A rabbit and a beaver are looking up at the majesty of the Hoover Dam

And the beaver says to the rabbit

"Well I didn't build it but it's based on my design"

What is the difference between a Harley Davidson and a Hoover vacuum?

The position of the dirt bag.

Why did the physicist stick a hoover up his bum?

He was trying to create a farticle accelerator.

Why did the woodland creatures burn down the Hoover factory?

Because nature abhors a vacuum..

Wife v Hoover

After ten years together, what is the difference between a wife and a vacuum cleaner?

The vacuum cleaner still sucks.

Dam I wish I'd thought of it first

A rabbit and a beaver is sitting staring at the Hoover Dam.
The rabbit says, "Did you really build it?"
The beaver responds, "I didn't actually build it, but it is based on my design."

I just put my Hoover on eBay

Well, it was just collecting dust.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 men die and go to heaven

So, they are waiting outside of the gates of heaven, when a flustered St Peter appears.

He loudly announces that due to overpopulation in heaven, only people who died in tragic ways will be allowed in until further notice.

A look of concern washes over the faces of some of the people ...

Want to know why Herbert Hoover was my favorite president?

Because he actually gave a dam.

If Apple made a hoover...

It would be the only product that wouldn’t suck

Had to get rid of my Hoover due to lack of use

It was just sitting around collecting dust

Why did the serial killer use a Hoover to subdue his victims?

That way he could always ensure a clean kill.

Mr. Hoover sold vacuums. He dreamed about vacuums. When on vacation he went to the vacuum museum. He would dump dirt on the floor when he got home just so he could vacuum. One day he decided to try a career in stand-up comedy. Why was he a complete failure as a comedian?

He was mute.

My wife got mad at me just because I accidentally hoovered up her contact lenses.

To be fair, she was wearing them at the time.

I bought a Hoover the other day...

It sucks.

Whistleblower reveals that the government is concealing cracks in Hoover Dam.

FBI is still looking for the leak.

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to Hoover the house.

Turns out she was a Slovak.

I tried to come up with a joke about hoovers, but I couldn't think of any

I'm just going to have to suck it up

I was watching a documentary on Chinese engineering.

They were discussing the Three Gorges Dam on the Yangtze River, the worlds largest hydroelectric dam.

My wife walks in and asks, “Is that the Hoover Dam?”

Me: “No, it’s the Three Gorges Dam in China.”

Her: “Oh, I guess all dams just look alike.”

Me: “Honey, don’t be a dam...

Got the missus a new bag and belt for her birthday.

The Hoover works a treat now.

what’s another name for road head?

van hoover

Arizona bikers were riding South on the US-93

Arizona bikers were riding South on the US-93 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Hoover Dam Bridge. So they stopped. George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the StateTrooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and ...

I just got fired from my job at Dyson.

My design for a new hoover didn't work.

I don't know what their problem is, when they asked me to design it they told me, "just make sure it doesn't suck!"

[Breaking] Muslim terrorists have crashed a speedboat full of explosives into the base of the Hoover Dam...

Police suspect this might be the first attack in a month long operation named Ramadam.

A physicist moved from the country to the noise of the inner city...

And found the noise there insufferable. But, being a man of science he lined the walls of his apartment with broken Hoover's, Dirt Devil's, and Dyson's, because sound can't travel through a Vacuum.

The Priest who couldn't swear!

Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner. On the 1st hole, he sliced into the rough. His opponent heard him mutter, “Hoover!” under his breath.

On the 2nd hole, Father Murphy’s ball went straight into a water hazard. “Hoover!” again, a little louder this time.

On the 3rd hole,...

"I've found your hamster," I told my daughter over the phone.

"You're a hero!" she screamed, "Thank you so much. Can you put him back in my cage for me?"

I said, "Of course. I just need to get him out of the hoover first though."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I watched a porn video on opposite day

He hoovered up sperm, got dressed, broke the washing machine and left

Who was the worst U.S. President of all time?

Hoover, his administration really sucked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bubba was sitting on his porch with his buddies...

Joe Bob and Billy Ray, drinking Alone Star long necks discussing their wives' intelligence.

Joe Bob says, "My wife is so dumb she bought a Hoover vacuum cleaner and we don't even have electricity."

After a good laugh, Billy Ray says, "My wife is so dumb she bought a washing machine and...

Two men are out on a hike...

Two men are out on a hike on the mountain. As they are coming down from the top, the clouds turn black and it starts thrashing down with rain. They throw their coats over their heads and run to the one man's house as fast as they could. They get back and dry themselves off.

The rain continues...

Two Russians..

..discussed who was the greater man, Comrade Stalin or President Hoover.

“Hoover taught the Americans not to drink,” says one.

“Yes,” replies the other, “but Stalin taught the Russians not to eat.”

Wally!

A small boy named Wally lived in Punchbowl, a suburb in South Western Sydney. None of his classmates liked him cause of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him, "you are driving me mad Wally".

One day Wally's mum came to school to check on how he was doing. The...

So I've been clearing out my attic...

... and I've decided to get rid of my hoover- it was just gathering dust.

A Tribute To Tim Vine

A few of my favourite Tim Vine jokes...

1. Conjunctivitis.com, that's a site for sore eyes.
2. Exit signs. They're on the way out, aren't they?
3. Crime in multi-storey car parks. It's wrong on so many levels.
4. I phoned the local gym and asked if they could teach me how to do the ...

My new girl friend.

Just got a new Czech girlfriend, but its taken her nearly 5 days to hoover the house. Turns out she's a Slovak.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.