Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

A. 499

Q. What are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

A. Open Door, put elephant in refrigerator, close door

Q. What are four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?

A. Open do...

There was a lady with 3 sons, named Rain, Snow and Brick

One day Rain asked his mom, "Mom why am i named Rain?" "Because a raindrop fell on your head when you were born.” Then Snow asked his mom, “Why is my name ‘Snow’?” “Because a snowflake fell on your head when you were born.” Then Brick asked his mom, “URGUTUREWESADJ”

There were three guys in an airplane. One guy dropped a rock, another dropped a brick, and the last dropped a grenade.

When they got back on the ground they were walking down the street and they saw a woman crying. Being the gentlemen they are they went up to ask her why she was crying she said: "A rock fell from the sky, landed on my cat and now my cat is dead." The men said they were very sorry to hear that and wa...

First thing every morning I punch a brick wall as hard as I can

Because your best days start with break fist.

What’s the difference between a ginger and a brick?

The brick can get laid

A father names has 3 daughters named Petal, Flower, and Brick

Petal asks "dad, why was I named Petal?"
He says a petal fell from out of nowhere and landed on her forehead right after she was born so he named her Petal.

Flower asks "so, dad why was I named Flower?"
He says a flower fell from out of nowhere and landed on her forehead as well right a...

What is heavier, a pound of feathers or a pound of bricks?

A pound of feathers, because then you have to carry the weight of what you did to all those poor birds.

When I was in 2nd grade, my dog Brick was hit by a car and killed, and my mom tried to console me. She said, "He's probably already in Heaven with God."

I said, "Why would God want a dead dog?"

What did the fish say when it bumped into the brick wall?

dam

300 Bricks on a plane

There are 300 bricks on a plane, 1 falls off. How many are left? Pretty simple, 299.


What are the 3 steps to put an elephant in a fridge? Easy, open the fridge, put the elephant inside, and close the fridge.


What are the 4 steps to put a Giraffe in the fridge? Easy, open the fr...

What does a fat white woman and a pile of bricks have in common?

Sooner or later they will both get laid by a Mexican.

What's the difference between a computer science student and a brick?

The brick gets laid

There are three girls, one named Tulip, one named Daisy, and one named Brick.

One day, three girls and their mom are walking down the street. One is named Tulip, one is named Daisy, and one is named Brick. Tulip asks, "Mommy, why am I named Tulip?", "Oh, because a bunch of Tulips fell on you when you were born," Her mom said. "Well, why am I named Daisy?", "Because a bunch of...

Three children named Feather, Droplet, and Brick went to their mother to ask why they were named so.

Feather went to his mother and asked,"Mother, why is my name Feather?" And the mother replied,"because when you were born, a feather fell on your forehead." Satisfied, Feather went away.

After Feather, Droplet went to his mother and asked,"Mother, why is my name Droplet?" And the mother repli...

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I sexually identify as a brick,

cuz I'm always hard and only been laid once.

Which is heavier - 1000 pounds of feathers or 1000 pounds of bricks?

The feathers are heavier - you also have to carry the guilt of plucking all those chickens.

A blue House is made of blue bricks, a pink house is made of pink bricks, a yellow house is made of yellow bricks. What is a green house made of?

Glass

Two fish are swimming in a river when they both run into a brick wall...

One looks at the other and says "dam"

Brick

Feather: mum why is my name feather?

Mum: because a feather landed on your head when you were born.

Brick: orhhdjeksidhkwk

My wife said childbirth was the worst pain, until I told her how I once landed barefoot on a huge pile of toy bricks.

She didn't have a Lego to stand on.

A little girl knocks on my door and said Brick or Breat. I said what are you dressed up as? She said a Birate.

A birate you mean a pirate She said ya a birate. I asked if you are a pirate were are your buccaneers you know your band of cut throat's and theaves, were are your buccaneers? she said under my bucking hat give me the bucking candy

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Tits are like Lego bricks.

They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.

I don't want to sound like I'm showing off or something, but people put bricks through my windows...

...just so they can hear me practicing my saxophone louder.

Whats Orange and bad for your teeth?

A brick

Names can be meaningful

There were 3 little brothers: Flower, Petal and Brick.

The kids were wondering how they got their names so they decided to go ask dad!

Flower: Dad why did you name me Flower?

Dad: You see kid, when you were born, a tiny little flower dropped down on your head!

Petal: Dad ...

What’s the difference between the Thalmor and a brick?

A brick will actually help rebuild Skyrim

If someone got hit by a ton of bricks and survived,

how would they describe it?

When building a brick oven it’s important to make the hole big enough to fit a chicken

And also to use a door, so he can’t get out

Once upon a time, there was a happy family with 3 kids: Snowflake, Sandgrain, and Brick

One day, Snowflake went up to his mother and asked:

“Mommy! Why is my name Snowflake?”

“Well you see, when you were born, a little snowflake landed on your head. So we decided to name you after it.” She replied.

A couple days later, Sandgrain went up to his mother and asked:
...

Where did the builder buy his bricks from?

Wall-mart.

A mother had three sons: Leaf, Feather and Brick.

Leaf came one day to his mom and said: "Mom, why did you call me Leaf?"

