Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

A. 499

Q. What are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

A. Open Door, put elephant in refrigerator, close door

Q. What are four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?

A. Open do...

There was a lady with 3 sons, named Rain, Snow and Brick

One day Rain asked his mom, "Mom why am i named Rain?" "Because a raindrop fell on your head when you were born.” Then Snow asked his mom, “Why is my name ‘Snow’?” “Because a snowflake fell on your head when you were born.” Then Brick asked his mom, “URGUTUREWESADJ”

There were three guys in an airplane. One guy dropped a rock, another dropped a brick, and the last dropped a grenade.

When they got back on the ground they were walking down the street and they saw a woman crying. Being the gentlemen they are they went up to ask her why she was crying she said: "A rock fell from the sky, landed on my cat and now my cat is dead." The men said they were very sorry to hear that and wa...

A little girl knocks on my door and said Brick or Breat. I said what are you dressed up as? She said a Birate.

A birate you mean a pirate She said ya a birate. I asked if you are a pirate were are your buccaneers you know your band of cut throat's and theaves, were are your buccaneers? she said under my bucking hat give me the bucking candy

There are three girls, one named Tulip, one named Daisy, and one named Brick.

One day, three girls and their mom are walking down the street. One is named Tulip, one is named Daisy, and one is named Brick. Tulip asks, "Mommy, why am I named Tulip?", "Oh, because a bunch of Tulips fell on you when you were born," Her mom said. "Well, why am I named Daisy?", "Because a bunch of...

What weighs more between 20lbs of feathers or 20lbs of bricks?





20lbs of feathers because you have to carry around the weight of what you did to all those poor birds.

Three children named Feather, Droplet, and Brick went to their mother to ask why they were named so.

Feather went to his mother and asked,"Mother, why is my name Feather?" And the mother replied,"because when you were born, a feather fell on your forehead." Satisfied, Feather went away.

After Feather, Droplet went to his mother and asked,"Mother, why is my name Droplet?" And the mother repli...

Which is heavier - 1000 pounds of feathers or 1000 pounds of bricks?

The feathers are heavier - you also have to carry the guilt of plucking all those chickens.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as a brick,

cuz I'm always hard and only been laid once.

First thing every morning I punch a brick wall as hard as I can

Because your best days start with break fist.

Brick

Feather: mum why is my name feather?

Mum: because a feather landed on your head when you were born.

Brick: orhhdjeksidhkwk

Whats heavier? 200 pounds of bricks or 200 pounds of feathers?

The answer is feathers.

If you have 200 pounds of bricks it’s just a pile of bricks. If you have 200 pounds of feathers, you also have to carry around what you did to those poor birds

My wife said childbirth was the worst pain, until I told her how I once landed barefoot on a huge pile of toy bricks.

She didn't have a Lego to stand on.

Where did the builder buy his bricks from?

Wall-mart.

What's the difference between a brick and a ginger?

At least the brick gets laid.

A blue House is made of blue bricks, a pink house is made of pink bricks, a yellow house is made of yellow bricks. What is a green house made of?

Glass

A mother had three sons: Leaf, Feather and Brick.

Leaf came one day to his mom and said: "Mom, why did you call me Leaf?"

"Well son, ", replied his mom, "When you were born a leaf fell on your head and it was so cute and I couldn't hold myself from naming you like that".

Years passed and Feather came one day to his mom and said: "Mom...

Two fish are swimming in a river when they both run into a brick wall...

One looks at the other and says "dam"

What’s the difference between the Thalmor and a brick?

A brick will actually help rebuild Skyrim

Lego bricks are being used to help people with dementia and alzheimers...

They are being put at the side of their beds to remind the old folks to put their shoes on when they get up...

My 11 year old Niece told me this joke today.

A dad is driving his three kids to school. The first kid asks, "Dad, why did you call me blossom?" The dad answered, "when you were born and we left the hospital, a leaf fell from a blossom tree. So we called you blossom."

The second kid then asks, "why did you call me Daisy?" The dad answere...

Once upon a time, there was a happy family with 3 kids: Snowflake, Sandgrain, and Brick

One day, Snowflake went up to his mother and asked:

“Mommy! Why is my name Snowflake?”

“Well you see, when you were born, a little snowflake landed on your head. So we decided to name you after it.” She replied.

A couple days later, Sandgrain went up to his mother and asked:
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tits are like Lego bricks.

