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Whistles Jokes

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George raises his beer mug in the air and says, "Here's to spending the rest of my life having sex with my wife!" The bar is filled with whistles and claps, and the bartender even gives him a ribbon that says, "Best Toast of the Month".

When George gets home, he shows his wife, Linda, the ribbon. "And what exactly was your award-winning toast?" she asks.

George thinks for a while and says, "Here's to spending the rest of my life going to church with my wife."

The next day when George is at work, Linda is walking down ...

Whistles

I bought a wooden whistle...
But it wooden whistle

So I bought a steel whistle...
But it steel wooden whistle

Then I bought a lead whistle...
But it steel wooden lead me whistle!

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A prostitute standing outside a motel in a small town saw a 70+ year old man walking past.

She hasn't had a customer for a while so she whistles at him and says, "Hey, would you like to have some fun time with me?"

The old man said, "But I won't be able to..."

Prostitute: "C'mon man.... give it a try... "

Old man says okay. They go in. The old man whips out his dick a...

What's green, hangs on the wall, and whistles?

Forgive me if this is a repost, but this is an old Jewish joke that my father loved to tell and I don't think I've seen it here before

So two old Jewish men are sitting shooting the breeze, and one says he has a riddle for the other.

"What's green, hangs on the wall, and whistles?"
...

My favorite clean joke - the Old Man and the Ferrari

A young investment banker goes out and buys the car of his dreams - a brand new Ferrari GTO. After paying $500,000, he takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light. While waiting for the light to change, an frail looking old man on a yellow moped pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at ...

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The hooker who whistles while sucking [NSFW]

So this guy heard from his friends about a hooker who whistles while sucking. Intrigued, he decided to hire her services.

As to her request, he first talked to her on the phone. He asked: "is it true that you suck and whistle at the same time?".
"It's true alright", replies the hooker. "B...

I hate when songs are just a bunch high notes and whistles

It makes me high key upset

Way down upon the Mississippi, two tugboat captains who had been friends for years, would always cry "Aye!" and blow their whistles whenever they passed each other

A new crewman asked his boat's mate, "What do they do that for?"


The mate looked surprised and replied, "You mean that you've never heard of an aye for an aye and a toot for a toot?"

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Son goes to dad to tell him he learned to get an errection whistling.

"Dad, dad. Look!" He whistles, penis goes up. He whistles penis goes down.
"Very good, my son. Just like your dad. Look." He whistles, penis goes up. He whistles penis goes down.
Uncle sees that and approves. Then, demonstrates. He whistles, penis goes up. He whistles penis goes down.
Grand...

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Transylvanian bear joke

This guy from the big city takes his son to experience the wilderness in Transylvania. When they get to the lodge, they ask their host, and old and cunning looking Transylvanian hunter about going for a hike in the woods. The old man is not a man of many words, he hands them a little yellow whistle ...

I ordered a new SMART kettle…

It whistles when it’s done.

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A policeman is at the roadside, looking at passing cars.

Suddenly he sees one approaching. Without warning, he whistles, signals for it to stop,then pulls out his gun and fires a shot in the air.

At once, the car stops. The policeman approaches it. Inside, a snow-pale driver is sitting.

\- What... officer... what did I do? I could swear I've...

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Elsa was complaining to her friend about a boy from their class.

“He’s pretty creepy. He knows so many dirty songs!”, she said.

“And he sings them around you?”, her friend asked.

“No, but he whistles them.”

A Woman Goes To Buy (Another) Parrot

A woman goes to buy a parrot. The shopkeeper brings her three parrots to see.

"This parrot is a marvel. It toured with the Royal Shakespeare Company. It can recite any play by Shakespeare on command, doing different voices for each part. It's yours for only $200"

"That's amazing, but I...

Here's one for those born before the 1980's...

The chief of a large Western African tribe flew into London for a state visit and was being interviewed.

“Welcome to our country, Your Excellency,” said one reporter. “Did you have a good flight?”

