UPJOKE
vacuumhoovercleandustwashercarpet sweepermopdustersuctionunsulliedvaccuumsanitaryflawlesslycleanlycleanness

Vacuum Cleaner Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A vacuum cleaner salesman came to my door, poured a bag of dog shit on my carpet and said, "Sir, if this vacuum can't clean it completely, I'll eat whatever's left."

I said, "I hope you're hungry 'cause they cut off the electricity this morning."

What's the difference between a Harley Davidson motorcycle and a Hoover vacuum cleaner?

The position of the dirtbag.

Used Vacuum cleaner for sale.

I don't need it anymore. All it does is collect dust.

When you clean a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner

So if I show someone a shower, do I become a shower?

I finally decided to sell my vacuum cleaner.

All it was doing was gathering dust!

I told my son that I found his hamster in our vacuum cleaner.

With tears in his eyes he said, "Please get a new one, daddy..."

"I was thinking the same," I said, "the suction is absolutely terrible."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used my vacuum cleaner as a sex toy

It sucked ass

What’s the most infanticidal vacuum cleaner?

A Dyson

I just bought a vacuum cleaner from Wal-Mart.

It's the only thing I ever bought there that didn't suck.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know what happens when you put your penis in the vacuum cleaner?

The Walmart security guard throws you out.

The Vacuum Cleaner Salesman

A door to door vacuum salesman visits a house. When he proposes a deal the woman tells him to take a hike. Without giving her a second chance the man empties a bucket of cow dung onto to carpet and says "If the vacuum cleaner doesn't suck all of this up then I will eat the rest myself" The woman goe...

I'm really frustrated with this faulty vacuum cleaner.

It would suck less if it sucked more.

I just want to say the Dyson Ball vacuum cleaner is tragically misnamed

and don't even get me started on the crevice tool.

What is a time travelling vacuum cleaner called?

Dr Whoover

A well stole my vacuum cleaner recently...

I showed my friend a picture and he sent "well that sucks"

How do you fix a broken vacuum cleaner?

Put a Green Bay sticker on it, it'll suck again.

A couple of religious guys knocked on my door trying to sell me vacuum cleaners

They were Jehoovers Witnesses

What does a vacuum cleaner say to another vacuum cleaner who has a bad day?

That SUCKS!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to sell vacuum cleaners door to door and do demonstrations by appointment. Seriously I did.

I had an appointment to demonstrate a machine at a home in a rural area. The house looked rough and as I walked to the door carrying all my demonstration equipment, a big mangy dog with a matted eye crowded me and followed me to the house.

I rang the bell and the lady let me in and the stupi...

At one time, Lucas Electrics manufactured a vacuum cleaner.

It was the only product in their entire history that didn't suck.

I told you I was broke

A little lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning" said the young man. "If I can take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high power vacuum cleaner"

"G...

My jokes are like vacuum cleaners

They suck

A man walks into a vacuum cleaner store

After browsing around for a while, he asked to see the manager. When the manager came, he asked, "Is there something wrong?" And then the man replied with, "Oh something's wrong alright. Everything you sell sucks!"

Do you know what your momma and a vacuum cleaner have in common?

Turn them on and they'll suck.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm not surprised that my dog is scared of the vacuum cleaner...

I know exactly what a vacuum cleaner is for, but to my dog, it's just a screaming robot that keeps attacking his owner's dick.

The highlight of my week was my new vacuum cleaner.

Things are picking up.

I threw away my vacuum cleaner......

because It kept collecting dust.

I'm sorry that joked sucked, like a vacuum cleaner

A salesman was looking for a house to sell his vacuum cleaner in a new territory

He found the first house and knocked at it's door


A woman answered the knock but before she could say anything,the man rushed into the house and dumped a pile of garbage there


"Ma'am" the man said in his best salespitch "if this vacuum cleaner doesn't work wonders in cleaning u...

Here’s the thing about vacuum cleaners

It doesn’t matter if you have the best or the worst, because at the end of the day they all suck.

A witch was flying on her broom when she noticed that all the witches she passed were flying on vacuum cleaners.

She thought to herself, "Am I the only one who still drives a stick?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got my testicles stuck in a vacuum cleaner.

Now we're both bagless.

I feel like my purchase of a vacuum cleaner was a waste of money

Ever since I bought all it's done is collected dust

Last night the Grim Reaper came for me, but I managed to beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.

Talk about Dyson with Death.