They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill is laying bricks on the 20th floor of a construction site

When he accidentally knocked a brick, causing it to fall off the edge!
He quickly yelled out "Falling Brick!"

Looking down, he notices that a rather well-dressed businessman has stepped out of the way of the brick and is making his way up to him. "You saved my life mate, here's $100" sai...

What’s red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.

I don't want to sound like I'm showing off or something, but people put bricks through my windows...

...just so they can hear me practicing my saxophone louder.

What do a pallet of bricks and a fat girl have in common?

Sooner or later they will get laid by a Mexican

a Mother has three children.

One day, her first child comes along and asks:
"Mom, why is my name Flower?"
The mom replies:
"Because, when you were born, a flower fell on your head."

Her second child, Twig, comes along and asks:
"Mom, why is my name Twig?"
The mom replies:
"Because, when you were born, a...

What’s the difference between a brick salesperson and a boxer

One stocks rocks and the other rocks socks

Unlucky

Q: A plane is carrying one hundred bricks. One falls out. How many are left on the plane?
A: 99.

Q: What are the three steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge?
A: Open the fridge, put the giraffe in, and close the fridge.

Q: What are the four steps to putting an elephant in the fr...

My favorite joke

If you have 500 bricks on a plane and you throw one off how many do you now have?

>!499!<

How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

>!Open the door, then put the elephant inside!<

How do you put a giraffe in a fridge?

>!Open the door, take the elephant...

What's the difference between redditors on this sub and a brick?

The brick will actually get laid someday.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bricks have a frustrating sex life.

They're hard all the time, but only get laid once.

Two brick masons are laying a wall when suddenly one of the bricks start to talk..

When the masons start to talk to the brick he seems just like a regular guy telling the masons about his ambitions to go and get a education, so that he's not forgotten like the rest of his brethren. Then he asks the masons to go with him and get an education too so that they won't have to do this...

A girl was talking to her mother

Daughter: “Mummy, why is my name Lily?”

Mother: “Because a lily fell on your head when were born.”

The younger brother enters

Brother: “Uhhhh ahhhh uh uh!!”

Mother: “Shut up Brick!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so, and although his English was far from perfect, the couple got on very well.

One day, though, he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked if he could arrange a divorce for him, "Very quick!"

The lawyer explained that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked these questions: LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"

POLE: "An acre and...

Kids ask their mother how they were named

1st Child: Mom, how was I named?

Mother: Well, when your father and I were walking out of the hospital, a lily fell on your head. So we named you Lily.

Lily: That’s so cool!

2nd Child: Mom, how was I named?

Mother: Well, when your father and I were walking out of the hosp...

A family with three brothers...

So, feather asked his mom:

“Mom, why is my name Feather”
“Because when you were born, I was holding you on my lap and a feather fell in your forehead!” Answered the mom.

A few days later, Drop asked his mom:

“Why is my name Drop, mom?”
“Because when you were born, I was ho...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My great Grandpa Randy was a brick layer...

He said, "I was a brick layer for 20 years and no one called me 'Randy the brick layer.'

Then I farmed for 25 year and no one called me 'Randy the farmer.'

But you fuck just one goat.

What’s the difference between a brick and a red velvet cake?

Not much, if we’re going off my mother-in-law’s recipe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men are working on a construction site.

Paddy is busy assembling the drain pipes and gutters. Meanwhile Thomas is moving a wheel barrow of bricks up to the building, carrying them up the scaffolding, emptying the barrow, then moving all the bricks back down to the barrow, repeating the process.

"What the hell do you think your doin...

“Mommy, why did you name me rose?”

“Because when you were born and we were taking you out of the hospital, a rose petal landed on your head. So we names you rose.”

“Is that why little brother is named leaf?”

“Yes, it is”

“Blaaaarghhhh-ddsdbbbb-beeebbbleeee”

“Shut up brick”

A guy in a bar is telling a joke to his friend

"John and his friends are playing 'how high can you throw a brick', the first kid had the brick in the air for 2 seconds, the 2nd one for 4, third one slipped and the brick touched the ground in less than one second, now it's John's turn, he throws the brick in the air aaaand it never drops"
...

What is Donald Trumps favourite song? Another Brick in the Wall by Pink Floyd

Because he don't need no education....

A boy asked his father,

Father, why am I named Leaf?