"Well son, ", replied his mom, "When you were born a leaf fell on your head and it was so cute and I couldn't hold myself from naming you like that".

Years passed and Feather came one day to his mom and said: "Mom...

Lego bricks are being used to help people with dementia and alzheimers...

They are being put at the side of their beds to remind the old folks to put their shoes on when they get up...

What’s the difference between a brick salesperson and a boxer

One stocks rocks and the other rocks socks

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Bill is laying bricks on the 20th floor of a construction site

When he accidentally knocked a brick, causing it to fall off the edge!
He quickly yelled out "Falling Brick!"

Looking down, he notices that a rather well-dressed businessman has stepped out of the way of the brick and is making his way up to him. "You saved my life mate, here's $100" sai...

An old woman was being interviewed regarding her pending divorce...

An old woman was being interviewed regarding her pending divorce. The judge asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About a four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said. "I mean what is the foundation o...

Old joke i heard about 7 years ago

A girl called snowflake approaches her mother and asks her why shes called snowflake,the mother responds:"When you were born it was snowing and a snowflake fell on your head". Then,her sister who's name is handkerchief asks her mom the same thing,her mother responds:"When you were born a woman was ...

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My great Grandpa Randy was a brick layer...

He said, "I was a brick layer for 20 years and no one called me 'Randy the brick layer.'

Then I farmed for 25 year and no one called me 'Randy the farmer.'

But you fuck just one goat.

Daughter: Dad why did you named me Rose?

Dad: Because a rose fell into your crib when you were a baby.

Son: Waaaabuoaaaadaa!!!

Dad: Shut up Brick!

16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16

A man is walking down the street in a small town where there is an insane asylum contained by a 20 foot brick wall at the end of the block. Behind the wall he can hear the inmates roaring "16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16" and he wonders what is happening. The roar grows loude...

A 2 girls and their dad are sitting in a car.

Girl: Dad, why am I named Rose?
Dad: Because a rose fell on your nose as we were leaving the hospital.
Girl 2: **caveman noises**
Dad: Be quiet, Brick.

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Maria had 3 children, snowflake, sand, and brick.

One day snowflake goes to her mom and asks her: Mom, why am I called snowflake? Then the mother replies: Because when you were born, a snowflake fell on your head. The next day goes Sand and asks: Mom, why am I called Sand? And the mother replies: Because when you were born, a small grain of sand f...

Two brick masons are laying a wall when suddenly one of the bricks start to talk..

When the masons start to talk to the brick he seems just like a regular guy telling the masons about his ambitions to go and get a education, so that he's not forgotten like the rest of his brethren. Then he asks the masons to go with him and get an education too so that they won't have to do this...

My 11 year old Niece told me this joke today.

A dad is driving his three kids to school. The first kid asks, "Dad, why did you call me blossom?" The dad answered, "when you were born and we left the hospital, a leaf fell from a blossom tree. So we called you blossom."

The second kid then asks, "why did you call me Daisy?" The dad answere...

What is Donald Trumps favourite song? Another Brick in the Wall by Pink Floyd

Because he don't need no education....

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I was sitting in my office...

I was sitting in my office when a case came in. So I finished two bottles from it. I was tough, so tough I wore my clothes out from the inside.

Suddenly a tall blonde walked past my window. I knew she was tall because I was on the second floor.

The phone rang and I knew something was w...

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Bricks have a frustrating sex life.

They're hard all the time, but only get laid once.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man is talking to his granddaughter.

They are sitting on a bench overlooking the town.

The old man says, "You see that lighthouse? I laid every brick that's there today, but they don't call me The Lighthouse Builder"

" You see that dock?", he says to the girl," I put down every post holding it up right now, even in the ha...

I recently started learning to play the violin, and I think my neighbor enjoys it.

I assume he's throwing bricks through my windows to hear me better.

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A traveler walks into a bar in a foreign land...

He started up a conversation with a bar owner, Greg for confidence. Eventually they were talking about his business.

Greg: you see this bar? It took years to build this bar, to find every perfect piece of brick, to hone it into a perfect bar. But do they call me Greg the bar builder? No.
...

Three young friends, lil' droplet, lil' feather and lil' brick ask their mothers about how they got their names...

Lil' droplet went up to her mother and asked, "Mommy, why is my name Lil' droplet?"

And so, Lil droplet's mother answered, "Well, it's because a little water droplet fell on your head the moment you were born."

Of course, Lil' droplet went off with glee, happy with the answer.

T...

Everyone knows the story of the three little pigs... here's another version:



The first little pig was playing in the forest, when the big bad wolf

spotted him and chased him back to his straw house. The pig hid inside,

peeking out at the wolf, who looked at the house, laughed, then huffed

and puffed and blew the house down. The pig, scared witles...

What’s the difference between a brick and a red velvet cake?

Not much, if we’re going off my mother-in-law’s recipe.

a Mother has three children.

One day, her first child comes along and asks:
"Mom, why is my name Flower?"
The mom replies:
"Because, when you were born, a flower fell on your head."

Her second child, Twig, comes along and asks:
"Mom, why is my name Twig?"
The mom replies:
"Because, when you were born, a...