Dad, I hate my life. It's like a functioning vacuum cleaner.

Dad: I don't understand

It sucks.

Dad: well, there is always roomba improvement.

A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman knocks on a woman's door.

The woman answers, and the salesman says "Lady, I have the best damn vaccuum cleaner in the whole world."

Before she could decline, he invited himself in. "Lady," he said, "This vaccuum cleaner can suck up anything. In fact, if you leave it running, it'll probably suck the carpet up!"

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife fell on the vacuum cleaner the other day and had to go to hospital as it got stuck in her vagina

You’ll be glad to hear she’s not quite back on her feet, but she’s picking up well

Astigmatism is like a vacuum cleaner

I can see two u’s!

If you think your microwave spying on you is bad...

Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.

My friend got a job working at a vacuum cleaner factory.

He said the money is good but the job sucks.

Thank you. Thank you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, a good-looking door-to-door seller knocks on the old lady's house and is offering the "world's best" vacuum cleaner...

He runs into the middle of the living room and bursts a cow dung on the floor.

"Madam", he says, "I swear to god, if I won't be able to clean the shit out of the carpet in 2 minutes, I will personally eat it".

The lady just smiles: "I hope you are hungry. The power is out since morni...

Wife: The vacuum cleaner doesn’t suck the way it used to.

Husband: Neither does the dish washer.

I bought a very cheap vacuum cleaner from a sale

What do you expect? It sucks.

My vacuum cleaner recently had babies

Oh whoops, I meant my dog

I threw out my old vacuum cleaner today...

It was just gathering dust.

(Courtesy of Tim Vine)

What animal SHOULD be scared of vacuum cleaners?

Dust bunnies.

Everyone in Britain prefers brushes over vacuum cleaners when it comes to tidying their floors.

Sorry if that's a sweeping generalisation.

My wife said we need a new vacuum cleaner because ours really sucks

I replied: Well then why do we need a new one?

Whats the last thing your father says before killing you with a vacuum cleaner?

Dyson

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vacuum Cleaner Salesman

So this vacuum cleaner salesman knocks on his next potential clients door.


A man answers and greets the young man. "So what are you selling?" He asks.


The Salesman replies "only the best vacuum in the world"


The man goes "oh yeah, how so?"


The salesman ...

Apple is going to release the first smart vacuum cleaner this year

The first Apple product that doesn't suck

(not hating on apple or anything but i got this joke somewhere)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A salesman trying to sell vacuum cleaners knocks on the door and the mother answers

Before she can say two words, the salesman pushes past her and throws a bag of horse shit on the carpet. The mother is understandably furious.

\- What the HELL do you think you're doing?!

The salesman doesn't lose his composure, after all, he's confident in his product.

\- Ma'am...

I had amnesia and can't figure out what a vacuum cleaner is supposed to do

It sucks

What's the difference between a woman and a vacuum cleaner?

Vacuum cleaners don't shout at you for not wearing a condom

Salesman: "Ma'am, this vacuum cleaner is so great it will cut all your work by half!"

Woman: "That's fantastic! Give me two."

There once was a boy named George Gunderson who did not do very well in school. His classmates ridiculed him every day, as did his teacher, Mrs. Jones. George couldn't stand it, and always came home crying to his parents.

One day, Mr. and Mrs. Gunderson decided to come to the school early to give Mrs. Jones a piece of her mind. The second the door opened to let the kids outside, Mr. and Mrs. Gunderson peeked inside to hear Mrs. Jones screaming at George. "George Gunderson, you are the dumbest kid in the world!"
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do a vacuum cleaner and a porn star have in common?

They both suck better when they are empty inside.

So i went to an shop to buy a vacuum cleaner...

And i looked at the prices, one was $100 the other was $99.

I looked in my pocket and i had $200.

But they were too cheap, so i went to look in a thrift shop for something better.

When i got there, one was $130, the other $200 and the other $100.

But those were all used v...

I got a new vacuum cleaner but think I'm going to return it...

It just blows.

My vacuum cleaner wasn’t working properly, so I tried to fix it.

Now it sucks even more.

- Hello. I want to return the robot vacuum cleaner I bought from you a week ago. The agreement allows it?

\- Yes, just tell me what you didn't like, we will inform the manufacturer.

\- Everything is in order, I just no longer need a vacuum cleaner. After he sucked the cat three times, My cat learned to use a brush, rag, scoop, and report a full bin.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.