I got rid of my vacuum cleaner the other day.

It’s been gathering dust for a while, and generally kind of sucks.

A vacuum cleaner is never broken

Even when out of use it still gathers dust

Salesman: "Ma'am, this vacuum cleaner is so great it will cut all your work by half!"

Woman: "That's fantastic! Give me two."

I would like to return this vacuum cleaner

Costumer:it sucks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got my testicles stuck in a vacuum cleaner.

Now we're both bagless.

What's the difference between a Harley Davidson and a vacuum cleaner?

A vacuum cleaner has the dirtbag on the inside.

Everyone in Britain prefers brushes over vacuum cleaners when it comes to tidying their floors.

Sorry if that's a sweeping generalisation.

A man is selling a vacuum cleaner

He met up with a buyer, who asked him if it sucked well.

“Like my wife,” he responded.

Unsure of himself the buyer asked him whether that was a good or bad.

All the seller could say was “How the hell would I know?”

Despite its bad review I bough this vacuum cleaner from Amazon

It sucks.

Why does nobody like jokes about vacuum cleaners?

Because they all suck!

My friend got a job working at a vacuum cleaner factory.

He said the money is good but the job sucks.

Thank you. Thank you.

I bought a Buddhist vacuum cleaner.

It's free of all attachments.

My pet name for my wife is "broken vacuum cleaner" because...


...neither of them can cook.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A salesman trying to sell vacuum cleaners knocks on the door and the mother answers

Before she can say two words, the salesman pushes past her and throws a bag of horse shit on the carpet. The mother is understandably furious.

\- What the HELL do you think you're doing?!

The salesman doesn't lose his composure, after all, he's confident in his product.

\- Ma'am...

What's the difference between a wife and a vacuum cleaner? [NSFW]

The vacuum still sucks after a year.

No matter what vacuum cleaner you buy

They all suck

What did the young vacuum cleaner say to the old one when it wouldn’t shut up?

Ok, Roomba

What did the murderer say to his child as he pointed his vacuum cleaner at him?


I don’t care what type of vacuum cleaner you got

They all suck

Astigmatism is like a vacuum cleaner

I can see two u’s!

Every vacuum cleaner in existence is an antique.

Because all they do is collect dust.

A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman knocks on a woman's door.

The woman answers, and the salesman says "Lady, I have the best damn vaccuum cleaner in the whole world."

Before she could decline, he invited himself in. "Lady," he said, "This vaccuum cleaner can suck up anything. In fact, if you leave it running, it'll probably suck the carpet up!"


I threw away my vacuum cleaner......

because It kept collecting dust.

I'm sorry that joked sucked, like a vacuum cleaner

My wife said we need a new vacuum cleaner because ours really sucks

I replied: Well then why do we need a new one?

Whats the last thing your father says before killing you with a vacuum cleaner?


I once spent a whole week wearing a vacuum cleaner sack on my head.

It sucked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A vacuum cleaner salesman

A vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on my door
Before I spoke he tipped a bucket of dog shit over my carpet and said
If this vacuum doesn't remove every trace of it I'll personally eat what's left
I replied I hope you're hungry because they cut off my electric this morning

I had amnesia and can't figure out what a vacuum cleaner is supposed to do

It sucks

Two dust particles meet in a vacuum cleaner

"Man, I hate this place" says one of them.
"Yeah, it sucks."

Wife: The vacuum cleaner doesn’t suck the way it used to.

Husband: Neither does the dish washer.

I just bought a vacuum cleaner from Wal-Mart.

It's the only thing I ever bought there that didn't suck.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A vacuum cleaner salesman knocks on a woman's door. As she opens the door the salesman quickly runs inside and empties a bag full of poop on her expensive carpet.

Woman, shocked and angered, shouts "what the hell are you doing to my carpet?!?". The salesman replies "Ma'am, this is not just any ordinary vacuum cleaner. This vacuum cleaner has been engineered by top German scientists in their super high tech labs. If this vacuum cleaner doesn't clean up your ca...

Imagine getting a vacuum cleaner for Christmas

That would suck

My vacuum cleaner was having a hard time doing its job. Yet the one I bought to replace it didn’t work either.

It really sucks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between a vacuum cleaner and my life?

The vacuum cleaner stops sucking when I press the button.

What animal SHOULD be scared of vacuum cleaners?

Dust bunnies.

My vacuum cleaner wasn’t working that well

So I put a Honda sticker on it so it would suck more

So i went to an shop to buy a vacuum cleaner...

And i looked at the prices, one was $100 the other was $99.

I looked in my pocket and i had $200.

But they were too cheap, so i went to look in a thrift shop for something better.

When i got there, one was $130, the other $200 and the other $100.

But those were all used v...

Why would an upright vacuum cleaner with no wheels make a better President than Hillary Clinton?

Well, they both suck and have trouble moving forward, but at least the vacuum has a handle on it.

What's the difference between a woman and a vacuum cleaner?

Vacuum cleaners don't shout at you for not wearing a condom

My vacuum cleaner wasn’t working properly, so I tried to fix it.

Now it sucks even more.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do a vacuum cleaner and a porn star have in common?

They both suck better when they are empty inside.

My vacuum cleaner recently had babies

Oh whoops, I meant my dog

Apple is going to release the first smart vacuum cleaner this year

The first Apple product that doesn't suck

(not hating on apple or anything but i got this joke somewhere)

I went to see the doctor yesterday as I wasn’t feeling too good after emptying my bagless vacuum cleaner

He told me I might actually dyson.

What do an old vacuum cleaner and years of marriage have in common?

Loss of suction.

What is a time travelling vacuum cleaner called?

Dr Whoover

My brother is the worst seller ever. He was trying to sell me a Vacuum Cleaner

but the only thing that he kept saying was "it sucks".

A man is throwing out a vacuum cleaner...

Another man, walking by, asks, "Is that thing no good?"

"Well," says the first man, "it doesn't suck."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vacuum Cleaner Salesman

So this vacuum cleaner salesman knocks on his next potential clients door.

A man answers and greets the young man. "So what are you selling?" He asks.

The Salesman replies "only the best vacuum in the world"

The man goes "oh yeah, how so?"

The salesman ...

The Vacuum Cleaner Salesman

A door to door vacuum salesman visits a house. When he proposes a deal the woman tells him to take a hike.

Without giving her a second chance the man empties a bucket of cow dung onto to carpet and says "If the vacuum cleaner doesn't suck all of this up then I will eat the rest myself"

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