stocking up on food, my mother insists on getting more wine for ...

How to take a hurricane seriously

If the US wants to take hurricanes seriously they need to give them Muslim names. We got Irma and people don't care. But when the weatherman starts saying Abdullah is coming at Florida as a category 5, the whole country would evacuate.

What do Hurricane Matthew and Kim Kardashian have in common?

They'll both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV

After the hurricane, fixing the fence around our family farm reminded me a lot of r/jokes

A lot of reposting

America sure is having some bad luck with the recent hurricanes.

As if it's built on an ancient Indian burial ground.

That clown movie topping the box office is the real reason why we've been having so many hurricanes

Because when IT reigns, it pours.

What does a blonde have in common with a hurricane?

First there’s a lot of suckin and blowin, then you lose your house.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What does Hurricane Katrina and Kim Kardashian have in common?

They have both swallowed hundreds of black kids :)

Astronauts release a photo of Hurricane Harvey...

Astronauts released a photo of Hurricane Harvey as seen from the the International Space Station. They sent a short message along with the photograph; "Houston, you have a problem."

So hurricane Jose is growing in the Atlantic..

It's going to set records as the first hurricane to put a new roof on your house...

September: I had one of the worst hurricane months on record and Hugh Hefner died.

October: Hold my beer

Why was Batman in Texas trying to stop the Hurricane?

Because it kept leaving Harvey Dents everywhere

Hurricane Irma

Right now Irma is signaling for a left turn.


But it's Florida so, you know, you can't really be sure whats going to happen.

My kid sister wanted to play with Hurricane Harvey. She's been . . .

[removed]

A tree fell on our car during the recent Hurricane, and my dad won't get it repaired. He even named the damage.

Harvey Dent

Would a hurricane close it's doors in your face?

No, but a Lakewood.

Why do hurricanes have female names?

Because if they had male names, they'd be himmicanes.*

*This joke only good before 1979

What do you call a Hurricane with a bad attitude?

What do you call a Hurricane with a bad attitude? A Hurri-cant!

Currently evacuated for the second time (Mathew, now Irma). Shared this joke with my sister in law last year and it's an all-star dad joke if I say so.

A hurricane comes unexpectedly.

The ship goes down and is lost. A man finds himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts. Used to five-star hotels, this guy has no idea what to do, so for the next four months he eats bananas, drinks coconut juice and longs for his...

A lot of cities like to name their sports teams after their states major disasters

For example:

- Chicago Fire (Soccer)
- Colorado Avalanche (Hockey)
- Kansas City Tornadoes (Basketball)
- San Jose Earthquakes (Soccer)
- Miami Hurricanes (Football)
- New York City Jets (Football)

Original joke taken from a comment by u/toastytreats

A devasting hurricane hits a big city...

The waters trap a man on his rooftop in the flood. He is a very religious man and prays to God for help.

Soon a man in a rowboat comes by and the shouts to the man on the roof, "Jump in, I can save you."

The stranded man shouted back, "No, it's OK, I'm praying to God and he is going to...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?

Hold on to your coconuts, this ain't gonna be your average blowjob.


As told to me by a passing homeless man yesterday...

A reporter was interviewing Hurricane Irma.

Reporter: "Now that you've been to the Bahamas and Puerto Rico, where are you headed next?"

Irma: "IM GOING TO DISNEY!!!"

Nobody's happier about hurricane Irma than Hillary Clinton and Al Gore

It's the only reason their books are flying off the shelves in Florida.

I heard that after Hurricane Irma, FEMA will run out of money.

This is surprising since I thought they would have a rainy day fund.