Addiction

I’ve got a friend that’s addicted to Drinking Brake Fluid.
I’m worried about him, but he assured me he can stop anytime.

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Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.

Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors. There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method to getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. ...

What do a non-newtonian fluid and a massochist have in common?

They get hard when you punch them

Went to the store to buy break fluid.

Came back with some coffee.

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The Queen of England take a diplomatic trip to the United States....

While there, she visits one of New York's best hospitals. As she is being shown around the hospital by a doctor, she comes across a man furiously masturbating in the hallway. The queen turns beet red and exclaims, "Doctor! Do you see what that man is doing?" The doctor looks then very nonchalantly s...

What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

One U.S. Leader

What Type of Drink Makes you Lose Weight?

Lighter fluid

A hydrogen molecule gets arrested.

His mother comes down to the police station to bail him out. She is met by the detective working the case.

I don’t understand it, says the mother. Hydrogen was always a good kid. I never had any problems til he met oxygen.

Don’t worry, says the detective. The situation is fluid but he...

Which is heavier : a litre of water or a litre of butane?

The water.


No matter how much you have, butane will always be a lighter fluid

How do cats measure the gracefulness of their leaps?

In fluid pounces!

(just came up with this at work, so hopefully this is a new joke to everyone!)

Drops

Technically, eye drops are “blinker fluid”

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A US Navy cruiser is anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening, the ship’s Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner, who was also the sister of a highly respected Admiral:

“Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter Melinda’s Debutante Ball. I would like you to send four well-m...

What's an Egyptian chemist's favorite type of liquid?

Phaorah fluid.

I used to have an addiction to drinking power steering fluid.

But I've turned my life around now!

Mechanics might disagree, but...

...eyedrops are technically blinker fluid.

1965 saw the invention of Gatorade, but the competition was fierce.

Florida State had made their own sports drink to give athletes an edge. However, their own "Seminole Fluid" just didn't sell.

A physicist, a biologist and a chemist visit the local beach on a fine day.

The physicist says, "I want to do reasearch about the fluid dynamics of the ocean water."

He walks into the ocean and does not come back.

The biologist says, "I want to do research about the flora and fauna of the ocean."

He, too, walks into the ocean and does not come back.
...

One day a mechanic was working under a car

And some brake fluid dripped into his mouth. "Wow! That stuff isn't too bad tasting," he thought. The next day, he told his buddy about tasting the brake fluid. "It was pretty good, really. I think I'll have a little more today."


His friend was a little concerned but didn't say anything....

What do you call a Russian raspberry dipped in lighter fluid?

Rasp-butane

Three engineers are trying to figure out what sort of engineer God is

The mechanical engineer says "God must be a mechanical engineer. Look at how perfectly our joints are assembled and how fluid our movements are!"

The electrical engineer says "Not at all, God must be an electrical engineer. The bio-electric processes in our brain exceed anything we can invent...

Help! My brother has developed an addiction to drinking brake fluid.

Our family is worried but he says it's okay because he can stop whenever he wants.

A physicist, a biologist, and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.

The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. He never returned.

The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. ...

The oil change shop tried to scam a customer by telling him that his car needed "blinker fluid"

The customer said, "Nice try, you can't trick me. My BMW doesn't have blinkers!"

I saw a guy this morning injecting himself with brake fluid. Stunned, I asked him if he had lost his mind?!

He looked at me and said - It’s ok. I can stop anytime

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Things where Mechanics and Dentists are similar: drills, fluids, expensive without insurance. Things where Mechanics and Dentists Differ:

Dentists will at least wait until your asleep before they try and fuck you

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Nearly had sex with a Ladyboy last night...

Picked him up in a night club. He looked like a woman. Smelled like a woman. Danced like a woman. Even kissed like a woman, but as we arrived back at his apartment he reversed his car into a tight parking slot in one fluid movement!.... That's when I thought "Fucking hell there's something wrong her...

I wasn't feeling very well so my doc told me to drink plenty of fluids and get lots of rest.

So I drank till I passed out.

I make a living selling dehydrated body fluids, especially blood, yellow bile, black bile and phlegm.

I'm well renouned for my dry humors.

“A friend of mine developed a strange addiction and drinks brake fluid.

When I warned him of the dangers, He said " No worries, I can stop anytime."

So, there's a man crawling through the desert.

He'd decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross-country travel, had great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a big rock, and then he couldn't get it started again. There were no cell phone towers anywhere near, so his cell phone was useless. He had no family, his ...

A chemical engineer, a mechanical engineer and a software engineer are diving in a car....

... when they begin down a hill and the brakes fail! The car goes faster and faster and eventually veers off the road through a guard rail, through some woods, narrowly missing numerous trees and boulders and miraculously comes to a stop in some bushes with no one being injured. After catching the...

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A beautiful young woman is sunbathing on the beach of an upscale resort, when she feels a buzzing in her vagina.

Alarmed, she runs to her father for help. "I think there's an insect in my coochie!" she tells him, frantically dancing from the buzzing sensation.

They call up the resort's resident doctor. He takes her into his office for an examination.

"Yup. It looks like a bee has crawled into yo...

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I don't want to say my sex life is bad but...

...the only time my wife and i mix body fluids is if she doesn't flush before I pee.

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room

talking about many things. The idea of a living will came up and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If I ever come to that just pull the plug."


She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer.

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