The Chief made a strange series of sounds – bells, whistles, hisses, pings in no apparen...

PSA: I'm starting a minimalist orchestra!

It's just like a regular orchestra but without the bells and whistles.

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A lawyer is driving at night, on the road to his hometown. Suddenly...

*Thud!*

The lawyer stops the car with fear in his eyes. His heart pumps fast. "Oh my God, did I just roadkill an animal? My name will be stained, forever!"

He leaves his car and goes to check the front. The headlights are illuminating an armadillo, rolled inside his shell. He gives the...

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A Couple Goes to Yellowstone

They are talking to a Ranger and the woman asks about the danger of bears. The Ranger says "Lock up your food, carry your whistle and bear spray and you'll be fine as long as it's not bear season."

The husband says "Well, how will we know if it's bear season?"

The Ranger replies, "Oh...

A Young Russian is sent to a Siberian Work Camp

A Guard looks at him and asks "How long is your sentence?"

The young man says, "Ten years"

The guard whistles and replies, "What did you do?"

"Nothing" says the young man.

The guard laughs and says "That's a lie. For doing nothing you only get 8 years"

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A Siberian joke about a bear

A tourist comes to Siberia for a hike, but wishes to be safe from bears. A local man proposes him to buy a whistle

Tourist: But how do I use it?

Local man: Whistle, the bear will flee, and keep away from bear trails.

Tourist: How do I know where are the trails?

Local ...

The Whistler

A Professor started his class on a very serious Topic. The moment he turned towards the blackboard, one of the students whistled. He turned, looked at the class and asked the Whistler's name. No one answered.

The Professor peacefully kept the Pen in his pocket saying: "Lecture ends here. I'll...

Surprise mother f*

A professor was about to begin his lecture and was writing something on the board, then someone whistles, so he asks, 'who did it', but no one answered.

So he continued the lecture then hears the whistle again. So he asks, 'who was it' and again no one answers.

So he packeshis notes a...

What do you call a fish that is pressure cooked ?

Fishhhhhhhh
Fisssssshhhhh
Fiisssshhhhhhhh
(Three whistles )

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A mathematician, an architect and a lawyer are at a dog show, arguing over whose dog is the smartest.

So the mathematician throws three dollars on the ground and whistles for his dog. The dog barks 3 times, each time sliding a dollar over with his paw.

The architect whistles his dog over. The dog arranges the dollars in a perfect triangle.

The lawyer whistles his dog over. The dog fu...

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The dead duck.

A not-so-bright farmer brings his dead duck to a vet, asking for treatment. The vet takes one look and says, "I'm sorry, but that duck is dead." The farmer asks if they can do some tests to make sure. The vet agrees and whistles, summoning a black lab. the dog puts its front paws on the table and sn...

A lobster trapper

In a small fishing village, a Newfoundlander was walking Up the wharf carrying two at-least-three-pound live lobsters, one in each hand.

It was three weeks after the season closed! Whom should he meet at the end of the wharf but the Federal Fisheries Officer who, upon viewing the live and wig...

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Tennis Elbow (You might have heard it, but it's my personal favorite [worth the read])

Jerry walks into work after a three day weekend. He's complaining about his right arm hurting. He's new, and his health insurance hasn't kicked in yet, so he wants to avoid going to the doctor.

His coworker tells him not to worry.. "There's this new machine down at the pharmacy. You bring...

This guy takes his sick parrot to the vet...

The vet takes one look and says, "I'm afraid your parrot is dead."
"That's terrible," says the guy, "How can you so sure? I’d like a second opinion."
The Vet then opens the door and whistles. A Labrador bounds into the room, hops up onto the table, takes time sniffing at the parrot, looks up ...

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A young man was visiting his girlfriends parents for the first time.

As they ate dinner, he felt the need to pass gas, but he held it in quite a while. As the night wore on, he couldn't stand it, so he tried to let out just a little bit.

"Eeeep!"

The girls mother looks sharply at the dog and says "Spot!"

Twenty minutes go by, and he decid...

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