The father, who was waiting for this moment to come, replied sweetly.

Oh son, when the caring winds first caressed you, it was a single leaf that gently sat on your head. You were named after that, Leaf.

The boy asked again. ...

A Man walkes into a Bar

He orders a shot of tequilla and the bar tender asks "would you like to try our challenge?"
The man confused, said "what challenge". The Bar tender then states " see those slices of meat on the ceiling?". The man looks up and sees 2 slices of red meat on the brick roof. Then the man says "what d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Going to Hell [Long]

The evil man arrived in Hell and was immediately greeted by his Eternal Assignment Demon. They walked down a dank hallway until they came upon a door. “This is your first option of three for you to serve your eternal damnation. Behold.” The EAD slides the hatch on the door and the evil man (let’s ca...

Three young friends, lil' droplet, lil' feather and lil' brick ask their mothers about how they got their names...

Lil' droplet went up to her mother and asked, "Mommy, why is my name Lil' droplet?"

And so, Lil droplet's mother answered, "Well, it's because a little water droplet fell on your head the moment you were born."

Of course, Lil' droplet went off with glee, happy with the answer.

T...

Three people are on a plane...

...and it's about to crash. The first man throws a hundred dollar bill out the window and prays. The second man throws a brick out of the window and prays. The third man pulls the pin on a grenade, throws it out the window, and prays.

Later, when people are on the scene, they spot a person ye...

*CORPORATE JOKE*

Agency: " Sir, we found 3 candidates as per your requirements. How do you want their placements, sir?"

MD: "Put about 100 bricks in a closed room. Then send the candidates into the room and close the door, leave them alone and come back after a few hours and analyse the situation:

...

What's the difference between a Blonde and a brick?

When you lay a brick, it won't follow you around for weeks afterwards.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three construction workers are building a brick wall in the middle of a swamp.

During a break, the first man, Joe, says, "Let's have a brick throwing competition. Whoever can throw his brick the highest wins!"

"That sounds like fun; I'm in!" Replied the second man, Tom.

"But how will we measure who's goes the highest?" inquired Jim, the third man.

"Simple,...

The Brick

*Hover over the answers to see them. I don't know how to do proper spoilers in this sub.*

There are 500 brinks in an airplane. You throw one out the door. How many are left on the plane?

[Answer](/s "499")

How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

[Answer](/s "You open t...

What's heavier? 200kg bricks or 200kg feathers?

The feathers of course.

200kg bricks it's just some measure of bricks. But, if you want to lift 200kg feathers you need also handle what you've done to all these poor birds.

Why is the background of r/jokes a brick wall and neon sign?

Because everything's old and reused, just like the background.

My friend told me this joke recently.

A girl asked her mother why she was named Rose.

Her mother replied, "Well, it's because as we were walking out of the hospital with you, a rose petal fell on your head. Because of that, we decided to name you Rose."

Rose asked, "So is that why my brother is named Leaf?"

"Yup." R...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to a camel service stop

He tells the worker "My camel won't walk, can you help?"

"Sure" He signals to the automotive lift "Put the camel on the lift"

The man drags the camel on the lift and the worker slams the camels balls with 2 bricks and it runs off

"How am i supposed to catch it now?" To which the...

The Rabbi and the Sheikh

A wealthy Sheikh who was travelling in the US met a terrible accident and would need to undergo blood transfusion. The Sheikh had a rare type of blood that the doctor's had never encountered before.
They made tests from several donors but found no match, days passed and the Sheikh's health was g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL that wombats poo is shaped like a cube instead of spherical.

I almost shit a brick.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] a white guy is showering at the gym alone when in comes the biggest and most muscle bound black guy he has ever seen walks in...

The black man whips off his towel and reveals the largest member on a dude the white guy has ever seen. He can’t stop staring and it makes the black man uncomfortable after a few minutes

“You got a problem?” the muscles dude says

“I have to be honest” starts the white guy, “that thing...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dad is 88 today. Here is one he used to tell all the time. Happy Birthday dad!

A farmer needed to castrate his bull.

After a search of many options including the local veternarians he decides to go with the guy with the cheapest price.
The next day a man shows up with a briefcase and opens it and the farmer is surprised at what's inside. The fellow pulls two bricks ...

Two bricks of salt visit a meat factory...

