Which is heavier: one gallon of water or 10 gallons of butane?
No matter how much you have, butane will always be a lighter fluid.
My friends think that I’m addicted to brake fluid.
But I can stop anytime I want.
I have an addiction to brake fluid.
But that's perfectly fine, because I can stop whenever.
I used to know someone who was addicted to drinking brake fluid
They said they could stop at any time.
What do you call a Russian raspberry dipped in lighter fluid?
I used to have an addiction to drinking power steering fluid.
But I've turned my life around now!
I saw a guy this morning injecting himself with brake fluid. Stunned, I asked him if he had lost his mind?!
He looked at me and said - It’s ok. I can stop anytime
“A friend of mine developed a strange addiction and drinks brake fluid.
When I warned him of the dangers, He said " No worries, I can stop anytime."
My girflriend was telling me about this guy on Strange Addictions who drinks a gallon of brake fluid every day
I guess the good thing is at least he can stop whenever he wants
The oil change shop tried to scam a customer by telling him that his car needed "blinker fluid"
The customer said, "Nice try, you can't trick me. My BMW doesn't have blinkers!"
Help! My brother has developed an addiction to drinking brake fluid.
Our family is worried but he says it's okay because he can stop whenever he wants.
DOCTOR: have you been drinking enough fluids?
ME: that’s literally all I drink
There is new term for waking up in prison, covered in various bodily fluids
I wasn't feeling very well so my doc told me to drink plenty of fluids and get lots of rest.
So I drank till I passed out.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Things where Mechanics and Dentists are similar: drills, fluids, expensive without insurance. Things where Mechanics and Dentists Differ:
Dentists will at least wait until your asleep before they try and fuck you
What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
One US leader.
I make a living selling dehydrated body fluids, especially blood, yellow bile, black bile and phlegm.
I'm well renouned for my dry humors.
Did you know that if you drink the fluid in a Magic 8 Ball, you can see the future?
My friend Todd tried it. He said he was going to die, and then he did.
A recent study shows that 9 out of 10 people addicted to brake fluid...
...just can't stop.
Do you guys like jokes about the exchanging of bodily fluids for doggy biscuits?
Well, urine for a treat!
What do you call a fluid log of fluid logs?
A diarrhea diary.
How to change the blinker fluid in your car or truck:
STEP ONE: wear safety glasses! If you get any fluid in your eye, it will cause uncontrollable blinking until you wash it out.
[meta*] surprising new science shows that the way humans understand jokes can be acurately modelled by fluid dynamics
let that sink in.
I went to my doctor with fluid on my knee.
He said you're not aiming straight.
A mechanic was working under a car when some brake fluid dripped into his mouth. At first he spit it out, but he found that the aftertaste was not tha bad. He continued working under the car when some more brake fluid found its way into his mouth. This time he swallowed. He really liked the taste of...
I told my grand kids that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle...
So they unplugged my computer and threw out my bourbon..
The reason I check my hair and my general appearance so often, is because of this one bad day. I can't even say I remember it, but I am told my hair was a mess, I was covered with unspeakable fluids, had trouble breathing, couldn't even stand, and I cried in front of everyone.
I'm still trying to live down the day I was born.
So I'm in a bar the other day and the guy next to me was drinking brake fluid, I said "you know that stuffs no good for you?!"
He said, "its fine, I can stop anytime"
A penguin notices his car is leaking fluid...
so he takes it to the closest garage. Mechanic says he'll check it out, and to come back in a half hour. The penguin sees a Dairy Queen, strolls over, and buys himself a vanilla cone. Being a penguin, without hands, he makes quite a mess, getting ice cream all over himself. When he gets back to chec...
Did you hear about all the students who are using brake fluid to get high?
The teachers aren't too worried about it. The students can stop anytime.
Murphy–Snowden Law of Fluid Dynamics
Everything leaks out eventually.
What Type of Drink Makes you Lose Weight?
Oh man, I've got this mate thats addicted to drinking brake fluid.
He thinks he can stop at anytime.
Gatorades competition. [OC]
Upon the inception of Gatorade at the University of Florida, and the strides the teams were making on the field, Florida State University *also* tried to make their own energy drink for student athletes.
Unfortunately no one wanted to drink the "*Seminole Fluid*"...
How do cats measure the gracefulness of their leaps?
In fluid pounces!
(just came up with this at work, so hopefully this is a new joke to everyone!)
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A US Navy cruiser is anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.
The first evening, the ship’s Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner, who was also the sister of a highly respected Admiral:
“Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter Melinda’s Debutante Ball. I would like you to send four well-m...
Three engineers are trying to figure out what sort of engineer God is
The mechanical engineer says "God must be a mechanical engineer. Look at how perfectly our joints are assembled and how fluid our movements are!"
The electrical engineer says "Not at all, God must be an electrical engineer. The bio-electric processes in our brain exceed anything we can invent...
Technically, eye drops are “blinker fluid”
1965 saw the invention of Gatorade, but the competition was fierce.
Florida State had made their own sports drink to give athletes an edge. However, their own "Seminole Fluid" just didn't sell.
What's an Egyptian chemist's favorite type of liquid?
Mechanics might disagree, but...
...eyedrops are technically blinker fluid.