My wife said she would leave me if i suggested getting her tubes tied again...

But i think she's just ovaryacting.

I dropped the expired blood tubes as I was handing them to my coworker

Now there’s bad blood between us

Four earthworms are placed in four separate test tubes

1st in beer
2nd in wine
3rd in whiskey
4th in mineral water

The next day, the teacher shows the results:

The 1st worm in beer, dead.
The 2nd in wine, dead.
The 3rd in whiskey, dead.
The 4th in mineral water, alive and healthy.

The teacher asks the class:
...

2 test tubes

‘We have two test tubes here,’ said the professor of IVF studies from Monash University. ‘They contain two carefully synthesized ingredients that we can now use to create human life. Solution A is a genetically engineered copy of all the ingredients in the female ovum, while Solution B replicates th...

I'll never understand how Americans use cheese from tubes or slices as everyday food...

We should definitely make America grate again.

NSFW: Sperm 1: God I'm getting tired! How long 'til we reach the fallopian tubes?

Sperm 2: Still a long way to go..........We've only passed the tonsils.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two idiots, Timmy and Tommy, are in a bar discussing how to make babies.

"My wife and me been trying to have a baby, but no luck yet." Says Timmy. "But we're trying everday."

"It doesn't work if you put it in her butt. Sure you doing the sex right?" Tommy asks.

"Yeah, I know how to make sex, I'm not a moron. Ya stick your man stick in her lady hole until y...

Crisis averted?

Over the weekend I was sat next to a person eating a bowlful of those really fat pasta tubes in a tomato sauce. As I watched, one got nearer to the edge of the bowl but I couldn't mention it because the person was deep in conversation. I agonised for a few seconds wondering how I could stop a me...

Sperm Bank Robbery

It was a normal day at the local sperm bank, when all of a sudden, a man bursts in with a mask a and a handgun and yells "EVERYONE! ON THE GROUND!"

Once every person in the facility is lying down, he walks over to the refrigerator area for very-recent donations, then turns around, facing the ...

[OC] A Man's House is on Fire

A Man's house is on fire. He is standing on the front lawn when a firefighter arrives. The man tells the firefighter "My wife and baby are in there!"

The firefighter asks: "If I can't save both, which should I bring back?!"

Man quickly responds "My wife. We can always have more babies"...

Anatomically correct

So, these two sperm are swimming along, side by side, when one of the sperm turns to the other and says:

“damn, how much farther is it to the Fallopian tubes, I am getting tired!”

The second sperm replies:

“Oh, we have a long ways to go yet, those were her tonsils that we just ...

Mr. Johnson's wife of 50 years suggested they take a cruise

Mr. Johnson's wife of 50 years suggested they take a cruise: "We could go somewhere for a week, and make wild love like we did when we were young." He thought it over and agreed.

He went to the pharmacy and bought a bottle of seasick pills and a tube of lubricant. Upon returning home, his wif...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My Father Was An Inventor

When I was a kid he would invent the most amazing things, and I was fascinated with every thing he invented. He would start a new project at the beginning of every month, and it would always be done at the end of the month, and I would always be the first to see his new invention.

One year th...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman is desperately looking for a husband, but she happens to stumble upon a stores that sells men.

The woman can't believe her luck, and runs inside. On the first floor, there is a sign that reads:

"Welcome to the Husband Store! There are 9 floors in all, but be warned: once you go past a floor, you're not allowed to go back down. You either make a purchase, or leave empty handed."

...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

In the navy

After his plane was hit and he was forced to eject, the Navy fighter pilot finally regained consciousness.

He was in a hospital, in a lot of pain. He found himself in the ICU with tubes/IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function and a nurse hovering over him, loo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man gets a call from a doctor...

...who informs him that he needs to get to the hospital ASAP as his wife has been involved in a very serious traffic collision. The man gets to the hospital and is met at the doors by the Doctor. "Don't tell me she's dead, doc", says the man, "I don't think I could live without my wife, I can't thin...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man bursts into a sperm bank, wearing a mask and weilding a gun.

He goes to the woman behind the counter, puts the gun in her face and screams "OPEN THE VAULT!" She timidly stammers, "Sir, this is a sperm bank. There's no money..." He cocks the gun and screams, "I SAID OPEN IT!!!" She reluctantly leads him to the big freezer, "see" she says, "it's just test tubes...

A sprinter is training one day when he beats the world record.

After this he wakes up in the hospital with a concussion and a completely shattered foot.
"I'm afraid this happens sometimes in jokes," says the doctor, "and frankly you got off lightly. You reached the limit of what the laws of physics allow for and hit the fourth wall."

"Does this mean I...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Purina Diet

A friend of mine has a big Labrador Retriever. While I was buying a large bag of Purina at Walmart for him, a woman behind me in the checkout line asked if it was for a dog. (duh)
On impulse, I told her no. I explained that I was starting the Purina diet again, although I probably shouldn't be...