And while they are looking down at one of the bone grinders, one of the salt brick accidentally falls down into the machine. The other salt brick watches in panic as his friend gets sucked into the blades and gears. After a while, the salt brick comes out from the other side of the grinding machine,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What colour bricks?

Not sure if this has been posted before but oh well.

My Granddad told me this when I was smaller (Yes, he is still alive) .
Sorry for the horrible (Grand)dad joke!

If a red house has red bricks , a yellow house has yellow bricks, what colour bricks does a green house have?

No...

What happened to Vin Diesel when Dwayne Johnson pinned him against a brick wall?

He found himself between The Rock and a hard place.

An English man,an Irish man, a french man and a German man get on a plane

The English man dropped a stone off the plane. The Irish man dropped a brick off the plane. The french man dropped a knife off the plane. The German man dropped a bomb off the plane. When the English man got home, he found his dad crying in the garden. “Why are you crying?” said the English man. <...

I heard r/Jokes is going to open a brick and mortar location..

It’s gonna be a second hand store, of course

A Scotsman is drinking at the bar.

"I've been layin' bricks fer twenty years" he said in a dejected tone.

"But they don't call me McGregor the bricklayer do they?!" He sipped his drink and continued.

"I've bin paintin' hooses fer thirty-five years." He continued to sip his drink, his inflection getting angrier and more ...

A nurse was walking through a maternity ward, checking on the new arrivals and their mothers..

She walked into the first room where a woman had hold of her precious newborn child with the face of an angel. She asked the mother what the name was, to which the mother replied,

"I called her Rose because when i was going into labour, a rose petal drifted in through the window and landed on...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW Mehmet and the sultan long (on mobile, sorry for formatting)

One day the sultan was walking around his kingdom when he stumbled upon Mehmet, the local merchant. Surprised by the vision in front of him, Mehmet naked, bending in all directions and angles, with a loud and deep voice, the sultan roared!
-WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING, MEHMET???
-Well hello s...

A mother is sitting in the car with her three children...

The first girl asks, "mom? Why am I named rose?"

The Mom says "because a rose fell on your head as we were leaving the hospital"

the second girl says "mom why am I named Lily?"

The Mom says "because a Lily fell on your head as we were leaving the hospital"

and then the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Red Riding Hood sets out to go visit her grandmother, who lives in another village

As she's walking on the forest road, she sees the big, bad wolf hiding behind a shrub. She stops and says:

\-My, what big red eyes you have!

The wolf looks at her and leaves without saying a word, disappearing in the dense forest. Little red riding hood continues walking on the same fo...

Donald Trump did and goes to hell

Donal Trump dies and goes to hell. When he arrives at the door, the devil said “I don’t know what to tell you. You’re on the list, but there’s no room left. However, there’s three people in here who all were better than you, so, here’s what I’ll do: I’ll show you the three people, and their punishme...

Yo mama's like a brick.....

dirty, flat on both sides, and always getting laid by Mexicans.

OC science joke

There was a young man who was fed up with all the bias in news networks everywhere and vowed to make his own set of news channels that would be void of any and all bias. As he was not a wealthy man he had to find ways cut costs in making his network. He managed to make an odd deal with all his suppl...

Story of names

Three kids are in the car with there mom.

Kid 1: mom how was I named?

Mom: well when we were taking you out of the hospital a lily fell on your head so we decided to call you lily.

Kid 2: what about me?

Mom: when we left the hospital with you a rose petal fell on your h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that SpongeBob has a square dick?

If you think you're surprised, Sandy just shit a brick.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the guy who smuggled cocaine up his butt?

He was shitting bricks.

A judge was interviewing a South Carolina woman regarding her pending divorce and asks, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

"About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "what are your relations like?"
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

During lunch break on a high rise construction site....

...Dave says, "Hey Daryl tell the crew how you made a fast $50 this morning!"

"It was weird!", says Daryl. "I was on the 23rd floor and bumped a brick off the edge, I immediately yelled out "FALLING BRICK!!!. There was a lady standing at the bus stop below, she heard me, stepped to the side a...

A duck walks into a bar after a long day of work on abuilding sight

He hops onto a barstool and asks the bartender for a club sandwich and a pint of Guinness , the bartender says "WOW! A talking duck" he is very surprised but gets him his sandwich and pint anyway


The next night the duck comes in and hops onto a barstool and asks the bartender for a club s...

Hey, are you the top of a Lego brick?

Because you're a stud.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.