The Brick

*Hover over the answers to see them. I don't know how to do proper spoilers in this sub.*

There are 500 brinks in an airplane. You throw one out the door. How many are left on the plane?

[Answer](/s "499")

How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

[Answer](/s "You open t...

What's the difference between a Blonde and a brick?

When you lay a brick, it won't follow you around for weeks afterwards.

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I was sitting at the bar by myself on a business trip over in Scotland...

...and there was an older gentleman all by himself at the end of the bar. I didn’t know anyone there, the bartender wasn’t too friendly so I stood up, walked over to the man to start up a conversation. I asked the bartender for a couple of pints and sat down next to the man.

“Hi there” I sai...

“Mommy, why did you name me rose?”

“Because when you were born and we were taking you out of the hospital, a rose petal landed on your head. So we names you rose.”

“Is that why little brother is named leaf?”

“Yes, it is”

“Blaaaarghhhh-ddsdbbbb-beeebbbleeee”

“Shut up brick”

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What colour bricks?

Not sure if this has been posted before but oh well.

My Granddad told me this when I was smaller (Yes, he is still alive) .
Sorry for the horrible (Grand)dad joke!

If a red house has red bricks , a yellow house has yellow bricks, what colour bricks does a green house have?

No...

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Three construction workers are building a brick wall in the middle of a swamp.

During a break, the first man, Joe, says, "Let's have a brick throwing competition. Whoever can throw his brick the highest wins!"

"That sounds like fun; I'm in!" Replied the second man, Tom.

"But how will we measure who's goes the highest?" inquired Jim, the third man.

"Simple,...

Two bricks of salt visit a meat factory...

And while they are looking down at one of the bone grinders, one of the salt brick accidentally falls down into the machine. The other salt brick watches in panic as his friend gets sucked into the blades and gears. After a while, the salt brick comes out from the other side of the grinding machine,...

Kids ask their mother how they were named

1st Child: Mom, how was I named?

Mother: Well, when your father and I were walking out of the hospital, a lily fell on your head. So we named you Lily.

Lily: That’s so cool!

2nd Child: Mom, how was I named?

Mother: Well, when your father and I were walking out of the hosp...

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We are getting there

A man walks into the bathroom and takes his position at the urinal. He is joined by a 6ft tall black man.

Going about his business he accidentally looks over and is amazed at the size of his neighbours johnson.

Both men go to wash their hands and the first man leans over and says. "Tel...

Why is the background of r/jokes a brick wall and neon sign?

Because everything's old and reused, just like the background.

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A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so, and although his English was far from perfect, the couple got on very well.

One day, though, he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked if he could arrange a divorce for him, "Very quick!"

The lawyer explained that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked these questions: LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"

POLE: "An acre and...

You wanna know what gives me uncontrollable gas?

A brick on the accelerator.

My favorite joke

If you have 500 bricks on a plane and you throw one off how many do you now have?

>!499!<

How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

>!Open the door, then put the elephant inside!<

How do you put a giraffe in a fridge?

>!Open the door, take the elephant...

What happened to Vin Diesel when Dwayne Johnson pinned him against a brick wall?

He found himself between The Rock and a hard place.

*CORPORATE JOKE*

Agency: " Sir, we found 3 candidates as per your requirements. How do you want their placements, sir?"

MD: "Put about 100 bricks in a closed room. Then send the candidates into the room and close the door, leave them alone and come back after a few hours and analyse the situation:

...

Yo mama's like a brick.....

dirty, flat on both sides, and always getting laid by Mexicans.

I heard r/Jokes is going to open a brick and mortar location..

It’s gonna be a second hand store, of course

A mother had 3 children.

One asks her "Why is my name Rose?"

To which the mother responds "Because a rose petal fell on your head on the way out from the hospital when you were born."

Another asks "Why am I called Lily?"

"A lily petal fell on your head the day you were born." The mother answers.

...

I am tired of molding all these clay without any results..

I need a brick.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Castrating a bull.

Farming salesman knocks on the door of the
farm house wanting to sell the latest bull castration apparatus.

After his long sales pitch the farmer explains that his family have been using the same method for generations and he is not interested.

Salesman asks about the farmers techn...

A family with three brothers...

So, feather asked his mom:

“Mom, why is my name Feather”
“Because when you were born, I was holding you on my lap and a feather fell in your forehead!” Answered the mom.

A few days later, Drop asked his mom:

“Why is my name Drop, mom?”
“Because when you were born, I was ho...

Three people are on a plane...

...and it's about to crash. The first man throws a hundred dollar bill out the window and prays. The second man throws a brick out of the window and prays. The third man pulls the pin on a grenade, throws it out the window, and prays.

Later, when people are on the scene, they spot a person ye...

A girl was talking to her mother

Daughter: “Mummy, why is my name Lily?”

Mother: “Because a lily fell on your head when were born.”

The younger brother enters

Brother: “Uhhhh ahhhh uh uh!!”

Mother: “Shut up Brick!”

Hey, are you the top of a Lego brick?

Because you're a stud.

I found a shop that sells clothing made of brick.

It's a hardware store.

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