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Tyres Jokes

A man in Florida has been caught on CCTV stealing police car tyres.

Police are reported to be working tirelessly to catch the thief.

Two flat tyres...

I forgot to zip up my trouser.

So a lady told me politely, "Sir, your garage is open".

I gave her a naughty smile as I zipped up and asked, "Did you see my Range Rover parked inside?".

She smiled back and said, "No, just one small Toyota with two flat tyres".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just had to pay to refill the air in my tyres. It used to be free!!

Fucking inflation

Mum's complaining about the cost to pump up her tyres at the garage

Well, that's inflation for you

Why did the tyres of the car stop working?

They were tired

My local petrol station has newly introduced a 30p charge to use the air to pump up my car tyres

Well I guess that's inflation for you.

A man needs to inflate his tyres...

...so he stops at a petrol station, and finds that the air pump needs a token from the petrol station shop in order to work.

The man goes in and asks for one of the tokens.

"That will be 25p" says the cashier, who he pays and gets the token.

The man returns to his car and starts...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between all year tyres and all year sex?

One's a Goodyear and the others a Great year

Did you hear about the wooden car with wooden tyres, wooden gears and a wooden steering wheel?

It wooden go!

The Cost of Air..

I WENT to the service station to put air in my tyres, and they wanted to charge me $2.

I said, “How come you charge now? I thought it was free.”

They replied, “That’s inflation for you!”

(Possibly OC) There once was a car with a wooden body, wooden tyres and even a wooden engine.

It just wooden go.

I asked the guy at the garage why it used to be 10p to put air in my tyres and now it's £1.50.

He just shrugged and said "Inflation".

We were just reminiscing about when I was young, my dad used to put me and my brother inside car tyres and roll us down the hill.

They were goodyears.....

It used to be free.

Re-pumping up your car tyres at the gas station used to be free. Now, they've started charging $1 a minute to use the pump.

Why you ask?

Inflation.

A friend of mine have been in a wheelchair all his life

Having tried everything available to try and walk he trying to me for help. As a man of religion, the only thing I could consider what’s the take him to Lourdes in France, and try the healing water is there.

As we looked on m, a blind man went into the waters and was dipped, when he came out,...

Little Jonny

Little Johnny wakes up in the middle of the night and hears noises from his mum and dad's room, and goes to investigate..
He walks in, he is directly behind his mum, who is riding Johnny's dad, cowgirl style, unaware that Johnny is behind her and watching.
Johnny...what are you doing to daddy...

Crazy Vs Stupid

A truck driver was doing his usual delivery to a Mental Hospital.

Just as he was about to leave, he discovered he had a flat tyre. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down.

When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain.
<...

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An oldie I haven't seen here yet...

So this lady is driving along when BAM one of her tyres gets a puncture so she pulls over to the side of the road. She takes off the wheel with the flat tyre so she can change to her spare, but just as she takes it off a big dog runs past and knocks all 4 lug nuts down a nearby drain.

As she ...

Driving across the country, a man came upon a priest and a rabbi standing on the shoulder of the road, fishing.

Next to them was a sign that read "Turn around. The end is near." The driver didn't like to be preached to, so he rolled down the window and yelled, "Mind your own business, you religious nuts!"





A few seconds later the two men fishing heard tyres screech, then a splash.
Th...

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A Redheaded farmer is out in his field minding his own business.

He's tidying up down by the fence next to the road.

A posh limey comes gliding up in his Tesla.

Paddy, that's the Irish farmer, didn't hear the limey roll up so the limey honks his horn, startling Paddy.

"I say," asked the limey "does this road go to the Blarney Stone my good ma...

A man has just finished a trip to the Sea Life Centre, and is finishing up an ice cream on the way back to his car

When getting in to his car, he has a bit of ice cream round his mouth.

A guy parking alongside notices the mans tyres are a little flat and gestures for him to wind his window down.

"Hey man, it looks like you've blown a seal!"

"It's just ice cream, I swear to God!"

{NSFW} CEO from a well-known company walked into his office one morning,

not knowing that his zipper was down. His beautiful secretary walked up to him and asked,
"Boss, this morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?"
This was not a phrase that her Boss understood, so he went into his office looking a bit puzzled. When he was done with his...

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A truck driver gets really screwed over by his lawyer during his divorce.

He becomes so sour about it that every time he sees a lawyer on the street while driving his truck, he screams "LAWYER!" and swerves onto the sidewalk to run him over.

One day he's driving and he sees a nun with her thumb out asking for a ride, so he pulls over and lets her in.

They're...

Why are fire trucks red?

Because fire trucks have 4 wheels and 8 tyres and 8+4=12.
There are 12 inches in a ruler.
By Queen Elizabeth is also a ruler.
There was a ship named after her.
The ship have sailed the seas.
Seas have fish in them.
Fishes have fins.
People from Finland are also known as fins....

A man buys a brand new sports car and on his first drive overtakes a pick up truck from the wrong side.

The truck driver is huge and has anger issues. He gets furious, speeds up and decided to teach the man a lesson at the next stop light just a few miles ahead.

They reach a red light where the pick up driver pulls ahead of the car. He steps out of the trucks and drags the man out of the car. H...

One day Nelson Mandela was chilling in his house...

When there was a knock on the door.

He opened the door to find a short Chinese man with a large truck full of car exhausts. The Chinese man jumped in front of Nelson Mandela holding up a clipboard and said,"you sign..you sign!!"

"Look, I don't know you and don't want any of your stuff...

A Man was driving along the road when

A man was driving along the road when all of a sudden he has to swerve to avoid a box falling off the lorry in front.
Seconds later a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. As the policeman starting writing the ticket he noticed the box was full of nails and tacks.
"I had to serve or ...

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Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from Heathrow to Dublin one night with Paddy the Pilot and Seamus the co-pilot.

As they approached Dublin airport, they looked out the front window.

"B'jeesus" said Paddy "Will ye look at how fookin short dat runway is".

"You're not fookin kiddin Paddy", replied Seamus.

"Dis is gonna be one a de trickiest landings you're ever gonna see" said Paddy.

"...

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So there's this boy, and he really loves tractors... [xpost from funny.]

He developed an exceptional love for tractors at quite a young age. He had grown up on a farm and his father was a farmer, his father's father was a farmer, and so on. He wanted nothing more than to, one day, buy his own tractor and take over his father's jobs on the farm. The boy maintains his obse...

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