UPJOKE
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what's the difference between a Harley-Davidson and a Hoover vacuum?

On the Hoover the Dirtbag is on the inside.

The cleaning lady was almost finished cleaning a suite when she noticed her Hoover wasn't working.

Thinking quick, she threw it out the window, making the room a vacuum cleaner.

What's the difference between a Harley Davidson motorcycle and a Hoover vacuum cleaner?

The vacuum cleaner only has room for one dirt bag

My son asked me, "What happens to the spiders that gets hoovered up?"

"They Dyson."

I was doing the hoovering in my pants the other day

When I thought to myself ‘how do my bollocks get this dusty?’

Russian Tanks

"What's the difference between a Russian tank and a Hoover vacuum cleaner? "

"The Russian tank has 4 dirt-bags in it."


Apparently this joke comes from an OLD soviet-era General who apparently liked to tell it almost any time he gave a speeches to his NATO counterparts.

I sold my Hoover the other day….

Well it was only collecting dust.

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I just told my boss I'm fed up of working in a shit hole: the toilets are never cleaned, there's mould in the fridge, there's never any hot water and the place hasn't been hoovered once

Apparently he can't do anything about it if I work from home

Why did the physicist stick a hoover up his bum?

He was trying to create a farticle accelerator.

A rabbit and a beaver are looking up at the majesty of the Hoover Dam

And the beaver says to the rabbit

"Well I didn't build it but it's based on my design"

Why did the woodland creatures burn down the Hoover factory?

Because nature abhors a vacuum..

Want to know why Herbert Hoover was my favorite president?

Because he actually gave a dam.

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to Hoover the house.

Turns out she was a Slovak.

Wife v Hoover

After ten years together, what is the difference between a wife and a vacuum cleaner?

The vacuum cleaner still sucks.

Had to get rid of my Hoover due to lack of use

It was just sitting around collecting dust

Mr. Hoover sold vacuums. He dreamed about vacuums. When on vacation he went to the vacuum museum. He would dump dirt on the floor when he got home just so he could vacuum. One day he decided to try a career in stand-up comedy. Why was he a complete failure as a comedian?

He was mute.

Whistleblower reveals that the government is concealing cracks in Hoover Dam.

FBI is still looking for the leak.

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A small boy

named Arthur lived in the local village . None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him "You are driving me crazy Arthur!!!!!"
One day Arthur's mother came into school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother hone...

Why did the serial killer use a Hoover to subdue his victims?

That way he could always ensure a clean kill.

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If you watch 1970's porn backwards..

It's about a hairy man who hoovers cum off a women, then breaks her washing machine and leaves...

I tried to come up with a joke about hoovers, but I couldn't think of any

I'm just going to have to suck it up

Dam I wish I'd thought of it first

A rabbit and a beaver is sitting staring at the Hoover Dam.
The rabbit says, "Did you really build it?"
The beaver responds, "I didn't actually build it, but it is based on my design."

[Breaking] Muslim terrorists have crashed a speedboat full of explosives into the base of the Hoover Dam...

Police suspect this might be the first attack in a month long operation named Ramadam.

"I've found your hamster," I told my daughter over the phone.

"You're a hero!" she screamed, "Thank you so much. Can you put him back in my cage for me?"

I said, "Of course. I just need to get him out of the hoover first though."

I just got fired from my job at Dyson.

My design for a new hoover didn't work.

I don't know what their problem is, when they asked me to design it they told me, "just make sure it doesn't suck!"

What's Iron Man's favorite type of housework?

Hoovering

The Priest who couldn't swear!

Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner. On the 1st hole, he sliced into the rough. His opponent heard him mutter, “Hoover!” under his breath.

On the 2nd hole, Father Murphy’s ball went straight into a water hazard. “Hoover!” again, a little louder this time.

On the 3rd hole,...

what’s another name for road head?

van hoover

My wife got mad at me just because I accidentally hoovered up her contact lenses.

To be fair, she was wearing them at the time.

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3 men die and go to heaven

So, they are waiting outside of the gates of heaven, when a flustered St Peter appears.

He loudly announces that due to overpopulation in heaven, only people who died in tragic ways will be allowed in until further notice.

A look of concern washes over the faces of some of the people ...

I was Washingtons of clothes when...

Adams-el in distress ran up to me and said her boyfriend Jefferson was being not nice and even though I was a bit Madison at the guy I couldn’t help but give her retreat, and boy, she was such a Monroe!

My friend Jack’s son decided to do a van burying on me I was having a leisurely drive. He ...

Got the missus a new bag and belt for her birthday.

The Hoover works a treat now.

You know your doing bad with girls when...

You know your favourite hoover setting

Who was the worst U.S. President of all time?

Hoover, his administration really sucked.

A physicist moved from the country to the noise of the inner city...

And found the noise there insufferable. But, being a man of science he lined the walls of his apartment with broken Hoover's, Dirt Devil's, and Dyson's, because sound can't travel through a Vacuum.

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I watched a porn video on opposite day

He hoovered up sperm, got dressed, broke the washing machine and left

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Bubba was sitting on his porch with his buddies...

Joe Bob and Billy Ray, drinking Alone Star long necks discussing their wives' intelligence.

Joe Bob says, "My wife is so dumb she bought a Hoover vacuum cleaner and we don't even have electricity."

After a good laugh, Billy Ray says, "My wife is so dumb she bought a washing machine and...

Two men are out on a hike...

Two men are out on a hike on the mountain. As they are coming down from the top, the clouds turn black and it starts thrashing down with rain. They throw their coats over their heads and run to the one man's house as fast as they could. They get back and dry themselves off.

The rain continues...

Two Russians..

..discussed who was the greater man, Comrade Stalin or President Hoover.

“Hoover taught the Americans not to drink,” says one.

“Yes,” replies the other, “but Stalin taught the Russians not to eat.”

A man went on a hunting trip

The hunter was sneaking through the woods, looking for any movement that would give away the position of an animal. Tired and looking for just one last kill, he scanned the forest.

"Look at me, I own the Hoover Dam and I can't even find one last animal." He thought.

Then, suddenly, a d...

So I've been clearing out my attic...

... and I've decided to get rid of my hoover- it was just gathering dust.

My new girl friend.

Just got a new Czech girlfriend, but its taken her nearly 5 days to hoover the house. Turns out she's a Slovak.

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