UPJOKE
pairduocoupletwaindoubletonduetcoupletyokedyadbracespandisticherectionadulteryduad

Twosome Jokes

All these people having threesomes, twosomes, and even the occasional foursomes

All I ever have are handsomes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When 2 people have sex it's called a twosome. When 3 people do it it's called a threesom

I guess that's why they call me handsome...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two people having sex is called a twosome

Three people having sex is a threesome

Four is, a foursome.

That must be why my mum always called me handsome.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If 2 people fucking is called a twosome, and 3 people fucking is called a threesome

The next time someone calls you handsome, don’t take it as a compliment

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An ugly and a handsome friend were drinking in a bar

The ugly friend starts cracking up

Handsome Guy: What happened?

Ugly Guy: What do you call 3 people having sex?

Handsome Guy: ummmm........threesome?

Ugly Guy: What do you call 2 people having sex?

Handsome Guy: um.....twosome..!

Ugly Guy: And that's why lad...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My second-favorite golf joke

So a twosome tees off. Bob hits his ball right into a lake. Fred says, "You're out of bounds; better hit another." Bob says, "don't worry. Look."

Fred watches, astonished, as the ball pops to the surface and rows to shore. The ball hops out of the lake and rolls onto the grass.

So Bo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning...

The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a pair of men playing the next hole.

Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony. <...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Three men are discussing their sex lives

James said "My sex life is amazing! I have threesomes every day."

Jack said "Lucky you. I'm stuck with twosomes."

They both turn to John expectantly. "So John, how is your sex life?"

John thought for a while, then said "Wholesome, I guess."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Golf with the boss

A man and his boss skip work one weekday afternoon for a round of golf. They tee off at 1:00 and after 2 holes they catch up to a twosome of women. The women are playing unbearably slowly.

After waiting nearly an hour to play a hole, the men discuss how to get around these slow-playing wome...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The proper way to call someone a bastard

Fred was about to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer (George) approached and asked if he could join him. Fred said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome. They were even after the first few holes.

George said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for fiv...

A doctor, a lawyer, a priest, and an engineer are golfing...

... and they keep getting held up by a twosome in front of them. The two guys can't hit straight, take forever to find their balls, they are terrible, and no amount of yelling at them seems to help. Finally the greenskeeper comes around in his cart so they flag him down.

The greenskeeper sa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Life lessons

1. Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life no one helps you once you're fucked.

2. Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.

3. What is the difference betwee...

WHY CAN'T YOU BE LIKE THAT?

Jill tells her husband, "Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses.

Now, why can't you do that?"

"Gosh," Jack says...

Jesus and Saint Peter are playing a round of golf...

They approach a par four that bends left around a small pond then straight to the green. Saint Peter decides to play it safe and hit to the turn then layup to the green.
Jesus then tees up and looks left over the pond toward the green.
JC:"What do you think Peter? Think I can make it to the...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.